How can you use responsiveness to navigate difficult conversations at work?

Responsiveness is really about:- #1. Thoughtfulness in responding #2. Deliberate attempt to engage the other party #3. Testament to the fact that others were heard #4. Propels the conversation and dialogue forward #5. Focus on "Why" and "What Next" Responsiveness matters because it showcases the depth of your knowledge, expertise, and experiences. It also plays a pivotal role in deepening of relationships and a more extended level of connect with your network. When people message you, send you an email, or engage in a conversation, how you respond to them speaks volumes about you as a brand and human being and above all it conveys a lot about your quality of listening.

Responsiveness isn’t always verbal. People speak to us in two languages- the language of words and the language of emotions. Make sure to listen - and then respond- to both. Body language thus is key to both internalizing the receiving signal and responding appropriately at your end- with a look, gesture, actions or words.

When looking up the term responsiveness, you will see two keywords "quick" and "positive." I however challenge those terms and elect to change those terms to "mindful" and "intentional." To be responsive means to respond to a need in a mindful and intentional manner. This may not always be quick and depending on the person, it also may not come out to be positive but I think this is where effective communication comes into play. Effectively communicating with parties should eliminate anxiety. With this, the goal of being responsive is to reduce frustration and increase positive outcomes. In my world (education) those outcomes usually come as a compromise that allows for all parties to gain and lose with a shared understanding.

Responsiveness is a good word while we speak but difficult to put in practice, but.... 1 Think twice before you reply 2 explain the facts with proper justification 3 counter or support with respect 4 use of Silence when required 5 Always keep a two way conversation 6 Respect each other 7conclude wisely in positive way

Reactive responses are instinctive and limiting. They are typically about protecting, defending, and blaming. Responsiveness needs to be different. I like to use the word proactive (versus reactive) to describe it. The be proactive in conflict requires a mindset of curiosity, learning, and joint problem solving. It is not easy or "natural" to do, but it can be done. Recognizing the other individual has a different frame of reference and learning about that by asking genuine open-ended questions, listening attentively, and paraphrasing to confirm understanding are powerful skills for navigating conflict constructively.

If you lead teams, these are 3 steps to use responsiveness successfully: 1) State and agree on the common objective at the very beginning (e.g. “Let’s find a way to accomplish X together, sound good?”) 2) Listen and focus on fixing the problems, not judging the people involved. 3) Be willing to test out different approaches, even if you’re uncertain, and iterate until you break through. Certainty and success don’t come from arguing, they come from agreeing to test and learn together.

Responsiveness says, "What can I learn from this?" Reactiveness says, "What am I defending?" Entering difficult conversations with responsiveness is a mindset shift. It's making a choice to ask questions, read body language, and keep "digging" until you've gotten to, "What is this really about?" Odds are good that by the time you've gotten there, you've already had the difficult conversation.

I agree. In my experience responsiveness shows respect, builds bridges between two parties, and shows professionalism. Let’s just ensure that the response is well thought of and after we have confirmed information we currently do not have, as well as managed emotions that might impact the tone of our messaging.

Based on my experience, responsiveness beside benefiting other areas as described, it is the core of a strong and people leadership. - Responsiveness is accountable leadership: You as leader remain responsive to demonstrate your sense of accountability toward others, this makes you a reliable leader. - Responsiveness is couragious leadership: As leader you choose to be responsive because, no matter how hard the situation is and how tough the conversation is, you want to take responsibility and commit to address the matter/situation in the best possible way. Responsiveness can generate/spread trust and will gain you credibility in the long run as a responsible, couragious, and accountable leader.

Responsiveness, by definition, should also include active listening. It’s impossible to respond to something, especially in a non-defensive and supportive way, if you don’t understand what others are trying to communicate and why. Active listening includes asking questions that are framed neutrally, as well as asking follow-up questions and revoicing what others say (to check for understanding). Active listening is a way to demonstrate trust and curiosity, which are essential to countering fight or flight reactions.

Today, I'm writing about technique. To prepare, use a simple formula: 1 - What is your objective? 2 - What is your rationale behind why action / reflection / perspective is required 3 - How do you feel about this conversation? Then, when in delivery, start with the human feeling in the context of 'this is what I observed and felt'...Finally, add your rationale, be prepared to listen to their perspective, and aim to agree to the objective.

It's natural for humans to have an emotional response or feel triggered during a difficult conversation; therefore, planning for "HOW" you manage the emotions as they rise to the surface becomes the most critical component. Being prepared is empowering and allows you to empathize with the other person(s) more readily. Setting clear objectives is always helpful, especially when you can collectively agree with the other parties involved.

We often instinctively have one plan for a difficult conversation - to get it over with as quickly as possible! A more helpful approach is to see interactions as a series of conversations. We may know exactly what we want to say (or perhaps prep is needed here!), but we don't know for sure what the other person's view or response will be. Utilising a coaching approach means we can take a more flexible and open mindset to a difficult conversation, rather than over-rehearsing. This means we are more likely to find a mutually agreeable outcome where the other party is engaged and invested in the solution to the issue.

I like to ask for another person (unrelated to the situation) who may provide a third perspective. All the planning here is from the lense of one person. It can be helpful to give a high level description of the situation and see what another person says (spouse, roommate, parent, sibling, etc). The more that they DON'T think like you, the better. This can also lead to alternatives that you hadn't thought of or maybe seeing things from the other person's perspective in a different way.

The primary thing you need to prepare before a difficult conversation is what outcome you want from the dialogue. Without that, you have a hard time staying on track, and are unsure if you're making any progress. That uneasiness and abstractness also make it more stressful for everyone involved. You need to fully prepare: 1. What success looks like (what would a 3rd party observer see) 2. What are you willing to be flexible on? 3. What are your non-negotiables? After that, you can can then prepare: - how you're feeling - your own triggers and how you'll manage - what are the other person's triggers, interests, motivations, perspective - what barriers may come up and plans to address each of them - your opening statement - the logistics

First: don't frame it as a 'difficult' conversation! You could be wrong, the conversation may unfold naturally working out better than you imagined. By gearing ourselves up for 'difficult' encounters we invest effort in defenses, priming ourselves to 'win' which may not be needed. Approach an 'important' conversation clear in your own mind about why this conversation at this point with this person matters. Reconnect with your personal value: align them to the positive outcomes you seek. This conscious connection to values reduces physiological stress and strengthens thinking skills. Mutually identify a date/time/place for the conversation, when all parties are comfortable at the start chances of positive outcomes in the end are better.

Preparing is tough because different people react differently to stressful situations. I've had people express thanks for their terminations as they've wanted to pursue other things, but didn't have the courage. Others are shocked and angry. So, the first thing is mental preparation. Be prepared to play your role in the conversation. Empathy may be fine in some situations, but you have to be clear. So, the second item to prepare is the facts and reasons for your position. Be clear about them. The final item is to listen, but not indefinitely. People should be able to express their reasoning and views, but no one should be able to talk forever. Be clear in your mind about the conversation's length, breadth of topics.

Preparation is the key! And it is all about mindset - your mindset: - clear your mind of judgement and pre conceived ideas - be clear about your purpose - is the conversation for the other person's benefit? Or for you to get your outcomes? What's in it for the other person? Think about an outcome that will benefit both - you don't know what is in the other person's mind - go on a fact finding mission - ask them clarifying questions - as you ask clarifying questions, be open to looking at the situation with a different perspective - nobody likes being difficult - clarifying questions will give you data about the other person's thoughts. Use that to find common ground and have a great conversation - turn it into winning outcomes!

I think a great way is practice the meeting upfront e.g. in front of a mirror. 1. Tell everything what you want to tell 2. Pretend to be the other person and tell everything you think they will say.

During a difficult conversation, remember the skepticism, defensiveness, and ire of the other person is at an all time high. They come with all kinds of assumptions, explanations, rebuttals in their heads to directly pounce on you. At that point - you have to choices 1. Behave like them in terms of hyper ventilation 2. Behave just the opposite - calm, composed, equanimity filled body language but with 2-3 pertinent questions. These questions can range from, "What's the base/foundation of your point of view", "Do you have a critical instance or incident to support your outlook", "Why do you think so". "What support or clarification you need from me". Remember mirroring - seeing you calm makes also to think if they can be calm too?

The key to being responsive is active listening. Don't wait for your turn to speak. Listen to the comments, concerns etc of the other person and allow them the time to be heard. The lack of immediate response will often allow them to continue voicing their opinion and give you better clarity on the real topic at hand. From there, you can pause and formulate a response that incorporates their thoughts and sentiments while providing your point of view and feedback (as needed). More often than not, people want an ear, not advice, unfortunately our society is quick to "fix" things vs being there as a supportive colleague.

Above all, being responsive in difficult conversations comes down to not reacting. That is, not going with your gut response (which may be yelling, anger, or shutting down, etc.). Instead, it's using the coping skills you planned ahead of time so that you can stay fully present in the conversation and accepting that the other person's behaviors or statements are really just more information to letting you know what they're actually feeling/needing. It's an unmet need that's being expressed and you have the opportunity to learn more. Instead of focusing on what you'll say, focus only on asking questions and reframing so you can keep the focus on fully understanding their perspective and worldview.

The most dangerous part of responsiveness lies in the potential to lose focus on the conversation's main topic and allow the transference of underlying issues into the discussion. To navigate this challenge, it is crucial to practice active listening, maintaining mindfulness of the primary subject, and always politely reminding other party, what is the real subject of your difficult conversation.

One of the most powerful skills to use during a difficult conversation is "perception checking." This means that you make time throughout the conversation to pause and "check-in" with the other person to ensure that you're on the same page. You can even inform the other person that you desire to stay connected throughout the discussion and then use statements such as, 🔥 "What I heard you say is (XYZ)," or 🔥 "Did I understand you correctly when you said (XYZ)?" Perception checking lets the other person know you're listening and care about their well-being.

At all times, make sure you do not make or express assumptions about the other person's thoughts, beliefs, values, perceptions, emotions, or intentions. One reason is because when we are in difficult conversations, our emotions usually color everything we see about the other person less favorably. Also, no one likes to be told what they are thinking, feeling, believing, or intending, and in a difficult conversation, the inclination to do that with someone is often elevated. By focusing on external facts about the topic and expressing how you feel and think while taking ownership of those things and not blaming others, you will be on both safer and more productive ground.

Active listening is essential in difficult conversations and is the perfect way to demonstrate a responsive approach. Using tools such as paraphrasing and reflecting means you can demonstrate not only that you are listening, but also understanding the other person. This is vital if you are to encourage them to engage. Without engagement, lasting solutions and change will be difficult, if not impossible to find.

Oftentimes in conflict or challenging conversations, we can often feel a strong a resistance to validating the other person’s perspective, particularly if it’s in conflict with our own. We fear that it prevent us and our own perspectives/hurts/slights from being “seen” or acknowledged. However, this often works to the contrary. Typically the other person is navigating the same exact fears! People often mirror. If your guard is up, theirs will be too. Likewise, if you validate, you often get that in return, which creates a space where you both feel safe and seen and able to navigate the conversation a bit more easily.

Mindfulness and empathy - do not assume you are right. Listen to what they tell you and what they DON'T tell you (non-verbal). This can be difficult when it's virtual, and you only see their face, so it's important to ask questions and use language that encourages them to speak and isn't accusatory. Is there something going on that you aren't aware of? Is there something going on that you don't have all the facts about? Is there a communication barrier that is causing issues? Look for the things that will empower the other person (and yourself!) to find a solution that works for all.

We must remember that every situation has three truths. 1 - Our perspective 2 - Their perspective 3 - The best outcome together, which is the reality. If we can step away from our positions, listen, and be more open to the viewpoint of others, we can find better ways to move forward.

The most optimal way to follow up after a difficult conversation is by staying neutral and objective. I remember a tough conversation with a client because of lack of clarity and direction from their end w.r.t dates and information needed. Our dialogue ended with me stating that lets take a downtime of one week and get back w.r.t actionable so that we dont end up simply spilling each others time. 1 week later, I did meet them with a smile, eager demeanor but with one question - WHAT IS THE FIRST STEP WE ARE GOING TO TAKE FOR MOST OPTIMUM UTILIZATION OF YOUR AND MY TIME? It really opened up the avenue of discussion.

It was not said for nothing by Frankl that "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." In practical application, and modern language, we would say "sleep on it" and allow some time between follow up email, new meeting or other way of communication. Let things sink in and allow brain to process the impressions, to have more accurate and fair follow up.

There's always residual lingering energy from a difficult conversation that needs to be addressed. It's like the elephant in the room; everyone can feel it, but few speak. I've found it helpful to thank the other person for being brave and stepping into the difficult conversation; acknowledging them suggests that you are grateful for their actions and appreciate their efforts. Stating how I feel emotionally is also an excellent way to open the dialogue and create space for vulnerable feedback; it enables the other person to express their feelings. Lastly, it's essential to ensure that you've found common ground by sharing the details of the foundation laid and the agreed-upon next steps.

This is the reason it is vital to ensure everyone is clear on expectations and actions before the conversation ends. This sets the scene for natural follow ups and also gives you the opportunity for positive feedback if the person has resolved the issue. Face-to-face follow ups/feedback are always preferable, but email can be useful in certain situations and certainly provide a useful auditable trail.

It's a process for both parties. Time is needed to allow the brain to process and, perhaps, find alternative solutions. This could come in the form of a follow-up conversation (ex: a continued topic on 1:1s), an email, or even asking a third party to help. Be open to the possibilities.

One thing I have found helpful is to schedule a follow up discussion which provides both parties time to consider the discussion and next steps. I find most people don't hear everything in the first conversation, so giving them time to think it through is likely to result is more meaningful discussion, clarity, and results. I had time to prepare my thoughts, shouldn't they have the same?

It is impossible to be responsive if you aren't listening! And to listen properly you need to focus fully on the person. Set new habits of switching off emails/notifications, etc. when you are in conversation with others. If a conversation is important, other emails and notifications can wait. You will know instinctively when you are being listened to and so other people will also know if you are fully engaged with them.

Be genuine and authentic. If you are truly invested in a healthy outcome, you will be focused on the other person and resolving the situation. Responsiveness is a natural outcome of intent. Active listening comes when you are genuinely invested. In trying to remember how to do responsiveness 'right' you are focusing on yourself - and that is doing it wrong! Focus on the other person and the situation with true intent - the other person will respond to this non- verbal communication.

Practice, Practice, Practice. Practice listening. Practice asking questions for clarity. Practice patience. Practice understanding. Practice researching things you don't understand and then asking more questions. Don't assume you know it all. You never will. The goal is not perfection. It is to improve each day.

When navigating difficult conversations at work, responsiveness is key. This skill involves active listening, empathy, and adaptability. Active listening ensures understanding of others’ perspectives, while empathy helps in acknowledging their feelings. Adaptability is crucial for adjusting responses based on the conversation flow. To develop responsiveness, practice active listening in daily interactions, seek feedback on communication style, and engage in role-playing exercises to improve adaptability. By fostering these skills, we can handle challenging discussions more effectively, promoting a positive and productive workplace environment.

In my experience, having a clear understanding of power dynamics is essential before beginning. Where is the implicit and explicit power? How does that manifest in the current dynamic? Are there shifts in power that need to be made? Or with a power imbalance do we shape the conversation differently? Moving too quickly towards “action” which can feel akin to “responsiveness” means we can unintentionally create harm or be participating in an exercise of futility. Seeing power, and naming it whenever possible, can help to shape a process that is more transparent and actionable.

One of my favourite contemporary researchers is Dr Susan David says 'emotions are data not instructions'. Recognise when a topic of conversation really matters to you and to the other party then personal values will be engaged and emotions will be felt. Learn to recognise the emotions that spring from your values and how those sensations influence your tone and attitude. When you can notice that it is easier to take a breath as Branka suggests with the Viktor Frankl quote then choose which of your values you operate from in the moment. For example my 'creativity' value is not always the best energy to display sometimes 'generosity' or 'simplicity' is more suitable. By speaking through my values I can be flexible whilst still being 'me'.

Having much experience being overly emotional, I've found it helpful to remind myself that although I have specific needs, I'm simultaneously serving the other person(s) involved. This allows me to enter into the conversation with more empathy and compassion and creates a more collaborative and enriching dialogue.

When dealing with difficult conversations at work, use responsiveness to defuse the situation and find common ground. Active listening, acknowledging feelings, staying calm, asking questions, and finding common ground are all helpful. By using responsiveness, you can help to create a more positive and productive workplace culture.

One additional thought, don't come to the table with all of the answers or solutions to the issue. Give the person time to consider the situation, ask question, and formulate ideas. The change plan should be personal to them and if they craft it, they are more likely to be bought into the plan.

The last words I spoke to the last class I’ll teach were to remember Content and Context.Learn the process of communication ,know it well It’s your future.