The ‘bristle reaction’ is killing sex lives – this is what it means for your relationship

We’ve all heard of ‘the ick,’ but what about those feelings that are more transient?

If you can think of a time when your partner’s touch made you recoil, but only for a little while, the good news is there’s no need to feel guilty about it.

It turns out there’s a name for it – and it’s not necessarily a big deal.

The ‘bristle reaction’ – a term that’s racked up more than 2.8 million Google searches – is when your partner’s touch makes you flinch or tense up.

Clinical sexologist and therapist Ness Cooper says it refers to ‘a freeze reaction from when touch intention patterns become predictable yet may not fit with the moment.’

‘It can be misread sometimes as someone not being attractive to their partner anymore and some couples can find it hard to navigate this confusion,’ she tells Metro.

What exactly is the ‘bristle reaction’?

According to Ness, the ‘bristle reaction’ is just a case of crossed wires.

Some couples, she explains, find that when regular touch leads to certain interactions, it can be ‘hard to tell when you don’t want to continue the pattern at first’.

This means that the body’s instinctive reaction is to turn off or knee-jerk (AKA, an involuntary bristly response), and according to Ness, is most commonly ‘seen in couples where touch would lead to sex all the time in the past, but now in the moment, sex doesn’t seem right or practical.’

‘There may also be elements of the individual’s past coming through that they may not have been aware of before in the relationship,’ Ness continues.

‘When relationships are in the first few years, a lot of our individual wants, needs, and reactions can be swept under the rug. As we get to know our partners we can become less enmeshed and have the ability to express our differences.

‘With the bristle reaction, it may be a sign that you’re becoming aware your sex drive / libido doesn’t always sync-up perfectly.’

But is isn’t always about being out of sync.

‘Some couples may also have a reaction similar to the bristle reaction if they need to work on something together, such as resolution to a disagreement,’ Ness adds.

How to navigate the ‘bristle reaction’

To overcome the ‘bristle reaction,’ Ness recommends ‘sensate-focussed methods,’ (a technique used to improve intimacy and communication), although she emphasises that these should only be used if both partners want to have sex.

‘There’s no point in trying to force yourself into wanting sex when experiencing a reaction such as the bristle reaction,’ she notes, ‘as it can have a negative impact on how you feel about sex in the future.’

‘Masturbation can be helpful for some to learn their body’s reactions and when the bristle reaction kicks in,’ she adds. ‘Some may be able to self-explore what their body likes and dislikes and may find that old forms of touch simply don’t work for them like they used to.

‘There may also be a stressor, which is currently turning you off, such as work stress or other worries.’

But ultimately, Ness says that the ‘bristle reaction’s’ name can be a little ‘misleading.’

‘In some cases, it may be a simple way for your body to tell you you’re not turned on right now,’ she says. ‘However, others may experience a similar reaction to touch due to past trauma.’

‘This is why mindfulness and slowly working through the feelings related to touch can be essential.’

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