You're coaching a resistant senior executive. How do you balance empathy and objectivity to drive change?
When coaching a tough senior executive, it's vital to strike the right balance between supportiveness and candidness. Here are some strategies to consider:
- Validate their perspective before introducing new viewpoints to foster openness.
- Set clear, measurable goals to maintain focus on objective outcomes.
- Encourage self-reflection to help them see the need for change themselves.
How do you engage leaders who may be set in their ways?
You're coaching a resistant senior executive. How do you balance empathy and objectivity to drive change?
When coaching a tough senior executive, it's vital to strike the right balance between supportiveness and candidness. Here are some strategies to consider:
- Validate their perspective before introducing new viewpoints to foster openness.
- Set clear, measurable goals to maintain focus on objective outcomes.
- Encourage self-reflection to help them see the need for change themselves.
How do you engage leaders who may be set in their ways?
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Resistance comes from fear: fear of change, a perceived loss of status or of losing control. So, I focus on: Psychological safety: this mutual trust helps connection on a human level, builds empathy and allows them to open up about challenges. Scenario planning: one way to reduce the fear is to speak about it. Taking clients through the possibilities (Scenarios A to G...), good and bad, means they can assess both real and assumed risks. This helps improve decision making, reduces fear by addressing all the “what ifs” and helps them make decisions more quickly. Focus on business outcomes: resistant clients will generally change their behaviours and attitudes if they see desired improvements in team dynamics, productivity, and profit.
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According to a 2023 Harvard Business Review report, 89% of executives said that empathetic leadership improves trust and collaboration, essential elements when addressing resistance. I was also reading the 2021 Korn Ferry Institute, executives who receive both supportive and challenging coaching are 45% more likely to achieve long-term success. So, one practice could be combining empathy with accountability helps the resistant executive to recognize that the discomfort of change is temporary, but the benefits are long-lasting. By showing that their fears are acknowledged and respected while also ensuring that they meet their targets, the coach creates a balanced, dynamic approach to leadership development.
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I recently coached a resistant senior executive and was reminded of the importance of balancing empathy and objectivity. As coaches, it’s crucial that we walk along side our clients - even when they are being difficult or challenging. It is critical that we remain objective and stay aware of any biases that arise, so we can help our clients develop. Helping them move past resistance requires curiosity, patience and understanding.
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Coaching is a process. Resistance at one point in the journey often reduces or disappears later on. Growing in self-awareness and checking in on the perceptions of coworkers often brings clarity about the importance and benefits of working through the thing they are resisting. In short, the coach must be patient, build trust, and not be afraid to lean into difficult topics.
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Somebody once reminded me that even babies with sh*tty nappies feel comfortable and warm, not really wanting to be disturbed by a change. We are hardwired not to like change very much, and I would probably begin by recognizing and acknowledging that fact with the executive. Then I would hold up that mirror and ask her/him what it is like to be all warm and cozy in that nappy, and how that is serving her/him. And at some point, s/he is going to be more aware of the sh*tty feeling. And I will use silence to allow it to sink in. And finally we get to move on to how exactly that executive is going to either allow someone to change that nappy or even to find a way to learn to change it for her/himself!
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As an executive coach, it might be helpful to name the resistance and see what the leader makes of this reactive stance. It is the leader's work to observe themselves in resistance and/or rename the response. In that naming is the potential to expand capacity, shift perspective and choose a revised set of actions.
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Start by building trust and showing empathy, acknowledging their concerns and resistance without judgment. This helps the executive feel understood and supported, making them more open to the coaching process. At the same time, they maintain objectivity by focusing on facts, data, and the long-term impact of their current behaviors or decisions. Present constructive feedback and offer actionable steps for improvement, linking them to their professional goals. Combining empathy with clear, results-driven guidance allows you to create a space where the executive feels safe to confront challenges while staying focused on measurable progress.
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How do you engage leaders who may be set in their ways? When a senior executive engages in coaching, it shows they already see some benefit in the process, even if they resist change. Resistance is natural, but stronger in some cases. By creating a non-judgmental, supportive space, they begin to see change as an opportunity rather than a threat. Once they feel secure in this space, the coaching process naturally brings forward the insights and guidance they need for growth.
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Resistance often stems from fear of change or feeling misunderstood. Empathy builds trust by aligning with the executive’s interests. Acknowledge their perspective and validate emotions without reinforcing resistance. Emphasize collaboration: what benefits them benefits you, as their success is your goal. Balance empathy with objectivity to maintain focus. Set measurable goals, provide data-driven feedback, and follow up regularly. Address resistance tactfully by encouraging reflection and starting with small wins. Align efforts with personal and business goals, celebrate progress, and lead by example to inspire change. Always lead by example.
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I start by making sure I have established a rapport with the executive to make sure I am in a position to influence and that I come from a place of support, not judgment. Then, I define the why for change - what it will change? why change is inportant? what the outcomes and risks would be of changing v. not changing. If it is operational, I use data, best practice and staff sentiment. If it is behavioral/style, I focus on how people feel by the behavior/action not what they did/didn't do first and then when they acknowledge the experience they created, get them to commit to responding differently the next time.
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