Adam Grant’s Post

That's a powerful reflection on emotional intelligence. At ARC, we often work with leaders to develop emotional intelligence. Mindfulness practices and self-reflection exercises can be incredibly helpful in cultivating this skill.

Absolutely agree! Emotions guide us, but they shouldn't take the wheel. It's all about balance and smart decision-making. 

The one thing we miss about emotional regulation is this: we have to FEEL the feelings in order to understand what they are trying to tell us. The key to feeling the emotions is to NAME them. Name the emotion (anger, fear, frustration, sadness, grief, shame), and it loses its grip on you. Naming it releases the stress hormones associated with the emotion (cortisol and adrenaline). When that happens, your prefrontal cortex comes back online because your physiology now fees SAFE. And THAT's when you can then decide intentionally how to proceed with the situation that raised those emotions in the first place.

Emotional regulation is one of the most overlooked superpowers of effective leadership. It’s about understanding their message and choosing how to respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. Our emotions are data, not directives—they reveal what matters to us, signal boundaries, or expose unmet needs. But letting them hijack our actions can undermine our relationships, decision-making, and credibility as leaders. The real power lies in pausing, reflecting, and then responding with intention.

And the only way to stay out of prison. The mind has a lot of darkness. If anyone acted on all of their feels they'd be in a whack of trouble on day one. We edit our thoughts and feelings and our Ego puts all the taboo stuff on the cutting room floor. What I've started to notice more and more in this era is people are getting really skilled at forgetting their words and actions that don't align with their Egoic construct of 'good person'. It's far too easy in this world of endlessly scrolling through people doing self-marketing and self-care to the exclusion of all else to get lost and believe that you are your online avatar. You're not some angel flying all over the world changing lives with memes. You're a guy/gal sitting in their underwear at home on a keyboard waiting for life to start while you advise others who are all doing the same thing. Words and intentions without actions are the path to our personal Hell. Real life happens whenever we look away from the screen, and I've noticed many of us can't tolerate real life or looking real people in the face for more than a few moments, if at all... Don't tell us how to live with your words. Show us how it works with your actions.

It's a fine line in a system that is set-up to "get the most out of workers". At some point people react when they are being abused (often via performance punishment). So while this is a good sentiment, it's a double edge sword in the wonderful world of hustle culture (and often weaponized in corporate settings to get people to comply to unrealistic expectations). It's also one of the reasons why wellness programs are so vital, to teach people how to set boundaries and practice self-care ❤️

If you can’t respond positively to something Don’t react The secret is how do you get the response in front of the reaction If you are able, better not to react emotionally something you can’t handle immediately

I've found this thinking problematic since studying mind. Cognition is always limbically driven, so affective. A mixture of chemical and tendency. Habituation as driver is quite dominant, when more-automatic skills and actions prevail. How do you reflect then ? You have to habituate reflection into the affective. Caution is an emotion, reflection an emotion. Which can be balanced with experiential success, or wisdom from this. Saying that the emotional reward from the previous will still drive the current. The whoie process is limbically driven still. The hardest thing is when reward for bad (money) conflicts with reward for good (charitable good). Can defeat a person and success in multiple dimensions. You hope ones charity is rewarded, but often/usually it is not. As it says in the bible, our reward is later. Others have their reward now, nothing for them later. Curious passage that.

Emotion regulation is about understanding and managing our emotions rather than ignoring or suppressing them. Reflecting before reacting allows us to process our feelings and respond in a more thoughtful and constructive manner. This approach helps us maintain better relationships, make wiser decisions, and navigate challenges more effectively. By acknowledging and naming our emotions, we can reduce their intensity and gain clarity on how to proceed. This practice not only enhances our emotional intelligence but also fosters a healthier and more balanced life.

Choosing not to act on every emotion you feel is indeed a mark of emotional intelligence, and I agree with this. However, I also believe it is equally important to learn how to react in certain situations. A lack of reaction might sometimes indicate fear, hesitation, or not feeling ready to address the issue. Before we can reach the stage where we reflect and choose our responses thoughtfully, we must first go through a phase of bravery—learning to stand up for ourselves and face difficult situations head-on. Only then can we develop the confidence to respond intentionally rather than impulsively.