How I caught both my best friend and lover betraying me

‘Hey man, I’m sorry but I’m feeling really sick,’ texted my best friend, Amos*. ‘Can we reschedule?’

It was the weekend of Pride in London and we’d planned to go out that evening to dance all night in a gay club. But there he was, cancelling just hours before we were supposed to meet.

What transpired next broke our friendship, after he betrayed me.

My friendship with Amos spans over a decade of late-night gaming marathons and spontaneous road trips. So it was only natural that we’d made plans to spend Pride together.

That weekend, I’d also planned to hang out with my friend with benefits, Ezra*. I was meant to be meeting him Saturday afternoon for the parade and then Amos later in the night.

Ezra and I had met a few months earlier at a mutual friend’s house party. 

It was immediately flirty and friendly, but he told me about his long-term boyfriend so I knew it could only ever be a friends with benefits situation. We exchanged numbers, where the flirtatious chatting and picture swapping ensued.

Within weeks, we started a sexual relationship where we’d hang out about once a week to have casual fun. This went on for months.

Throughout this time, I’d sometimes mention to Amos how close I was growing with Ezra, as well as confide in him that I wished he was in a relationship with me instead.

Strangely, five minutes after Amos’ message, I got a text from Ezra saying he was also ill

In the days before Pride, I texted Ezra to ask if we were still on for meeting up during the Saturday afternoon. But there was no response. I texted again, but nothing.

I felt quite rejected. Then when Amos cancelled on me just hours before we were supposed to go out clubbing, I felt even more hurt.

By the early evening, I decided to check up on Amos to see how he was feeling. I texted him saying I hoped he was feeling better after some rest. But he didn’t respond.

I decided to call him to see how he was – which I never really do – but it just rang out. Eventually, he texted me an automatic response that he was ‘unavailable’.

Then strangely, five minutes after Amos’ message, I got a text from Ezra saying he was also ill. I found it super odd, but didn’t think too much about it.

In the end – dejected and deflated – I decided to go out alone and had a surprisingly fun night.

In the days after, I texted both Amos and Ezra separately to check up on how they were feeling. That’s when Ezra told me he had Covid, so I felt even worse for him. 

Amos didn’t really say much in his response – he only mentioned that he was feeling ‘under the weather’ and taking his time to get back to full health again. He never really explicitly said what was wrong. I found it very odd. 

Two weeks later, I was in a Vauxhall nightclub by myself again when I saw a mutual friend.

We got to talking and he ended up telling me about his Pride weekend, which included a group sex session. Imagine my surprise when he included the detail that Ezra and Amos had been there too – on that same day they were supposed to hang out with me. 

My friend had no idea that I’d been seeing Ezra when he told me all the sordid details. 

Apparently, Amos and Ezra had been talking online months before that night. On the day of Pride, they both ditched their plans with me and went to separate day parties.

They had been drinking so they texted each other and decided to link up that night. Then, Amos and Ezra apparently got with each other for hours, before inviting other guys to join them for group sex!

Ultimately, this experience taught me the importance of valuing true friendships

As soon as I heard this, I was absolutely devastated. It felt like a punch to my gut. 

The next morning, I decided to confront Amos over the phone.

When I expressed my hurt and betrayal, he didn’t deny that it happened. In fact, he tried to downplay it, saying that he didn’t realise how close I was with Ezra. He also confirmed that they had spoken before on Scruff, a queer dating app.

Even still, Amos knew that I was developing feelings for Ezra and that – in the back of my mind – I hoped for something more serious with him.

When I confronted Ezra a few days later, he seemed unapologetic too. He claimed it was a one-time thing, but didn’t say much more than that.

He didn’t feel he did anything wrong and became cagey and defensive. I left the conversation feeling angry and betrayed, realising that the trust between us was irreparably damaged. 

The dynamic with both Amos and Ezra shifted completely after this incident. As a result, I distanced myself from both, realising that my loyalty meant little to them.

It was the final straw with Amos and I because he’d done something like this before – he’d slept with someone I was casually dating and then lied about it. I should’ve learned the first time.

As for Ezra, maybe time will be a good healer.

Ultimately, this experience taught me the importance of valuing true friendships and recognising red flags early on. At the end of the day, honesty is essential to any relationship.

I know that now, but I could’ve done without learning the hard way.

*Names have been changed

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