Golden Bachelorette Joan Vassos on Overcoming Grief Over Late Husband: 'I Didn’t Have to Not Love John Anymore' (Exclusive)

Joan Vassos is opening up about coming terms with her grief over the loss of her late husband John.

The inaugural Golden Bachelorette, 61, spoke to PEOPLE about facing unresolved feelings of grief following John's death while looking for love on the ABC dating show.

“I really struggled with that in the middle of the season,” she says. “The Bachelor gives you access to psychiatrists that are actually at the mansion with you on the show, and so I did that. I actually had an appointment with them and we talked about what it would be, why it was so hard for me to move on in this journey and that I felt like I was still in love with John and I never would not be in love with him. And they're like, ‘Well, that's fine.’”

“They said, ‘Picture it like you have a balloon in each hand. One is John and one is this other person that you have feelings for, and you don't have to let go of this one to have this one also,’” she continues. “There's room in your heart and in your memory for more than one person.’ And I just needed to hear that it was okay. I didn't have to not love John anymore, and I didn't know that.”

With the help of mental health professionals and the fast pace of the show, Vassos says she was able to overcome the hurdle of opening her heart up to someone else.

“I evolved a lot over the season,” she explains. “I came in there thinking that I was so ready to find love and then realized that it's a way different journey than I thought it was going to be. But I feel like I grew, and I don't think I ever would be where I am today if I hadn't done this, because it kind of gave me the motivation to get through some of these emotions quickly because I wanted to end up with somebody.”

Vassos adds that she feels she is now “exactly where I’m supposed to be.”

When she first went on the show, Vassos says she didn’t know how the journey would pan out — and she reveals she was also skeptical about falling in love with multiple people.

“I thought that was going to be impossible, that I would never, ever, ever have feelings for more than one person,” she says. “It just seems very unlike me, and I was really wrong about that. I did end up having feelings for more than one person, and that was surprising.”

Vassos, who was on season 1 of The Golden Bachelor, sent herself home during week three to focus on family matters. Because she didn’t have much time on the show, she said returning as the Golden Bachelorette was a particularly new experience for her.

“I really even hadn't spent that much time in the mansion,” she recalls. “And the rigors and how tiring it all is, and it's such an exhausting emotional journey — it's a lot of hours every day. So it was very surprising, a lot of it. Mid-season was like, ‘This is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.’”

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The Golden Bachelorette airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.