The Happy Hermit - How to Thrive as an Introvert Entrepreneur: The Art of Divine Selfishness, #3
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About this ebook
You NEVER have to change who you are to grow your business
Introverts always get the message (implicitly or explicitly) they should try to be more extroverted. We're told to not be so shy, to speak up more, to make ourselves more visible. We're constantly told how we should change, especially when it comes to growing our businesses.
But the truth is …
… you NEVER have to change yourself to live your dreams and build a successful business. In fact, the more you are true to yourself and your introverted ways, the easier it is to create a business you adore.
In this book, I show you how I turned myself from a crappy hermit, who never had enough alone time, to a happy hermit, who has all the freedom and space she wants.
More importantly, you'll discover how you, too, can build a business that allows you the freedom you desire without changing who you are or doing things you hate!
BIO
Brigitte van Tuijl is a writer and master coach for women entrepreneurs. In the past two decades she's helped thousands of women get clear on their true dream and make it real. Her clients have launched businesses globally, published their first books, doubled their incomes, and realized their most important goals and desires.
The Happy Hermit is Brigitte's seventh book. She lives in The Netherlands with her man Arjen. She hates hobbies and loves people—in moderation. :-)
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The Happy Hermit - How to Thrive as an Introvert Entrepreneur - Brigitte van Tuijl
Introduction
For years, I struggled with being extremely introverted. Not that I knew what that was. No one did. All I knew was that I wanted to read a book and be alone when I came home from school. I didn’t know I needed that because I’d been around people all day and needed solitude to recharge—a fundamental characteristic of introverts.
Over the years, I tried to find a balance between interaction with others and being on my own. I never had quite enough time to myself, but I managed as best I could. Weekdays were filled with school and later work, so I tried to find as much alone time as possible in the evenings and weekends. But I never found enough solitude in my work. I worked in an office and was surrounded by people all day. I liked the people I worked with, but being around them was still draining.
When I started my business in 2003, I felt so relieved. Freedom! Finally, I could have all the time in the world to be alone! That didn’t turn out exactly as I hoped, as you can read in the first part of this book. I worked as a coach and loved my work. (Still do.) I loved my clients and having my own business. But something was off. Either I had plenty of clients and made enough money but I didn’t have enough alone time, or I had fewer clients, enjoyed my space and solitude, but I didn’t make enough money. I didn’t like this unhappy cycle. But I figured that was just the way things were. I thought it was the price I had to pay for being an introvert. So I was grateful for everything I had and enjoyed that as best I could. I was still massively better off than ever before in my life, and I was thankful for that.
In 2011, I changed my business and basically started a new one: I quit working as a career coach, stopped working in Dutch, and started working internationally, in English, with women entrepreneurs. A completely new phase started! My new business was a success from the start and I loved my work. Still, something felt off again. I noticed the same thing had happened: my business was doing well and I made enough money, but I didn’t have enough alone time. Even though my schedule wasn’t full (especially compared with other coaches), it still felt too busy for me.
But something had changed. I was no longer willing to settle for anything less than what I truly wanted. I was no longer willing to accept that feeling drained was the price of being introverted. I no longer accepted that I had to choose between having enough money OR having enough alone time. I decided to have both and to create a business that was 100 percent ideal for me, instead of 90 percent ideal. Why settle for anything less?
I decided to turn myself from a crappy hermit to a happy hermit. And that’s what I did. I explored how much freedom and space I truly wanted, and did whatever it took to make that ideal picture my reality. For me, this means I make a maximum of four appointments per week, three weeks per month. Every fourth week is my hermit week, my completely appointment-free week. I hardly ever set an alarm clock. I don’t make plans. I follow my intuition and flow in each moment, and I have all the time and space in the world.
In this book, I share how I created a business and life I adore without compromising or changing who I am. And I show you how you can do the same, whether or not you’re an introvert like me. The book IS specifically meant for introverts, though. I find it extremely important to show introverts that they really do not have to change ANYTHING about themselves. Extroverts are still the norm in our (western) world, and introverts always get the message, implicitly or explicitly, that they should change or adjust themselves to what’s considered normal.
We’re told not to be so shy, to speak up more, to make ourselves more visible. We have to do projects with others in school and at work. We’re told that we’re no fun when we want to be on our own or leave a party early. We’re constantly told how we should change. Even some people who specifically aim their coaching or books at introverts tell us how to adjust ourselves. They give tips on how to survive networking events instead of telling us you don’t have to go at all. They tell us how to get through the holidays without feeling drained instead of teaching us how to decline invitations and prioritize our need for alone time over pleasing others.
You won’t find ANY of that in my book. On the contrary!! I believe that the more you are true to yourself and your true nature, the better you feel AND the more successful you are. (Whatever success
means to you!) You NEVER have to change yourself to fulfill your purpose and live your true dreams. You NEVER have to change who you are to fit in or to accommodate others. You don’t have to adjust your behavior because the world decided that extrovert behavior is the norm.
This book is a testament to STOP changing yourself or sacrificing your sanity for any reason. This book is an ode to all introverts and to doing everything in your own way, on your own terms. I hope it inspires you to embrace ALL that you are and build your entire business and life around your true self.
Love,
Brigitte
Are You An Introvert, Too?
You probably identify as an introvert, or you wouldn’t be reading this book. But what exactly is an introvert? And what characterizes an extrovert?
In general, introverts are more focused on their own inner world, their thoughts, ideas, and feelings, rather than seeking external stimulation. Interaction with and being around others is often draining, even when they love the people they’re with. Introverts recharge by being alone.
Being introverted does NOT mean that you’re shy! Shyness indicates a fear of people or social situations. That’s something completely different. You can be a shy extrovert, and you can be an outspoken, sometimes loudmouthed introvert. (That would be me. ;-))
Extroverts, on the other hand, thrive off interaction. Social events leave them feeling renewed and energized. They enjoy groups and group work, and feel isolated if they spend too much time alone. They look to outside sources for ideas and inspiration, whereas introverts find this in their own inner world. Extroverts recharge by being around people.
There are also ambiverts, who are equal parts introverted and extroverted.
These are generalizations, of course, and one personality trait alone doesn’t identify who you are. So please take all of this with a grain of salt. Yes, it can be liberating to discover what type of person you are or what label you can put on your character or personality. Just don’t get attached to any labels or definitions. There’s only ONE mold you fit into completely: your own.
Get to know yourself, your needs, wants, and dreams as best you can. These tell you more about yourself than any label or definition ever can. You are truly unique, even when you share certain traits with others. Introvert, extrovert, and ambivert are just labels. They never do all of you justice, and it’s certainly not who you truly are! (Who you truly are is a soul having a human experience, a spark of the divine; you are pure consciousness expressing itself in human form.)
Still, it’s good to know if you’re more introverted or extroverted. It can help you understand how you perceive the world. It can help you take better care of yourself, and it can help you get to know yourself better. For that reason, here’s a list of characteristics that are commonly attributed to introverts. Read through this list and see how many statements resonate with you. This gives you an idea of how introverted you are.
Socializing, human interaction and being around people (even when you love them) drain your energy.
You enjoy spending time alone.
You do your best thinking (and brainstorming) alone.
You can feel lonelier in a crowd than on your own.
You need time to process information and input before you can respond. That’s why brainstorming with others or making decisions on the spot is usually not your forte. You need some space to chew on your thoughts and feelings.
You don’t like to be the center of attention.
When you socialize too much, you shut down. You’re peopled out! You need to be alone to recharge. If you don’t get that solitude, you can get irritated.
You have a couple of close friends. Because spending time with people drains you, you’re very mindful of who you spend your time with.
You don’t need a massive amount of stimuli to feel energized. Extroverts love busyness. They thrive on it! You don’t. It’s too loud, too much, and extra draining. Reading a book or enjoying your inner world is entertaining enough for you!
You’re a good listener.
Others often ask for your input or opinion. That’s because you’re observant and carefully process information. When you say something, it’s generally spot on!
You prefer communicating via email instead of by phone. That way, you have no direct interaction and can choose when to respond to messages.
Too much stimulation overloads your system. It distracts you and leaves you unfocused. It’s overwhelming.
You have good self-knowledge. You’re used to introspection and reflection, and self-awareness and self-knowledge are the natural result