Joan Vassos Feels She 'Wasn't Lovable' After 1 Man Exits Due to Lack of 'Spark' and Tells Her, 'I'm Not in Love'

This post contains spoilers from the Wednesday, Oct. 30 episode of The Golden Bachelorette.

Fantasy Suites might not have been a fantasy for everyone.

On the Oct. 30 episode of The Golden Bachelorette, Joan Vassos headed to Tahiti with her final three men — Chock, Guy and Pascal — for the last leg of her journey.

“I’m going to make a life-changing decision,” Joan, 61, told the cameras of what awaited her in French Polynesia.

Joan stayed aboard Windstar Cruises’ Star Breeze ship while in Tahiti, and she received a visit from her Golden Bachelor bestie Nancy Hulkower. The private school administrator explained to Nancy, 62, where she stood with each remaining man and confessed she still had some remorse about moving on from her late husband John.

“I’ve had this overwhelming sense of guilt that I am being selfish,” Joan told Nancy. “And if I really love John in the way I say I do and did, that there’s no way I would be able to move on. And but, I do. I love him and I will always love him, but I also have feelings for other men.”

Nancy assured Joan, “You’re not wrong in what you’re feeling.”

GUY’S FANTASY SUITE

Going into his Fantasy Suite date with Joan, Guy said, “My feelings are really strong. I believe I’m falling in love with Joan and I can see this going all the way.”

Guy, 66, and Joan sipped champagne on a yacht before going snorkeling.

“My kids and my sisters adored you,” Guy told Joan of the hometown visit. “I don’t know how you feel, but I didn’t think I could feel this way again.”

Joan agreed. “I’ve had like, revelations about my heart too that I didn’t think could get to where I am not, and it surprised me,” she said. “And it feels good.”

The mother of four told the cameras that Guy had her feeling “so hopeful,” which made her decision “a lot harder.”

“He has opened up and been so fully in now, it’s making me feel the same way,” Joan told the cameras. “He’s certainly as strong as other connection I have now.”

Over dinner with Guy, Joan called their date “one of the best days I can think of,” and she invited him to the Fantasy Suite — without one stipulation.

“I want to have the time off camera that we can talk and we can discuss intimate things, but when it comes to the physical part of that, I’m not going to do that with three different people,” Joan said to Guy. “So, I’m not going to do it with anybody right now. And I’m going to save that for when I have my final person and the person I’m hoping to spend the rest of my life with."

The ER doctor understood. “I respect what you’re saying so much,” Guy told Joan.

With that, Joan and Guy spent the night in the Fantasy Suite.

“I feel absolutely great,” Guy said the next morning. “I absolutely feel like I got everything I needed. I got intimacy on an emotional level. It was a very good night.”

CHOCK’S FANTASY SUITE

Chock sat down with host Jesse Palmer ahead of his Fantasy Suite date to touch base about how he felt.

“I’m in love with her, and a guy like me just doesn’t throw that out,” Chock, 60, said to Jesse, 46.

When Jesse asked Chock how he saw the show ending, the insurance executive said, “It’s either going to end up being an engagement, or I’m going to get my heart broken.”

For his date with Joan, Chock and the Golden Bachelorette went ATVing in Tahiti. “I’m here with an amazing woman and I’ll remember this the rest of my life,” Chock said to Joan.

Afterwards, Chock and Joan had a picnic. “Here’s to absence actually making the heart grow fonder,” Joan said when she toasted Chock.

Chock told Joan he felt like the “the happiest guy,” adding to the cameras, “I really, really want this woman in my life.”

The couple grabbed dinner on the Star Breeze and talked about where their relationship stood.

“The closeness and how we work together as a couple is worth taking to the next level,” Chock said to Joan.

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Joan told Chock she knew he “would never hurt me.”

“I started feeling unseen when John passed away, and so I think sometimes being seen, you only need one person to see you,” she said in an on-camera interview. “Chock makes me feel seen.”

Joan then invited Chock to the Fantasy Suite and informed him that she didn’t want to have a “physical relationship” that night.

“I’m perfectly okay with that,” Chock assured.

The next morning, Chock journaled and told the cameras he and Joan had a “fun night” that included champagne and a “big comfy couch.”

“What did we do? That's between Joan and myself,” he teased.

PASCAL’S FANTASY SUITE

When Pascal spoke to Jesse before his Fantasy Suite date, the salon owner shared that he almost got engaged the previous November.

“I want to move on, but I’m having a tough time,” Pascal, 69, admitted.

Still, Pascal proceeded to enjoy a Tahitian buffet with Joan — and he appreciated that the Tahitian people spoke French. “I feel at home, I feel comfortable,” the Frenchman said. “They speak my language!”

From there, Pascal and Joan partook in a Tahitian bonding ceremony, where things took a serious turn.

Joan said during the ceremony that she wanted to release the “fear of letting somebody in my life,” as well as her “fear that I won’t be honoring John’s memory.”

“Talking about feeling emotion, I wasn't ready for that,” Pascal told the cameras. “You know I appreciate the thought behind it and I did my very best to show her who I am, but my wall’s still up. I’m guarded. I’m scared. I’m not ready for that.”

Pascal confessed that the bonding ceremony “freaked me out,” and he planned to talk to Joan about that over the evening portion of the date.

When they sat down to dinner, Pascal got straight to the point. “Today was quite a very interesting day for me,” Pascal said to Joan. “I wasn't expecting that.”

Pascal explained to Joan that he’d been in love with someone last year and didn’t expect to make it to this point on The Golden Bachelorette after his daughter singed him up for the show.

“I get scared because I’m having a very difficult time to let go,” Pascal said. “I care very much about you and the reason I wanted to do [this] is to [not] hurt you. I just don’t think I could get at the place that you want me to be.”

Joan wondered to Pascal, “If you’re not ready, it’s one thing. If you’re never going to be ready, that’s a different thing.”

Pascal laid it all out. “I know what love is. I’ve experienced it, you’ve experienced it,” Pascal began. “And I’m caring about you as a friend. But I’m not in love, you know, and I just can’t be there and it’s hurting me because we have a good time together.”

Pascal continued, “I need that spark, and I just don’t have it.”

Joan told Pascal “it’s okay” that his “heart’s just not ready.”

“It’s not how I pictured this going, but you know, life has a funny way of doing that to you,” Joan said in an on-camera interview.

Pascal tried to shoo the cameras away as he walked out with Joan. “I hate to hurt people,” Pascal said. “I’m hurt right now and I’ve hurt her and I feel terrible about that.”

Joan told the cameras she did indeed feel hurt. “It made me know that he knew how to love and he just couldn’t; I wasn't lovable,” she said to the cameras. “It’s hard to be vulnerable once you’ve been hurt. The walls are up again, and I feel like a failure.”

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The Golden Bachelorette airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.