Days after our third date, he demanded I pay him £300

Making a coffee on my lunch break at work, I received a text message from my recent date – let’s call him John.

‘I spent too much time and money on you,’ it read. ‘I want £300 back.’

I couldn’t believe it. 

We’d been on three dates together, but the last time I saw him – less than a week earlier – I had to run away from his house in fear of my life.

Now he was demanding money from me.

It was the 2010s and I had just ended a long-term relationship, so I joined a dating app to try to find a nice man.

Then I came across John’s profile. It looked genuine and I was immediately attracted to a handsome businessman with his own house, two little dogs and fast car, even if he was almost a decade older than me.

After only two days of texting about our pets, work, our shared love for the outdoors and how we were tired of online dating, I got the impression that he was a gentleman and wanted more than just a fling.

So I decided to go on a date with him.

We went to a posh restaurant in town that he chose. John ordered a steak and I had salad and chips because I’m vegetarian. He gave me compliments and made me laugh.

It turned out he liked theatre and musicals and was into watching Game of Thrones, just like me.

After dinner, he insisted on paying for us both. I agreed, but insisted I’d cover the bill next time.

I already knew I wanted to see him again, so when he asked for a second date, I said yes. A week later, he took me for a ride in his sports car.

He even showed up with sandwiches and drinks for us. I thought it was very romantic of him and everything was going so nice that I thought I may even be falling in love.

I told him about my friends, parents and work – that I have a simple but steady job as an office clerk and I’m into posing for vintage pin-up modelling in my free time.

He didn’t specify what type of business he owns and nor did he say anything about his ex-partner, possible kids or wider family, but I didn’t take it as a red flag back then (and I should have!).

A few days later, the third date came along when he asked me to join him at his office party. First though, he said to stop by and have some drinks in his large and rather luxurious house.

When I arrived, he surprised me with a present – a dress for the party. It was nice but I felt uneasy about him buying me gifts so early on while we were dating.

The party was at a colleague’s house, not the actual office or a fancy restaurant, which I thought was unusual – but I finally had a chance to meet his work friends and everyone was lovely.

I was chatting with a few women when I realised John had just left me there and had gone outside to chat with male coworkers. I wasn’t upset because I enjoyed the conversation with the ladies – but it should have been another warning. Who leaves their date alone?

At the end of the evening, though, he asked me to stay over and I agreed because we’d had such a good time together.

When I woke up the next morning, I got a cheeky text from my gay best friend asking how my night was.

That’s when John just switched. He was angry at me for texting another man while I was still in bed with him.

I responded that my friends have the right to check up on me at any time. That’s when he raised his voice at me and called me a ‘shallow model with tacky tattoos’, before comparing me to a sex worker.

I said I explained to him before that my modelling is a fun hobby, has nothing to do with sex work and even if it did, I would be honest about it with him from the beginning.

Shocked and scared, I thought to myself: ‘Where was that other John that I was falling for? And who is this guy here? I have got to go home now.’

So I took my phone, locked myself in the bathroom and called a cab, giving instructions to the Uber driver to wait for me for 10 minutes and if I didn’t come out by that time to call the police.

Fortunately, I managed to get out, left and went home.

I didn’t hear from him for the next few days until he messaged me demanding money. My best friend said I should go to the police, but instead I just replied: ‘I never asked you to pay for me in the first place and you were the one who called me a prostitute so I guess we’re even’.

Then I blocked him. Fortunately, I have never heard from him again.

Ever since this experience eight years ago, I’m very careful now. Maybe even too careful – I haven’t been in a relationship since then.

But now I always listen to my gut feeling and if the guys don’t seem honest about their life or don’t like the fact that I’m still a model, they won’t have a second date with me. It was a good lesson for the future!

My advice to other women would be to always let your family and friends know when and where you’re going out and with who.

And for the men who think women should owe you money after failed dates – firstly, grow up.

And secondly, never – under any circumstances – resort to abuse.

This article was first published on Aug 24, 2024.

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