Fertility Matters at Work

At this time of year it's important to acknowledge that some colleagues may be feeling apprehensive about the holiday season which can be extremely emotionally charged, with the pressures of Christmas parties and uninvited questions from friends and family. We were keen to support our client Cpl our 'Emotional Impact' session hosted by our Psychological advisor Julianne Boutaleb which gained really positive feedback from Cpl employees. Thanks you to Niamh O'Connor at Cpl for your forward thinking around the importance of this kind of support to educate both colleagues and managers: 'The session provided very practical advice when supporting someone and really effective advice for self care for anyone who may be struggling with Fertility issues. Julianne brought a wealth of knowledge and expertise to the session and really helped to depict the struggles people face. She also had great insights to different cultural expectations and facilitated a great Q&A from our participants. The follow up resources from FMAW are brilliant. We recorded this session and will enrolling and encouraging all our People Managers to watch back as we found it that insightful.' Niamh O'Connor - Associate Director/Engagement-People Experience If you're looking to share resources, please do use our podcast The F Word at Work to spread the word, which has been sharing focused conversations on how to support a colleague through different routes to parenthood https://lnkd.in/ee6xTQsp the latest episode is in conversation with our co-founder Becky Kearns who talks about the how to support anyone considering donor conception. 

Yesterday was our annual 🎄Christmas get-together at the lovely Grouse and Claret pub in Rowsley. This pub has a special place in our hearts as this is where 'Fertility Matters at Work' was created. We spent a few hours reflecting on 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣4️⃣ and doing some exciting planning for 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣5️⃣. We don't celebrate what we achieve in our mighty trio as much as we ought to, so this time is always precious to us and it will be a tradition as long as this pub exists! #ChristmasLunch #ReflectionTime

Our very first F Word at Work Live was a real highlight of our year – as a small but mighty team, we’re incredibly proud of what we were able to bring together and are so grateful for all those who made it possible. A huge thanks goes to Stuart James of Emotive Eye - Corporate Photography + Videography for pulling together this amazing summary of the day, sharing the impactful words of those who attended. We have BIG plans to bring to life the F Word at Work Live again next year, watch this space!

The F Word at Work podcast is another touch point for you to share as a useful training resource for HR, Managers and colleagues to better understand the many challenges people are having to overcome when trying to build their families. Our current series ‘How to support a colleague’ is drawing on specific routes to parenthood to show that when you are implementing support it’s not as simple as one size fits all - which is where our membership and support comes into its element. This final conversation for 2024 is two of our co-founders in conversation as Natalie Silverman interviews Becky Kearns about how she navigated her way through treatment abroad with donor eggs to have her family. Be sure to listen and share 🎧🎙️ https://lnkd.in/ee6xTQsp

In the latest episode of The F Word at Work we continue with our 'How to Support series and this is a focus on Male Fertility. We're chatting with Shaun Greenaway, one of our amazing advocates as he shares his insights on how to offer support at work, especially around the festive season. There can be a lot of pressure on guys to have a drink and with life style factors playing havoc with sperm health this can add to the pressure! All too often we hear that partners are overlooked in this conversation but the good news is we're seeing more organisations encouraging men to join it. When it comes to family building challenges understanding the importance of recognising and acknowledging that partners of those going through fertility treatment need time off during the process and also need to feel they can ask for help is vital. Hopefully this is another conversation that will help you to be more mindful of the questions you might ask colleagues when out over the coming weeks, plus Shaun shares how he and his partner responded to unhelpful questions being asked at family gatherings which can be another hot pot for emotional torment for people facing another Christmas without their much longed for baby. Have a listen and do share if you have colleagues who might be struggling or if you want to get your workplace to understand why this topic matters and why it's important to encourage men to share how they are feeling.

Grief is often associated with loss, but, for many of us, it can take on different forms that are not always visible to others. One of those forms is the grief that comes with infertility. It's a deeply personal, often isolating experience that doesn’t always get the recognition or support it deserves. Infertility is not just a medical diagnosis; it’s a journey that comes with its own unique set of emotional challenges. The longing for something that feels out of reach, the cycles of hope and disappointment, and the quiet pain of watching others around you live out your dreams can weigh heavily. This grief can show up in so many ways — feelings of inadequacy, frustration, isolation, or even guilt. If you're experiencing this, please know that your emotions are valid. The pain of infertility doesn’t have to be carried alone, even though it can feel like a solitary battle. It’s important to create spaces where people can share their stories, find understanding, and be reminded that grief, in any form, deserves acknowledgment. No one captures this more beautifully than Gerry McCluskey in this quote about fertility loss: "Fertility loss in general and loss of a hoped-for child or family is the loss of something that hasn’t happened as opposed to the loss of a loved one about whom there will be memories, maybe photographs, shared experience with others, etc. As such, fertility loss is very often about intangible things, a hidden loss, a disenfranchised loss, one that isn’t understood fully by people experiencing it, let alone friends, family, and acquaintances. It is a loss that doesn’t easily find validation and every loss needs to be validated to be grieved".

It’s #griefawarenessweek and we want to talk about the invisible, intangible, disenfranchised grief that those struggling to bring home a baby face every day. For many, a big part of our future identity is wrapped up in being a parent one day, and so when this may not be possible, there can be a huge amount of grief involved. Grieving the loss of an imagined future isn’t easy when there are constant reminders all around us – pregnancy announcements, talk of children, questions of “do you have kids?”, in some cases whilst working with other people’s kids… which can all become heightened at this time of year in the run up to the holiday season. Grief is often perceived as more valid for the loss of a loved one, but when you lose someone you’ve never met, but always imagined meeting – how do you get the validation and recognition of the loss that you also carry? A very real example was shared with us this week as we spoke with someone who in the last year has sadly lost two babies, a grandmother and two friends – and yet they were only able to take time out of work for the loss of their grandmother, despite physically going through pregnancy loss. It’s a reminder of why the work that we do is so important, so that people don’t need to suffer this grief in silence and can get the support and validation that this experience deserves. So how can you support someone? - Acknowledge their experiences, don’t ignore them – unless requested to do so. - Provide ongoing support, check-in often – don’t assume they’re okay because they’re at work. - Ask them how you can help them, enable a two-way conversation. - You can share your own experiences, but don’t make assumptions or provide unwanted advice. At Fertility Matters at Work we deal with this topic with the utmost sensitivity, enabling stories to be shared in a safe and supportive environment, helping to educate, raise awareness and break down the stigmas and taboo that surround these experiences. Get in touch to find out how we can support you in opening up a safe space in your workplace: https://lnkd.in/eff4yXcw

It’s #griefawarenessweek and, as we always like to do at Fertility Matters at Work, we’ve brought to life the very real impact of the disenfranchised grief that comes with fertility challenges. It’s hard to describe what you’ve lost when it relates to something you’ve never had, but for many the loss is of a potential future, and this grief can come to the surface at the most unexpected times. This scenario was shared with us as part of a facilitated panel chat during an event we held for our member organisation Vodafone, where an employee, Hannah, shared how a standard question as part of an end of year review “where do you see yourself in 3 years time” triggered emotion in her. Having always imagined she would be a mum, having to think ahead, whilst her future is so uncertain, brought her to tears. This is why awareness of the impact that fertility struggles can have is so important within organisations. It’s also why it’s so important that managers are educated to understand the impacts and equipped to know where to signpost people for further emotional support. During grief awareness week, let’s also talk about the invisible grief that many people carry with them, that can arise when they least expect it. Find out more about how we can support your organisation with awareness, education, policy and peer support – breaking down the taboo of fertility challenges in your workplace – https://lnkd.in/d-zUNvit #fertilitymattersatwork

Sometimes it's hard to express what grief in fertility looks and feels like but this poem captures it beautifully. Thankyou to the incredible Julianne Boutaleb for her thought provoking words 💛 Grief is not the thing with feathers It is a layer of dust that sits and settles Inside you It is an invisible thread that guides you always backwards And separates you From others. It is being under water Alone Breath tightly held Until you can't hold it anymore Emotions burst forth. It is being in a darkened room Hearing muffled noises Straining to make sense Catching the end beat of a melody That you cannot name. It is the presence of absence That pricks at your memory Prodding you back into pain It is a battered bruising That tenderises And mollifies All who can survive it. Grief Unpercolated Catches at the throat Stops short of lip-formed words For fear of confused isolation. It is weariness Fatigue It is falling apart Over and over again It is shame It is forgetting It is remembering It is oxymoronic Strength and Vulnerability All in one. Julianne Boutaleb August 2022 For all those struggling with silent battles of fertility grief and pregnancy loss. Feeling isolated. Separate and like they don't belong. You are not alone. If you or anyone you know needs extra support at this time, Parenthood in Mind is open to referrals. #infertility #pregnancyloss #pregnantafterloss #fertilitytrauma #miscarriage #stillbirth #parentingafterivf #parentingafterloss #fertilityloss #fertilitygrief #disenfranchisedgrief #traumaticgrief #stillwaiting #lossofadream #longing

This week is #griefawarenessweek. One of the vastly hidden pieces of infertility is the utterly complex grief aspect that comes with it. We were lucky enough to have Harry Baker Poet perform at the F Word at Work LIVE for us earlier this month with his poem 'Trying'. If you have ever been 'Trying', Harry sums up the raft of emotions beautifully in his poem. ...and if you have never been 'Trying' this poem captures what other may have gone through or are going through to have a baby. Either way, it's worth a listen here 👉 https://lnkd.in/e8tq2NCv