Keep playing each step watchfully

My heart goes out to you. I am just beginning to recover from this apathy. I don't know if I will ever recover completely. Its from dealing with the human monsters in my life over the years. It turned into emotional burn out, helplessness, then apathy. Your emotional muscle, overused, has temporarily ( hopefully) burnt out. I am no professional on this. I'm speaking for myself. Once upon a time I was so full of energy for my animal friends. I fostered and rehabbed medical and behavioral issues. Not just dogs. Everything!!! Dogs cats horses birds reptiles wildlife…name it. And know what? I'm damn good at it!!!

Helping animals and people be happy was the best!!! After years of continuous abuse there came a day I didn't see coming. Ever. I shut down. Not bc of the animals who asked for nothing. Because of the demanding and ungrateful people in my life. In hind sight I should have set up boundaries but was so satisfied being a helper. I lost myself. The closest people to me not only showed ingratitude but openly shamed me. I ignored it. Pressing on w the happy face.Until one day I didn't. What's the freaking point? My ego and heart just collapsed. I don't want to participate anymore. Not just with even nice people who love me but apathy to my animal friends was the worst.

My horse is like my son. He has my heart. I have animals that live here that can probably live no where else bc of issues I took them in with. If I was able to feel at all I came to sobs bc I wanted nothing to do with the furry ones that were my life. The monster I live with erased me and I didn't even see it coming. Drag myself out to give hay and water. No lovies, no special treats, no brushing. My dearest cats want to lye on me. No. Please go away. I have no love right now. My doggies lay near. Please don't bother me. Go play. My Wolfdog senses my detachment. She begins to shred things and her housetraining regressed. She doesn't do well without my guidance.

I didn't care if they all disappeared. Better off. I am doing my best to seek counselling when I can. I know this is not how I should feel. I am sad another person is feeling this way to ask this question. Quora here has been a great thing for me!!! This is where I am now. After a year or more of feeling this way and it getting worse…I find a bright side I hope u can too!🙂 The greatest thing about having your dog? Besides the unconditional love I mean…You have to get up and feed your dog. You have to get up and water/flea treat/vet visit/brush/play/care for doggie. Even tho u don't feel like it. I have taken my dog out on cold night walks where I absolutely hate getting my gear on. Then I see the pretty stars and hear the silence.

I despised trudging out to the barn to even throw hay over the pasture fence. I used to be so excited for barn time! Not now. But it had to be done. Crap. I don't wanna. Then I see the pink of sunrise over the trees and a gust of fresh air hits my face. I can hear my horses chew. Bad things still happen to me. I had heartbreaking news just 4 days ago that hit me hard and knocked me back down. I have major unresolved issues in my life. I have known veterans with PTSD that received a service dog. They cannot at this point show love to themselves or their families. They have shut down. The dog is not just there for reassurance to the veteran cause at first its not.

The veteran is taught he MUST do these things for the care and emotions of his dog. Care of the dog must be done. This eventually helps the vet come out of his/ her shell bc the vets actions are not judged by the dog. Just appreciated. They develop a bond even tho at first the vet felt forced into it. They can then better start to bond back w their human family slowly but surely. I find my love coming back. I cant be mad cause I don't understand the universe. When I am depressed now I force myself to do a good deed. I'm sad a lot and love my bed too much. This makes these animals good for me. I have to care for them. I'm beginning to feel for them again like I should.

I read positive affirmations at dawn and bedtime. Even if I think its stupid haha. It helps.If anything and u just can't care, take your time to reach out and find your doggie another home at least. The fire dept keeps baby boxes for mom's who just can't do it. Its ok. You have to care for yourself first. I wish you hope and help and blessings. You are not alone. I have no idea why you are in that state of mind, but I’ve pretty much joined the club. I know why I’m there though. I get so sick of people who automatically label people as “depressed” like its a disease or not normal. If people had to live the life I’ve had, and didn't feel the way I do, there's more of a chance that something is wrong with them vs the other way around. And I have a feeling that's the case more times then scientists / healthcare wants to admit.

Have you been to a Buddha temple any time?It’s a great place to be, at least for the personality which lacks a lot of conscientiousness. For the conscientious, they always need to feel like they’re serving or helping someone else, otherwise their life is meaningless. For those that aren’t, it’s quite a nice place to be. Do you think cats care about anything other than grooming themselves and getting their next meal? Why should humans have some goal to be satisfied. Our culture is immature. Older cultures emphasize the state of Buddhahood or nirvana. Don’t listen to the others telling you that there’s something wrong with you for not caring about anything. True joy only comes when you realize you have no cares in the world. When you find yourself caring too much about external things you realize that you’re in a state of dissatisfaction. When in deep sleep, do you have any cares? Aren’t you quite satisfied? Would you be considered depressed?

Our society is insane. By society, I mean the collective narrative, not individuals of course. Humans don’t need much to survive, thrive but collectively, we act greedily and marginalize large portions of our species. Capitalistic society also tries to get people addicted to various concepts that promote profits for the producers and isn’t optimized for collective human welfare. Knowing the nature of this can lead to apathy, even in the well-to-do. That being said, you need to make sure your personal needs are fulfilled first, otherwise you’ll be unhappy because you still have unmet desires and because of your attitude, you won’t be able to summon the motivation to fulfill or go after them. Either let go of your desires fully or satisfy them to the point you have no more desires (the latter is very hard, since desires usually expand as you feed them).

If you have goals but don’t have the energy to attain them, that is, you have an issue with motivation, try to fix your diet, relationships, sleep, hobbies, exercise schedules. You are probably depressed. That is a key symptom of depression and if it goes on for an extended period of time you should consider seeking treatment as depression doesn’t just spontaneously go away if you’ve been depressed for an extended period of time. Either you battle it or it sucks you in, getting worse and worse until something jars you out of it or your life crumbles to the point that you must do something to get out of it.

Most people go through short periods of depression. Sometimes for no reason at all. If you have been feeling like this for a couple months and you are not under some sort of strong stress such as a failed romantic relationship, loss of job, somebody close to you dying, etc. Then you are chronically depressed. You have also seen things like changes in eating and sleeping, possibly more irritable and having a hard time focusing or concentrating. You feel unmotivated and find it hard to care about anything any more.

If you are under a big stress then it’s rather natural to feel depressed. Talk to somebody, get it out and start climbing out of that hole. Maybe you want to see a professional counselor if you have no close friends you feel comfortable confiding in. Sooner or later you have to deal with the grief and move on. Even if that stress is still sitting on top of you. Another possibility is that you just have the blahs. Shake up your life, do something that scares you. Go somewhere you have never been before. Look up old friends or meet some new ones. Even if it’s going hiking or just out for a long drive, get away from your routine. If you do not have the symptoms above it’s probably just the blahs.

You need a challenge and a purpose. So volunteer at an animal shelter, work with kids or spend some time at a homeless shelter to give yourself some perspective and purpose. Do something. Even if you find it difficult to get started, Do it. It’ll make you feel better and maybe you’ll discover it’s what you should have been doing all along. Learn how to play a musical instrument, how to ride a motorcycle, how to paint, how to build a website. Cheers!