From Pink Frocks to Bulging Biceps

Locked into Labels: How Liberated Are You from Traditional Masculine and Feminine Constructs?

Happy New Year!

Hope you had a good festive break and that 2024 has started in fulfilling and inspiring ways.

Mine kicked off delving into the feminine and the masculine as they relate to power. Which might sound a tad heavy, but honestly, it’s been enlightening. 

It was part of my big immersive training for 2024 with Dr. Claire Zammit and the Women's Centred Coaching team.

What’s the first image that pops into your head when you see the word masculine?

How about feminine?

There’s no right or wrong answer of course. My psyche threw up a tanned bulging bicep for the former – and a pink frou-frou prom dress for the latter. Pretty knee-jerk stereotypical images!

What about your reactions to adjectives often associated with masculine and feminine - like logical, linear, focussed, and independent; versus nurturing, receptive, relational, and emotional? 

At first I was overwhelmed by how many words felt loaded with judgement – like ‘emotional’ for feminine (as in, being overly emotional…). But after reflecting, they produced more nuanced verdicts - and I like that I’m in tune to my emotions!

A good reminder then that what constitutes masculine and feminine resonates deeply within us all on a cultural and personal level, and in complex ways.  

And despite there now being ever-more fluid conceptualisations of gender, it’d be naive to think that the traditional binary construct of feminine and masculine impacts us no more. 

Cultural assumptions about them play a big role in how we navigate important aspects of our lives – however we identify. 

The truth is, we're not hardwired with one fixed way of seeing the world. But if we don’t dig into what our default ‘normal’ is, and whether it works for us - the demands of our work, our relationships and so much more can become a hot mess.  

For me, some really useful blind spots and skill gaps have come to light reflecting on how traditional masculine and feminine qualities might have impacted my life – both positively and negatively. All helpful pointers as I build my coaching business. 

And it prompted me to celebrate my achievements and strengths in the process – something many of us rarely take time to do. 

It was also helpful to consider the bigger picture of power and its male origins in ancient times. Perhaps a dominant, aggressive, and seriously logical approach to world-building was inevitable back then (perhaps…). Now though, these traditional frameworks limit and frustrate many of us attempting to succeed within them in modern life and business. 

And as a woman, it was a relief to be reminded that much of my ambivalence about ‘success’ - even my ability (or not) to see myself within its masculine parameters – is not an individual failing. It’s an indicator of how ‘power’ needs a serious revamp to better speak to everyone.

Personally, my upbringing fostered my strong independence and ability to self-start - to take responsibility for getting stuff done. But the ‘masculine’ lack of encouragement to seek help and support associated with that was perhaps less positive. 

I’ve also recognised my tendency to scarcity thinking – and fear there not being ‘enough’.  I’ve felt I should be grateful for the financial security I have; that wanting more is greedy, and directly implicated in whether others who don’t have enough can have more. 

Ultimately, I’ve begun a process of reviewing my relationship to masculine and feminine and reframing it to serve me better. Understanding where I might have rejected certain gendered ways of being and why.  And making visible my automatic ways of seeing the world that don’t truly sit with who I am. 

The goal being to draw on ways of being in the world – in work, love and life – that suit who I am now, and where I want to be. 

It’s been invigorating – and empowering! 

Ponder on this yourself this week – you might be surprised what you find!