Salespeople… Let’s rewrite this “meh” cold email I received into a GREAT cold email.
With the original email below—here's how I would rewrite it and why I believe this email is better.
“Hey Oliver,
Saw that you started at Servicebell in January.
Was checking out the website and noticed that Servicebell recently launched the first inbound-aware power dialer.
Although I'm sure you aren’t the right contact, I was curious if you’ve heard anything from your engineering team about needing extra sets of hands to help with bug fixes, new releases, etc?
We work with a couple of clients that do a lot of outbound cold calling and would benefit from Servicebell’s dialer. I’d be happy to make an introduction if you’d do the same for me?
Our engineers have experience with virtually all relevant programming languages and I'm sure would make an immediate impact on the roadmap.
Let me know if you’d be interested in swapping intros! ;)"
Why this email is better?
1. It's specific, researched, and personalized.
The email below congratulates me on my new position at Servicebell. Although 6 months into a position is hardly “new.”
It’s much better to mention the specific month the prospect started to PROVE you did a bit more research.
This rewritten email also mentions the product that was recently launched. Again, this shows that you did research and know what sort of product/service that your prospect sells.
Remember, the best way to cut through the noise is to make prospects CERTAIN that the email you sent was meant for them and ONLY them.
2. It addresses that i’m not the right contact, but still gives me an incentive to reply.
If you’re going to try to go lower in the org than the direct decision maker, like this person did here, you have to do 2 things.
1. ACKNOWLEDGE that the person you’re messaging is not the decision maker.
2. Make responding worth their while.
The goal of an email like this should not be to book a meeting. The goal should be either:
To obtain more intel about your prospects company to be used in messaging TO a decision maker,
OR it should hope to get an intro.
However, with that being said, no one is just going to give you an intro. Again, you have to make it worth their while.
For example, in the email that I rewrote, I offer to make an intro to potential prospects of theirs in EXCHANGE for an intro to the correct decision maker.
This is a deal I’d venture to say 99% of people in biz dev would agree to.
I know it’s been said a million times but I’ll say it again:
Cold emails should ALWAYS lead with VALUE.
You can’t take before you GIVE.
Ivan Hrynievych, Travis Simat 🔥, 💜 Will Allred, Cornelius Clark, Josh Braun, Aaron Price, Nymrod Confino, Cody Richless, Will Aitken, Ronen R. Pessar What do you guys think? What adjustments would you make to the original/rewritten email?
Consultant Conveyancer/owner of Porters Legal Consultancy Ltd
2moWhy do we do it again?