Race at Work: What Do I Say? (Ideas from a Former Greeting Card Writer)

I’ve been spending significant time with executives all over the country who have recently awakened to the fact that racism is alive and well and continues to make life difficult for their Black friends and colleagues. While I was initially confused (and a little incredulous) about the revelation, three factors have evolved my thinking: 1. Robust discussions with white leaders about the history of race in America and its enduring consequences; 2. A genuine concern about the "right" way to respectfully engage Black talent regarding their lived experiences, and 3. Repeatedly being on the other end of this commonly posed question...“What do I say?”

Bottom line: my work is about progress. It’s about hope and growth and connection. It’s about building bridges between where we are and where we want to be. If a white male executive says he wants to be a catalyst for dismantling systemic racism in his company, well, then, that’s exactly what I want to help him become. 

Which takes me back to this “What do I say?” thing. I began my career as a greeting card writer for Hallmark some 25 years ago. In this quick read, I'm tapping into those skills to share a few conversations starters that might help answer that very question. While I understand the view that many “should” know what to say and how to say it, it is clear to me that “shoulding” on people, especially on such an emotionally-charged topic, does not move the needle. It never has. 

If you’re committed to being part of the change, but still stumbling over how, please read on for what I hope are helpful tools you can use to take action toward a more equal society and workplace.

NOTE: Before you engage your Black colleagues, I recommend you build basic knowledge by reading, watching, and listening to content about race and racism in America. It will drastically improve your outcomes if you do your own work first. (Many resource lists have been posted on the internet. A quick search will yield some great results.)

Four Conversation Starters for Four Types of Leaders

1. The Compassionate Connector: “Tara, I’m coming to realize that these last few months of racial unrest in America are just the tip of an iceberg you’ve been living with your whole life. I want to better understand your experiences, especially here at (company). If and when it works for you, I’d like to set up time to get a better feel for how things are REALLY going, and to hear what you need from me to be successful.” 

Key messages: I care. I'm open to learning. You are worth my time. 

2. The Bold Bridge: “Tara, I’ve made a personal commitment to step up and be the advocate you deserve in this company. I want to set up time to better understand your career aspirations and what I can do to help you achieve them. Do you have time this week or next?”

Key messages: I am committed. I'm ready and willing to help you get ahead. This is urgent to me.

3. The Truth Teller: “Tara, what's been going on in America and in our company is not okay. I’m honestly embarrassed that I never took the time to have this conversation with you before. That’s not the kind of leader I want to be. But when you know better, you do better. I want to do better. Please help me understand what support and enablement look like in your eyes – for you, personally, and for others who may share similar experiences. 

Key messages: I won’t make excuses. I’ve been disengaged, but that changes now. What can I do?

4. The Supportive Seeker: “I need to be a better ally to you and our Black colleagues. I’m not asking you to solve this for me, but if you have specific feedback, I’m all ears. Some of my questions are: What should I stop doing? What should I start doing? What can I be doing better or differently?”

Key messages: I must do more. What kind of action is valuable? I want your feedback. 

I hope this helps someone. I’m not naïve. I know a few leaders are trying to wait this thing out, but others truly want to lead inclusively and need help understanding what that looks like in the age of racial reconciliation. If that's you, remember – script or no script – your Black colleagues want what most people want - to be cared about, respected, (fairly) valued, and to grow. When you can remove the obstacles to the most fundamental needs for ALL people, you’ll be on your way to getting it right. 

Onward!

Tara Jaye Frank is a passionate leadership and culture speaker and consultant, a blessed wife, a grateful mother of six children ages thirteen to twenty-two, and a firm believer in human potential. She designs and facilitates leadership experiences for companies and member organizations and recently founded #MoreThan: A Movement - a healing movement toward deeper understanding between disconnected people. Share your #morethan story at morethanamovement.com and join the movement on IG/Twitter @morethanmove, and on Facebook @morethanahealingmovement.