(Picture: Getty/metro.co.uk)

It’s an unfortunate fact of life that many of us who enjoy having sex really aren’t ready for babies. 

It’s another unfortunate fact that some infections can be spread by having sex.

(I realise that this isn’t exactly new information, but bear with me here).

In order to avoid both catching an infection and unwittingly creating new human life, we have condoms.

Condoms are freely available, easy to use and if used correctly will almost certainly mean you don’t end up ill, or knocked up.

You would think that something as simple and effective as a condom would be cherished. Beloved. Celebrated.

You are wrong.

Despite the fact it’s the easiest and arguably the best form of contraception, men like to complain about using condoms. Call them rubbish, perhaps. 

I’m here to tell you that if someone you’re having sex with makes even a whimper of complaint about using one, you should tell him to go f**k himself. Or someone else. But not you. Because the thing is, if someone wants to have sex with you, they should value your health and your safety at least enough to be a grown-up about using contraception.

I have slept with men who think that using a condom is a favour. Some kind of reward to you. A kindness. Those men were, unfailingly, twats.

‘I just don’t like using them’ I’ve been told. ‘It doesn’t feel as good.’

Well, if sex with a condom doesn’t feel good enough, you can have an alternative. That alternative is no sex. Does sex with a condom feel better than no sex at all?

The real reason that men feel entitled to whine about condoms is because they feel like they can have a more pleasurable experience with no consequences. They know that women will handle the responsibility of contraception.

Not using condoms means turning to the invasive, painful experience of having a coil fitted, having an implant sliced into the flesh of your arm or suffering miserable side effects from the pill.

All of those are time consuming. They hurt. And they’re often less effective in preventing pregnancy and totally ineffective in preventing the spread of disease.

My husband and I have been using condoms as our only means of contraception for the last four years (alongside calendar planning, a decent method as long as getting pregnant wouldn’t be the end of the world).

Why? Because I hate being on the pill. It makes my boobs hurt, it makes me moody and it kills my sex drive.

One of the reasons I knew my husband was a keeper is because he didn’t make a childish fuss about having to use condoms.

Yet friends of mine find this astonishing. ‘Doesn’t he mind?’ people ask me.

No, he doesn’t ‘mind’.

He doesn’t mind because penis in vagina sex is not the only kind of sex a couple can enjoy, because if you buy proper condoms rather than the plastic bag kind they feel absolutely fine, and because he knows that there is no point in me being pumped full of hormones 24/7 to make an activity that we do four or five times a week safe.

(Picture: Getty)

If he did ‘mind’, I wouldn’t have married him.

Millions of pounds and hours of research have been put into improving the condom experience. Condoms like Skyn or Hex are so thin they’re almost invisible, and they make very little difference to the sensation of having sex.

Research recently found that the major issue with condom usage was actually men using condoms which are too big for them. 

At least condom users have the option to use a refined, finessed product. Have you ever tried to use a dental dam? I have, and I can attest, they are about as shit and shit can be. Same goes for the femidom.

Barrier methods aimed at women are completely rubbish and no-one has made any effort to change that.

The social acceptance of men ‘just not liking’ condoms is what makes it hard for women to insist on them. If you think other people are just forgoing them, what power do you have to insist? And trust me, it’s a case of insisting. I once had sex with a guy who tried to remove the condom three separate times in one night.

(At the time I thought this was being obnoxious. I now know it’s called stealthing and is a form of sexual assault).

It must be wonderful to feel so safe and secure within yourself that the idea of there being any consequences from unprotected sex feels alien to you. Unfortunately when, as a sexually active woman, every month comes tinged with a very slight feeling of panic, that’s just not a privilege that we experience.

So men, please stop forcing women to take responsibility for contraception, which effects both partners. Be a grown up. Be pleased that you’re getting to have sex with someone you’re attracted to and respect them enough to value their health and wellbeing above the very slight dulling of sensation in your knob.

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