I know, I know, these days it seems like you can’t make a single mean comment without being pulled up on it.
There’s fat shaming, which prevents you from discriminating against people for being overweight, and then there’s slut shaming which means you’re not allowed to reduce a woman’s worth because she’s had a lot of D.
And now, I’m about to make it even worse by explaining to you about kink shaming. Which, as you’d probably already guessed, you’re also not allowed to do. Or should at least make an effort to avoid
What is kink shaming?
Kink shaming is when you cite someone’s sexual predilections as a reason that they’re a bad person, or attempt to embarrass someone for what they like to do in bed.
The opposite stance from kink shaming is a sex positive one, where people believe that having sexual predilections is not inherently wrong, and that what you like to do privately in the bedroom as a consenting adult is entirely your own business.
What kind of kinks get shamed?
Generally speaking, the more unusual the kink the more likely someone is to be shamed for it.
Fetishes such as puppy play, where a person pretends to be a dog, and adult baby, where a person pretends to be a baby by dressing as a baby and often using a nappy, are very likely to be kink shamed.
Rape and non consent fantasies (despite being the most common female sexual fantasy) are also likely to be received with judgement.
More mainstream BSDM is increasingly not something people are shamed for, however it’s still possible to lose your job or custody of your children over your sexual preferences.
Does it actually happen?
In short, yes. Just look at Katie Price’s ex husband Alex Reid. Alex’s cross-dressing as alter ego Roxanne has been weaponized against him continuously, despite the fact that anyone is free to dress however they wish.
Why is it a problem?
Kink shaming is a problem because it prevents people from being able to live an authentic life.
It’s especially problematic that having niche sexual interests could land you on the front of a newspaper, losing your job or unable to retain custody of your children – all of which is totally legal as it ‘brings a company in to disrepute’.
But aren’t people with weird fetishes really messed up?
No. People with ‘weird’ fetishes aren’t ‘really messed up’. All of us have different triggers and turn ons, and some people’s are just a bit different than others.
There is no evidence to suggest that people with minority fetishes are any more likely to be dangerous or criminal.
So I can’t judge people for liking weird sex stuff?
Well, you can’t be horrible about it. You can exhibit the same level of judgement that you’d use for someone who wears Crocs as formal wear or says ‘pacific’ when they mean ‘specific’.
What you can’t do is assume that the person in question is automatically a sex offender or a bad person. Because what we like to do in the bedroom does not define who we are as people.
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