'Bachelor' Alum Ben Higgins Is Back in Native Indiana 'Because of a Breakdown': 'I'm at a Low Place'

Ben Higgins is taking some time to focus on himself.

During an appearance on Trista Sutter's Better Etc. podcast on Tuesday, Higgins, 32, revealed that he's figuring out the next phase of his life and, in the meantime, has returned to his native Indiana to do so.

"I am back in Indiana right now because of a breakdown, again, in my life where I'm going, 'I don't know what's happening.' I don't know what this next season of life looks like for me," the former Bachelor lead said of his current emotional state, which he said has nothing to do with his relationship with fiancée Jessica Clarke. "I'm farther and farther removed from the show and then, at the same time, I need to figure out what my life's gonna look like and what my legacy is going to be."

"It's a really exciting season. The seasons are unfamiliar to me, but it's also really hard because I'm at a low place. I don't see myself as this thriving figure right now. I'm kind of lamenting and separating myself from a lot of things that I've held close," he added.

He admitted that he's "not good at experiencing joy right now" and "not good at celebrating things" as well, which he said is likely due to his ego "playing tricks" on him.

Higgins gained notoriety as a contestant on Kaitlyn Bristowe's Bachelorette season in 2015. He later went on to star on The Bachelor the following year, where he met ex Lauren Bushnell Lane (their engagement ended in 2017).

He's now engaged to Clarke, who he first introduced to fans in February 2019. The couple, who purchased their first home together in Colorado last year, are set to wed in November.

Though being a part of Bachelor Nation "might be the best thing that ever happened" to him, Higgins said, he acknowledged that he's also not sure of his place within that universe anymore.

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"I don't know how to make it my purpose now. I don't know what to do with it anymore," he said on Sutter's podcast. "It's not really a piece of me anymore. I can talk about it, I can share my experience about it but ultimately, I was just telling Jess this the other day, I was like, 'I feel like my only role in the Bachelor now is to be there for the contestants that want me to be there for them.'"

Higgins said he understands first-hand "how good it feels when fame is just being poured all over you" and how "hard it feels when that's ripped away from you and people move on and a new generation comes up through and you don't even understand them."

The reality star has been vocal about some of his struggles in the past. Earlier this year, Higgins opened up about his former addiction to pain killers.

"Several years ago, I went through a period of about four months where I was completely disconnected from everyone," he wrote of his struggles with painkillers in his book, Alone in Plain Sight: Searching for Connection When You're Seen but Not Known, per E! News. "I could barely get out of bed, much less interact with others. I wasn't just depressed. I was ashamed. I'd made a huge mess not only of my life but of the lives of others."

He added, "I felt so bad that I retreated deep inside myself because I was afraid I was going to hurt somebody again. I didn't trust myself. I didn't like myself, let alone love myself."

If you or someone you know needs mental health help, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, please contact the SAMHSA substance abuse helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.