My eyes slowly open as I stretch luxuriously in clean, crisp, white linen sheets.
I take a minute to enjoy the quiet stillness of the start of a new day. I’ve slept for eight hours straight and feel totally refreshed.
And the thing that makes my morning even more perfect, is the happy knowledge that a hot cup of tea will soon be brought to me in bed.
You may think I’m staying in a lovely hotel, about to ring room service? Perhaps I’m away for business, or a solo break?
No, I’m actually at home, in my own bed, and my cup of tea will appear courtesy of my husband Kevin, who has also spent a night of uninterrupted sleep in the bedroom across the landing!
Yes, we are ‘that’ couple who sleep in separate bedrooms. But before you judge us or assume our marriage is on the rocks or that we are not ‘getting any’, let me tell you that we are one of the happiest couples that we know.
Neither are we unique in our sleeping arrangements.
The National Bed Federation claim that ‘sleep divorce’ is on the rise. In 2020, nearly one in six couples were sleeping separately and 89% were doing so in separate bedrooms.
Such is the popularity of separate bedrooms that some new build houses can be purchased with a master and mistress bedroom, both with ensuites. Bliss!
So how did Kevin and I get here, you may wonder?
When we met in 2002, we were both divorced and had got used to our own space – particularly our own beds.
We fell madly in love, our sex life was incredible, we bonded over everything and we each knew this was it. There was only one problem. We did not fit well for sleep.
Kevin snored and was always boiling hot, whereas I am a restless sleeper who often pushed him out of bed in my sleep.
Needless to say, by morning, we were both exhausted and bad-tempered.
It was a sad day when he moved to the sofa with the dog but I was too old to contort myself to fit in with society’s expectations of a spooning couple.
I didn’t want him in the same bed, never mind wrapped around me like a limpet. But there were no hard feelings – he felt exactly the same.
We got married in 2006 and honeymooned in our new campervan in the beautiful Gower coastline. It was absolute hell on earth. By day three, Kev was sleeping in the campervan in the car park of a hotel. I was sleeping in the hotel.
Lesson learnt, we purchased a four-bedroomed house. I have the largest bedroom, of course. Decorating it in calming, neutral tones, I treated myself to a brass bed and white linen bedding.
If you know teenage boys, then you’ve already seen Kev’s bedroom. It’s an abomination of bland bedding, stereos, guitars and a collection of screw drivers, old coins and torches littering the bedside table. I barely step foot in it.
Unsurprisingly, therefore, my bedroom is where the action happens. I can’t say I know how much sex everybody else is getting but I think Kev and I are holding our end up admirably.
We are refreshed and cheerful from good sleep and no exhausted bickering means we still fancy each other. A lot. At 56 and 62, we are at it like elderly rabbits.
We are both fortunate enough to be retired and the joy of spending a rainy afternoon in bed together cannot be measured. We really are a sickeningly loved-up couple
Oddly, the reasons we sleep separately no longer exist but have been replaced with others, at this stage in our lives. Kev has kidney cancer and has lost a lot of weight, meaning he is always cold and no longer snores.
Meanwhile, I am permanently hot, post menopause, and have gained weight from giving up smoking. This means I now snore. Ironic, isn’t it?
We struggle with holidays, especially hotels. We’re forced to share a bed as forking out for two hotel rooms seems a bit decadent on our pensions.
So we tend to get uproariously drunk and pass out. If there’s a better way, please let me know as we’re too old for the hangovers and we are getting a reputation.
Two years ago, a naked Kev drunkenly went out of the door to pee in the corridor thinking it was the toilet. I blissfully slept on, earplugs, eye mask and nasal dilator firmly in place. After much commotion, hotel staff came to his rescue. We have never returned.
I must admit, I don’t broadcast our sleeping arrangements but from time to time, it does get discussed.
If we have overnight visitors, it is best to warn them beforehand that we will all be going separate ways from the landing area. Some are fascinated by our arrangement; others are rather condescending about it.
I’m happy to tell people the upsides of it, but I’ve stopped defending our sex life these days. Truth is, there’s more envy than anything else.
I know a few couples who now sleep separately. It’s a move they’ve made quietly, after their kids have flown the nest and they have the extra bedroom. Good for them, I say – and really, it’s no one else’s business.
So if any of you are considering separate bedrooms, don’t worry about other people’s opinions.
I will offer a little suggestion, though, buy yourself a little bell for your bedside table. Then once you’re awake, a little ring and a cup of tea is soon on its way.
Kev may not be the perfect bed fellow but he’s certainly the perfect husband.
Happy sleeping, everyone!
This article was originally published February 16, 2024.
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