The Luckiest Guy Alive
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About this ebook
'The godfather of British performance poetry' - Daily Telegraph
The Luckiest Guy Alive is the first new book of poetry from Dr John Cooper Clarke for several decades – and a brilliant, scabrous, hilarious collection from one of our most beloved and influential writers and performers. From the ‘Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman’ to a hymn to the seductive properties of the pie – by way of hand-grenade haikus, machine-gun ballads and a meditation on the loss of Bono’s leather pants – The Luckiest Guy Alive collects stunning set pieces and tried-and-tested audience favourites to show Cooper Clarke still effortlessly at the top of his game.
Cooper Clarke’s status as the ‘Emperor of Punk Poetry’ is certainly confirmed here, but so is his reputation as a brilliant versifier, a poet of vicious wit and a razor-sharp social satirist. Effortlessly immediate and contemporary, full of hard-won wisdom and expert blindsidings, it’s easy to see why the good Doctor has continued to inspire several new generations of performers from Alex Turner to Plan B: The Luckiest Guy Alive shows one of the most compelling poets of the age on truly exceptional form.
'John Cooper Clarke is one of Britain’s outstanding poets. His anarchic punk poetry has thrilled people for decades . . . long may his slender frame and spiky top produce words and deeds that keep us on our toes and alive to the wonders of the world.' – Sir Paul McCartney
John Cooper Clarke
John Cooper Clarke shot to prominence in the 1970s as the original ‘people’s poet’. Since then his career has spanned cultures, audiences, art forms and continents. Today, JCC is as relevant and vibrant as ever, and his influence just as visible on today’s pop culture. Aside from his trademark ‘look’ continuing to resonate with fashionistas young and old, and his poetry included on the national curriculum syllabus, his effect on modern life is huge. I Wanna Be Yours is his long awaited autobiography.
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Book preview
The Luckiest Guy Alive - John Cooper Clarke
The Luckiest Guy Alive
Nothing matters and what if it did
There’s more than one way to make a quid
You’ll be farting through silk if you stick with me kid
I’m the luckiest guy alive
Life is one big happy skive
The luckiest guy alive
Just waiting for the trouble to arrive
On the fairway I’m under par
At the boat club they call me the Commissar
With a monogrammed tankard a-hanging in the bar
I’m the luckiest guy alive
I got a kick-ass drag boat I ain’t allowed to drive
The luckiest guy alive
Just waiting for the trouble to arrive
A broad daylight killing spree
I heard about it on the BBC
Expert opinion tends to agree
Stranger things apparently happen at sea
Anyway don’t worry ’bout me
I’m the luckiest guy alive
A better situation you could only connive
The luckiest guy alive
Just waiting for the trouble to arrive
Time was it was the whole of the Law
That kept my feet on the literal floor
But gravity ain’t my friend no more
Oh no that’s for sure
But I’m the luckiest guy alive
I got a facial tattoo saying please revive
The luckiest guy alive
Just waiting for the trouble to arrive
Attack of the 50ft Woman
Her molecules got magnified
Her faintest whisper amplified
Takes the highway in her stride
She’s a little on the large side
Attack of the 50ft woman
Feeling vaguely discontent
With all the spleen that’s fit to vent
Dressed in a circus tent
Her irritation overspent
To an almost biblical extent
Attack of the 50ft woman
She’s a radioactive predatory flirt
With a figure made to disconcert
Mess with her and you’re gonna get hurt
Lapsed Catholics reconvert
Attack of the 50ft woman
Who needs some overgrown chick
Stomping on their block
Mad bad sad sick
How’s the antidote coming on, Doc?
Sports cars for roller-skates
She straps them on whenever she’s late
She’s too big to appreciate
She’d be better off back in the states
She needs her own space let’s face it
Attack of the 50ft woman
Blacking out the afternoon
She lends an air of ominous gloom
Was it something we said or a phase of the moon
Anyway we ain’t got the room
Attack of the 50ft woman
Attack of the 50ft woman
Please remain alert
Don’t be driving down the outside lane
Peeking up her tent slash skirt
Attempts to reach her only stiffed
Tried gold, flattery, top dollar gifts
In a vain attempt to heal this rift
Still she seems a little bit miffed
Attack of the 50ft woman
What’s the army doing – nada
Totally trashed the state of Nevada
Pissed all over the National Guard
Attack of the 50ft woman
How come nobody seen her coming
Bed Blocker Blues
What me worry I should care
Shit for brains – wire for hair
I seen the future and I ain’t there
Things are