Heidi N.’s Post

So if male allyship is such a good and important thing to do, why aren't more men practicing it? There are (as we say at Amazon) headwinds... (credit to Natalie White) pt 2 First, skepticism from women. "J" is one of the women I've worked to sponsor and mentor at Amazon. "J" told me that my early attempts to help made her wonder "what does he want from me?" Sadly, men in the workplace have given valid reasons for this doubt: coming on to women, inappropriate statements, passive and active sexism, taking credit for ideas, and micro-aggressions galore. It's a fair concern to be prepared for - just keep trying in different ways! I convinced "J" of my positive intent through my actions and I've learned a ton as a result! Second, career risk of allies being seen as less capable. Research from 2018 by Bosak found that men who acted as allies - more collaboratively were seen as less masculine - and therefore less competent. This perspective of "being less competent" was shared by men AND women from the study. The research is grounded in data, but my experience as an ally has been different - I've been recognized for being an ally and the benefits of a more diverse, supportive, and inclusive organization have contributed to my career. Third, "bias as blame" - or people feel bad (and therefore feel bad about you) when you highlight bias in order to change it. Bias is a common and unfortunate byproduct of learning by pattern-matching - you match the wrong pattern: "women are less assertive thus less good at driving results" instead of "women are often less visibly assertive thus drive results in different ways." But our immediate reaction as humans is to reject "feeling bad" when someone points out our bias. We can mitigate this risk by asking questions instead of making statements: "What did you mean by that? How does that relate to whether she can perform at the next level?" Or simply "why?" Finally, a false belief in a "zero sum" gender environment. 28% of men in a 2020 Pew Research study said that women's gains in the workplace have come at men's expense. It's not hard to find this belief in our culture, and I appreciate that a more equitable environment may feel like a loss of privilege - but it's still wrong. Watch Ted Kimmel's TED talk about why gender equality is good for men - he does this topic far more justice than I can. For yourself, consider whether every male hire would be an "anti-diversity hire" before you talk about a woman or non-binary hire as a "diversity hire." Hint - neither is accurate. There are a limited number of roles when hiring, so hire the best candidate - but make sure you're looking for the best instead of offering an opportunity to a person you already know (who is more likely than not - male). The same study showed that men who don't feel ownership of gender issues in their workplace will take action when "increasing gender equity is framed by company leaders as a collective imperative." At Amazon at least, it is.

Fast-Track Your Male Allyship Journey! Here are THE key steps that will propel you forward into the express lane of allyship. You'll need to develop these 4 qualities and skills: Listening Actively There’s just no way around this one. If you cannot listen fully with focus and positive intent, then allyship will continue to slip through your fingers. 👉 Example: During team meetings, make a conscious effort to listen more than you speak. Reflect on what your female colleagues are saying and ask thoughtful questions to understand their perspectives deeply. Empathy and Compassion The ability to walk in the shoes of your female colleagues and understand things from their unique perspectives is crucial to success as an ally. 👉 Example: Participate in diversity workshops or panels that highlight women's experiences in the workplace. Use these insights to better comprehend the challenges they face and how you can support them. Self-awareness If you don’t have a handle on what makes you tick, how can you understand and positively react to your female colleagues? You need awareness of your own biases (we all have them because it’s a universal human trait). 👉 Example: Take an implicit bias test and reflect on the results. Discuss with peers or mentors about ways to mitigate these biases in daily interactions. Humility Be humble and ask women how you can amplify gender parity efforts rather than replace or usurp them and a woman's unique experience. Remember, you are not truly a male ally until a woman says you are. Be open to learning ongoingly. 👉 Example: Approach female colleagues with genuine curiosity and ask how you can support their initiatives. Show appreciation for their contributions and acknowledge that you are on a learning path. By cultivating these qualities and skills, you can accelerate your impact as a male ally and contribute to a more inclusive workplace for everyone. #MaleAllyship #Inclusion #Empowerment

“You’re too ambitious”     💬 I’m sure we’ve all heard this at least once.   At first glance, this statement might sound like a compliment, acknowledging our drive and determination. However, it often carries a subtle, problematic undertone rooted in outdated gender stereotypes.   🤔 How, you ask?   While ambition is celebrated in men as a marker of leadership potential, it’s often perceived as being ‘hard to work with,’ ‘bossy,’ or ‘too ambitious’ in women.   🚨 Phrases like these reinforce societal expectations that women should remain restrained in their careers, sending a conflicting message: aim high, but not too high; be confident, but not assertive.This subtly undermines both the competence and rightful ambition in the workplace.   🔍 Now, let’s decode ‘too ambitious.’   To be ambitious means having a strong desire to achieve success, a trait encouraged in leadership and innovation. So why is it negative when directed at women?   ⚖️ The word "too" is the issue.   It implies ‘excess,’ an inappropriate amount of ambition, subtly suggesting there’s a limit to how much women should strive for or accomplish.   📉 This double standard feeds into the stereotype that women are expected to be nurturing, team players, or in support roles, rather than leading, directing, or excelling beyond the norm.   💥 It subtly communicates that we should dial back our aspirations, reinforcing traditional gender roles, where men are seen as providers and women as caretakers, limiting women's professional advancement and personal growth.   💡 Nobody has the right to limit a woman’s dreams or label her aspirations as too much or too little.   We’ve rightfully fought for what’s ours and have come a long way. A LONG WAY!   👊 The next time you’re told you’re too ambitious, here’s what you can do: 𝟙} Ask: “What do you mean by ‘too ambitious’? Why is that a concern?” This forces them to clarify their intent. Often, they may realize the implicit bias in their words. 𝟚} Respond: “I view ambition as key to my success. Why should I limit it?” Confidently assert that your ambition is your strength, not a flaw.  𝟛} Challenge the bias: “Why is the ambitious trait praised in men but questioned in women?” Poke at the bias and double standards directly.   🚀 Remember, being told you’re “too ambitious” reflects outdated expectations, not your abilities. Responding with clarity and confidence empowers you and challenges the bias that persists in many workplaces.   💼 Need help communicating assertively at work?    If you’d like personalized strategies to handle workplace challenges and communicate with confidence, reach out for a one-on-one session. Let’s elevate your career together!   #SpaceUpp #NarrativesofDeepa #workplacesexism #DEI #DiversityEquityInclusion #patriarchy #intersectionalfeminism  

Recently, I jumped into a few LinkedIn discussions about how product managers should bond with their engineering teams, and something caught my attention. In the comments, men were all fired up in favor of this informal interaction, while women mentioned it doesn't always work with every team. (Quick disclaimer: I believe that as intelligence levels rise, differences between genders, ages, nationalities, cultures, and other attributes that stir debates tend to fade. Though they exist, let's not blow them out of proportion. On the flip side, I'm not about equating men and women. Equality isn't about being identical. I'm all for embracing and leveraging the unique qualities of genders, national mentalities, etc.) Now, what piqued my curiosity is the notion that women are supposedly more inclined to build informal relationships with colleagues. Flexibility, intuition, readiness for compromise and dialogue — these are all seen as "feminine" traits. So why is it harder for women to leverage their strengths to achieve goals? This brings us to the age-old topic of managing people without formal authority. There are various ways to do it, but the quickest shortcut is through one's own informal authority. It's not about convincing others of the goal’s importance; it's still giving orders, just not through formal channels. What makes up this informal authority? I think it's a blend of 1) expertise (past and present achievements, professionalism, etc.), 2) potential (the subjective collective assessment of future achievements — essentially faith), 3) openness (how much one believes in themselves and is willing to share it). So, if you've got strong expertise and potential but lack openness and self-belief, over time, others' faith will fade. If you've got strong potential and openness but lack professionalism and expertise, faith will fade even faster because while it's important, it can't replace real achievements. And finally, if you've got strong expertise and openness but lack others' faith in your potential, it's like a fallen star, once great but now lagging behind. And here's the kicker: in their reports Women in the Workplace McKinsey mention performance-evaluation bias every year. It means men tend to be evaluated more on their potential while women are judged more on their achievements to date. For their part, women are often less assertive than men and downplay their contributions. So, by default, women have lower scores in potential and openness (2 and 3), making it harder for them to earn informal authority. They often have to take longer routes: influencing not through authority, but through empathy and negotiation. Or perhaps by leveraging external authority within or outside the company, or maybe just through analytical data, research, etc. And in the long run — they choose as default strategy building up their achievements (1), to overshadow the weaker two. It's a more sustainable path, no doubt. But it's also much, much longer.

Being different is NOT the problem. Trying to prove that you are NOT... Women in male-dominated industries often encounter biases, including stereotypes about their abilities or commitment to work. Assumptions that women are less capable in certain roles—such as STEM fields or leadership positions—can lead to being overlooked for promotions, ideas being dismissed, or competence being unfairly questioned. Here are some common challenges women encounter: 1. Bias and Stereotyping This bias can undermine confidence and make women feel they have to "prove themselves" more than their male counterparts to be seen as equals. 2. Limited Mentorship and Networking Opportunities Professional networking and mentorship opportunities are crucial for career advancement. However, women in male-dominated fields often have fewer female mentors and may feel excluded from informal networks where key opportunities are discussed, such as golf outings, team dinners, or “boys’ club” meetings. Impact: Without access to these networks, women may miss out on promotions, insider knowledge, or critical connections that support career growth. 3. Work-Life Balance Expectations Many male-dominated fields have high expectations for time commitment, which can make work-life balance difficult, especially for women who may bear additional responsibilities at home. Cultural expectations around gender roles can create pressure on women to balance family obligations with demanding work schedules. Impact: This dynamic can lead to burnout and stress, as well as difficulty advancing professionally without sacrificing personal responsibilities. 4. Pressure to “Blend In” or Suppress Authenticity They may also feel they need to downplay aspects of their personality to avoid standing out. Impact: This pressure can cause inner conflict and stifle personal authenticity. It can also contribute to stress and exhaustion from constantly monitoring their behavior to fit into workplace norms that may feel unnatural. 5. Negative and Dismissive Attitudes Microaggressions, such as dismissive comments can be common in male-dominated environments. Women may experience colleagues talking over them in meetings, assuming they are junior to their actual level, or dismissing their ideas until a male counterpart reiterates them. Impact: These behaviors can create an environment of psychological stress, make women feel undervalued, and discourage them from speaking up, further affecting their confidence and performance. 6. Lack of Role Models and Representation Impact: Without relatable role models, women may feel disconnected or uncertain about their career trajectory, which can decrease motivation and increase turnover rates in the industry. P.S. Building a network of allies, practicing assertive communication, seeking mentorship, and embracing one’s unique strengths can empower women to navigate these challenges and thrive.

Let's delve deeper into the concept that men and women complement each other rather than compete: Biological Differences: Men and women have inherent biological differences, both physically and neurologically. These differences can lead to variations in strengths, preferences, and tendencies. For example, men may, on average, excel in certain spatial tasks, while women may, on average, possess greater emotional intelligence. These differences can be complementary, as they allow each gender to bring unique perspectives and skills to various situations. Socialization and Gender Roles: Societal norms and expectations often dictate different roles and behaviors for men and women. While these gender roles can be restrictive, they can also create opportunities for complementarity. For instance, traditional gender roles may have men focusing more on providing and women on nurturing. When these roles are recognized and valued equally, they can lead to a balanced and harmonious partnership where each individual's strengths are utilized. Communication Styles: Men and women may have different communication styles, with men tending to be more direct and task-oriented, while women may emphasize rapport-building and emotional expression. These differences can enhance communication dynamics within relationships, as each style can complement the other. For example, a man's directness may help in problem-solving, while a woman's empathy may foster emotional connection and understanding. Emotional Support and Understanding: Men and women often have different emotional needs and ways of expressing emotions. By acknowledging and respecting these differences, individuals can provide each other with the emotional support they need. For instance, a woman may seek emotional validation and empathy during times of distress, while a man may appreciate practical solutions or problem-solving approaches. When partners understand and accommodate each other's emotional needs, they can form a strong emotional bond and complement each other's strengths. Collaborative Decision-Making: In any partnership, whether romantic or professional, collaborative decision-making is essential. Men and women may approach decision-making differently, with men sometimes prioritizing logic and analysis, while women may consider intuition and relational factors. By combining these different approaches, couples or teams can make more well-rounded and informed decisions, benefiting from both analytical rigor and emotional insight. Mutual Growth and Support: Ultimately, the idea that men and women complement each other emphasizes mutual growth and support. Rather than viewing each other as competitors, individuals recognize and appreciate the unique contributions and perspectives that each gender brings to the table. This mindset fosters cooperation, respect, and synergy in relationships, allowing individuals to thrive together and achieve their goals more effectively. Tr. Upasna Sunil Wadhwani

As we conclude our celebration of Women’s History Month and our "Women of TSi" campaign we spoke with Pam Parker on her experience in the industry. 1. Do you see the security industry as a growing career path for women? Absolutely, the security industry can be a very rewarding career for women. Historically, the security industry has been male dominated, but I believe there has been a conscious effort in recent years to promote diversity and encouraging women to enter the field. I believe women bring unique skills, perspectives, and strengths to the security industry.  2. How do women in traditionally male jobs tackle the lack of mentorship opportunities, given the scarcity of senior female role models in their field and do you consider yourself a mentor? This one is tough for me because I have been very fortunate throughout my career to have other women in the security industry to teach and encourage me along the way. If I had to answer this for other women seeking a career in the security industry it would be by seeking mentorship from colleagues and professional organizations. I would also say to never be afraid to stand alone and never apologize for working hard. It will be challenging, but the reward is very much worth it. 3. Who is a woman you look up to and why? My mom taught me to be strong, independent and to never be afraid to choose my own path. Above all else she taught me to always be kind! 4. What changes would you like to see in corporate America as it relates to diversity in the workforce? To foster cultures where all employees feel valued, respected, and supported regardless of gender, ethnicity, or background. 5. What advice would you give a woman considering a career in corporate security? Educate yourself by researching the different areas of corporate security and determine which area best suits your interests. Connect with professionals, both men and women who can provide guidance and support. Most importantly, be resilient and persistent. The security industry can be challenging but you can overcome obstacles and achieve your career goals. Stay determined and don’t be afraid to speak for yourself and your career advancement.

Still celebrating International Women's Day. One of the major challenges prevalent in women in the corporate world is the Imposter Syndrome. The feeling of inadequacy, or self-doubt even amongst high achieving women. Imposter syndrome can be a real challenge, but there are steps you can take to manage it and overcome its negative effects. Here are some strategies I believe can help: Acknowledge and Convert: Recognize that self-doubt is common, even among successful people. Convert the negative thoughts into more objective self-assessments. Focus on Evidence: Look for concrete evidence that contradicts your imposter feelings. Past accomplishments, positive feedback, or recognition from others can serve as a reality check. Celebrate Wins: Take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your successes, big or small. This helps build confidence and counteracts the negative self-talk. Focus on Growth: View challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn and improve. Embrace a growth mindset where you see yourself constantly developing your skills. Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend or mentor. Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with affirmations that highlight your strengths and abilities. Remember, imposter syndrome doesn't define you.

In today's rapidly evolving tech landscape, it's clear that traditional Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) efforts, while well-intentioned, often need to address the unique challenges women face in the industry. Despite making up nearly half the global population, women remain significantly underrepresented in technology roles. They are often subject to pay disparities, limited advancement opportunities, and workplace cultures that fail to support their needs. It's crucial to note that while DEI training is prevalent, it often lacks the necessary nuance to address the diverse experiences of women in tech. Women are not a homogenous group; the industry must move beyond generic solutions to truly support them. This is where partnering with organisations like ours can play a pivotal role as an employer. The statistics are staggering: only 6% of women work in technology, and those who do earn 17.5% less than their male counterparts in the same roles. Moreover, nearly half of women in tech leave their positions before age 35, citing poor management support and a lack of work-life balance as significant factors. At ItsHer we offer various services, from leadership development programs to executive coaching and specialized training in negotiation, communication, and strategic thinking. These are designed to empower women who have encountered real barriers to success, be it financial, emotional, circumstantial, or prejudice in the workplace. Join us at ItsHer.uk as we journey to redefine success, challenge the status quo, and empower professional women to survive and thrive in the corporate world.

Likability - does it truly matter so much? Certainly, it does, specifically for women. Studies show us that women are perceived as either Likable or Capable. High-achieving women are not perceived as friendly, and that ultimately reduces their possibility to make it higher up in the organization to C-levels. So the truth is – yes, Likability does matter. And to make this even less fair, studies show that what is not likable in women is perceived as strength in men. As much as I have always believed that likability is exaggerated, I have focused more on capability. At the end of the day, this is how my career developed, through achievements. Would I give the same advice to my younger self? I am afraid I would not. Reality shows that being viewed likable is making your path easier, however, it won’t work stand-alone if you aim to receive a more competent or managerial role. It's important to remember that improving likability doesn't mean changing who you are fundamentally. It's about enhancing how you communicate, connect with others, and present your professional and personal strengths. Finding the right balance is a personal journey.