Iyanla Vanzant Felt Like a 'Fraud' When Her Child Nisa Died — but Was Prepared by Her Older Daughter's Death

Iyanla Vanzant has learned to use her own teachings to cope with the death of her daughters.

On Tuesday's episode of Tamron Hall, the life coach opened up about how she initially felt when her youngest daughter Nisa died in July given her profession, and how she navigated her grief after losing her oldest daughter Gemmia 20 years prior.

“The deceptive intelligence of the ego always wants you to think that you're not enough, not good enough, not worthy,” Vanzant, 70, began. “And for me, who spends all of my life, teaching other people, helping other people, fixing other people — when something happens in my life, the first thing that ego says to me is, ‘You're a fake, you're a fraud. You can save other people, but you can't save your child.’”

“When I lost Nisa, I knew how to do it because I had already buried Gemmia,” she explained. “See, when I buried Gemmia, I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to be a woman burying a child. So when I lost Nisa – it’s been 115 days – when I lost Nisa, I knew how to do it. That's grace. I knew how much to do. I knew who to call. I knew not to try to do everything by myself.”

With respect to the relationship she had with Nisa, the Iyanla: Fix My Life host also reflected on how “one of the most sacred relationships on the planet is the relationship between the mother and the daughter.”

“All children bring to life the subconscious issues of the parent. That child lives in your body. That child knows you from the inside out. That child has heard your voice, your secret thoughts,” Vanzant shared.

She continued, “When you give birth to a daughter, she's bringing to life those things that you hold inside that you may not even know that are there and she's gonna show ‘em to you in how she shows up in the world.”

“So Nisa showed me who I was and many ways that I didn't,” added Vanzant, who lightheartedly implied that she saw parts of herself reflected in her daughter that she might not have wanted to see.

At that point, host Tamron Hall read aloud Vanzant's quote in 2009 about surviving the death of her daughter Gemmia, who died at the age of 32 from colon cancer on Christmas Day in 2003.

“I survived that, and I'll survive this,” Vanzant responded. “There's a saying in the Caribbean: The bigger the monkey, the bigger the stick they beat him with. So I have a big life. I have a big place in the world. I have a big assignment.”

As to what that assignment is? She believes it is “to facilitate the evolution of human consciousness, one mind, one heart, one life, one spirit at a time.”

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Vanzant began her career as a public defender, which led to a radio-hosting gig, and eventually, a recurring guest spot on The Oprah Winfrey Show in the 1990s. She then launched her own talk show, Iyanla, in 2001. Following that, Iyanla returned with Iyanla: Fix My Life, which ran for 10 seasons from 2012 to 2021 on Winfrey’s network OWN. She also hosts a Shondaland Audio podcast, The R Spot, which is now available.

Back in 2013, Vanzant — who is also mom to son Damon, 53 — spoke to PEOPLE about dealing with Gemmia’s death. “I knew she was dying, but she didn’t know,” Iyanla said at the time. “Every day for 15 months I’d cared for her. After that, what do you do? For six months I didn’t get out of bed."

Relying heavily on her faith, she added that she ultimately recovered from that trying time in her life “with prayer and forgiveness."