Here’s why 69 is my new favourite number

‘My bumhole is right in his face.’

This is the only thought going through my head, over and over again, as I try to enjoy the oral sex my lover is giving me.

His tongue is doing its best to make magic happen, but it’s no use – I am far too focused on my own body. 

I know I smell and taste clean, though I still can’t help but wonder how he feels about his nose being that close to my behind. 

Meanwhile, my soft stomach is plastered against his hard abs, making me feel self-conscious, as I attempt to give him a decent blowjob.

I’m in sensory overload. 

If you haven’t already figured it out: we’re attempting the 69 sex position – and it’s not going well.

Ten minutes of awkward manoeuvring later, we give up.

So many friends have shared similar tales of this particular sex act. Just the other week, in fact, sharing stories with my pals. 

The bumhole thing seems to be the most common issue for most people. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve wiped or washed, it’s only natural to wonder what your sexual partner is faced with.

Like me, if you have a bad experience, it’s also easy to assume that this just isn’t a position you enjoy. But before you throw the 69 – or any other sex act – out the window, hear me out.

The incident I mentioned above took place over 15 years ago. At the time, I hadn’t given or received much oral sex – mutual or otherwise.

My boyfriend was also older than me and more sexually experienced. He’s the one who suggested we give it a go and while I didn’t mind, I felt nervous – but I didn’t share these concerns with him. 

That was my first mistake. 

It is much easier to ease into a new position if you communicate your worries with your sexual partner. But I was young, so I decided to just roll with it.

I felt so embarrassed that I didn’t try mutual oral again for a very long time. I convinced myself that I didn’t like it.

But let’s be honest – I hadn’t really given it a fair shot.

In the years to come, some exes suggested the position but I avoided any awkward situation by offering to give them head instead.

A blowjob with no obligation to offer oral sex in exchange? You can imagine how often guys I slept with turned down that offer.

Once I was in my 30s, this all changed. I like to challenge myself in all areas of life, including the bedroom.

So when a partner of mine suggested that magic number, I did what I should have done the first time: I told him that I didn’t think it was my thing.

He respected my opinion but asked if I’d be up for a little experiment. I said yes.

‘Lie on your back and hang your head over the edge of the bed,’ my lover instructed me.

He then stood in front of me, leaned over my body and started giving me oral sex. The only thing we really changed was our body positioning but it made a huge difference.

Then, we took the sex up another notch.

Grabbing a vibrator from the box by my bed, I turned it on and asked for his permission to use it on his body. Out of respect to my ex, I won’t share any further details but let’s just say…69 might be new favourite number. 

At the end of the day, there are endless variations of sex acts. 

It’s only by being open to experimentation that you will truly learn what you enjoy. And it’s important to remember that your taste may develop over time. 

Sometimes, it’s also not the sex position that is the issue.

Shagging doesn’t happen in a vacuum – there are many factors that influence how we feel while getting down and dirty. Maybe the sheets were itchy or you had a bad day at work. 

Or maybe this lover isn’t the lover to do this particular sex act with. Not through any fault of theirs or yours, it could just be that the moment or chemistry isn’t right.

How do you feel about experimenting in the bedroom? Have your say in the comments belowComment Now

When I attempted the 69 that first awful time, I was not as confident in myself or my own body as I am now. The idea of accidentally farting or some other ‘disaster’ would have felt like the end of the world.

I wish someone had told me that sex is not an exact science. It can take time to get it right but if you won’t give yourself the opportunity to explore, how will you ever know what you like?

Now that I am older, wiser and have a few more notches on my bedpost, I am at peace with the fact that sex can be unpredictable.

That doesn’t mean I push my boundaries, though.

I am happy I tried the 69 again but it’s still not at the top of my list of bedroom activities. I roll it out now and then, when I fancy something different.

But it’s nice to know that I don’t need to feel embarrassed anymore. 

Don’t worry about ‘failing’ in bed, because there is no such thing. The art of shagging is a learning curve.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

Share your views in the comments below.

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