Returning to work: The 4 things I wish I'd known

Returning to work after maternity leave can be tough and having done it twice there are a few things I wish I'd known the first time. Here are my lessons learned and tips that people returning to work, and their managers, might find useful.

1. It's tough coming back - don't make it harder for yourself

Getting back into the swing of things takes time. It's a big re-adjustment for your brain and for your family to get used to a new routine. It's no easy transition, especially when you throw sleep deprivation into the mix. Here are a few things that might help:

• Childcare: Have this well established before you return, rather than juggling settling in while you're coming back to the office. Take a few days to yourself and remember, no matter how much you plan things (will) go wrong.
• Don't try to do it all at once: I hit the ground running and tried to prove to myself and those around me that I was just as good as before. I am, in fact I think the break from work made me a better employee but I didn't realise that at first and there were a fair amount of needless tears in those first few months as I pushed myself too hard trying to do it all, as my young family adjusted to a different pace of life.
• Be patient. Your confidence will come back. Take your time, work out your balance and see where you can make the most impact. Use your break from work to give valuable perspective. Now I'm 6 months back (after baby #2), I'm more confident than ever in my skills. I'm better at prioritising work, bolder in sharing my digital expertise, and confident enough to let some things go, making me much more productive.

2. Nothing is ever as important as you think - try not to stress

We've all got (several) war stories about childcare failures, sickness and children generally not cooperating, when you most need them to, but it's usually quickly followed by 'it didn't matter, in the end', 'the meeting was cancelled anyway', 'I turned it around' etc.

People are more understanding than you think, especially when your message reads: Can't make the call, cleaning sick out of my car & have a projectile vomiting child.

Ironically, I usually walk/run the childcare drop offs, and I was only driving to ensure I didn't have to rush before a call. And, just this morning, my daughter fell over on the way to school, headbutting the pavement. She's fine but I wanted to stay until I was sure (it was a nasty bump) and took a call on the walk home. It happens.

3. Be kind

Be kind to yourself and others.

For managers and team mates, please be kind to those rejoining the team. I had a horrible colleague to contend with when I returned to work (after my first child), and it can really make a difference to your experience and general well being. I almost left a job and company I'd enjoyed working for because of that person.

I'm pleased to say my husband made a very compelling argument to stay. I can't repeat his worldly wisdom, as LinkedIn would block this post, but needless to say I stuck it out and that person left. I thankfully had a much nicer experience coming back the second time, with nothing but lovely team mates.

4. Flexible working is key - push for it

My husband and I both work full time, which wouldn't be possible without flexible working (for both of us).

I'm now able to work from home and work flexible hours, which makes the juggle possible. I've been lucky with very supportive managers and over the last few years the normalisation of flexible working at Standard Chartered. This has enabled me to push for even better flexible working and I no longer pick up an overtired child just 30 mins before bedtime.

Having managers that trust me to get on with my job and deliver, rather than focusing on when I'm in the office, has made both of my returns much easier. The reality isn't always perfect but it works for me.

Good luck to those rejoining the rat race! If you've been through the return to work process (mat leave or for other reasons), please share your tips and lessons learned in the comments below.