Alec Sillifant’s Post

How helpful are your 'sorry's? Do you, like me, sometimes fall into the trap of the self-centred sorry? Here's a tip for saying sorry well. For those who prefer to read, here's the transcript: So saying ‘sorry’, which I needed to do again this morning, as quite often happens. I had failed to pay somebody. And I was apologizing. And as I started to open my mouth to go down an old pattern of saying ‘sorry’ multiple times, and the other person saying ‘it's ok’ multiple times, I was focused on this tip that I find helpful. When we say sorry, my invitation is to look at the impact on the other person. So to keep our focus on what our actions that we regret did to the other person, rather than how guilty we are feeling about it. When we're guilty, we are tending to absorb energy from the other person to make us feel better, or at least that's the risk. And what we want to be doing is focusing on what might have happened to the other person and how we deal with that impact, and what we can do differently. 

Want to know a secret 🙊 I have a split personality... Well, just when it comes to vocabulary lol. (And I'm not talking about using cursies on Friday nights 😆) You see, financial advisors spend so much of their career learning technical terminology, concepts, and abbreviations. It’s necessary to use this vocabulary when communicating amongst ourselves, with vendors, and for documentation. 🛑But be honest, when you (the client) hear us using too much jargon do you: 1️⃣ stop listening out of confusion or boredom? 2️⃣ get intimidated or stressed? You will ALWAYS hear me give an explanation that's easy to understand in everyday language. Typically it's an analogy that you're already familiar with. Enjoy today's Friday Money Funny. 🙂 DM me for a money conversation that gives you clarity and confidence. https://lnkd.in/gYzRhhGT

The power in NOT replying or at least pausing before you do… Gosh, it’s nice to be right. And isn’t it fun to let everyone know when you are? I mean, of course it is. It is human nature (especially if you happen to be an attorney– it’s what we do, we were born to be right). But is it worth it? Yesterday, I received a very snarky (and inaccurate) email after a challenging conversation. As I read the email, my blood pressure was boiling. I found myself making mental notes about everything that was incorrect or misconstrued in the email. The best (most annoying) part… there were about 17 people unnecessarily copied on the email. I took a deep breath, smiled, and didn’t hit reply. I took the high road. Would it have been fun to hit reply with bullet after bullet of my best responses? Absolutely. But was it worth it? Nope. It simply wasn’t. A colleague, who was copied on the email, texted me immediately and said, “ooohhhhh, I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about this. Just sitting here waiting for your reply.” I had a good laugh and said, “if I had received that email five or ten years ago, my response would have been epic. Today, at this stage in my career, in my life, no response is the best response.” There was absolutely nothing to gain from a reply and there was so much power in my silence. I disengaged. I moved on. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are times when I need to respond: when there is risk, when there are inaccuracies that will cause damage, injury, or a violation of the law. But, even then, I try to take a breath, a pause, a moment, a day, whatever necessary to take out the emotion; something I wish I had been better at as a young professional. So, before you hit reply, or worse, reply all, HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE! I’ll try to continue to take my own advice right along side you.

Spammers ruin it for everyone else, don't they? A couple of days ago, I acted out of character. Having received perhaps up to twenty emails from this person, I responded with a blunt and blue message telling them not to contact me again. Today, I was scrolling on Instagram, and this person popped up in my feed with a very engaging advertisement, offering a free resource... that's when it all came back to me. I had invited the vampire into my home. I was the one who initiated contact when I signed up for this person's free resource weeks ago. Being a man of integrity, there was only one thing for it. I had to apologise to him. I've emailed him this morning and explained that he got the brunt end of my feeling about those who abuse our inboxes. My personal inbox gets dozens of junk messages every day. He HAS emailed me more than anyone else, but I - literally - asked for it. I hope he gets my message and accepts my apology. That's the thing about spamming. Email is a fantastic tool, but how many of us even read the newsletters we've signed up for these days when so much of what comes in has not been asked for? In other news, after a long period of playing chicken with the universe, I believe I closed a new book deal yesterday. Others had advised me to be more proactive and approach people whom I believed should be writing books. I've mostly avoided this approach because even those who are determined to write a book often get side-tracked before the project gets off the ground. Anyway, I took the advice and sent out a few feelers, and this person agreed to a meeting. It's a really exciting project and arguably the most important book I've ever worked on. That's all I can reveal at this point. How's your week going? #expressyourtruthwithclarity

What is it you are afraid to do? Most persons operate from a place of fear when starting a business, transitioning to a new role or career. They'll never say it out loud. Yet, they simply summoned the courage to do it despite the fear and anxiety. Here's what I was afraid of and how I overcame it. I started-out as a Computer Tech, afraid and unsure if all my reading on it was right. I learnt computer hardware maintenance from the public library where I volunteered and simply put into practice what I read. I lacked the confidence, but there was I in front of a computer. I had to shut off the inner critic and get to work. Before long, I had diagnosed the bus cable to be the fault; causing the hard drive not to read hence the message: boot device not found. I swapped the bus cable with one from my toolbox. Viola! It booted. My first successful real-time experience away from the comfort zone of my room where I practiced. From then on, the rest was history. I began getting referrals and recommendations from then on. Before long, I was repairing computers in most public offices, delegations and ministries in locality. This was early 2004 and I was just a secondary school lad using tech to fend for my basic needs. Little did I know it was only prepping me for when Dad dies. Well, what came next is a story for another day. The focus here is on facing your fears and fighting the inner critic that says you're insufficient and cannot do it. Do it scared! If you make a mistake, you'll learn one way not to do things. You'd be better next time; you'd be starting from experience. If you are waiting for when you'll be perfect, that time will never come. What you see people doing amazingly well never happened because they were 100% sure of its outcome. They were unsure and scared, but simply started, figured it out as they went ahead and the rest was history. What is it you are afraid to do? How did you overcome that fear? Tell us in the comment section. That's a wrap, Stephen A. Kube P.S. Kindly reshare to keep the conversation going. Thank you and do have a go-do-it day. 😉

Should we eff and blind or not? “What we never expect always happens,” said Disraeli. Having been known for years as Drayton effing Bird because of my foul language, I was amused to be asked by Ian Denny whether people should use words like f**king or fucking (take your pick; you know what it is with or without the asterisks) in blogs. I think “sticks and stones may hurt your bones but words can never hurt you” – or at any rate, not words like that. I suspect being told you’re a half-witted insensitive buffoon* will do a better job there. I also think a blog is above all personal; if you can’t express yourself as you wish there, where can you? Nobody is forced to read. Then again, there is the question of why you are writing a blog. Many – perhaps most – do so for commercial purposes. I do it for fun – that’s it. If I were aiming it to attract a certain type of client, I would moderate the language perhaps. Come to think of it, since business thrives or fails largely on the basis of how well you get on with those you work with, maybe a blog could be a way of filtering out the unwanted – or encouraging the right kind of associates. But that word – in fact many words – seem to be seen in quite different ways, depending on the context, the person or the culture. An Irish friend uses “fecking” all the time – even in meetings with very straight-laced business people. I try to restrain myself. Maybe I’m getting old and staid. * On the subject of insults, Dr. Johnson was once asked to coin his idea of the perfect one. He came up with “Sir, your mother, under pretence of keeping a brothel, is a receiver of stolen goods.” This in turn reminds me of one of my favourite cartoons which was hanging in my house in Somerset - copied below. It’s a Rowlandson, dating back about 200 years, with the title “Politeness”. A man has burst into a room to discover a couple frolicking in bed. He says: “Sir, are you aware you are in bed with my wife?.” The man in the bed replies: “A thousand pardons, Sir. She shall be with you in the course of an instant.” For me an exchange like that makes life worth while. So, what do you think - does swearing have a time and place? Let me know below.

I had a manager’s manager tell me (when my direct manager was off on PTO) that I was had the worst stats on his team! Did I wallow in this? No. I knew that the stats were based on simple metrics like the amount of time you spent with each customer. As you shorten the time of each interaction, you can interact with a greater number of customers; but does that does not necessarily reflect the QUALITY of the interaction with the customer. Furthermore, it one thing to address a customer’s short term problem, but another to solve the long-term cause. I focused on solving the problem so the next bump-in-the-road didn’t cause the customer to need to readdress their issue with support. My direct manager knew, and preferred, my method. But when away, the “big boss” felt it inportant to brow beat me and inform me of my status as having “the worst stats on his team!” But, who was called in for customers with larger issues? Who was used to address upset customers? Who made sure the REAL problem was addressed? That’s right, the team member with the worst stats! #MakeLemonade #RootCauseAnalysis

Opening up is hard. It’s not about not wanting to share—it’s about not knowing how to. When someone asks, “How are you?” the easiest response is “I’m okay,” even when I’m not. Even when I’m caught in a whirlwind of emotions that I can’t quite put into words. I know I’m not alone in this. Everyone is going through something. Struggles big and small, seen and unseen. I acknowledge that. And I also know how much a simple check-in can mean to someone. A quick, “Hey, are you okay?” could make all the difference to a person on the verge of giving up. But then, here’s the thing: What about when I’m the one struggling? When I’m already carrying my own weight, am I ready to be there for someone else? Am I even capable of it? And when someone reaches out to me, am I ready to let them in? To tell them what’s really going on? Or will I brush it off because saying, “I’m fine,” feels safer than opening a door I might not be able to close? I’m not sure. Some days, I think I am. Other days, I’m not. This push and pull—it’s messy, confusing, and so very human... P. S: This post is purely written from a reflection perspective and nothing personal.

Hey everyone, I wanted to share a little dilemma I've been grappling with. I often find myself torn between whether I should keep people in check or not. Let me not make it ሮኬትሳይንስ and explain. (goodluck) . . Should I call out others when they're in the wrong, even if I'm guilty of the same behavior? Is it acceptable for me to speak up simply because I have more knowledge, regardless of my own actions? I mean, wouldn't it be hypocritical of me to preach something that I don't even practice? Who am I to correct them? But then again, should I let others make mistakes just because I make them too? Shouldn't I be guiding them like an older sister and stand up for what I believe is right? But if I truly believed it was right, wouldn't I have followed it myself? What if my own weaknesses prevent me from doing the right thing, even though I know what it is? And maybe they're not as weak as me, and if they knew better, they would do better. But I don't really know if they're unaware of the wrongness of their actions. I don't know. Am I allowed to speak up just because I know better? Or is it necessary for me to practice what I preach? I know people would be more likely to follow if they see me doing it too. But some might listen even if I just point out when things are wrong. Right? Right? Should we speak up just because we know better and have the platform, or are there other factors to consider?

"Are you lost?" A question I was literally asked by a "fan" as he looked at the Thunderbird pilots to my left and right before slowly sliding a photo in front of me to autograph. It was easy to roll my eyes at these experiences, but my self-doubt was much harder to write off. "You don't belong." "You're a fraud." "Eventually, they'll figure me out!" Like many of you, I've struggled with the inner voice that tells me I'm not good enough. In order to be successful, I had to figure out how to gain perspective on this voice. I took a step back, gained some "altitude," and tried to see things from a different angle. I began to recognize my inner critic for what it was—a part of me that wanted to keep me safe and comfortable, not some oppressive external force. This new perspective began to disarm my inner critic, allowing me to keep moving forward with more confidence and less anxiety. Key lessons from this journey: ✅ Our Inner Critic is a shared human experience. ✅ The Inner Critic prioritizes protection over rationality. ✅ Each challenge helped me convert fear into confidence. ✅ Identifying this battle is the first step towards winning it. ✅ Recognize that these doubts are just echoes, not realities. Today, as I guide others through their doubts, I often reflect on these moments. It's a reminder that we all have an inner critic, and we have everything we need right now to conquer it. ** Have you registered for my 5-day email course, "𝗧𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗖𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰?" I'm offering the course for a limited time, and it's totally FREE! I'll share my unique strategy on taming that voice once and for all - the link is in the comments! ** ------------------------ Hi, I'm Michelle. I'm a former fighter pilot turned speaker, author, and coach. If you found this helpful, consider reposting ♻️ and follow me for more content like this.