What are the best practices for giving and receiving feedback in a conflict situation?

Knowing your intention is critical to providing meaningful feedback and before you offer it, get the micro yes from the other party Too often we think of feedback as unidirectional, and this increases the risk that feedback will create conflict Instead, set the stage and the context ahead of time like this: “Bob, Do you have 10 minutes to talk about project XYX” The commitment from Bob is the micro yes, and he knows the context of the conversation. Making it easy to be focused and contribute The next step is to ask them (aka Bob) their thoughts first as they may reveal something you were unaware of, or validate what you know. Either way, it makes sharing your feedback more relevant

Feedback must be future and development focused. If you have any other purpose than helping the employee and the organization than it’s not feedback but criticism.

The more time passes the less effective the feedback will be. Feedback should be given in the moment or as close to the situation as possible and in private.

Describing behaviour in an open and curious way requires good observation skills and . It gives you the opportunity to gift the person with the feedback and with good intentions. That might sounds like: "I'm sure this isn't what you intended, but I notice that when (situation) you (behaviour) and that one of the results of that might be (impact). Keeping it curious and with a touch of uncertainty, allows them to explore their perspective.

I have used this model in the past and have found that it works beautifully. This framework provides you the ability give feedback in the most effective way.

The SBI model is wonderful but try adding a C for commitment. Be specific about the situation and the actual behavior, discuss the impact of the behavior, and then act for a commitment to change or improve the behavior.

Asking open-ended questions from a place of curiosity can help to reduce the opportunity of becoming offended and taking the feedback personally. Remaining curious enables each person to be open to seeing and understanding the other person's point from a neutral place.

In my experience, the thing that people forget is that their intentions are not clear. It's helpful to set these conversations in the context of "I see how much potential you have".

Both parties suggesting recommended actions that will address the issue and agreeing on a followup period ensures that both parties are focusing on improvement and are accountable to each other.

Feedback is actually a problem solving opportunity between the manager and employee. If you can lead with curiosity than behavior is more likely to improve, and the employee should be more engaged.

The first thing that needs to be done in a conflict situation is to reduce the level of conflict that's between two parties. If the two sides are trenched-in in conflicting positions, any feedback will be perceived as criticism or an argument to bolster one's position, further causing the other side to hold on to their own position. The relationship first needs to be addressed. The best way to do this is to address the conflict head-on, but with a positive intent. For example: "I get the feeling that we are stuck in positions that we both perceive as conflicting. Would you see a reason for us to come together in some form and sort out some our differences so that we can have a more productive relationship?" #TheBusinessPhilosopherInYou