Brandi Glanville on Aftermath of Ex Eddie Cibrian's Affair with LeAnn Rimes: I 'Didn't Cope Well'

Brandi Glanville is opening up about how deeply she was impacted by her ex-husband Eddie Cibrian's past affair with his now-wife, LeAnn Rimes.

Glanville and Cibrian, both 48, were married from 2001 until 2009, when they announced their split amid his affair with Rimes, 38, whom he went on to marry in 2011.

In an op-ed written for The Sun this week, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills alum said that "there had been warning signs" that Cibrian had cheated on her. However, when Glanville questioned him, Cibrian would just say that she "was jealous" but he "loved" her nonetheless.

As Cibrian and Rimes shot their 2009 film Northern Lights, Glanville claimed to have noticed how the pair "were attracted to each other" when she visited set. Glanville subsequently found out about their affair in the press, she said.

"There was video footage of them kissing over the table. It was devastating. I went straight home, passed out in my closet, cried and cried," she recalled. "He tried to convince me it wasn't real but I knew it was over. They were sucking on each other's fingers in the footage yet he was telling me nothing was happening. It was insane. I asked him if he loved LeAnn. He said he didn't — he wanted to be with me for ever and for us to go for counseling."

Weeks after the affair news broke, Glanville discovered that Cibrian — with whom she shares sons Mason Edward, 18, and Jake Austin, 14 — had also been cheating on her with Vanderpump Rules star Scheana Shay. Glanville recalled going "crazy" over the revelation.

"He had still been seeing [LeAnn] behind my back for the few months we'd been in counseling together. I was broken. If I didn't have to take care of my kids, I probably wouldn't be here now," she wrote. "It was so public. Everyone felt sorry for me and wanted to hug me. But I wanted to punch everyone in the face. I couldn't turn on the TV without seeing something about them. LeAnn had taken over my life and I didn't have a voice anymore. I did not want my kids around her. She'd got my husband and she was not getting my children."

She continued, "One time, before they were married, I walked up to a soccer game and Jake, who was two, was sitting in her lap. I had this rage in my body. I really wanted to kill her. I walked over to her, grabbed Jake and I looked at her and said: 'I will f------ murder you.'"

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Glanville admitted that she "didn't cope well" with Cibrian's infidelity, noting that she "was angry" and "was drinking." She also claimed to be "out for revenge," adding: "One time, I even recorded him saying how he loved me and that he didn't love LeAnn — and I sent it to her. I wanted her to know what he was saying."

The mother of two said that seeking revenge was "eating away" at her, but one thing helped Glanville "move on": dating again. She even briefly "hooked up" with Gerard Butler, who she said was "really nice but very paranoid about paparazzi."

While Glanville "was so mad at Eddie for blowing up" the life they built together, the pair eventually reached a cordial place in their post-split relationship.

"These days, I love LeAnn, who married Eddie in 2011. She's great and we all hang out together. I've forgiven her," Glanville wrote. "We're going to be around each other for ever because of the kids, so why not make the best of it?"

"Eddie and I still squabble, but it's like the three of us are doing the parenting — it's nice to have a third person and she's usually on my side. But I will always have trust issues because of what happened," she added.

Glanville also addressed her alleged affair with Denise Richards, which she claimed occurred during Richards' present marriage to Aaron Phypers and was brought up on season 10 of RHOBH. (Richards has vehemently denied the affair.)

"I feel bad for the way it all went down. I wish we could just sit and talk privately," she said. "I don't like cheaters and in this instance I felt like I was on the other side of things and that I was a cheater, because Denise has a husband, Aaron Phypers. Not telling anyone was eating me alive, so I just had to get it out so I could breathe."

Glanville's candid essay comes after she celebrated her eldest son Mason's 18th birthday alongside Cibrian and Rimes last month.

Speaking with PeopleTV last year, Rimes revealed the key to making her blended family with Glanville and Cibrian work.

The "Can't Fight the Moonlight" singer said that "you have to consider everyone's feelings and you have to allow people to have them and you can't take them personally," noting it's "easier said than done, but at least we shoot for that."