Winter Play - The Philadelphia Story
Winter Play - The Philadelphia Story
Winter Play - The Philadelphia Story
Gloria,AuntieMamebyLawrenceandLee
Gloria is a lovely society girl who thinks this is a really interesting story.
Mrs.Burnside,youcouldpracticallywriteabookaboutwhathappenedtome.BunnyBixlerandIwere
inthesemifinalstheverysemifinals,mindyouofthepingpongtournamentattheclub,andthis
ghastlythinghappened.Wewerebothplayingswellandwehadthisterrificvolley,andIranbacktoget
thisreallyterrificshotandIsteppedonthepingpongball!Justsquashedittonothing!AndthenBunny
andIwenttotheclosettogetanotherball,andtheclosetwaslocked!Imagine!Itwasghastly,just
ghastly!
Abby,ArsenicandOldLacebyJosephKesserling
Abby and her sister, Martha, are trying to explain to their nephew why theres a dead body in the
window seat.
ThefirstwasMr.Midgely.Istillthinkwecantclaimfullcreditforhimbecausehejustdied.Imean
withoutanyhelpfromus.Yousee,Mr.Midgelycameherelookingforaroom.Allhiskithandkinwere
deadanditlefthimsoforlornandunhappy.Andthen,whenhisheartattackcameandhesatdeadin
thatchairlookingsopeaceful,wemadeupourmindsthenandtherethatifwecouldhelpotherlonely
oldmentothatsamepeacewewould.Well,dear,agallonofelderberrywinewithateaspoonof
arsenic,thenhalfateaspoonofstrychnineandthenapinchofcyanideIthasquiteakick.
AlicefromYouCantTakeItWithYoubyMossHartandGeorgeS.Kaufman
Aliceisexplainingthedepthofherfamilyseccentricitytoherboyfriend.Shessurethatherfamilyistoo
weirdforhisfamilytoaccept.
Itgoesdeeper,Tony.Yourmotherbelievesinspiritualismbecauseitsfashionable,andyourfather
raisesorchidsbecausehecanaffordto.Mymotherwritesplaysbecauseeightyearsagoatypewriter
wasdeliveredherebymistake.AndandlookatGrandpa.Thirtyfiveyearsagohejustquitbusiness
oneday.Hestarteduptohisofficeintheelevatorandcamerightdownagain.Hejuststopped.He
couldhavebeenarichman,buthesaidittooktoomuchtime.Soforthirtyfiveyears,hesjust
collectedsnakes,andgonetocircusesandcommencements.
ElainefromArsenicandOldLacebyJosephKesselring
Elaineistryingtofigureoutwhyherboyfriendisactingsostrangely.
Mortimer!Whatsgoingoninthishouse?Youweresupposedtotakemetodinnerandthetheatre
tonightyoucalleditoff.YouaskedmetomarryyouIsaidIwouldandfiveminuteslateryouthrew
meoutofthehouse.Tonight,justafteryourbrothertriestostrangleme,youwanttochasemehome.
Now,listen,Mr.BrewsterbeforeIgohome,IwanttoknowwhereIstand.Doyouloveme?
DeirdrefromIHateHamletbyPaulRudnick
Deirdreisexcitedthatsheandherboyfriendareinthesameshow.HesplayingHamlet.Sheisnot
playingOphelia.
Iknowyouregoingtobethebest.AndImsoproudofyou.AndImsogladwereintheplay
together,evenifIamjustoneofOpheliasladiesinwaiting.AndevenifIdonthaveanylines.The
directortookmeasideyesterday,atthedressrehearsal.HesaidIwasverygood,butthatwhenthey
announcethatOpheliaisdead,Ishouldntscream.Orstagger.Orgrabyourswordandtrytostab
myself.HesaidtheplaywasntcalledTheTragedyofOpheliasBestFriend.ButIunderstand.
MONOLOGUESMale
Stanley,TheManWhoCametoDinnerbyKaufmanandHart
Mr. Whiteside is an egomaniacal radio celebrity who has been staying at Stanleys house since
he injured himself several weeks ago. Stanley is trying to stay calm, but he has had enough.
Nothavingyourgiftforinvective,sir,IcannottellyouwhatIthinkofyourobnoxiousinterferenceinmy
affairs,butIhavenowarrangedthatyouwillinterferenolonger.Mr.Whiteside,thesegentlemenare
deputysheriffs.TheyhaveawarrantbywhichIamenabledtoputyououtofthishouse,andIneed
hardlyaddthatitwillbethegreatestmomentofmylife.Youhavefifteenminutes,Mr.Whitesideand
thatmeansbag,baggage,wheelchair,penguins,octopus,andcockroaches.Iamnowgoingupstairsto
smashourradio,sothatnotevenaccidentallywillIeverhearyourvoiceagain.
Bert,TheManWhoCametoDinnerbyKaufmanandHart
Bert is a small town newspaper editor. He has just met with a famous actress who wants to help
him with his play. He stops in to see his new girlfriend to tell her the news. The girlfriend doubts
the actresss intentions.
Itsthebiggestdayofmylife.IknowImalittledrunk,butitisabigday.Wevebeensittingoverin
BillysTavernallnight.Neverrealizeditwasdaylightuntilitwasdaylight.Listen,MaggieMissSheldon
saystheplayneedsjustalittlebitoffixingdoitinthreeweeks.Shesgoingtotakemetoalittleplace
shesgotinLakePlacidjustforthreeweeks.Weregoingtoworkontheplaytogether.Isntit
wonderful?Youknowwhat,Maggie?IgotafriendthatdoesntbelieveinSantaClausletsclimbdown
hischimneyandfrightenthehelloutofhim.
GeorgefromItsAWonderfulLifeALiveRadioPlaybyJoeLandry
Georgeissharinghisdreamswithhisdate.
Well,notjustonewish.Awholehatful,Mary.Imshakingthedustofthiscrummylittletownoffmy
feetandImgoingtoseetheworld.Italy,Greece,theParthenon,theColiseum.ThenImcomingback
hereandgotocollegeandseewhattheyknowandthenImgoingtobuildthings.Imgonnabuildair
fields.Imgoingtobuildskyscrapersahundredstorieshigh.ImgonnabuildbridgesamilelongAnd
thenImgonnaHey,whatareyougonnathrowarocktoo?
PotterfromItsAWonderfulLifebyDougRand
Potterisconfrontinghisyoungnemesis.
Lookatyou.Youusedtobesococky!Youweregoingtogooutandconquertheworld!What
areyounowbutawarped,frustratedyoungman?Amiserablelittleclerkcrawlinginhereon
your hands and knees and begging for help. No stocks, no bonds nothing but a miserable
little fivehundreddollar equity in a life insurance policy. Youre worth more dead than alive!
Whydontyougototheriffraffyoulovesomuchandaskthemtoletyouhaveeightthousand?
Youknowwhy?Becausetheydrunyououtoftownonarail.