A Letter To My Son

My 8 year old son, Johnny, had a stroke in utero, causing weakness on the right side of his body. While he has thrived, it is difficult for him to do certain things. Last week, a bully on the playground told him he couldn’t play kickball with the other kids, because he wasn’t good enough. He came home devastated. Struggling with what to tell him, I wrote him this letter. I’m sharing it here because I believe some of these same principles are what empower a culture of servant leadership in the workplace.

Son,

I heard about the episode on the playground today with kickball. I understand that it is hard to get picked last for a team, or even more difficult that you felt no one wanted you on their team. That's a crummy feeling. I want you to know 5 things: 

1) Being picked last is a normal part of growing up. When I was your age, and even older, I got picked last, or not at all, a lot. There are certain things that I was not good at and there will be certain things that you will not be good at. Kickball may be one of them. It is OK to be picked last. But also understand that there are things that you will be better at than the other kids. For example, if someone had to pick teams for reading, you might be first to be picked; or for math or for piano or for a lot of other things. As humans, we cannot be good at everything. But everyone is good at something. So don't feel bad about being picked last, it's normal and we all get picked last at some things. And being picked last can also be a good thing. It gives you a chance to play and to improve, and improving and being the best that you can be, is a wonderful feeling. 

2) No one should ever tell you that you cannot play. That is simply not fair and you should stand up to anyone that tells you that you cannot play. And chances are, not all kids feel that way, probably just one or two that are acting like jerks. So you should stand up for yourself in these situations. It is fine to be picked last, but it is not fine to be asked not to play. And you, in a similar situation, should never tell someone else they cannot play. You will be in a situation when you have to pick teams and you will see a boy or girl being picked last. You should welcome that kid to your team, give them a high five and make them feel like they were picked first. No one should ever feel like they should not be included in a game, a competition or on any activity at school. If someone tells someone they should not be on their team that is bullying. You are not a bully and you should stand up to anyone that is acting like a bully. 

3) You had a stroke. It injured a part of your brain that has made it harder for you to do certain physical things. But it also supercharged other parts of your brain. This is why you are very good at school work, at video games and problem solving, you are funny and you are very good at having conversations that draw adults and other people to you. This is how the human body works, if some parts are weak, it makes other parts strong. And everyone's brain is different. Some people who didn't have a stroke still might not be good at sports but they are probably very good in other things. The point is everyone is special and has a unique talent. Some people are really funny and happy all the time, which is contagious and awesome and makes them lots of friends. Some people are really loving and caring and will do anything to help other people, which makes other people love to be around them. Some people are super smart and can solve problems that other people simply can't. Some people are good at making decisions. Some people are great at sports and are fun to watch and cheer on. All of these people are wonderful and important. And our world relies on all of these types of people. Not one of them is better than the other. 

But the world has no room for bullies. It has no room for mean people or people that make fun of others. And do you want to know a little secret? Bullies usually are mean because they feel bad about themselves or are scared about something they are not good at. If you really want to stop a bully in their tracks? Figure out what they are struggling with and HELP THEM. That is ultimately what they are looking for. 

4) If you are not good at something, that does not mean you should not do it, it means you have to do it. God gives us challenges to make us stronger. That means that if you are not good at something, that's all the more reason to do it and have fun while you learn it. Even if you will never be the best, just going through the challenge of being able to DO IT, will make your brain stronger in every area. So the goal is not to be the best, but to be the best that YOU can be. This applies to kickball, baseball, soccer, spelling, math, music, theater, being funny, making decisions, talking to adults. . .everything; and you also become a better person, because it automatically makes you more aware of your classmates that might be struggling at other things. That brings me to the last point. . .

5) Life is not about being the best, it's about encouraging other people to be their best. Being the best at something brings happiness for a little while, but if you want to be happy forever, focus on helping and supporting others (even bullies!). By setting this example, you will magically surround yourself with friends that will push and encourage you; and you will all reach your fullest potential together, while having a lot of fun and love and support while you do it. 

I’ve always told you you are the strongest man I know. I love you and I am so proud of everything you can do. I am even more proud of you figuring out the things you can't do. But I am most proud of you when you help others with what they can't do, because by making them stronger, you will always be, the strongest. 

Love,

Dad