Lonely woman at bar with kissing couple
Stop! (Picture: Getty)

I was sitting on the tube last night, minding my own business, only to be assaulted with the depressingly common sight of a writhing couple sucking each other’s faces off opposite me.

After they left to stumble their passionate selves to somewhere hopefully more private, I thought that my nightly experience of having to endure the dreaded PDA was fulfilled.

No, just one stop later, another couple sat right beside me and engaged in some heavy downstairs mutual petting that was about as subtle as a brick to the face.

Seriously, when did such blatant exhibitions of explicit foreplay become an accepted part of your commute home from work?

There are a lot of serious issues in the world that perhaps need addressing earlier, but somewhere along the line we need to say stop to all of those horny couples out there that simply can’t wait to get to the nearest Travel Lodge and insist in sharing their animal lust with us all.

http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2014-01/enhanced/webdr06/10/16/anigif_original-grid-image-29778-1389388548-8.gif

PDAs need banned. A recent study said that 28% of 2000 people surveyed were uncomfortable with seeing other couples get off with each other in such close proximity. But I would argue that in reality, it would be a lot more.

I’m not unromantic. I once bought a Dinner For Two deal for bae from Marks and Spencer so I’m all about expressing affection. But there is a time and place.

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There is barely anyone in the world who sits on the X42 bus and finds themselves impressed at the sight of a couple canoodling. And the very few who might enjoy it are not the type of people who you should be seeking to interest.

Here’s a quick checklist on the main reasons this kind of thing needs to stop.

Teenage boy and girl kiss at beach
Blurgh (Picture: Getty)
  • The slurping noises are foul. I could dish up mashed potato mixed with banana and custard and still be unable to make a more sickening sound of sloppiness than an overexcited couple can create.
  • It’s a sign of desperation. ‘LOOK AT ME, I HAVE A SEX LIFE’ doesn’t impress anyone.
  • Your reputation is at stake. Would you like your boss/teacher/lecturer to see you full on snogging in public? Would you like to be the subject of a viral vine with thousands of comments consisting of vomit emojis? No.
  • Children travel in public too. It’s wrong to force your excitement for your lover on anyone’s eyes. But children certainly don’t need to see it.
  • There’s no class. Sorry to be elitist, but seriously, there isn’t anything more toe-curling than seeing that kind of performance.
  • You might end up breaking the law. There’s a thin line between what is appropriate by law and what is most definitely not. Accidentally cross it and you could end up on a register. Worth that quick feel?

And, when I posed the question to Twitter, I learned that my views are shared by many.

https://twitter.com/MargoJMilne/status/614428380277153792

https://twitter.com/potts124/status/614429052896706560

https://twitter.com/emmaellick/status/614430669649903616

Honestly, I get that you’re in love. You won’t find anyone happier about your successful romance than me. The odd kiss and peck is fine and I always feel a nice warm fuzzy sensation when seeing people with arms around each other or walking hand in hand.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2bh4yTdJg1rttcyso1_500.gif

But there are certain things that should be happening behind closed doors.

It’s time to ditch the PDAs because less will always be more. And I want to be able to keep my dinner down.

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