Checklist of Flaws and Assets

4 Character Defect Opposite Asset 4 forgetful responsible sarcastic 1 praising, tolerant

aggressive, belligerent good-natured, gentle gluttonous 2 , excessive moderate self-important 3 humble, modest
angry 2 forgiving, calm, generous gossiping 3 closed-mouth, kind, praising self-centered caring of others
apathetic interested, concerned, alert greedy 2 , 3 moderate, generous, sharing self-destructive, self-defeating self-fulfilling
apprehensive, afraid calm, courageous hateful 3 forgiving, loving, concerned for others self-hating self-accepting, loving
argumentative, quarrelsome agreeable hypersensitive tolerant, doesn't personalize self-justifying 3 admitting wrongs, humble
arrogant, insolent unassuming, humble ill-tempered 1 , b i t c h y good-tempered, calm self-pitying 3 grateful, realistic, accepting
attacking, critical fair, self-restrained impatient 3 patient self-righteous humble, understanding
avoidant faces problems and acts impulsive, reckless| consistent, considered actions self-seeking 3 selfless, concerned for others
blocking honest, intuitive inconsiderate thoughtful, considerate selfish 1 , 3 altruistic, concerned with others
boastful modest, humble indecisive, timid firm, decisive shy outgoing
careless 1 careful, painstaking, concerned indifferent, apathetic, aloof caring slothful (lazy) 2 , 3 industrious, taking action
cheating honest inflexible, stubborn open-minded, flexible spiteful, malicious forgiving
competitive (socially) cooperative insecure, anxious self-confident, secure stealing honest
compulsive free insincere 3 , h y p o c r i t i c a l sincere, honest stubborn open-minded, willing
conceited 1 , s e l f - i m p o r t a n t humble, modest intolerant 1 tolerant, understanding, patient sullen cheerful
contradictory, oppositional| reasonable, agreeable irresponsible, reckless responsible superior, grandiose, pretentious humble
contrary, intractable, pigheaded reasonable isolating, solitary sociable, outgoing superstitious realistic, no magical thinking
controlling lets go, esp. of other's lives jealous 1 , 3 trusting, generous, admiring suspicious trusting
cowardly brave 4 judgmental broadminded, tolerant tense calm, serene
critical 3 non-judgmental, praising, tolerant, justifying (own actions) honest, frank, candid thinking negatively3 being positive
cynical open-minded lack of purpose purposeful treacherous trustworthy
deceitful guileless, honest lazy, indolent industrious, conscientious undisciplined, self-indulgent disciplined
defensive open to criticism loud tasteful, quiet unfair fair
defiant, contemptuous respectful lustful 2 healthy sexuality unfriendly, hostile, bitchy friendly4
denying honest, accepting lying 3 honest ungrateful thankful, grateful
dependent accepts help but is self-reliant manipulative candid, honest, non-controlling unkind, mean, malicious, spiteful kind 4
depressed, morose| hopeful, optimistic, cheerful 4 masked, closed honest, open, candid unsupportive of others supportive
dirty, poor hygiene clean 4 nagging supportive untrustworthy, unreliable, dishonest| trustworthy 4
dishonest3 honest narrow minded open minded useless, destructive helpful 4
disloyal, treacherous faithful, loyal 4 obscene, crude modest, courteous vain modest, humble
over emotional emotionally stable
disobedient obedient 4 vindictive forgiving
perfectionistic realistic goals violent gentle
disrespectful, insolent respectful, reverent 4 pessimistic| realistic, hopeful, optimistic, trusting
enabling setting boundaries, tough love vulgar 3 polite
possessive generous
envying 2 , 3 empathetic, generous, admiring wasteful thrifty 4
prejudiced open-minded
evasive, deceitful candid, straightforward willful accepting of the inevitable
procrastinates3 disciplined, acts promptly
exaggerating honest, realistic withdrawn outgoing
projecting (negative) clear sighted, optimistic
faithless, disloyal reliable, faithful wordy, verbose frank, to the point, succinct
rationalizing candid, honest
falsely modest honest, has self-esteem Other dysfunctional ways of acting, feeling or
resentful 1 , 3 , bitter, hateful forgiving
falsely prideful 2 , 3 modest, humble thinking which cause others or me pain (specify in
resisting growing willing to grow the following Review of Flaws).
fantasizing, unrealistic practical, realistic
rude, discourteous polite, courteous 4 See source footnotes on page 2.
fearful 3 confidant, courageous

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 RESENTMENTS

Do not be restricted by this list. It is just to help you get started. List your resentments on the next pages.

PEOPLE In-Laws Nationality

Father Judges Philosophy
Mother Lawyers Races
Boy Friends/Lovers Life-long Friends Religion
Brothers Parole Officers Society
Sisters Police PRINCIPLES
Sponsors Probation Officers Adultery
Employers School Friends Death
A.A. Friends Teachers God-Deity
Acquaintances Uncles Golden Rule
Aunts Wives Heaven
Best Friends
INSTITUTIONS Hell
C.A. Friends
Authority Homophobia
Childhood Friends
Bible Jesus Christ
Clergy
Child Protection Life After Death
Co-Workers
Church Original Sin
Cousins
Correctional System Retribution
Creditors
Education System Satan
Doctors
Government Seven Deadly Sins
Employees
Law Sin
Girl Friends
Marriage Ten Commandments
Husbands
Health/Mental Health System MORE from your experience!

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 Step Four Resentments Checklist Column 4*
“Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our
own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened?”

SELFISH • Trying to control others

DISHONEST • Getting revenge when I don't get what
• Not seeing others point of view,
Not seeing or admitting where I was I want
problems or needs •
at fault • Holding a resentment
• Wanting things my way
• Having a superior attitude–thinking • Acting to make me feel good
• Wanting special treatment
• Wanting others to meet my needs– I'm better FRIGHTENED (OF )
dependence • Blaming others for my problems
• Not admitting I've done the same thing • Peoples' opinions
• Wanting what others have
• Not expressing feelings or ideas • Rejection, abandonment
• Wanting to control–dominance
• Not being clear about motives • Loneliness
• Thinking I'm better–grandiosity
• Lying, cheating, stealing • Physical injury, abuse
• Wanting to be the best
• Hiding reality–not facing facts • Not being able to control or change
• Thinking others are jealous
• Stubbornly holding on to inaccurate someone
• Wanting others to be like me
beliefs • My inferiority, inadequacy
• Being miserly, possessive
• Breaking rules • Criticism
• Wanting more than my share
• Lying to myself • Expressing ideas or feelings
• Reacting from self loathing, self
• Exaggerating, minimalizing • Getting trapped
righteousness
• Too concerned about me • Setting myself up to be “wronged” • Exposure, embarrassment
• Not trying to be a friend • Expecting others to be what they are
• Wanting to look good or be liked not
• Concerned only with my needs • Being perfectionistic

SELF SEEKING
• Manipulating others to do my will
• Putting others down internally or
externally to build me up
• Engaging in character assassination
• Acting superior _______________
• Acting to fill a void *Thanks to Anonymous in New England.
• Engaging in gluttony or lusting at the
expense of another person
• Ignoring others’ needs
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 FEARS
Do not be restricted by this list. It is just to help you get started. List your fears on the next pages
abandonment flying needing anyone
aging fourth & fifth steps not being good enough
anger future, the not being happy
authority figures getting fat or thin not being liked
being alone God not being perfect
being deceived going home people (specify who)
being found out going out on a “whim” police, the
being myself having children poverty
change homelessness procrastination
compliments homosexuality rape
confrontation honesty rejection
creditors humiliation relationships
death hurting others resentments, my
denial, my I’m a fraud and others will find out responsibility
disapproval incarceration risks
disease intimacy saying that I can’t do something
divorce IRS, the sex
embarrassment letting go sponsor, my
employment living success
facing myself loneliness unemployment
failure losing hope unknown, the
fear love violence
feelings mediocrity work
financial insecurity money Search your own experience for other fears.

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 Step Four Sex Conduct Checklist*

Column 1 checklist (We reviewed our sex DISHONEST (to me or others) SUSPICION:
conduct over the years past. Whom had • Leading someone on–saying I care for • Of her, him, family, friends, co-
we hurt?) him/her more than I do because I want workers, etc.
sex • How did I cause suspicion (lying,
• Her, him, family, friends, co-workers, • Not admitting my sexual orientation flirting, tricking, coming home late,
etc. • Thinking I'm better (grandiosity) etc.)?
• Me with guilt or shame • Being perfectionistic BITTERNESS:
• Infecting him/her a sexually • Not being clear about my motive
About her, him, family, friends, co-
transmitted disease (wanting fathering, mothering, workers, etc.
• Involving him/her in legal approval, approval, or sex) About me (guilt, shame)
proceedings How did I cause bitterness?
• Wanting to vent my emotions on or
• Embarrassing him/her control him/her
Column 4 (Where was I at fault?)
• How did I cause the hurt? • Cheating on him/her

INCONSIDERATE • Was I selfish, self seeking, dishonest

Column 2 checklist (Where had we been
or fearful, thoughtless, uncaring?
selfish, dishonest or inconsiderate?) • To her, him, family, friends, co-
workers, etc. Column 5 (What should I have done
SELFISH • Putting others or myself at risk of
instead?)
• Using him/her to meet my needs for disease, legal involvement, and
sex, attention, approval, mothering, or embarrassment
• Not used the person
fathering • How I was inconsiderate?
• Respected him/her
• Not seeing him/her needs or problems
• Tried to be a friend
• Wanting to look good or be liked
Column 3 checklist (Did we unjustifiably • Been candid and open
• Taking out my emotions on him/her
(anger, sadness, etc.) arouse jealousy, suspicion or • Cared about him/her
• Wanting to control him/her
bitterness) • Treated him/her as I would have
wanted to be treated
• Wanting special treatment
JEALOUSY:
• Wanting him/her to take care of me
• Of her, him, family, friends, co- __________
• Wanting more than my share
workers, etc. *Thanks to Anonymous in New England.
• Not trying to be a friend
• How did I cause jealousy (tricking,
flirting, also see Suspicion, below)?

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