DIDO OF IDAHO

By Abby Rosebrock

Contact:

Di Glazer and Ross Weiner

ICM Partners
65 East 55th Street, 16th floor
New York, NY
10032

[email protected]
212-556-6820
[email protected]
212-556-5798
Dido of Idaho - 1.

CHARACTERS:

Nora (f, 32): an adjunct musicologist at the University of Idaho

Michael (m, 30s/early 40s): a poet and English professor at the University of Idaho

Julie (f, 50s): Nora’s adopted mother, a former choir director from Georgia

Ethel (f, 50s): Julie’s companion, a food-service worker from Idaho

Crystal (f, 30): Michael’s wife, a kindergarten teacher and former Miss Idaho contestant

LOCATIONS:

Condo living room

Mountain cabin

Hospital room

MUSIC:

Trevor Pinnock and The English Concert & Choir’s 1989 recording of Purcell’s Dido and
Aeneas is useful for reference.

NOTES:

The excerpt Crystal reads at the start of Scene 5 is adapted from an article by Anna Altman.

Crown is an adjective. It means all-powerful, majestic.

 2.

SCENE 1

Moscow, Idaho. MICHAEL’s faculty condo.

Michael and NORA, drunk and rapt, listen to “Ah!

Belinda, I am press’t” from Purcell’s Dido and Aeneas.

NORA
[singing] “I am press’t with torment, / ah—”

MICHAEL
Shh... listen.

NORA
...I know, I love th—

She goes to sit, misses the chair—

NORA (CONT.)
Love that part...

MICHAEL
[singing] “Peace and I are strangers, strangers grown...”

He stops the music.

MICHAEL (CONT.)
...So yeah. That’s what inspired the second chapter of my book.
Or it’s actually more of a “movement” than a chapter—

NORA
Michael.

MICHAEL
Or a canto, / maybe—?

NORA
Michael—

MICHAEL
So hard to talk about prose poetry, we need more of a lexicon—

NORA
Michael. “Ah Belinda I am press’t with torment.” Is my second-favorite aria.
In Dido and Aeneas.
 3.

MICHAEL
...Woah—

NORA
And Dido and Aeneas... whole reason I’m a musicologist—

MICHAEL
Are you serious—

NORA
Um, besides to make my mom proud yeah, it’s the reason / I [hiccup], do what I do—

MICHAEL
Okay the synchronicity of that’s, / just—

NORA
But this isn’t me speakin as a baroque specialist okay, this is me speakin as [hiccup], as a
woman—

MICHAEL
Oh—?

NORA
I got the hiccups—

MICHAEL
Oh no you don’t, uh-uh. Over here.
Tell Daddy how you feel about the opera.

NORA
...Those chromatic scales—

MICHAEL
They have sex in the cave—

NORA
A queen and a wandering Trojan war / hero—

MICHAEL
She wears her crown the whole time, in most productions—

NORA
Then he ghosts her, runs off to his ship, she sings / Dido’s Lament—

MICHAEL
Dido’s Lament—masterful suicide / anthem—
 4.

NORA
[singing] “When I am laid, / am laid in earth—”

MICHAEL
So disturbing and bleak, and irrational, / it’s like—

NORA
Irrational?

MICHAEL
When she, stabs and burns herself to / death—?

NORA
Yeah, what else was she...? Sposed to...?

MICHAEL
Um. Be resilient? Get over Aeneas?
Not let her empire crumble—?

NORA
You bein, sarcastic right now, / er—?

MICHAEL
Look I’m not complaining, I’d be missing a second canto, if she’d made better choices—

NORA
Michael you can’t just “make a choice,” to swallow the pain, and focus on governing
Carthage when your soulmate discards you like trash—that’s not, / emotionally possible—

MICHAEL
But, I feel like that’s happened to all the best women I know, and they’re still alive—

NORA
They don’t wanna be / though—

MICHAEL
Come on—

NORA
Wouldn’t you wanna die, if the one person who could save you from a life’uh, feelin like
some kinda high-end blow-up doll, just sailed off to Rome / without you—?

MICHAEL
Well fortunately I’ve never had to feel like a blow-up / doll, so I can’t—
 5.

NORA
It’s incapacitating. Trust me.
One night you’re makin some guy’s life worth living, / meanwhile your own life’s—

MICHAEL
[singing] “One night enjoyed, the next foresook—”

NORA
Exactly. And she’s a queen, / she should be like—

MICHAEL
Well sure, that’s what, probly made her so appealing, in the short term...
Long-term that mighta been, stressful / for him—

NORA
Trojan piece’uh garbage...

MICHAEL
...Yeah I guess I can see why she kills herself—

NORA
Thank / you—

MICHAEL
Plus she had the whole history of trauma, and loss going into the relationship.
...In the source text, / the Aeneid—?

NORA
Oh right, in the Virgil—condemned by her family, I always forget / that part—

MICHAEL
Come to think of it she was really primed, to be destroyed by that deceitful / crocodile—

NORA
Love when she calls him deceitful crocodile—my favorite line, as a child...

MICHAEL
Oh so you started young—

NORA
So?

MICHAEL
That just, maybe explains some / things—
 6.

NORA
I’M NOT GONNA END UP LIKE DIDO.

MICHAEL
What? No / of course not—

NORA
Her fate is not my fate, / do not manifest that—

MICHAEL
Right, no I know you’d never kill yourself, over a breakup, / please—

NORA
I most certainly would, if he was my soulmate but that won’t be an issue cause we’ll never
break up, / you’ll never leave me—

MICHAEL
I mean—yeah God I would hope not, I can’t go a week without seeing your face...
...Nora I just meant your early exposure to Purcell explains your career choice—

NORA
Ohhh! / Ha—

MICHAEL
That’s all / I meant—

NORA
Well, you know. Musical mom, choir / director—

MICHAEL
Oh right—man, Purcell’s / chorales. Top-shelf—

NORA
His chorales’re so good—she conducted a few—

MICHAEL
Atlanta Symphony—?

NORA
Mm-hm, she bounced around, freelance, when she wasn’t doin church stuff—

MICHAEL
She still / in Atlanta—?
 7.

NORA
Nope, retired. To the mountains—

MICHAEL
Oh cool, / where in—?

NORA
But yeah the symphony, as a kid was so dope, it was like HEY: all y’all see that woman up
there, with her arms up like Eva Peron?? She picked ME, outta ALL the other orphans—

MICHAEL
You were / her favorite—

NORA
I was the prettiest baby, inside and out...

MICHAEL
Still are.

NORA
You should text me that everyday. Cause she won’t do it, / she’s not a texter—

MICHAEL
We never really talk about your mom.

NORA
Well you’re always, givin me filthy love—

MICHAEL
Since when’re you uncomfortable, with Freudian / adjacencies—?

NORA
I’m not, I just tend to block her out, when I’m here, outta respect, / cause, you know—

MICHAEL
Also I think I give you extremely tender / sex—

NORA
We do achieve a perfect ratio, of filth to tenderness—she would still disapprove / though—

MICHAEL
Oh cause she’s like a Republican / right, er—?
 8.

NORA
Oh, no—I mean repressed, for sure, sexually—sex-negative, the kids might say, but.
Flaming / Democrat—

MICHAEL
Ah okay—see I knew you were raised evangelical but she sounds educated / so I wasn’t—

NORA
There are educated Southern evangelical Democrats—

MICHAEL
Totally, I guess I just, never see those people in the media / er—

NORA
So you never watched Designing Women.
...Sitcom? Atlanta? Soundtrack to / my childhood—?

MICHAEL
I still need to watch Designing Women, I’m sorry, / it’s next on my list—

NORA
Well those characters are basically the spiritual archetypes, of my mom—strong Georgia
women in shoulder / pads—

MICHAEL
So: strong Southern church lady meets, repressed, Eva Peron, / Toscanini—?

NORA
Yep, that’s... that’s her, that’s Julie... teapot collection. Balls and fury and / grace—

MICHAEL
“Fury,” / wow—

NORA
Wish I had her DNA—

MICHAEL
I’m so attached to your face / though—

NORA
No I just mean, like her integrity, and confidence, um. Self-control. Perfect / pitch—

MICHAEL
So—does Julie know about me?
...I mean. Closin in on / six months here—
 9.

NORA
A year, yeah we are, a whole year...

MICHAEL
Oh I measure from, / third base—

NORA
No it really started when we watched My Best Friend’s Wedding in your office—

MICHAEL
/ Sure—

NORA
But yeah my mom knows about you.
Less I’m just, sending emails into an angry void. Which. I guess is a possibility, / but—

MICHAEL
Oh, so you two / don’t—?

NORA
If she’s reading em she knows about you.

MICHAEL
Ah. Well I’m sorry to hear you’re, / estranged—

NORA
Nah, it’s not—you see your family like once a year, / s’not that different—

MICHAEL
Well yeah cause they’re actual Republicans, with no interest in the arts—my mom used to
throw my poems in the garbage—

NORA
Aw baby, I know—see everyone’s mom stuff is / fraught—

MICHAEL
Well yeah except, you seem to wanna be friends with yours, / that must be tough—

NORA
I mean we are friends, we’re best friends, she’s just—

MICHAEL
Harsh, / yeah—
 10.

NORA
No, no harsh is too / harsh—

MICHAEL
Ignoring your emails—?

NORA
You ignore my emails, / I don’t call you harsh—

MICHAEL
Fuck I still gotta respond to that article, on Meg Ryan’s face, thank you / for sending that—

NORA
Thing about Julie’s just um... lotta issues on her end, lotta heartache and, sexual hang-ups
and wrath to work through, / is all—

MICHAEL
Press’t with torment—

NORA
To say the least, yeah but I like to think our correspondence, you know. However one-
sided. Might uh... might really be helping. With both of our journeys, on some level.
Learning about ourselves, / whatnot—

MICHAEL
That’s really compassionate of you, / to make that effort—

NORA
Well I really owe her a ton, I mean my childhood was perfect—

MICHAEL
Who else gets to know Purcell / that young—

NORA
At age seven, exactly—every kid should have a musical mom—

MICHAEL
You’d be a musical mom.

She looks at him.

MICHAEL (CONT.)
...You know we’re probly the only two people on this campus, who know Dido and
Aeneas as intimately as we do?
 11.

NORA
I’d even say, only two in Moscow, Idaho—

MICHAEL
I’d even say Idaho period—

NORA
I’d even say, creation.

MICHAEL
Guess you’ll hafta read my nook bow. Son of a. Did I just / say NOOK BOW—??

NORA
PPPFFFFF!!! YOU SAID NOOK BOW, / AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH—

MICHAEL
Book, Now, read-my-book-now—I can’t help it!! I’m a wordsmith, I smith with words—!!

NORA
“Smith-with—”

MICHAEL
Smith-with, / nook-bow—

NORA
Smith-with smith-with swith myth / Swiss Miss swish miff fish shiv fizz mischief hiss—

MICHAEL
Oh my god look at her go, she’s speaking in tongues... so adorable...
But seriously Nora. Seriously. You’re the smartest woman I know.
Mmkay? So I want / you to—

NORA
Am I smarter than your wife?

MICHAEL
...Munchkin—??

NORA
Set her free / Michael—

MICHAEL
Let’s please not, / get—

NORA
She’s a simpleton—
 12.

MICHAEL
You’ve met / her—?

NORA
I’ve met her Instagram—

MICHAEL
/ Oh—

NORA
She has no / vision—

MICHAEL
I just want you to read my book, alright?? Cause I value your insights—

NORA
So why don’t you get us outta here, take me to the Rockies already.
Rent us that cabin, read it to me out loud. In your campfire voice—

MICHAEL
Oh the, / gentle—

NORA
Yeah the deep, / like paternal—

MICHAEL
Yeah I do have a campfire voice, / that I use—

NORA
Big bear and little bear, under / the blankets—

MICHAEL
Let’s make it happen.

She hides her face.

MICHAEL (CONT.)
What. Why are you blushing, like a mischievous / mouse—

NORA
Can we still make it happen... if I already read it?

MICHAEL
...You sneaky / SNAKE—!!
 13.

NORA
EEE, / Hehehehehe—!!

MICHAEL
So, you knew about the Dido / canto—!?

NORA
I had my suspicions, / that that was your source—

MICHAEL
But Nora how’d you...? They just released it / yesterday—!!

NORA
I know, I couldn’t wait, I got the e-book!!

MICHAEL
...Oh! Well, thanks for... thank / you—

NORA
You wanted me to get the real-life book. So you could / autograph—

MICHAEL
I know it’s stupid—

NORA
Just get a Shaprie, sign my iPad—

MICHAEL
I would never deface your iPad—

NORA
I already ran over it with my bike, what’s a little Sharpie gonna do?

MICHAEL
How’d you do that?

NORA
Drinking. / Bad Nora—

MICHAEL
Oh. So um—so what did you think of my poems.

NORA
...Well first I was nervous, cause. You know that feeling, when / lovers write—
 14.

MICHAEL
Colleagues, lovers write stuff, yeah, you’re like if this is bad...

NORA
But. Soon as I read the first line—

MICHAEL
“We flirted with light til it stung us, and died for seducing the sun—”

NORA
I could, so easily die that / way—

MICHAEL
I know—

NORA
And I’ll be honest, I had to take a break at one point, run out for batteries.
...For / my vibr—

MICHAEL
Oh for your, oh. Well, that’s really special to / hear—

NORA
They’re really, really gorgeous, Michael...

MICHAEL
That makes me so / happy—

NORA
And here all I do is, give lectures on harpsichords, trashed outta my / mind—

MICHAEL
Nora... whatever my poems do to you. Your face, and your eyes, do to me. Tenfold.

NORA
Could you elaborate?

MICHAEL
Was your birth mother a lioness—?

NORA
Yes—
 15.

MICHAEL
And your dad, was he a movie star—?

NORA
I don’t know, probly—

MICHAEL
Cause that’s my hypothesis, based on your face—

NORA
You love this / face—?

MICHAEL
I cherish this face. Makes me brave.

She kisses him. They rub noses and hold each other.

NORA
Hey. I know you hate God, / but—

MICHAEL
I don’t hate God, I hate the concept of God.

NORA
But, when you hold me like a baby. I know God exists.

MICHAEL
Mm...

NORA
There’s come on your shirt though.

MICHAEL
Oh, good eye—

NORA
Can already see it on RateMyProfessors—

MICHAEL
Ha, yeah. “Tough grader, shows up to class in the fuckin, Lewinsky dress—”

NORA
You laugh, but. Some of us, you know. That’s actually, been written about. Some / folks—

MICHAEL
Oof!! Three-thirty—
 16.

He gets up to dress for class and tidy the room—

NORA
Warm body come / back—!!

MICHAEL
Poetics of Estrangement in Postcolonial Diasporas isn’t gonna teach itself—

NORA
Let him go Nora, he’s doing God’s work—

MICHAEL
Hey, I am volunteering later. Poetry for Prisoners tonight—

NORA
How are those prisoners—?

MICHAEL
Oh my God. SO inspiring—

His phone dings, he checks it:

MICHAEL (CONT.)
Fuck my life. / Goddammit—

NORA
Did you not text yourself back?
Cause that’s what I say to my phone when I check it and you didn’t text / me back—

MICHAEL
Missed a fucking departmental meeting...
Just, completely forgot, second time / this term—

NORA
Well you’re welcome, those things are heinous—

MICHAEL
So mortifying, like half my tenure committee...

He snatches her wine glass—

NORA
/ Hey—!
 17.

MICHAEL
No more day-drinking Nora. From now on.
Er you can drink all you want but I can’t sacrifice my Wednesdays / all semester—

NORA
Since when do you care so much about academic like, / teaching bullshit—?

MICHAEL
If I wanna go anywhere with my poetry I need to start honoring a routine.
A guy who misses meetings to fuck around and drink all day, and shows up to class
wearing, with, / you know—

NORA
Come on his shirt—

MICHAEL
Come on his shirt, is a guy who doesn’t even get short-listed for the Guggenheim this year.
/ Or the MacArthur—

NORA
Aw, sweetie you got bad news / this week—

MICHAEL
Can’t be that guy / anymore—

NORA
Well—so what about the Rome Prize, / s’that still—?

MICHAEL
Rome Prize might, still be on the table—

NORA
Bellissima! / Andiamo a Roma—!!

MICHAEL
Alright, let’s not—let’s not jinx / it—

NORA
I’m not jinxing it, I’m manifesting / our future—

MICHAEL
Kay I appreciate that but I really need to get my head back in the game, okay? / We can’t—

NORA
So if Wednesdays’re out, when can I see you, Michael? Office hours? Spring break?
...When is she gonna move / out—
 18.

MICHAEL
I don’t know yet, will you help me with this, please?

She ties his tie:

NORA
You told her we’re spiritual twins—

MICHAEL
I told, / yes—

NORA
With our own spirit / language—

MICHAEL
Yes, yeah, but / it’s—

NORA
Like we practiced you said Crystal I’m just with you out of fear-inertia-obligation-guilt-
convenience and you can do better, / respect yourself—

MICHAEL
Nora I told her but it’s obviously / a hard—

NORA
So why drag out the move?? I mean I realize she’s a former Miss Idaho—

MICHAEL
First runner / up—

NORA
You know how you win a Rome Prize? You settle down with a woman who can read...
Plus she’ll be fine, she’s got her career, in kindergarten...
And simpletons excel on OKCupid, / I’ve seen it—

MICHAEL
Gah, Nora her mother’s a vegetable!! Geez...
I’m not gonna, nag her to move outta my house while she’s sitting around with hospice
nurses everyday watching her mom die—

NORA
Well her mom needs to chop chop. Pick up / the pace—
 19.

MICHAEL
Jesus, Christ—if you knew what a special person my mother-in-law is??
And how much adversity she’s overcome, as a gay woman, in a red state?
...You’d be a lot more / respectful—

NORA
Michael I know more about your mother-in-law’s gayness than you do.
And her lung cancer, and her love for Pat Benetar, I keep very / abreast—

MICHAEL
How do you know / all this—

NORA
From Crystal’s elaborate tributes, on Facebook and Instagram, I’ve seen like every photo
of her mom since the seventies...
She’s a real, rock-n-roll lady, I’m sorry she’s on her deathbed—

MICHAEL
So / am I—

NORA
Circle of life / though—

MICHAEL
You know if you have questions about my life you don’t need to stalk my family, / you can
just ask—

NORA
[singing, sotto] “You’re so vain, you probly think my stalkin’s about you, / you’re so—”

MICHAEL
What else would / it be—?

NORA
I’m researching lesbians. If you must know. Cause I think my mom’s one.

MICHAEL
...For real?

NORA
S’my current theory, behind her extreme bitterness, and mysterious resentment of me, yes.

MICHAEL
Why would she resent / you for—?
 20.

NORA
Well long story short I think she stayed in the closet, to save me from bullies, and maintain
our standing at church, so.

MICHAEL
Wow... She ever post photos / of like—?

NORA
Oh, no the woman still has an AOL address, she got when You’ve Got Mail came out, /
she doesn’t—

MICHAEL
So you don’t know if she has like a partner / I guess—

NORA
Well I’m hoping by now she’s found some semblance of companionship, with this, sassy
roommate’uh hers, / fingers crossed—

MICHAEL
So—so wait, lemme get... your mom might be gay like my mother-in-law’s gay??

She nods. He smiles, marveling a little. The synchronicity.

NORA
So, mountains next weekend? Just say it’s a conference—?

MICHAEL
You have your Miami job talk—

NORA
Oh I cancelled that. I’m gonna use this nail polish real / quick—

MICHAEL
Wait, the / tenure-track—?

NORA
Man these’re like, samurai cuticle scissors—

MICHAEL
In this godawful market, you turned / down a tenure—?

NORA
I don’t need to be in Miami to write, bullshit articles on, “Vivaldi’s Queer / Ethics—”

MICHAEL
You need to be making a living. You’re an adjunct—
 21.

NORA
I’m fine here, I make rent, teach, Medicaid, it’s decent, / it’s a good routine—

MICHAEL
What about, bringing classical music to the masses—

NORA
That’s a really tall order I made of myself growin up, / I don’t know if I—

MICHAEL
Don’t you want a career, and a voice, in the future of your field, / actually reach people—?

NORA
It’s not like you’d sacrifice your tenure-track job, follow me / to Florida—

MICHAEL
If you moved, we’d / still—

NORA
You know what Michael—maybe you hate God? But He’s real, and He handcrafted us as
a pair, and He gave us a home. In each other.
Speak up if that doesn’t feel true.
...I’m staying in Idaho, or I’m going to Rome, / and I’m making—

MICHAEL
Fingers crossed Rome—

NORA
I’m making a life and a family with you.
Then once that’s in gear, sky’s the limit, for writing and teaching, I’ll figure it out, but.
Somebody needs to rectify the spiritual imbalance, that me not having a baby with you is
creating right now in the universe.
For your sake.

MICHAEL
[charmed] Oh / yeah—?

NORA
Hey remind me, what does the chorus, say to Aeneas, in the end? About his behavior?

MICHAEL
After he, fucks things up / with Dido—?

NORA
Mm-hm when he’s extremely unhappy, and regrets his emotional / cowardice—
 22.

MICHAEL
Oh—right, that’s a gorgeous chorale, it’s um.
[singing, sotto; trying to remember] “Your counsel all, is urged / in vain—”

NORA
What’s the chorus tell that / fuckin idiot—

MICHAEL
[singing] “Great minds against themselves conspire, / great minds, great minds against
themselves conspire—”

NORA
[singing] “Great minds, great minds against themselves conspire...
And shun the cure / they most desire—”

MICHAEL
[singing, rondo] “And shun the cure—and shun the cure they most desi-i-ire...
They most... desire...”

NORA
So, is Crystal the cure?
...The cure you most desire, for what ails your mind / is Crystal—?

MICHAEL
Oh, god no I hope / not—

NORA
That’s right because I am. I’m the cure.
And I will not, be just a good time, in a cave.
Not to you.

MICHAEL
...You’re wearing your lioness face—

NORA
I dare you to shun this / face—

MICHAEL
I could never.
...Walk out with me, Queen of the Forest?

NORA
I don’t know where my underwear is.
 23.

MICHAEL
Gah what else is new. Well Crystal gets home from her mom’s around six—

NORA
Five-thirty, I’ll bike home to the mice—

MICHAEL
She has anger / problems—

NORA
Hey does Crystal speak Italian, by the / way—?

MICHAEL
Nora I need to know: are you confident you can find your underwear by / five-thirty—?

NORA
Yes, yeah, yes Sir, I’m confident I’ll find my underwear. Go teach.

He leaves. She flashes the door. Her underwear is on.

NORA (CONT.)
Sucka!
These are really constrictive though.

She takes off her underwear, throws it in her purse, cues

the music to Dido’s Lament.

NORA (CONT.)
Some slow jamz...

Presses play. Inhales.

NORA (CONT.)
Mm. Let it out, Dido... lament that shit...

She looks through Michael’s garbage. Finds a receipt.

Drinks as she studies the list of items:

NORA (CONT.)
[sotto] Alright, produce? Kay, y’all enjoy that... Bioré pore strips, I’ll be stealing your
ass... seltzer, walnuts, Trojan—Troj...? Trojan... Troj... Trojans.

She eats the receipt, washes it down with wine. Sorta

burps herself gently.
 24.

NORA (CONT.)
This is not attractive.

Takes a pillow, wipes it between her legs, observes:

NORA (CONT.)
Slimy day—

Tosses it, starts to leave, discovers another bottle of wine:

NORA (CONT.)
Oh child.
Did we just abandon you, and forget about you?

Cradles it tenderly.

NORA (CONT.)
No, no, mommy wouldn’t do that sweetheart, shhh-sh-sh...
You’ve got so much to give...

Checks the time.

NORA (CONT.)
You wanna do an activity with mommy? Hm? Would that make you happy?
Alright then.

Sets up her busted iPad, takes a swig and writes:

NORA (CONT.)
Dear Mom.
Probly seems like I’ve been writing a lot lately.
I guess that’s just what happens when you meet the love of your life, you gotta talk your
mom’s ear off about it...

SCENE 2

A mountain cabin with twin beds. JULIE reads Nora’s

email while ETHEL grooms herself for sleep:

NORA
Remember how you’d always write Philippians 4:13 on the little teapot-shaped chalkboard
by the kitchen sink?
 25.

NORA (CONT.) JULIE

“I can do all things through Christ who “I can do all things through Christ who
strengthens me.” strengthens me.”

ETHEL
What?

JULIE
Scripture.

ETHEL
Oh. Shocking.

NORA
Well more and more these days I find myself wondering: does that verse apply to romantic
entanglements?
Like when Paul says “all things—”

Ethel rips a Bioré pore strip off her nose—

ETHEL
OW, damn! Why do I keep doing this to myself—

NORA
Could I, say, nudge an unhappily married couple towards divorce, through Christ who
strengthens me?

Ethel shines light on the pore strip—

ETHEL
Oh this is why.

NORA
Cause Mom... this guy is my / soulmate—

ETHEL
That scum was literally inside me—

NORA
And the circumstances, yes, are extremely unfortunate, / but—

ETHEL
Julie come look at this pore strip—
 26.

NORA
Like is the God you taught me to believe in, really such a sadist that He’d light up my
whole life with this Purcell fanatic, whose poems feel like they came from my own heart
and who, teaches writing workshops to inmates and, makes me feel more understood and
more alive and safe and cherished than I ever have—just to waste him on some dumb-
dumb, with no vision??

ETHEL
Despicable stuff here...

NORA
On the other hand.
What is God, if not a sadist...
This is obviously, truly nothing, in the grand scheme, so.
Why is it killing me.
What do I do.

Julie rubs her forehead.

NORA (CONT.)
Anyways, I know I can’t reverse the past, but.
Mom I’d really love to know your thoughts on this...
Or on anything, really...

Julie joins Ethel getting ready for bed—

NORA (CONT.)
I hope you and Ethel’re, livin out some kinda... PG-13-rated lesbian rom-com, in the
mountains by now...
I hope you feel self-actualized, and happy, and surrounded by love.
Forgive me for everything.
Nora.

ETHEL
...So I got a hold’uh that show Designing Women.

JULIE
Really?

ETHEL
You weren’t lying about how good it is.
 27.

JULIE
I never lie.

ETHEL
I mean, I was skeptical, but.
Interior design firm, in the South’s a pretty top-shelf sitcom premise, / I gotta say—

JULIE
You think they’d like what I’ve done with the cabin—?

ETHEL
Well. Might not be tacky enough for them, / but—

JULIE
That show is very late-eighties, / it’s true—

ETHEL
But those ladies make Atlanta look pretty fun—

JULIE
Oh Ethel it was such a fun city—

ETHEL
I bet—

JULIE
Thanks for checkin out my cultural heritage—!

ETHEL
No, / please—

JULIE
S’real thoughtful of you, I appreciate / that—

ETHEL
You deserve it.

Julie smiles.

ETHEL (CONT.)
...So um.
Ready for bed?

JULIE
Always.
 28.

Julie goes to her own bed, to Ethel’s resigned chagrin.

JULIE (CONT.)
[sotto; praying] “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, for when she stands the
test she will receive the crown of life.”

ETHEL
...Music?

JULIE
Sure.

ETHEL
[“usual”] The uszhe?

JULIE
Wouldn’t be bedtime without it.

Ethel puts on Madonna’s “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”

from Evita and turns out the lights.

JULIE
Night-night Ethel. Sweet dreams and god bless ya...

It won’t be easy, you’ll think it’s strange...

...Is Julie asleep yet?

Ethel rummages for something in the dark.

Click, buzzzz, a quiet sigh.

Buzz, buzz.

Buzz-buzz-buzz—

JULIE (CONT.)
Ethel?

ETHEL
What.

JULIE
Did you hear that?
 29.

ETHEL
No, I was asleep.

JULIE
I keep hearin this—

She turns off the music, turns the light back on—

JULIE (CONT.)
Like this weird buzzing sound every night—

ETHEL
Alright—

JULIE
Probly an a-flat—?

ETHEL
I, / wouldn’t know—

JULIE
I used to think it was somethin with the speaker but it goes on all night sometimes—

ETHEL
/ Yeah—

JULIE
Like maybe five, seven minutes at a time, every hour / or so—

ETHEL
Probly not every hour—

JULIE
And last night it was like, two hours straight, s’the weirdest thing—

ETHEL
Okay Julie no need to be passive-aggressive, I get the message.

JULIE
Huh?

ETHEL
Forgive me for being human.

JULIE
I / wasn’t—?
 30.

ETHEL
I mean trust me, if I could just get there manually, I would, / but—

JULIE
So—?

ETHEL
I always try to muffle it with a pillow and I figured with the / music—

JULIE
Wait, so... you’re makin the noise?

ETHEL
What did you...?

JULIE
Huh?

ETHEL
...It’s a vibrator, Julie.

JULIE
...Oh.

ETHEL
Sorry—

JULIE
Oh! No, that’s, I’m fine with that—

ETHEL
I know it’s annoying—

JULIE
No, I completely / um—

ETHEL
You’re judging me right now, I can feel / it—

JULIE
Ethel. It’s fine.
We all, you know.
We all have our kinks.

ETHEL
...A vibrator’s not really a kink.
 31.

JULIE
Well I didn’t mean / it like—

ETHEL
Have you never used one?
...Oh my / god—

JULIE
I believe I did um. I did own one briefly, for a couple hours—

ETHEL
You are such a mythical creature—

JULIE
Our wild cousin Beatrice gave me one for my twenty-fifth birthday, so.
That was embarrassing—

ETHEL
Ha!

JULIE
I think I just gave it back to her—

ETHEL
Was it one of those old / kinda—

JULIE
It looked like one of those sorta conical-cylindrical, electric mixer-type / things—

ETHEL
Yeah I’ve seen those. Probably plugged into the wall?

JULIE
I don’t remember—

ETHEL
It probably did, yeah...
Well they’ve come a long way since then.
My current one’s like a lipstick container, batteries, / easy—

JULIE
Very cool—!

ETHEL
I mean we can... I won’t say “share,” but. You know. You’re welcome to—
 32.

JULIE
Oh—

ETHEL
Borrow / or try—

JULIE
Aw, no that’s—

ETHEL
I can always disinfect—

JULIE
That’s / okay—

ETHEL
This could be a new chapter. “A new Argentina—”

JULIE
That’s okay Ethel.
Thank you so much.

ETHEL
...Alright, well.
Just tryna... be a good, roommate—

JULIE
No, yeah I love it, love the gesture...
Free free to resume—

ETHEL
Nah...

JULIE
...Hey do you think, if my daughter got a vibrator she’d stop, drinkin her face off and
sleepin with men who don’t love her?

ETHEL
That’s not how vibrators work, Julie.

JULIE
She was the prettiest child. Inside and out...
And I told her so.
 33.

ETHEL
Well she’s still somewhat attractive on Facebook, if that / helps—

JULIE
I’ll never be on / Facebook—

ETHEL
I know, I’m just / sayin—

JULIE
Ethel that’s a drunk I raised.
My one child, my daughter’s a drunk...
I can just see her, tearin through those Idaho cornfields in that, broke-down Ford Fiesta—

ETHEL
Well thank God the court took her license away—

JULIE
You know she’s thirty-two-and-a-half years old—?

ETHEL
S’not that old—

JULIE
Old enough to be destroyed.

ETHEL
?

JULIE
Eva Peron died at thirty-three. Much like Jesus.

ETHEL
Jesus was killed for his morals though.
Nora has none’uh / those—

JULIE
Wonder how old Dido was.

ETHEL
Who?

JULIE
This brilliant queen who entertained a man until it killed her.
 34.

ETHEL
Doesn’t sound brilliant to me—

JULIE
Well—

ETHEL
Sounds like a dumb-dumb—

JULIE
Possible I just, exposed Nora to that tale too young—

ETHEL
/ Psh—

JULIE
I conducted a coupla pieces, from an opera / about it—

ETHEL
Don’t tell me you’re blaming Nora’s problems on your parenting / now—

JULIE
I mean sometimes I think I was Mother of the Year, and she was just, always go’ be
delinquent, / but—

ETHEL
That’s my / impression—

JULIE
I did make mistakes—let her watch all kindsa TV growin up, eat junk all the time,
McDonalds after church—favorite food was cake batter—

ETHEL
What’s that / have to— ?

JULIE
Lifelong habit of fillin her body with garbage, / don’t know why I’m surprised—

ETHEL
You’re from Georgia Julie, that’s how people eat in red states—

JULIE
Well I shoulda stressed health and wellness—
 35.

ETHEL
/ Eh—

JULIE
I had three laws I enforced, just, make straight A’s and don’t have sex and go to church—

ETHEL
Wait—you told her don’t have sex?

JULIE
Mm-hm—

ETHEL
That’s why she’s so trampy—

JULIE
Yeah—

ETHEL
Alright, mystery / solved—

JULIE
I was just so scared she’d end up like Monica Lewinsky...
But. I guess that’s exactly what happened.
Monica Lewinsky plus substance abuse. Equals my daughter...

ETHEL
I always liked Monica Lewinsky—

JULIE
I mean I like her fine, / but—

ETHEL
She had to be a genius, to work in the White House / that young—

JULIE
Which, just made her an appealing conquest, to a high-end scoundrel—

ETHEL
Well—

JULIE
I bet her mamma wakes up everyday and wishes she’d’uh raised that child a simpleton...
 36.

ETHEL
You know I read somewhere Monica’s doin okay these days?

JULIE
For real?

ETHEL
Mm-hm.

JULIE
Mm.
Then Nora truly has no excuse, if Monica’s recovered. / Lord knows—

ETHEL
[sotto] Alright... Judge Julie...

JULIE
Scuse me?

ETHEL
Just, you know—

JULIE
No I don’t, enlighten / me—

ETHEL
I mean all this analysis, regret, / pity, self-pity—

JULIE
What’s wrong with analysis—

ETHEL
Goes in circles. One minute it’s your fault, next minute it’s Nora’s—

JULIE
I’m / just—

ETHEL
Somebody’s always guilty, somebody’s dyin’uh heartbreak, / uh—

JULIE
Okay—
 37.

ETHEL
Churchy-church church drama drama / Jesus—

JULIE
Alright Ethel I get / it—

ETHEL
Oh I’m sorry am I killin your boner right now?? Cause mine never stood a chance.
In this, echo chamber of anxiety, / and rumination—

JULIE
Well I’m sorry to kill your / erection—

ETHEL
I mean you know I’ll listen to your worry spirals til the end of time, cause I find you
enchanting, / but—

JULIE
Stop, bein / weird please—

ETHEL
Has it not been established, you’ve done everything you can for her?
There is no going back, after what happened, / is that not—?

JULIE
I’m still go’ think about her, / I love her—

ETHEL
Around the clock—?

JULIE
I’m her / mama—

ETHEL
You shouldn’t even bother with those emails, / shut that down—

JULIE
I don’t answer / em—

ETHEL
But she contacts you, it reinforces this telepathy y’all have—

JULIE
And I think that makes her feel better, / which—
 38.

ETHEL
Yeah, so does alcohol. So does whatever man’s takin her for a ride—she goes on a binge,
then she checks in with you, nothing changes, she does it all over again.
Day after day after day after year after year.
The checking in—it’s not only embarrassing, that you keep an AOL address, it’s part’uh
the pattern.
You’re part’uh the problem, / Julie—

JULIE
Every child needs a mother.
And she almost didn’t have one. I went out and I chose that job.
Now I can’t change what happened, she and I will never be bosom buddies, but I can do
whatever I damn desire with that AOL address, and my telepathic worry.
Those’re cords I am not willin to cut.

ETHEL
...Alright—

JULIE
You have a kid—

ETHEL
Yup—

JULIE
You know what that bond’s like...

ETHEL
I do.
...Just wish you’d, get into yoga or somethin.

JULIE
I’m sorry to harp so much—

ETHEL
You don’t need to be sorry...
Lord knows y’all’ve had a hard time.

JULIE
Ha. Sound like you from Georgia now.

They tuck themselves into their beds.

 39.

JULIE (CONT.)
...I am sorry / though—

ETHEL
[punchy] Julie you can tell me you’re sorry if... I’on’t know maybe one day you’re biting
my nipple too hard er somethin, / that’s the only—

JULIE
Huh? What’d you—?

ETHEL
Nothing.
Don’t let me say y’all anymore.

Ethel kills the light. Turns on the music:

All you will see is a girl you once knew...

JULIE (CONT.)
...I can’t believe you touch yourself to the Evita soundtrack—

ETHEL
Oh shut the fuck up Julie.

They listen for a moment.

JULIE
Maybe I will borrow that vibrator.

SCENE 3

Michael’s condo, 6pm.

CRYSTAL enters, sees Nora passed out—

CRYSTAL
WhuhOH my god—!!

NORA
Whuh, / huh—?

CRYSTAL
Do I know you??
 40.

NORA
Shh, sh sh sh—

CRYSTAL
BITCH.
WAKE UP.

NORA
Hey, hi—
Oh my god, woah—

CRYSTAL
Who / are—?

NORA
Listen, I am so sorry Crystal, I was / sposed to—

CRYSTAL
How do you know my name??

NORA
[perplexed; gently] Crystal... I’m Nora.
So...
Yeah. That’s um. That’s me...
I know, I look better on / Facebook—

CRYSTAL
DON’T move—

NORA
But, you’ve heard / about—?

CRYSTAL
I’ve heard of one person named Nora in my entire life and it was Nora Zeale Hurston, in
high school. And she’s no longer with us—is that / wine—?

NORA
Zora Neale. Hurston.
...You said Nora Zeale.
Initials were. / Backwards—

Crystal kicks the trashcan, picks up the wine bottle—

 41.

CRYSTAL
The fuck’re you / doing here—??

NORA
Michael said I could—!!

CRYSTAL
WHY, / how do you—

NORA
Well. He and I, um. I mean...
Yeah, we’re...
God how do I say / this—

CRYSTAL
On the count of three I will fuck up / your face—

NORA
Michael’s my colleague, we’re colleagues, we work together—

CRYSTAL
You’re a / professor—?

NORA
Yeah he um, saw me having a breakdown today / in the library—

CRYSTAL
Michael goes to jail on Wednesdays / noon to nine—

NORA
Exactly prison, prison library—

Nora searches frantically for her purse—

NORA (CONT.)
He was like Nora you’re snotting all over the place, these convicts need to focus on their
poems—he was like take my key, take a breather at my place—

CRYSTAL
What’s wrong with your place—

NORA
My boyfriend’s abusive.
[sotto] What??
 42.

CRYSTAL
Oh my / GOD—

NORA
Goddammit, yeah my boyfriend, live-in, partner-person—it’s... it’s known around town,
Michael was like don’t go home to, Andrew, I’ll text my wife / a heads-up—

CRYSTAL
He sucks at texting—

NORA
What, that shocks me—PURSE, / there you are—

CRYSTAL
You need to sit the fuck down—

NORA
I / hafta—

CRYSTAL
Bitch you sit the fuck down on that couch or I will straight-up call the cops on your drunk
ass—

NORA
Please / don’t—

CRYSTAL
Cause I would rather you be in jail. Than go home to that monster.

NORA
...Oh—

CRYSTAL
You do NOT go back home if your boo is abusive.

NORA
I can just, stay with a friend—

Crystal takes Nora’s purse—

CRYSTAL
I’M your friend, we’re best friends now.
Cause no one knows more than Crystal. About domestic abuse.
 43.

NORA
Does Michael hit you?

CRYSTAL
No but it was always my platform. When I did pageants. / Every time—

NORA
Oh, right—I mean, you did / pageants—?

CRYSTAL
I was runner up for Miss Idaho in 2009—

NORA
What a cool surprise—!

CRYSTAL
And I would be the world’s biggest hypocrite, if I let you go home to your boyfriend and
get punched in the face like one in four women in this country.
Now what’s your favorite beverage.

NORA
Oh, I don’t wanna drink y’all outta house / and home—

CRYSTAL
Did you not hear my / question—

NORA
Uh, lemme / think—

CRYSTAL
Rum—

NORA
Yes ma’am.

Crystal pours rum. They drink for the rest of the scene:

CRYSTAL
Play with my nail shit.

NORA
...I’m so sorry, I already used your nail / polish—
 44.

CRYSTAL
You need to revise that sentence, so there’s no apology.
Cause this is a safe space for you.

NORA
...I used your nail / polish—

CRYSTAL
Did you also use my dope-ass forty-five-dollar cuticle scissors?

NORA
No, / but—

CRYSTAL
Yeah I could tell—

NORA
They are dope though, / I noticed those—

CRYSTAL
Did you use my gel topcoat? And my nail tattoos?

NORA
Are these, Chinese characters—?

CRYSTAL
Yeah, just put em on like stickers. On your nails.
Put em on—

NORA
Okay—

CRYSTAL
Look I know it’s really hard for you to trust me right now.
You’re like Crystal you don’t know me, you’re like married, you’ve / got every—

NORA
Fully married?

CRYSTAL
Yeah, / but—

NORA
You’re not separated—?
 45.

CRYSTAL
No—

NORA
Rough patch, / betrayal—?

CRYSTAL
Uh-uh, nope we’re on solid / ground—

NORA
I hate you, / [smacks herself in the face]—

CRYSTAL
And that’s totally normal right now but I will tell you to your face that we have more in
common than you think.
Cause when it comes to relationships we all have our shit to work out.
Literally, every love is a battlefield. If there’s a man involved.

NORA
Is your love a battlefield?

CRYSTAL
Only difference is? Your bruises are visible—

NORA
Where—?

CRYSTAL
Actually no your make-up’s really / good—

NORA
So Michael’s a bad partner—?

CRYSTAL
Does he have a dick?

NORA
How should I know?

CRYSTAL
Michael’s a complete piece’uh shit like forty-three percent of the time.

NORA
...It would really help me heal, to know more about that.
 46.

CRYSTAL
I can’t open up if you don’t.

NORA
...Sometimes I think... if I just, cover the bruises...

CRYSTAL
Mm. / Classic—

NORA
[sotto] I’m going to / hell—

CRYSTAL
Have you taken any steps to fix your life—

NORA
I’ve um. Signed up for a lotta like. Empowering, meditation emails, / um—

CRYSTAL
Do you go to a crisis center?

NORA
I need to. So / do you and Michael—?

CRYSTAL
The one is Boise is really good.

NORA
Oo—!!

CRYSTAL
Yeah really good counselors there, refreshments—

NORA
Done—

CRYSTAL
I did the ribbon cutting—

NORA
Cool, so what’re your thoughts / on divorce—?

CRYSTAL
Why do you think you’re unlovable.
 47.

NORA
...Um. That’s, irrelevant—

CRYSTAL
Why.

NORA
I mean. Course I’m... objectively lovable, like in theory, I think I’m...
I should be, very lovable, for my attributes—

CRYSTAL
Say more.

NORA
...Sparkling wit—

CRYSTAL
Kay—

NORA
PhD—

CRYSTAL
Fuck yeah / girl—

NORA
Lioness face, uh. Flexible.
Talks / to animals—

CRYSTAL
Okay, Nora... you would seriously shine / at that crisis center—

NORA
I mean sure like in a movie, or a sitcom or an opera I’d be extremely lovable, that’s always
been clear / to me—

CRYSTAL
So why not in real life—?

NORA
Cause who cares what I think / in real life—

CRYSTAL
You should care what / you think—
 48.

NORA
Crystal call me a hopeless romantic but I’m tryna lock down a partner, in this sexist fuckin
hellscape of a universe—

CRYSTAL
Then you need self-esteem, so men find you attractive—

NORA
/ No duh—

CRYSTAL
And you need to cut ties with that scumbag, put yourself out there again, / play the field—

NORA
[Eats a gun, shoots herself] ppwwwwFFRRR, brains on the / wall—

CRYSTAL
Bitch why’d you get brains on my wall—??

NORA
Cause I don’t wanna be a blow-up doll!!

CRYSTAL
...Oh you mean / dating—?

NORA
I did that fifteen years already!

CRYSTAL
Well, / yeah, but—

NORA
They tell you they love you, they tell you you’re one-of-a-kind and you tell em okay you
can come on my face cause they like it in porn then they do and they leave you, / that’s
dating—

CRYSTAL
Yeah but, just because guys see you as a blow-up doll that doesn’t mean you hafta see
yourself / that way—

NORA
That’s a beautiful thought, Crystal? But it’s hippy shit—
 49.

CRYSTAL
Do I look like a hippy to you? Plus I’d rather... uh—

NORA
What.

CRYSTAL
I was gonna say I’d rather be a blow-up doll than a punching bag, but um.
I’d actually, hafta think / about that one—

NORA
Well I should clarify, my current situation—I’m not really a “punching bag,” / that’s not—

CRYSTAL
So why’d you black out on my couch.

NORA
... / Sleepy—

CRYSTAL
Why’re you sneakin around. Why do you look like a hobo, after a barfight.
This is not the Wednesday of a woman in a healthy / place—

NORA
Alright fine it’s killing me, it’s a nightmare but I’m a human with needs and I love being
near him, I can’t cradle myself / in my own arms—

CRYSTAL
Yes you literally can, it’s an actual art they invented in Denmark, it’s trending / now—

NORA
Huh, what—?

CRYSTAL
Snuggling alone, there’s an article I send all my crisis girls, / what’s your email—

NORA
I already know how to masturbate—

CRYSTAL
No it’s deeper than that, it’s like a miracle / cure—

NORA
Uh-uh no, no thanks, reeks of solitude—
 50.

CRYSTAL
Everyone ends up alone—

NORA
Not everyone—

CRYSTAL
Are you a straight man, who can get a girlfriend at like seventy and die in her arms?
...As a straight woman, living in a time, when just numerically there aren’t enough men
who aren’t rapists and deadbeats to go around.
And the men who aren’t rapists—

NORA
Think / they’re Mother Teresa—

CRYSTAL
Know they’re in high demand, and have all the power. And abuse it.
You hafta feel decent, alone in your bed. Period.

NORA
...I can’t do / that—

CRYSTAL
Your life depends / on it—

NORA
I’m telling you, that chip in my brain, / doesn’t work—

CRYSTAL
How is that possible—

NORA
Cause God hates me, he’s tryna kill me.

Nora tries to focus on her nails.

Crystal plays with Nora’s hair.

CRYSTAL
...You know Nora.
I once knew a girl who wrote God Hates Me in her science notebook.

NORA
...One’uh your students—?
 51.

CRYSTAL
No my students’re five. This girl was fifteen.
...I only bring it up cause, much like yourself she felt worthless, and desperate for love.
From people who didn’t deserve it...
Thought she’d never feel better...
Started, acting out, in self-destructive ways...

Nora looks at her.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
Wanna know what her name is?

NORA
...Was it / Crystal—?

CRYSTAL
Wanna know I wrote that?

NORA
Course I / do—

CRYSTAL
So, in high school I got legit expelled at one point.
For slapping someone.
...For slapping them.
...It was a slap, I just slapped someone.
...That’s all / it was—

NORA
Just a slap—

CRYSTAL
It was literally just a slap.
And I would slap the bitch again cause she made fun of my mom cause my mom’s gay—

NORA
Love that—

CRYSTAL
Yeah my mom is so fuckin crown Nora / you have no idea—

NORA
Oh I’m sure, my mom’s a crown. I mean a gay—

CRYSTAL
Are you serious—?
 52.

NORA
I’on’t know, probly—

They high-five—

CRYSTAL
Well we all know lesbians are fly as hell but back then I was basically shunned—

NORA
Being. Shunned. / Suuuuuucks—

CRYSTAL
And I’m not saying this disrespectfully AT ALL but when you get expelled and come back
the next year everyone treats you like you’re retarded.
Literally they put you in special needs and all your former friends and crushes and ex-
boyfriends call you Corky.
After that old fuckin show, with the family, and the brother / has Down Syn—

NORA
OHHHH Corky from Life Goes On—

CRYSTAL
Yeah that’s what they called me.
Which props to Corky, it’s awesome he was on a show, / but—

NORA
You’re not him—

CRYSTAL
Thank you, but so that year I would just, like cuss people out all the time and get kicked
outta class and like, step on people’s feet really hard, pretend it was an accident and stuff—

NORA
Sure—

CRYSTAL
Til one day my mom who’s like my life coach and my relationship coach was like why’re
still doing this shit Crystal, you’re gonna get expelled again—I go Mom all my old friends
at school think I’m retarded and thanks to you everyone still calls me a dyke—

NORA
How’d she fix it—?

CRYSTAL
 53.

She goes Crystal I did NOT raise you to be rude bitch who has low self-esteem and
behavioral problems—

NORA
I need a kick in the pants / like that—

CRYSTAL
She was like you’re giving em exactly what they want, by acting out your own worst fears
about yourself—so put some blinders on, forget about those fuckers and just choose how
you wanna be in this life, make yourself into that person—

NORA
/ Hunh—

CRYSTAL
She goes literally decide right now what you wanna be on the count’uh three Crystal one
two three—I go Miss / Universe—!!

NORA
Miss Idaho—Universe—!!

CRYSTAL
She was like get in the car, Carol’s gonna buy you dresses, which Carol didn’t last long
but she was rich as fuck, and they signed me up for this rinky-dink pageant that was three
days away.

NORA
And that’s how it all started—

CRYSTAL
Just me who’s like, Bad Bad LeRoy Crystal, and Mom who’s worked in food and bev and
retail her whole life and Carol who’s a psychopath.
And guess who won Miss Greater Boise—

NORA
Crown—

CRYSTAL
And that’s when I realized:
God doesn’t want me to need people’s love.
God wants me to focus on myself and basically dominate the fuck out of everyone.
 54.

NORA
...I don’t know / if that’s—

CRYSTAL
Nora that is our job, as gifted women, with good hearts.
Cause otherwise the fuckin frauds and users and abusers run the world, and everybody’s
linin up to suck their dicks. From desperation.
...Is that not a hundred percent / true—

NORA
No that sounds / about right—

CRYSTAL
And I am SO grateful, to those kids in tenth grade who made me wanna kill myself cause
now I can carry this message to my crisis girls, AND my kindergarten girls til I depart this
earth—

NORA
You are Miss / Universe—

CRYSTAL
And the best part is, once you start being your best you?
Everyone’s obsessed, the love takes care of itself.

NORA
...So I just hafta, say what I wanna / be, and—?

CRYSTAL
Count’uh three Nora one two three / what do you—?

NORA
Married I wanna be married—!

CRYSTAL
No it has to be about you, / only—

NORA
Lesbian—!

CRYSTAL
That, still / involves—

NORA
Go back in time be a kid again—!
 55.

CRYSTAL
Okay this game is a weakness for you—

Crystal sees a pillow out of place—

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
This doesn’t live / here—?

NORA
Hey d’you ever watch Designing Women?! Sitcom?!

Nora scratches at her DNA on the pillow, tries to distract

Crystal—

CRYSTAL
No, from like the eighties—?

NORA
It’s about decorators—!

CRYSTAL
Cool—!

NORA
Yeah this one character Julia does pageants—!

CRYSTAL
Why’re you / scratching my pillow—

NORA
Or not Julia, it’s Suzanne, Suzanne does pageants. Julia’s the intellectual—

CRYSTAL
Aw, like you—!

NORA
Huh?

CRYSTAL
You’re an intellectual, / I do pageants—

NORA
OH MY GOD WE’RE JUST LIKE THEM—!!

Nora tosses the pillow out of view—

 56.

CRYSTAL
Just FYI though intellectually Crystal does read, Crystal just finished reading her mom’s
favorite book which is the autobiography of Pat Benetar, it’s called Between a Heart and a
Rock Place.

NORA
...Crystal you don’t hafta believe me but I swear to Christ I’ve read that book three times—

CRYSTAL
I mean that makes sense, you’re an English professor.

NORA
Well I’m actually in Music Department—

CRYSTAL
But, you do Poetry for / Prisoners—?

NORA
Oh! Yeah—P4P is a pastime, for me... I like... I like to help / them—

CRYSTAL
I’m gonna make you cupcakes and you’re gonna lick the bowl.

NORA
What is this, the afterlife?

Crystal mixes batter:

CRYSTAL
So what do you “work on,” as Michael likes to say.
Like Michael works on narrative poems from diasporas—

NORA
Oh, / right—

CRYSTAL
And writes, fuckin nonsense poetry that I hate—

NORA
You do—?

CRYSTAL
Such a time suck, I’m like this is why we’ve put off having children, this bullshit—?
 57.

NORA
You tell him / that—?

CRYSTAL
No cause I want his dick to work. And his mom tells him so he knows—

NORA
Right—

CRYSTAL
Hey what’s that thing in France where they cut off your head—?

NORA
Guillotine—?

CRYSTAL
Yeah his mom needs to be in a guillotine but she’s right about his poems—

NORA
Should I start, / hating his poems—?

CRYSTAL
Although, if he gets the Rome Prize it’ll be worth it, I need to live abroad at some point—

NORA
But, / wait—

CRYSTAL
For the Rome Prize you can take spouses—

NORA
No you can’t—

CRYSTAL
Yeah you can I called them, they’re in my phone—

NORA
The Rome Prize / people—?

CRYSTAL
They’re obsessed / with me—
 58.

NORA
But winners don’t always—winners don’t hafta take spouses, / they have a choice, as to
whom—

CRYSTAL
If Michael moved to Rome without me I would ruin his life / and he knows that—

NORA
But—but wouldn’t you hate not speaking / the lang—?

CRYSTAL
Plus io sto imparando italiano perche voglio parlare con la gente more or less fluently by
the time we get there.

NORA
...When does that short list come out—?

CRYSTAL
It was sposed to be February 15th. So. Could be any day now.

NORA
...Alright.
[sotto] Fasten yer seatbelts, / ladies—

CRYSTAL
You never told me what you study.

NORA
Oh. Baroque opera.

Crystal goes insane—

NORA (CONT.)
What!? What’re / you—?

CRYSTAL
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?
...I SANG BAROQUE OPERA.
For talent, the year I was runner up—!

NORA
You sing—?

CRYSTAL
Yeah I had do something hard for state so Mom got me voice lessons for like a year and I
did this thing Dido’s Lament?
 59.

NORA
...Unnnnnggh—

CRYSTAL
I KNOW, you know Michael loves it too, so—

NORA
No—

CRYSTAL
Oh he’s always loved it, this was way back when we were just like, hooking up every
Christmas / or whatever—

NORA
I wanna hook up on Christmas—

CRYSTAL
Yeah his parents go to my church it was hot, but I go what should I do for Miss Idaho and
he was like you should do this song where this woman is killing herself over this man.
So of course you know me Nora, I was like FUCK no.
But then he played it for me and I was hypnotized, I was like I have to do this one...
Which turns out it’s standard pageant repertoire, / so—

NORA
I could see / that—

CRYSTAL
And he came to Miss Idaho and brought me flowers and said all these incredible things...
Which that’s what you gotta hold out for, you’ll be like finally, this fuckin dork’s gonna be
my best friend for life, DONE.
So yeah, it’s really weird but that’s actually kind of our song—

NORA
Yeah that is weird. That’s like... not an / appropriate... song—

CRYSTAL
[singing] When I am laid—

NORA
Shut up—

CRYSTAL
[singing] Am / laid in earth...

NORA
[singing] Laid in earth...
 60.

CRYSTAL
[singing] May my wrongs create, / no trouble—

NORA
It’s may my wounds / create—

CRYSTAL
[singing] No trouble, / no trouble in thy breast—

NORA
You should be flipping the r’s. And it’s may my wounds.

CRYSTAL
No it’s may my wrongs—

NORA
CRYSTAL I’M AN EXPERT IN THIS, it’s may my wounds / create—

CRYSTAL
Well my sheet music said wrongs and I would swear that / to anyone’s face—

NORA
I mean it’s possible your sheet music was based on a corrupted manuscript but what she’s
saying is after I kill myself over your stupid ass I’m gonna look disgusting and mutilated
through no fault of my own from my wounds so just think of me / when I was hot—

CRYSTAL
No—no no no she’s not talkin to Aeneas, she’s talkin to Belinda, she’s like don’t
remember all the things I did wrong, I did terrible / things—

NORA
NOOOOOO—

CRYSTAL
SHE DID / BOO—!!

NORA
DIDO WAS A VICTIM OF THE TREACHERY / OF MEN—

CRYSTAL
THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE—

NORA
/ SHHH—!!!!
 61.

CRYSTAL
NORA I WOULD RIDE ER DIE FOR DIDO, I would take a bullet for her, I owe that
bitch my runner-up title but in the end she gave up her crown and abandoned her calling
and her people for this fuckin homeless Trojan guy who fucked her in a cave.

NORA
...You think that’s all it was?

CRYSTAL
I know right? This queen, who runs a continent is just, like a fuckin activity / for that guy—

NORA
Just a, sparkling / wit—

CRYSTAL
Just a pretty face. And warm wet hole...
And if you read the actual ancient story it is so fuckin sad because he tells her everything
she needs to hear to make her think he’s different...
She’s like we should get married! He’s like haha, okay!

Nora has to sit down.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
Ultimately it’s on her though, it’s her life...

Crystal puts cupcakes in the oven.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
Shoulda learned to snuggle alone...
And when she let herself down she let down the whole world cause that motherfucker
went on to found Rome.

Gives Nora the bowl of batter.

NORA
How big is your oven—

CRYSTAL
Huh?

NORA
Like would my head fit / in there—
 62.

CRYSTAL
Are you okay—?

NORA
Sorry I’m just, feelin myself, slip into um, kind of a, negative, / hopeless—

CRYSTAL
Oh, fuck—sorry I triggered your boyfriend / stuff—

NORA
S’just, one’uh my dark spells, s’just, lotta... screaming pain, uh...
My skin is being flayed—

CRYSTAL
Oh, no—

NORA
S’just happens, / sometimes—

CRYSTAL
Can I get you / any—

NORA
Shh, lower, volume / Crystal—

CRYSTAL
So sorry—

NORA
No, I just need to just... mindfulness...

Eyes closed, Nora tries to deep-breathe through the pain.

Crystal finds her tiara, tries to crown Nora.

NORA (CONT.)
I don’t deserve it—

CRYSTAL
You’re beautiful Nora—

NORA
Only on the outside.

Nora drinks rum and eats batter as Crystal crowns herself.

 63.

CRYSTAL
Alright I’m just gonna, put this on for now, just to de-stress, but. Soon as you want it.

NORA
...You deserve the world, Crystal—

CRYSTAL
Thanks.
I should NOT be drinking like this though, if I want this baby—

Nora spits rum, explodes—

NORA
WHAT—!?

CRYSTAL
DON’T freak out, I’m not pregnant—

NORA
OH—!!

CRYSTAL
YET—

NORA
YAGH—!?

CRYSTAL
Just tryna manifest it, / through my words—

NORA
So—so y’all’re, tryna conceive?? / Through sex—??

CRYSTAL
I mean I am—

NORA
DON’T. DO IT CRYSTAL—

CRYSTAL
WHY—?

NORA
All those—the Trojans—!?
 64.

CRYSTAL
Huh—?

NORA
USE EM—!!

CRYSTAL
Condoms?

NORA
...That I saw in the / bathroom—!!

CRYSTAL
Oh—yeah I mean they’re good if you’re in the mood for like, easy clean-up or whatever
but I usually get out of it. Cause I need to get pregnant like yesterday.
And he knows I will smack him if he tries to pull out—

NORA
That’s a crime / Crystal—

CRYSTAL
Um, what’s really a crime is my mom has stage-four lung cancer, did I tell you that—?

NORA
Yeah, but—no I already knew—

CRYSTAL
Oh, / did Michael—?

NORA
Or no, you just told me just / now—

CRYSTAL
Well I’ve mostly made my peace with it but that bitch DESERVES grandkids and I will tell
that to anyone’s face.
I mean she’s already unconscious, she could die any second but I’m like determined to give
her that news, while her heart’s still beating...

NORA
That’s, the dream—

CRYSTAL
Her legs are dark blue...
That’s where I was today, that’s why I was so aggro.
 65.

Nora nods, takes Crystal’s hand.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
So guess what Michael I WILL be getting pregnant in the next couple weeks be it with
your consent or I’ll fuckin trick you, I don’t care.

Crystal takes a selfie with Nora—

NORA
What’re / you—?

CRYSTAL
Can I Instagram this, it cheers me up—

NORA
Honestly at this point s’like why the fuck not—

Crystal posts the photo.

CRYSTAL
Here look at my mom on my phone, when she had hair, there’s a whole album—

Nora looks through pictures on Crystal’s phone—

NORA
Woah, some’uh these I hadn’t, even / seen before—

CRYSTAL
This guy tried to hold up Arby’s where she worked and she was just like, come on man,
and he was like you’re right, and went away.
They were like you need to manage three different Arby’s—

NORA
Think she / would like me—?

CRYSTAL
And this deejay, who judged one’uh my pageants was like your mom needs to call into my
show and talk about oldies on Fridays and she was like I will if they pay me.
And she taught herself guitar—

NORA
Musical / moms—
 66.

CRYSTAL
I will never be that cool. / Which, I’m totally fine with—

NORA
Hey—hey listen, you need to know: your mom may be unconscious??
But she is SO fuckin proud’uh you—

CRYSTAL
Aw, / thanks—

NORA
NO!! I’m bein real with you Crystal. Cause you DO have a soul, and maybe even some
depth and you inspired me so much today, and saved my life—

CRYSTAL
Really—?

NORA
And you’re the only one, I don’t have anyone / else—

CRYSTAL
What about your mom—?

NORA
Estranged!!

CRYSTAL
Well you need to rectify that. / For your own sake—

NORA
I try—I try so hard, s’all I do—I have a whole list’uh questions, / to ask her—

CRYSTAL
Have you told her you’re at your rock bottom—?

NORA
She probly / knows—

CRYSTAL
Have you explicitly, straight-up demanded, to hang out with her and make up for lost time
and be real adult girlfriends, who help each other grow—?

NORA
S’just, not us / though—
 67.

CRYSTAL
Nora you have the power to manifest that—

NORA
/ I do—?

CRYSTAL
Soon as you leave my presence, that is your treatment / plan—

NORA
She thinks I’m Monica Lewinksy—

CRYSTAL
Then tell her thanks Mom Monica Lewinksy’s TED Talk is my favorite / TED Talk—

NORA
Crystal we all love that TED Talk but Julie doesn’t watch that stuff cause she’s set in her
ways and I’m scared—

CRYSTAL
Which I hear that, I respect that but I don’t give a fuck.
Cause we made some good progress today but I can only do so much, as your counselor—

NORA
S’true—

CRYSTAL
I’ve seen TOO many girls without family support just leave what they learn at the center,
go back to old patterns—

NORA
That is such a risk / with me—

CRYSTAL
And I won’t say your problems with Andrew can’t, maybe one day be resolved, / with—

NORA
[Gasps]—!!

CRYSTAL
Like several years of separation, and the most intense possible therapy on all sides, / but—

NORA
Whatever / it takes—
 68.

CRYSTAL
If there’s even a chance’uh that happening you hafta be brave and take space, for healing, /
start living for you—

NORA
I need to be in a safe space with lesbians, / yeah—

CRYSTAL
Okay but, member lesbians aren’t magic creatures there to help straight women love
themselves, / they hate that—

NORA
Course not, no I’d / never—

CRYSTAL
That’s my mom’s pet / peeve—

NORA
But it’s not just for me Crystal—I’ll help Mama love herself too, she’s so bitter / and sad—

CRYSTAL
You’re both gonna feel / so much better—

NORA
We’re gonna feel so much better—cause deep down? Me and Julie??
Best friends, always. Snuggle buddies. / Ride er die—

CRYSTAL
Oh! That reminds me.
Can I use this—?

NORA
Yeah—

CRYSTAL
I wanna find you that article on um, / snuggling alone—

NORA
Meg Ryan’s face? Snuggling alone...

Crystal opens the cover of Nora’s busted iPad:

CRYSTAL
Damn, girl! D’you run over this with a monster truck?
 69.

NORA
No, my DUI bike.

CRYSTAL
Oh my God. / Are you—??

NORA
I should call it my monster truck / though—

CRYSTAL
DUI—??

NORA
I know, I’m a degenerate, / monster—

CRYSTAL
What’s your passcode.

NORA
The year Evita came out.

CRYSTAL
...Nora look me in the eye: I love you / for that—

NORA
Evita’s like the opposite of Dido—

CRYSTAL
Evita has a husband / but she doesn’t need him—

NORA
She doesn’t need her husband she just runs the country / with her arms up—

CRYSTAL
That should be part’uh your vision / for yourself—

NORA
S’part’uh my vision—I’ma be Evita, balls and grace—

CRYSTAL
Now / yer talkin—!

NORA
Crystal this is perfect cause now I’ll have somethin I can tell my mom I’m workin on,
she’ll love / me more—
 70.

CRYSTAL
Nora I think it’s fair to say you’ve expressed a lotta gratitude to me this afternoon?
And that’s awesome for you, from a spiritual standpoint.
But from where I’m standing you do NOT need to thank me AT ALL.
Cause to quote someone’s Instagram the definition of a queen is that we fix each other’s
crowns.
And you may be in crisis? But I was SO sad about my mom today, and you lifted me up.

Nora smiles, filled with pride and hope.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
But I wanna show you that snuggling alone / thing—

NORA
1996, s’the code.

Crystal unlocks the iPad. Nora drifts, drunk as she’s ever

been.

CRYSTAL
Oh cool, you write your mom emails, that’s a start.

NORA
Is there water...?

Nora tries to get up but falls down. Crystal reads on:

CRYSTAL
[reading, sotto] “Teaches... writing workshops to inmates.”

NORA
Awww... Michael.

CRYSTAL
“Unhappily married?”

NORA
Hm? Whatcha readin?

CRYSTAL
Is Christ fucking strengthening you, to break up my marriage...?
[reading, sotto] “Dumb / dumb—?”

NORA
Hey! Hey we’re Eskimo sisters! Cause, that’s what you call it when you’ve um.
Slept, been with... you know, the same / uh—
 71.

CRYSTAL
You’re the fuckin scum of the earth, you know that?

NORA
Crystal—

CRYSTAL
You’re human garbage.

NORA
I know but I really.
I really love him—

Nora looks to the door, but Crystal is faster, stronger,

more sober. Smacks Nora, pulls her hair.

What looks at first to be a catfight devolves into a horrific

beating. Crystal kicks Nora brutally until she is almost
dead, lying unconscious with a bloody eye socket.

Carves Nora’s face with cuticle scissors.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
Try to take my man with that fuckin face.

Spits on her.

The oven dings.

Blackout.

END OF ACT ONE.

 72.

SCENE 4

Cabin living room.

Julie and ETHEL are snuggling and watching Designing

Women.

Audio of a scene finishing (“Suzanne, if sex were fast-

food, there’d be an arch over your bed,” etc).

The ending theme song plays. Julie turns of the show.

JULIE
Lemme tell ya those ladies on that show are some freakin good decorators.

ETHEL
I like how they’re Democrats—

JULIE
I always had this fantasy of gettin a phone call one day like they needed a choir director to
come help out on an episode...

ETHEL
You woulda been great on that show.

Julie looks at Ethel. Squeezes her hand.

ETHEL (CONT.)
So have you thought about, um?

JULIE
...What we talked about—?

ETHEL
Yeah—

JULIE
It’s called scissoring?

ETHEL
Mm-hm.

JULIE
...Let’s hold off on that—
 73.

ETHEL
Yeah, that’s not for the faint / of heart—

JULIE
But I hear you and I’m not saying no—

ETHEL
You just wanna build up to stuff—

JULIE
Baby steps—

ETHEL
I love that.

A pause. Julie remembers something.

JULIE
...Hey that one time / when, was that—?

ETHEL
Yeah we’ve technically done it already.

A knock at the door.

ETHEL JULIE
Door’s open! Door’s open!
Jinx. Jinx.

They punch each other. Rub noses as Nora enters from the
snow, limping slightly.

She is busted but presentable, with an eye patch.

Filled with awe at the sight of them.

A child on Christmas morning.

Julie and Ethel are taken aback.

NORA
MOM!!!!!!!!!

Nora drops her overnight bag. Embraces Julie, for a while.

Julie pulls away.

 74.

NORA (CONT.)
HI ETHEL!!

ETHEL
Hi!

Nora breaks into a little dance of elfin glee.

ETHEL (CONT.)
...Stop—

NORA
Thank y’all so much for havin me y’all—

JULIE
What’re you doing / here—

NORA
I just came for a visit.
Cause, I’m at my rock bottom...
Er no—I’m on an upswing! But uh.
I guess, things’ve gotten, pretty dark, in my life, the last several years, which.
I don’t know if you’ve, read my emails, / er—

JULIE
Mm-hm.
I’m abreast.

NORA
...Cool—you just, haven’t been responsive, / so—

JULIE
No I have / not—

NORA
Yeah exactly why would you be, given what’s, yeah.
But um. I’ve just missed you so much, and my gut said I needed to see you.
As did a um, a counselor, with whom I met recently, this was her, professional advice, was
to make this happen, so.
...But, please—gimme the boot, whenever, I can just...
Y’all have stuff to do tonight, / er—?
 75.

JULIE
No, this is our, night in—

NORA
YES, I KNEW it, I MANIFESTED that, cause I needed to hang out so much.
If you’ll have me.

JULIE
...I can take your coat—

NORA
Thank you so much, / you have no idea—

JULIE
Why do you look like that / Nora—

NORA
Sorry—sorry can I just, clarify somethin real quick, before / we—?

JULIE
Alright—

NORA
So, I’m assuming, from y’all’s body language and, somethin about, like a chemical charge
in the room, that y’all’ve finally made it past the roommate stage?
And are deeply in love now?
S’that, correct?

Ethel looks at Julie.

Julie rolls her eyes. Cracks a smile. Leans on Ethel.

NORA (CONT.)
Oh my God, I love it, okay good to know—

JULE
Mmkay, / so let’s talk about—

NORA
So, mom you’re actually... you’re comin outta the closet, to me right now. Is that...?
That’s what’s / happening—?

JULIE
I mean. I guess—
 76.

NORA
You GUESS?!

JULIE
Is that, really news to you, / er—?

NORA
Well it’s not, like—I mean sure, all evidence, always pointed to gay but I just never thought
I’d see you come to terms with your sexuality like this, to be honest, this is just...
Congratulations, seriously, / on this milestone—

JULIE
I appreciate / that—

NORA
And here you are livin the dream, in a, romantic, mountain cabin, with your soulmate?
Who’s also by the way extremely hot / in person—?

ETHEL
Thank you! S’nice to / hear—

NORA
Oh I mean it Ethel, this is everything—everything I’d ever want, for a loved one—

ETHEL JULIE
Aw— Mm—

NORA
Y’all found it! Y’all found the thing, of enduring friendship and trust, and understanding
and humor where you have, like earth-shattering sex that’s more joyful and connected /
every time—

ETHEL JULIE
[Coughs]... Scuse me, I should—

NORA
I made it weird.
I said... the weirdest possible / thing—

JULIE
I’ma straighten up around here.

NORA
...I think my logic just now was um.
Since it’s been so long, I thought maybe some, fun adult girl talk might be in / order—
 77.

JULIE
You mighta just, miscalibrated, where we’re at—

NORA
Totally...
So hard to know with these things.
[to Ethel] Nice bangles—

ETHEL
Oh! Thanks—

NORA
Thank you!
For the inspiration.
...Hey, things’re uh.
Obviously still delicate, betwixt, Julie and myself, but.
If you ever wanna talk about relationships, swap some wisdom with me on that front...
I’d be open to that.

ETHEL
Mmkay.

NORA
And it’s not cause you’re a wise lesbian, it’s just, you know.
My own, sheer...
I’m not really on an upswing—

ETHEL
So sorry to hear that—

NORA
I also have some just, lightweight, bonding activities planned—

Nora offers a box of cake mix from her bag—

ETHEL
Sweet—

NORA
Yeah!!

Ethel moves to help Julie.

NORA (CONT.)
What can I do, can I / help—?
 78.

JULIE
No, you don’t / um—

NORA
[re: a teapot] Where’s this thing / go—?

JULIE
I’d rather you / not—

NORA
Fuck I broke the top / off—

JULIE
Please don’t use that word.

Julie and Ethel keep working, glancing at Nora sometimes

but more or less tuning her out, the way parents would a
young child.

NORA
...Hey, so. Just for, when y’all finish, y’all’s thing...
Are there blankets??
To snuggle??
Caaaaaaause...
I brought every single Meg Ryan movie.
Literally every one.
...Mom.
...Mom.
...Mom. Mom d’you hear what / I—

JULIE
[absent] Hm—?

NORA
Every single Meg Ryan movie—

JULIE
Wow, nice / job—

NORA
Yeah on my iPad, all the ones we ever watched together and all the rated-R ones that you
wouldn’t let me watch.
...Cause—
Guess what.
 79.

...We can watch em now!

...Cause I’m over seventeen!
...I’m thirty-two and a half! / And—

JULIE
[to Ethel] Did I ever show you that think piece, on Meg / Ryan’s face—?

ETHEL
Oh that Meg Ryan, plastic-surgery article, I did / read that—

JULIE
Such a shame—

ETHEL
She really butchered herself, / yeah—

JULIE
I hate that.

NORA
...And I have Evita.
...Which, Ethel—Julie and I saw this when it opened—

ETHEL
Really?

NORA
Christmas Day, / ’96—

ETHEL
[to Julie] You, saw a movie on a religious holiday—?!

JULIE
Girl, hush—

ETHEL
Haha—

NORA
Aw, y’all...
...I also bought My Best Friend’s / Wed—

JULIE
We don’t need to watch movies you’ve seen three thousand times.
 80.

NORA
...Great! Cause: every season of Designing Women, / at our fingertips—

JULIE
Ethel and I just binged / on that recently—

ETHEL
Yeah I probly can’t handle more uh’that / right now—

NORA
Monica Lewinsky did a lecture on bullying, / it’s excellent—

JULIE
I’m sorry but that is a freakin, tiny screen—that screen is freakin tiny and it’s busted Nora,
that is a trashy / device—

NORA
Well I thought we could hook / it up—

JULIE ETHEL
No, that’s impossible— We don’t have the cable for that—

NORA
I brought music!! Bach and Purcell Mom, your jamz, we can / conduct—

JULIE
You’re killin me / Nora—

NORA
How’m I killin / you—??

JULIE
Do we look in the mood for that / right now—?!

NORA
I’m just tryna find an activity, cause you won’t talk to / me—!!

JULIE
I asked you, earlier.
Why you look like that.
But then you interrupted me.
To, tweak out about romance.
Which I found to be less important, than takin care’uh my house, so you can have a decent
place to stay—
 81.

NORA
Mom since when have I cared about / laundry and stuff—

JULIE
Now the state your body’s in, continues to strike me as very important.
So, we don’t hafta discuss it? But.
If you want us to talk.
It’s go’ be about that.

NORA
...You wanna know about the eye patch—?

JULIE
Yes ma’am I do, / for starters—

NORA
“Arrrrrghh!!”
Haha...
...Pirates are / stupid—

ETHEL
This Phil Collins isn’t gonna listen to itself.

Ethel puts on headphones, makes herself scarce.

JULIE
You were sayin?

NORA
So... I look like this.
Because. I was...

JULIE
Were you / drinking—?

NORA
Drinking, yes ma’am, I was drinking.

JULIE
Mmkay. How much.
 82.

NORA
Um. I’d say like, probably like two bottles, of red? Maybe? Not counting the um, pregame,
stuff, ha... Oh, and a lotta... lotta rum, oh lawd, lotta fingers, probably, fingers of rum...
they measure in, finger—sorry I’m babbling—

JULIE
No, it’s good, I want you to hear yourself.

NORA
...Listen, I know I’m out of favor here / and everyth—

ETHEL
[singing “In the Air Tonight”] “Waiting for this moment, for all my life.
Oh / la-awd—”

JULIE
Just ignore her.

NORA
...Well I was just sayin, I know I’ve messed up a lot but, can we just...?
Just for this / one—

JULIE
Can I just cut you a little slack tonight?

NORA
Please? Cause / I’ve waited so long—

JULIE
Just kinda... keep lettin stuff slide?
Indulge ourselves, couple hours—?

NORA
I / mean for—

JULIE
Cause, couple more can’t hurt, right?
Doesn’t matter what it is, it’s just a couple—

NORA
Uh—

JULIE
That’s your M.O., right? Couple more glasses of / wine—
 83.

NORA
Alright—

JULIE
Couple more parties with drugs...
Couple days you don’t eat, just drink alcohol / round the clock—

NORA
I haven’t done that / in a while—

JULIE
Couple years you don’t learn to buy groceries and cook for yourself, you don’t look into
rehab, don’t go to AA, don’t figure out what you wanna do / with your life—just, puttin
things off, wastin your years—

NORA
Hey Mom I got a PhD, in like your field / practically—

ETHEL
[singing] “Well I reMEMBAH—”

JULIE
You got any money—?

NORA
No / but—

JULIE
How bout friends, you got a network / out there—?

NORA
Got some mice that I talk to, / like Cinderella—

JULIE
I’m not playin with you / Nora—

NORA
I have Michael—

JULIE
He know what kinda shape you’re / in—?

NORA
Well you’d be proud’uh me, I’m takin my space now, cause I wanted your advice / on—
 84.

JULIE
I’d be proud’uh / you—

NORA
I’m doing the best / I can—

JULIE
Sleepin with another woman’s / husband—

NORA
They’re not / soulmates—

JULIE
That’s your personal best—

NORA
I know / how bad—

JULIE
Wreck a family, did I raise you to do that? And risk killin people—

NORA
I’m / sorry—

JULIE
Killin people on the road, is that how / I raised—??

NORA
Of course not—

JULIE
And just despair all day, give up on God—??

NORA
[sotto] / The fuck am I sposed—?

JULIE
What did I always say around the house, what did I stitch into that throw pillow / in your
room—?

NORA
“Faith, hope and love never go out of style—”
 85.

JULIE
Well apparently I had a seein- and hearin-impaired child and just never realized it so for that
/ I apologize—

NORA
I still have faith Mom, / I believe in God but—

JULIE
No, I know your heart.
You claim to have faith cause it’s your identity and your roots, but you don’t / really
believe at all—

ETHEL
[singing] “It’s all been a packa lies—”

JULIE
[to Nora] Hear that?
How bout be honest with yourself / for once—

NORA
Okay sometimes I hate God! I hate how he made me! I hate needing what I can’t have—I
hate men and I hate God—

JULIE
/ Lord—

NORA
I don’t underst—I am in so much pain, every second, of every day that I’m not either
drunk, or being penetrated!!! / MOM—

JULIE
I am strugglin SO hard right now but I am FAILIN, to forgive / your self-pity—

NORA
It’s not that I think / I have it worse than other people, I just—Mom I can’t—I don’t—

JULIE
No, no please shut up, shut up please Nora, I can’t—you’re SPEWIN POISON AND
IT’S UGLY, IT MATCHES YOUR FACE.

A pause. Nora wipes a drop of spit from her face.

NORA
Ha...
 86.

Julie turns away—

NORA (CONT.)
Kinda, gave me a shower / there—

—shuts herself in another room.

Nora breathes. Sits.

Closes her eyes, tries to meditate.

ETHEL
[singing] “For AWLL my LI-I-IFE. Oh LA-A-WD.”

Nora gets her bag and exits the cabin.

Ethel hears the door slam, calls outside:

ETHEL (CONT.)
Hey—!

NORA
I’m / just—

ETHEL
You left your bag—

Nora re-enters—

NORA
Where—?

Ethel takes the bag off Nora’s shoulder, throws it across

the room—

NORA (CONT.) ETHEL

Hey! Over there.

Ethel shuts them back in.

NORA
She doesn’t want me / here—

ETHEL
We don’t really know what she wants—
 87.

NORA
Well I assume from the reaming I / just received—

ETHEL
You still have some things to hash out, do you not?

NORA
I’ve tried, / she won’t let—

ETHEL
So, long as you’re here?
Follow through, / like a big girl—

NORA
Ethel just lemme go home, / this is—

ETHEL
To what? To the mice—?

NORA
The mice’re nice to me—

ETHEL
The mice aren’t real—

NORA
Tell that to my bra they just chewed a hole / in—

ETHEL
Well your relationship, with the mice isn’t real—

NORA
Okay Dr. / Phil—

ETHEL
D’you just show up here to make things worse for yourself and then give up and leave—?

NORA
I don’t know! I thought she might...
I’ve always...
I thought she could help me, that’s why I’ve kept writing her, / but—

ETHEL
“Dear Mom I’m a drunk I keep sleeping with dirtbags God’s tryna kill me, Love / Nora—”
 88.

NORA
I’m a much better writer / than that—

ETHEL
You came here cause you wanna resolve / things—

NORA
Well that confrontation was excruciating, so.
I’d rather just, picture you two bein happy here—

ETHEL
Have you ever been able to picture her happy, the way things are?
Or do you get reamed in your head everyday?

NORA
...How much’uh that did you hear earlier—

ETHEL
All of it, / pretty much—

NORA
Beautiful—

ETHEL
I was tryna lighten the mood, but.
I see now I picked the wrong song.

Ethel opens Nora’s cake mix and makes batter.

NORA
It’s not always a reaming.
Usually it’s just... very unflattering, critical analysis of um. Everything I think and do...
Which is, fun—

ETHEL
Yeah, I can imagine. That reaming was harsh.

NORA
No, harsh is too harsh.
...I mean she’s right about / a lotta—

ETHEL
Nora... I don’t like you.
Honestly most times when your name comes up I just think’uh you as like...
 89.

some kinda, giant, you know. Poisonous frog, with like, a bottle’uh Captain Morgan,
strapped to your back—

NORA
Hunh—

ETHEL
Sitting at a laptop. Typing, lunatic emails to your mother, that sabotage my sex life, by
creating disharmony / in my household—

NORA
Scuse me, I advocated, / for your sex life—

ETHEL
But even as someone who finds you obnoxious.
To a spectacular degree.
I will tell you, just, for clarity’s sake. Grown-up to grown-up.
That reaming was harsh.

NORA
...I mean. That’s just Julie.

Nora tries to fix the teapot.

ETHEL
Was that always the dynamic—?

NORA
Well that was like, probly a seven outta ten, / just now—

ETHEL
Even before you were drinking, when you were a kid?

NORA
...Ethel I feel like you’re tryna blaspheme my mom right now / and that’s extremely outta
line—

ETHEL
No, I’m just... maybe getting a more realistic sense’uh things—

NORA
What / do you—
 90.

ETHEL
Well your mother’s, in many contexts very gentle / and kind, sensible—

NORA
She’s, yeah she’s the goddess / of wisdom—

ETHEL
I mean I knew she’s a l’il preachy, and prudish, neurotic, / but—

NORA
Sex-negative, / that’s true—

ETHEL
Still extremely persuasive, as a moral / authority—

NORA
Tell me about it—

ETHEL
So I guess I’ve always, just assumed the bad feelings were, more or less your fault, but.
If that kinda dressing down was like a routine thing.
I don’t know.
Kinda makes sense to me now, why you might have a habit’uh, givin up hope on yourself.

NORA
...Geez.
Um...
Wow.
...Yeah—

ETHEL
What—

NORA
I’ve just never...
I mean I’ve always had mixed feelings, about Julie’s punishing nature, I’m obviously...
very defensive of her, on the one hand, I have some uh, sympathetic theories, about her
psychology, but...
Yeah, I guess our issues were um. Maybe a little bigger, than McDonald’s after church...
I guess, all that aggression... really did kinda, make me hate myself, growin up... probly,
had a bigger impact than I thought, terms’uh how I live now—

ETHEL
Makes sense / to me—
 91.

NORA
Man, it really helps to have a voice of reason, point that out, / cause—

ETHEL
No prob—

NORA
I always thought I drank and stuff, cause’uh men—

ETHEL
Mm—

NORA
Now I see how misguided that, way’uh thinkin is—

ETHEL
/ Good—

NORA
It’s really only about.
Maybe seventy percent men’s fault.
Thirty percent Mom’s fault...
Hunh.
...So interesting.
How the brain’ll repress, you know.
Who’s responsible for what...
...Thanks / Ethel—

ETHEL
Casting blame is not productive, / Nora—

NORA
Guess sometimes you just have to though, / sadly—

ETHEL
Well it’s unattractive.
...Yeah, see your ears perked up—you should know that intuitively, as a vain person.
It’s unattractive, not to take responsibility.

NORA
So, why’d you just drop that massive truth bomb, about my mom’s parenting / if I’m not
sposed—?

ETHEL
Cause I just think it’s useful to be conscious of, when it comes to her.
That you’re not always the bad one. She’s not always the good one.
 92.

That’s just a groove y’all slip into.

Makes everything worse.

NORA
Does she know that—?

ETHEL
Doesn’t matter—

NORA
But she’s the grown—
I’m also the grown-up...

ETHEL
What do you wanna accomplish, with your mom. By the time you leave here.

NORA
Mostly / just—

ETHEL
Don’t say slumber party—

NORA
Uh. Celebrate some uh...
Some more, belated milestones? S’too much like / slumber party—

ETHEL
What’s gonna help you do better, in your life—

NORA
I mean I think I’d feel better / if—

ETHEL
No, not feel better. Do better.
You’ve never really felt good in your life, so.

NORA
...If I do better I’ll feel better—

ETHEL
Maybe.

NORA
Maybe’s not, very good odds—
 93.

ETHEL
S’all we get.

NORA
...I guess I have a lotta, longstanding questions, she could shed some light on—

ETHEL
Okay—

NORA
I think that could help me, be more confident, do better—

ETHEL
Let’s try / it—

NORA
I don’t know how to talk to her though, without—

ETHEL
Falling into the groove—?

NORA
Yeah it’s a chemical thing—she’s gonna float in here, with that self-righteous look on her
face, like a disappointed swan—I’m gonna feel like a deadbeat, start overcompensating,
bouncin off the walls, / I’ll get needy—

ETHEL
So rise above your chemicals—

NORA
I can’t help it with certain people, / it just—

ETHEL
Who’s the last person you didn’t feel that way around.
...Last decent, more or less rational and fruitful conversation you had, before you / came
here—

NORA
Well that ended with me, bein called human garbage and kicked in the pussy—

ETHEL
Oh. So / what was an—
 94.

NORA
Some of it actually went, pretty well though, with Crystal...
...Yeah—

ETHEL
Really—?

NORA
Yeah I actually felt, kinda good about myself, comparatively, for most’uh that...

ETHEL
How’d that work—

NORA
I mean when I wasn’t, picturing her husband’s ballsack er, lying through my teeth about,
being abused by my boyfriend I um.
I actually learned a lot. About all kindsa things, um...
Myself. The pageant / world—

ETHEL
And why do you think that is.

NORA
I just... I didn’t...
I didn’t need her to love me.
I didn’t even... care if she liked me, I was just...
Tryna learn and grow, honestly...

Nora pats herself on the back.

ETHEL
So what if you didn’t need your mom to love you—

NORA
What am I, a cinder block—?

ETHEL
No, you’re thirty-two-and-a-half. You don’t need another person’s love.
No matter who it is—you should be able to take it or leave it. Remember that.
And act / like it—

NORA
So that trick you play on boyfriends, to make em respect you—I should just, apply that
with my / mom—?
 95.

ETHEL
This is like, teaching Helen Keller / to read—

NORA
Thank you, so much, / I love Helen Keller—

ETHEL
Just keep it together, and learn what you came here to learn.
Don’t try to be her best friend.
Cause that hasn’t worked, it was embarrassing for everyone.

NORA
Alright.

ETHEL
You know what you wanna ask / her—?

NORA
Uh, yes, yeah I’ve written all my questions down actually—

ETHEL
Nice—

NORA
Mm-hm I’ve been keeping a list, / on my iPad—

ETHEL
Alright, professional, / good work—

NORA
Yeah I put em in all different colors.
...Should I go in there?

ETHEL
Give her a minute, she’s probly meditating.

NORA
Aw, cool—

ETHEL
I make her do yoga—

Ethel puts a cake in the oven—

NORA
I was hopin she’d get into that, / kinda thing—!
 96.

ETHEL
Yeah and she reads all those mindfulness, Tibetan whatever emails you forward—

NORA
Good, good... S’good to hear...
You know all that stuff’s been, a real epiphany for me—

ETHEL
Pfffff—!!!

NORA
Shut / up—!!

ETHEL
Dalai Lama over / here—!!

NORA
Ethel I’m trying—!!

ETHEL
You think you’re trying—

Ethel and Nora lick the bowl together—

NORA
Listen—

ETHEL
Okay—

NORA
It’s like Pat Benetar said, in Between a Heart and Rock Place.
About her first husband’s struggle with PTSD—

Julie floats in like a disappointed swan.

Ethel wipes batter off Nora’s face.

NORA
Mother.

JULIE
...What I said about your face, bein / ugly—

NORA
That’s okay—
 97.

JULIE
Your face is beautiful, I meant / the injuries—

NORA
I know you were / just—

JULIE
I’m sorry—

NORA
I love you so much.

Ethel prompts Nora.

NORA (CONT.)
But, your feelings towards me. Are your business.
...And, speaking of business.
I wondered, if I could maybe ask you some businesslike questions, in a calm manner.

ETHEL
She wrote / em down—

NORA
I wrote em all down, cause.
I’d love to connect with you, in a more adult way, and hear your thoughts on some things,
that’ve been on my mind.
I think your insight, could really help me a lot, maybe.
If that interests you.

Julie nods. Sits down.

Nora opens her iPad, scrolls through a long list of notes.

Scrolls and scrolls.

NORA (CONT.)
Sorry, I’ve been keepin this list for like / nineteen and a half years—

ETHEL
Maybe let’s start with an easy one—
 98.

NORA
[reading] Haha:
“Am I pretty by lesbian standards.”
...That was a joke one—

JULIE ETHEL
Good. No it wasn’t—

NORA
Am I though—?

JULIE ETHEL
Next— Next—

NORA
Kay... Nother easy one—what do you think of this bedspread.

She shows them a photo:

NORA (CONT.)
And I’m not asking cause I need you to like it, I’m / just—

JULIE
Oo—

NORA
You like it—?

JULIE
I do—

NORA
Mom that is my bedspread I picked out myself.
...By myself I picked out a / bedspread you like—

JULIE
Alright—
Alright let’s not, / be hyper—

NORA
Would you even say like, would you say if we went to TJ Maxx on like a Saturday
morning like old times you’d see this bedspread and be like, you’d be like Nora let’s
seriously consider / this bedspread—

JULIE
Well sure, yeah—yeah I like all the, what’re those, fern / leaves—?
 99.

ETHEL
That is a LOUD print—

JULIE
Yeah but I love the unconventional / colors with—

ETHEL
And a WEIRD green—

JULIE
Um?

ETHEL
I don’t dislike it, I’m just noting it—

JULIE
Well I think it’s a wonderful choice and I’m real proud’uh you.

ETHEL
Man, for a coupla Southern belles, obsessed with a show about decorators y’all sure /
don’t have—

JULIE
D’you just say y’all?
...I think / you did—

ETHEL
I did, I said y’all—

JULIE
So you owe me a kiss.

Nora watches them kiss.

NORA
[sotto] ...Look at us all we’re a family / we’re friends now—

JULIE
Alright, let’s, move on—

Nora goes back to scrolling—

NORA
Just, doin triage here, some’uh these are like gynecological—
 100.

JULIE ETHEL
Well that’s okay— Alright fire away—

NORA
No that’d be weird right now uhhhh...
Maybe later though Ethel I might ask you stuff—

ETHEL
Great—

NORA
Here we go—
[singing Whitney Houston] “How will I know!?”
Haha / ehem—

ETHEL
[singing] “If he really loves me—”

NORA
Yeah / exactly—

JULIE
Ethel’s awesome at songs—

NORA
But yeah that’s probably the most frequent question on this list.
Like how will I know. If he really.
Cause regardless of um, what happens with Michael, I’d love to know, you know.
How one avoids, wasting one’s devotion / on imposters—

JULIE
So, how do you know if someone really loves / you—?

NORA
Yeah and then if they don’t love you, how do you / force them to—

JULIE
I mean... I guess, I would say... someone loves you when they’re strong enough, to put
you ahead’uh themselves...
When they, give you as much as they take—

NORA
Right.
But in a romantic context.
What’re just, / some signs—
 101.

JULIE
I think it’s the same / thing—

ETHEL
Yeah same deal, Left-eye.

NORA
...So, they’re sposed to...?

JULIE
Give of themselves. Take risks. / Sacrifice—

ETHEL
For a sustained, period / of time—

JULIE
Mm-hm, that’s important, / yeah—

NORA
No but, like a MAN.

ETHEL
...If a man loves you he should / do that—

NORA
Like a / straight, man—

JULIE
He definitely / should—

NORA
But is that...
Does that happen with...?
Do men—are men capable / of—?

JULIE ETHEL
Probly some are. I don’t fuckin know.

...

NORA
Okay I can’t live with that, / um—

JULIE
Then what use are you to the world.
 102.

NORA
...That’s, fair, / I was just—

JULIE
Also, it’s interesting, cause...
You’re not really capable of that.

NORA
What.

JULIE
Giving of yourself.
Putting somebody else first—

NORA
Um—

JULIE
Or maybe you are, but. You don’t really know.
...Just, pointin / out—

NORA
I would saw off my limbs for Michael / and he knows that—

JULIE
You see that child one afternoon a week.
F’he hadn’t been married? Who knows how you’d feel—

NORA
I do, I know / I love him—

JULIE
Alright, I believe you, but. My hunch is, over time?
Sick people tend to take things. More than they give.
S’not a good place to love from.

NORA
You sayin I’m sick—?

JULIE
Everything you do, you’re lookin for relief.
Every place you / go—

ETHEL
Everybody / you meet—
 103.

NORA
Cause, yeah cause I do need relief, cause it hurts—I can no longer stand, just being an
option, to the fraudulent fuckin abusers this society breeds—

JULIE
/ Nora—

NORA
I want OUT, I wanna hunker down with this decent-hearted person who lights me up,
whose marriage is by all appearances expiring and feel better for once in my life—why is
that / a crime—

JULIE
Nora... I’ma try, SO hard, not to ream you right / now—

NORA
I appreciate / that—

JULIE
You talk about, fraudulent abusers? Fraudulence—you’ve been lyin to yourself, about how
bad you feel; you lie to Michael’s wife—I’m sure you lie to Michael—

NORA
Nope, only once, about / my underwear—

JULIE
Abuse, I mean—you abuse their marriage—

NORA
So / does he—

JULIE
Abuse yourself, / your body—

NORA
Oh my God, Mom—I’ve seen SO many men, do SO / much worse—

JULIE
And you won’t hear me defend em.
But they won’t evolve until you do and as long as you focus on them, you go’ stay empty,
like a blow-up doll.
You go’ act like a crazy person, til it kills you, destroys your integrity.
You knew this was beneath y’all but you went along because you couldn’t stop.
 104.

That’s cowardly and it’s usin somebody, to feel better.

Cause you don’t think you can on your own.

ETHEL
S’like with liquor—

JULIE
Mm-hm, treat people like bottles—

NORA
But / I love—

JULIE
You’ve done that to your favorite people in the world.
...You’ve lived that way... your whole adult life.

A pause.

NORA
Everything... everything, I’ve ever done... is inappropriate...

JULIE ETHEL
I mean. Well.

Nora throws up in the mixing bowl.

Julie holds her hair back—

JULIE
You / okay—?

NORA
I’m so selfish, [heaves]—

ETHEL
Aw, champ—

NORA
I have a child’s brain—

Nora throws up again—

ETHEL
Oof—
 105.

NORA
S’comin outta my nose—

ETHEL JULIE
Yeah. S’a lotta throw-up.

Nora looks at them.

NORA
I don’t—

Throws up again.

NORA (CONT.)
I don’t know what self-respect feels like.

JULIE
And that’s not on men.
That’s on you.

NORA
Well.
Alright.
...I mean it’s partly... partly on you—

JULIE ETHEL
Scuse me? We just went over this—

NORA
I’m not, saying you’re responsible, / I’m just—

JULIE
Sounds like you / are—

NORA
Do you think it’s a coincidence, that I can only love people who make me feel safe and at
home for two seconds and then, suddenly everything sours, I’m just never enough?
...Did you ever like me?

Ethel steps aside, picks softly at a guitar.

NORA (CONT.)
Even when I was a kid. I have no memory of you liking me.
And that’s not / right—
 106.

JULIE
I cleaned out my savins to go adopt you, / Nora—

NORA
Well you got very embittered and angry and vengeful I’d like to know / why—

JULIE
When’re / you talkin—?

NORA
Soon as I was old enough, to think’uh myself as a person—

JULIE
You / know I loved you—

NORA
I went from the prettiest child to just, / garbage—

JULIE
Nora I was probly... stressed out, lonely, / I had a lotta—

NORA
Cause—why, cause I was delinquent er, cause religion / er—?

JULIE
Huh—?

NORA
Cause you didn’t come out, you were living a lie? Is that / why—?

JULIE
I don’t / know—

NORA
Was that cause’uh me—?

JULIE
I mean? It was Georgia, eighties, nineties, I mighta just figured, with kids bein / cruel—

NORA
So it was cause’uh me, I blocked you from true love, / is that why you hated—?

JULIE
What is the point’uh these questions, / you just wanna feel bad—?
 107.

NORA
I wanna understand you and I wanna be your friend—

JULIE
Well I’m sorry, / that’s not go’ happen—

NORA
You’re my favorite person—

JULIE
You don’t know me—

NORA
I remember / though—

JULIE
No / you don’t—

NORA
You’re a strong steel magnolia meets Eva Peron, / in a lesbian rom-com—

JULIE
That’s not a real—that’s a frankenstein Nora you never really knew me, you were thirteen
when I died.

As they speak, Julie helps Nora transform the space into a

hospital room and change into a paper gown.

By now Ethel is playing the intro to “With Drooping

Wings” from Dido and Aeneas:

JULIE (CONT.)
You only ever saw me with a child’s eyes. Glimpses.
Heard a few concerts, TV shows... couple movies we saw...
Sunday-school Julie.
Guilt-ridden Julie, with cancer, watchin her life slip away in her early forties...
I mean, the relatives, who passed you around, in the years after that—?

NORA
I barely talk / to them—

JULIE
You know all them better than you’ll ever know me. Beatrice, all those fools...
You know me less than you know strangers on the internet—
 108.

NORA ETHEL
No. It’s true.

JULIE
You know me less than you know any person in your empty life.
...You’ll never know where my head was at.
I probly didn’t know either.

NORA
...I thought you’d be proud, that I kept you alive twenty years.
...You like the cabin, at least?

JULIE
Mm. Reminds me uh’those mountain trips.

NORA
That’s what I figured, when I thought of it.

JULIE
You can’t even picture me wanting you / there—

NORA
I made you Ethel.

JULIE
I know you did.

NORA
You like her?

JULIE
The scissoring was a, weird / touch—

NORA
You’re welcome.

JULIE
...For what, / exactly—?

NORA
For giving you a love story. And a full life.
Happiness, personal growth. Manifested in, painstaking / detail—
 109.

JULIE
You wanna be givin those things to yourself.

Julie tucks Nora into her hospital bed:

JULIE (CONT.)
You wanna feel better, quiet your mind...
Heal your bitterness...
You wanna come home to a warm place, that delights you...
A real partner to spar with, and love. In the flesh.
A family.

NORA
[fading] I just know that I won’t have those things.

JULIE
How.

NORA
In my body. My cells. Screaming...
God is not on my side, / Mom—

JULIE
You’ve got God all wrong—

NORA
He wasn’t on Dido’s, He wasn’t on yours—

JULIE
God isn’t a He—

NORA
Then why / is the world—?

JULIE
God is just, whatever is in you, that helps you transcend what you know. Transform.
Take the power.
If Dido couldn’t see through the walls’uh that cave, to her triumph?
Then she wasn’t in touch with her God.

NORA
Triumph?

JULIE
Mm-hm.
 110.

NORA
So I should be like Crystal, and brain my rivals—?

JULIE
Crystal had a psychic lapse, and became feral.
But she knows in her heart that she can be better, and joyful and good.
No matter the odds.
No matter how much she’s screwed up, or been screwed.
She knows the world needs her, at her most loving.
That’s never in question.
That feeling is God.
That’s the cure.

NORA
How do I find that / in me—

JULIE
You just, trust that you can.
Love yourself, until you know you / can—

NORA
What can’t I do those / things—

JULIE
Why can’t you love / and trust yourself—?

NORA
Yeah why’m I, where did, why do I hate myself—

JULIE
Well.

The chorus of “With Dropping Wings” fades in slowly

over Ethel’s guitar as the lights fade, first to something like
bedroom lamp light, then down to a hospital gloom:

JULIE (CONT.)
A long time ago, in the nineties.
There was a little girl who found herself alone.
And.
Bein a human child, left alone.
She felt deep in her bones, she’d be eaten by wolves.
But this girl was real smart.
So she thought:
I’ll keep my dead mother alive with my brain.
I’ll win people’s love with my sparkling wit, and my looks.
 111.

And that worked for a while.

So from then on she thought, this is what I must do.
I’m a weak, worthless child who can’t handle the world.
I tap dance and play games and play tricks with my desperate brain, to get love and survive.
And the hatred she felt for herself, when she thought about that.
Thought about, her fearful, inferior way of existing.
Brought shattering pain.
So she sniffed out some wolves, who would tell her sweet things, for relief.
And just like her, they knew not what they did.
She would make herself meat, they would spit out her guts, she would hate herself more.
Til she did that so long, that she wanted to die.
She could be dead now, in this bed.
I don’t know.
And she hasn’t done much with her life.
Havin spent, twenty years at war, against the question of her worth.
But one thing she did do.
Which. I think I woulda been pretty impressed by, had I lived.
Is she figured all this out about herself. Alone.
The lesbians were figments, of her very own mind.
Inspired though they were, by some extremely crown women,
Their wisdom and logic were all Nora’s.
And she mighta had counsel, from folks here and there, namely Crystal, who gave her a
kick in the pants, but.
Not from me.
I was dead.
Not from the boyfriends she thought were so smart.
They were clueless.
No, she figured this out on her own. While she lived.
She climbed outta the pit.

Julie kisses Nora on the forehead.

NORA
[asleep] Where are / you go—

JULIE
None’uh your business.

Exits.

BLACKOUT.
 112.

SCENE 5

Lights up on Nora’s dim hospital room.

Nora is unconscious, her face more bandaged than before.

Crystal enters with a gift bag.

Looks around. Crowns Nora with her tiara.

CRYSTAL
Always thought I’d be buried in this.

Sits by the bed and reads from her phone:

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
The Oxford Dictionaries’ 2016 word-of-the-year short list was heavy on neo...nee-
ah,logisms, that one wishes didn’t have to exist: “alt-right,” “Brexiteer,” and this year’s
winning term, “post-truth.” Among the finalists, though, there was one bit of solace:
“hygge,” a Danish term defined as “a quality of cosiness that engenders a feeling of
conscious contentment, inner harmony and well-being.”

Some kind of hospital beeping.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
...Pronounced hoo-guh—oh, whoops—the word derives from a sixteenth-century
Norwegian term, hugga, meaning “to comfort” or “to console,” and related to the English
word “hug.” Associated with equanimity, and gratitude for life itself—

Nora snorts in her sleep.

Crystal pats Nora over the blanket—

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
Gratitude for life itself, hoo-guh has long been—

Nora takes Crystals hand, Crystal shrieks, Nora wakes—

NORA
[drugged] Huh, wuh, / hand—?

CRYSTAL
Ahhhh god-ewww, ew, touched me—
 113.

NORA
What’s—?

CRYSTAL
Sorry... hi.

NORA
Where am I.

CRYSTAL
Hospital.

NORA
...You’re Michael’s wife.

CRYSTAL
Uh, technically, yeah.

NORA
...How long’ve I—?

CRYSTAL
Six days—

NORA
Mm...

CRYSTAL
...Um.
...This article on hugging / yourself—

NORA
You guys still have sex?

CRYSTAL
...Uh—

NORA
My brain is on drugs.

CRYSTAL
...Not in the last, six days, / that’s for sure—

NORA
Hey looka my nails...
 114.

CRYSTAL
Yeah um, those ones mean serenity, in Chinese.

NORA
...Has he seen me like this?
...Has / Michael—?

CRYSTAL
Um, I think so—?

NORA
Fuck—

CRYSTAL
Er I don’t know, he said he was gonna bring flowers—

NORA
How do you know that, if you’re not having sex with / him Crystal—

CRYSTAL
Well my mom, actually died, coupla days ago, / so—

NORA
Oh.

CRYSTAL
...Yeah, big week, um.
Anyway we’ve had to, interact / for that—

NORA
Sorry about your mom—

CRYSTAL
Thank you, I appreciate / that—

NORA
He didn’t knock you up in time.
For her to have a grandkid.

CRYSTAL
...Yeah, / well—

NORA
I’m sorry that didn’t work out for y’all.
 115.

CRYSTAL
Wow, that’s, / thank you—

NORA
That’s actually sad to me.

CRYSTAL
...We’re getting divorced, if you want him.

NORA
Really?

CRYSTAL
Yeah I didn’t almost win Miss Idaho to be a beard, for that man’s adventures, so.

NORA
...I don’t see any flowers.

CRYSTAL
I know he wants to see you, he has stuff of yours.

NORA
What does that mean.

CRYSTAL
[Shrugs].

NORA
Well. Thanks for showin up, with a present.
That’s true blue.

CRYSTAL
Uh.

NORA
Wait no it’s not—

CRYSTAL
Yeah—

NORA
You beat me up.

CRYSTAL
I did.
 116.

NORA
That’s really the matter at hand—

CRYSTAL
/ Yes—

NORA
You want me dead—

CRYSTAL
Oh my God, no—I didn’t wanna... I was... I was seeing red, cause.
Well you called me a dumb-dumb, in that email, to your mom, that’s one’uh my triggers—

NORA
Oh, cause’uh the, high-school, / Corky thing—

CRYSTAL
And that’s not an excuse AT ALL, I just...
I’m thrilled you’re not dead—

NORA
Yeah. Guess you’re not a murderer—

CRYSTAL
Guess not—

NORA
Congrats—

CRYSTAL
Thank you / so much—

NORA
Although.
We’ll see how I fare.

CRYSTAL
...Anyways, I wanted to tell you, I’m... I’m so sorry...
And I know that sounds really stupid—you’re like, fuck you Crystal, but.
Had to say it to your face—

NORA
Am I wearing a crown right now?
 117.

CRYSTAL
It’s only the runner-up tiara if you think it is.

NORA
So, what all did you do to me.

CRYSTAL
Um, a lotta head trauma, the cops said?
And I fractured your skull... severed your um.
Your optic nerve, so. You’re gonna be blind, in your right eye...

NORA
I do remember some shit goin down with my eye—

CRYSTAL
I / also—

NORA
Funny, I once told your husband that you had no / vision—

CRYSTAL
I also, did a lotta shit to your face.

NORA
My lioness face...
...What. Am I gonna look like, the Phantom of the Opera now?
...Hahahahaha / haha—

CRYSTAL
Haha—

NORA
No seriously Crystal. Will a man ever love me?
Could a man ever love this face / you gave me—?

CRYSTAL
I mean, I did it on purpose...
I think I um. I went for your brain and your face...
Cause, I knew he must, really enjoy those...

NORA
Who wouldn’t.
 118.

CRYSTAL
I used scissors.

NORA
...How’d you get outta jail?

CRYSTAL
Honestly I lied to the cops and said you attacked me. With a steak knife, I stabbed myself a
buncha times and got your prints on it.

NORA
And they believed you—?

CRYSTAL
Didn’t even dust the knife—

NORA
Damn—

CRYSTAL
I mean. Well I’m not saying this disrespectfully at all but they just called around at U. of
Idaho and people were like oh yeah that bitch would totally get hammered and knife
Crystal, so.
I’m gonna go back though, I made an appointment—when Mom died I was like what the
fuck Crystal this is not who you are.

NORA
You would tell em the truth—?

CRYSTAL
Fuck yeah. And like.
I’ve been researching jails, you can do OKCupid from jail now...

NORA
Where’d I stab you.

Crystal shows her wounded abdomen.

CRYSTAL
Kinda like Dido, huh.

NORA
I’d like my present now.

Crystal gives Nora the gift bag.

 119.

Nora takes out an iPad. The background image is the

drunk selfie of Crystal and Nora.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
Your old one was busted, so.

NORA
[re: the photo] Forgot we took this—

CRYSTAL
Yeah, that’s not a bad angle for you...
...I’m sorry, I’m just now realizing that’s so fuckin trashy to like, attack someone and give
them an iPad...

Nora succumbs to a sharp headache, sinks into herself.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
You should probly sue me.
And I’ll obviously, find a way to, cover the...
I won’t let you go / broke—

NORA
Whatever painkillers I’m... they’re um... [winces]...

Crystal starts to leave:

CRYSTAL
...I’m really really sorry, I’ll repent for the rest’uh my / life—

NORA
HEY.
Don’t even think about it.

CRYSTAL
What?

NORA
Don’t repent for the rest’uh your life.
And cancel that appointment, with the cops.

CRYSTAL
Why—
 120.

NORA
Cause, dumb-dumb.
Your mother would say that was stupid, for one thing.
She’s not into self-flagellation.

CRYSTAL
My mom?

NORA
Yeah, I know her.

CRYSTAL
Huh?

NORA
I hung out with her just now, on my space odyssey.
Human jukebox, that lesbian...
She thinks I’m a frog but she baked me a cake—

CRYSTAL
I’m / confused—

NORA
You see Crystal my own mother lives in a cabin in my head.
She’s been dead twenty years.

CRYSTAL
Oh—

NORA
Well she’s not really my mom, she’s a phantom, constructed from fragments. And faintly
remembered, crumbs of interaction—

CRYSTAL
But you email her—?

NORA
Yeah s’just like with a boyfriend.
Anyway Ethel’s her lover.

CRYSTAL
In your head?

NORA
Mm-hm. Cause I’ve long been a fan’uh your mom’s, from stalking you on Facebook, and
Instagram, so. Some point I brought her into the picture—
 121.

CRYSTAL
Hunh—

NORA
First they were roommates, it was awkward and sweet, um.
Julie’s defenses were strong, then it blossomed...
Speaking of scissors [scissoring gesture].

CRYSTAL
So this is just... like a movie you play in your mind, / of our moms—?

NORA
Pretty much constantly yeah—for a long time I was never allowed in the cabin, but.
Thanks to your counsel I finally showed up, spent some time with those broads, which.
You might even say saved my life.

CRYSTAL
...I wanna hang out with our moms, / in a cabin—

NORA
No you don’t Crystal and you can’t, cause I’m shutting it down.

CRYSTAL
Why?

NORA
We’re too old for that now—

CRYSTAL
/ But—

NORA
Slow road to lunacy, and self-destruction.
I mean I clearly had things to resolve, and Ethel provided, some essential perspective, but.
Now on?
We gotta stay grounded, in our present reality.
S’part of our job, as gifted women, with good hearts.

CRYSTAL
Hey I just used that phrase in an email this week.

NORA
To whom.

CRYSTAL
You know the Rome Prize?
 122.

NORA
Did Michael win??

CRYSTAL
Well I was reading his emails, he’s actually been on the short list for a while—

NORA
Course he has—

CRYSTAL
I mean I will always love that fuckin crocodile, til the day I die and I DO not believe in
revenge, or negativity, when I’m at, like my highest frequency, but.
I don’t know—wild week at the crisis center, my mom died of cancer, our president’s a
rapist—I was just NOT equipped, to deal with y’all’s affair with like, any degree of grace
or composure, so.
I emailed the American Academy in Rome.

NORA
Like, the judges, / er—?

CRYSTAL
Everyone, I scoured every page’uh their website—literally everyone, who might be
affiliated with the Rome Prize, I emailed—you get really good at outreach when you travel
for pageants—

NORA
What’d you tell em—

CRYSTAL
Just, everything that happened.

NORA
With me?

CRYSTAL
And like, every time he’d come home with some fuckin speech, about some undergrad
with feelings for him, I might hear from.
Every time I’d let him do weird sex things and he didn’t make me breakfast after, like he
promised.
All the stupid porn he was into...
Basically, you know / just—

NORA
Indignities he’ll never hafta suffer—
 123.

CRYSTAL
Exactly I was like if your institution supports this man, in sailing off to Rome in a cloud of
triumph then you should just be aware of the wounds he’s inflicted on some extremely
crown women in his personal life.
And I know he works hard on those godawful poems but I am no longer in the mood, to
smile and nod and cheerlead and protect this man’s feelings like I’ve always assumed was
my job.
Cause this shit, that y’all think is like extracurricular hurts and it holds women back.
And there needs to be a new era.
...Actually that’s probly why he didn’t bring flowers, he’s like, scared to make a move,
with any woman ever / now—

NORA
Read me that / email—

CRYSTAL
I’ll forward you the email, it’s eleven pages, as a Word / Doc—

NORA
Forward it / now—

CRYSTAL
And I know they read it, cause I called them, they were like you made our year.

NORA
I will never let you go to jail, Crystal.

CRYSTAL
If you want me to ruin his life more I will.

NORA
Nah—

CRYSTAL
I have a lotta rage / left—

NORA
Yeah, but. Fury is for simpletons.
And, he’s a magnificent person, with a kind heart...
And his own wounds, and a child’s brain...
He probably thought he’d be eaten by wolves.
And I didn’t help him.
Both of your lives... are extremely precious...
And I did, a lotta violence to them. So.
Let the child heal, cause.
 124.

The world needs us all to be noble, and joyful and strong.

Now more than ever.
Which, you already know.
You have God in your heart.

CRYSTAL
...Should I not’ve written / that email—?

NORA
Nah that’s okay, you did good.

CRYSTAL
...You gonna keep teaching?

NORA
I don’t know. I don’t know who I am yet.
I know I love music.

CRYSTAL
You should manage an Arby’s and write about music.
...Seriously, Ethel’s a legend there, I can hook you up.

Nora considers.

CRYSTAL (CONT.)
...Anyway, there’s music on that—

NORA
Oo, Dido’s Lament—

CRYSTAL
Bitch I did not put that shit on your iPad—

NORA
Crystal how’m I sposed to know what this tablet contains—

CRYSTAL
Just Pat Benetar, and the Evita soundtrack—there’s an Evita’s Lament, you know that one?

NORA
Can you masturbate to it?

CRYSTAL
Probably not—
 125.

NORA
Then I don’t know it.
Maybe not a lament.

Crystal plays “Love is a Battlefield,” hands Nora the iPad.

CRYSTAL
...Thank / you—

NORA
Thank you.

Crystal exits.

Nora looks around the dim hospital room. A chunk of

foam tile drops to the ground, or the ceiling leaks.
Something cave-like.

She climbs out of bed, painfully gets dressed.

Decides to take off her bandages.

Works free a large flap of skin stuck to some of the gauze.

Hovering, looks down at the juices and flesh.

Decides to take a selfie with the iPad. Observes her face.

She is hideous. Horrific-looking. Devastated.

Turns off “Love is a Battlefield.”

Sits in the silence, working up courage.

Hugs the image of her face to her breast, looks up at

heaven:

NORA (CONT.)
I FUCKIN.
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks at her own image with love.

Exits the cave in peace.

END OF PLAY.