How to Convey Emotion Without Compromising Authority

It's not about hiding your emotions. It's about not "getting married" to them.

Emotions, particularly in a corporate context, are often perceived as signs of weakness or unprofessionalism. Everyone experiences them, but expressing them tends to trigger discomfort in others due to the ambiguity of truly understanding what the other person is going through. In short, attempting to grasp others' emotions forces us to confront our own, which can be unpleasant or unproductive at times.

But what exactly is an emotion, and what purpose does it serve? Definitions abound; in my opinion, the simplest one is that an emotion is a biochemical response to internal or external stimuli. From an evolutionary perspective, emotions enable learning—plain and simple. We learn when we feel, period. Regardless of whether an emotion is pleasant or unpleasant, the more intense it is, the deeper the learning.

The formula is straightforward: more emotion equals more attention, and more attention equals better learning.

I wonder, though: if emotions facilitate learning (something highly valued in organizational life), why are they often so challenging to manage, express, and especially to witness in others? Because each person learns (feels) differently.

Let's Define Authority

The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as "Power or right to give orders make decision, and enforce obedience; moral, legal, or political supremacy".

It implies a hierarchical relationship with someone in a subordinate role and someone in a position of power. Whether due to job function or academic prestige, authority suggests a vertical relationship between two or more individuals.

Now, why can emotions potentially undermine authority? Because expressing them, regardless of hierarchical role, levels the playing field among all parties. In other words, there's less "authority" when the source isn't distant. The more we understand another person's emotional experience (empathy), the closer we feel to them, potentially diluting the impact of vertical authority in the relationship, thus placing both parties on more equal footing.

So, if emotions facilitate valuable learning and professional success... how can you address your emotions without compromising your authority? By validating them and recognizing them as catalysts for learning, fostering a leadership mindset to achieve your goals.

Maintain your authority by expressing your feelings, learning from the situation, and taking conscious, strategic action.

If we were to outline this as a step-by-step process, it would resemble a four-act presentation:

1. Context of the Emotion: Before sharing how you feel, it helps to link it to what triggered the reaction. For instance, "Regarding last Friday's event, during (someone's) intervention, I felt/have been feeling/feel that..."

2. Nature of the Emotion: Describing your feelings from an observer's perspective helps understand and validate them, acknowledging impartially what triggers your emotional response. For example, "...although I felt X, I'm aware that the situation... and in that sense, I understand it wasn't personal and..."

3. Learning from the Emotion: After reflecting on your feelings, you're likely to have learned something. For example, "[with a deep sigh] From this, I've learned that X, Y, Z."

4. Next Action after the Emotion: What will you do with what you've learned? No one has ever been able to "marry" an emotion. Emotions need to transcend and therefore always lead to behavior. The key is to consciously activate such behavior with a purpose.

Therefore, expressing your emotions shouldn't diminish your authority.

Feeling is useful—immensely useful. Our emotions are signals of intelligence guiding us through bodily sensations, and a leader should be able to self-manage them to demonstrate to their team, with authority, that progress can be made thanks to them.

The concept of authority, in my opinion, should be redefined to encompass expanding our learning zone, being vulnerable, and allowing ourselves to experience the emotional intensity of each challenge, each opportunity.

If a leader, or anyone, can develop the habit of consciously feeling, they'll become more resilient, empathetic, and undoubtedly, more productive thanks to learning.

Lastly, to express what you feel without losing authority, conclude your discourse with a clear purpose, the next steps, the lessons learned, and the subsequent action—rather than getting stuck in your emotions. Ultimately, no emotion is meant to linger too long.

A practical tip for when an emotion overwhelms you and you want to move past it: set a timer and give yourself 5 minutes of quiet solely to intensely feel that emotion, and nothing else. Before the timer goes off, you'll likely find yourself navigating a different emotion, focusing on something different and, undoubtedly, more compelling.

Behind every emotion lies a significant opportunity for management.