OB & HRM -- Personality

Unit 4

Org. Communication, methods and

tools, Conflict Mgt, resolution
techniques, Transactional Analysis,
Johari Window, etc….
Organizational Communication, Methods and Tools, informal Communication

• Refer “Understanding Communication” from Reading Material for Students

Folder.

Role Play -- For Internals (10 marks)

• Form Groups (will let you know No. in class)

• Take real examples from Corporate World (take company / Industry) as an
example, prepare a Situation / Role Play.
• Apply all concepts, methods, tools and information (given in “Understanding
Communication”) and prepare a Role Play for 20 Min Per team.
• All students must participate in the Role play.
Conflict Management

Definition of Conflict:

• We define conflict as “a process that begins when one party perceives that
another party has negatively affected, or is about to negatively affect, something
that the first party cares about.”

• This describes that point when an interaction “crosses over” to become an inter-
party conflict.
Transitions in Conflict Thought (Changing view on Conflict)

There are 3 types:-

A. The Traditional View:

• This early approach assumed that all conflict was bad. Conflict was synonymous
with such terms that reinforced its negative connotation. By definition, it was
harmful and was to be avoided.

• This view was consistent with the prevailing attitudes about group behavior in the
1930’s and 1940’s.

• Conflict was seen as a dysfunctional outcome resulting from poor communication,

a lack of openness and trust between people, and the failure of Managers to be
responsive to their employees.
B. The Human Relations View:

1. Conflict is a natural occurrence in all groups and organizations. Since it was

natural and inevitable it should be accepted.

2. It cannot be eliminated and may even contribute to group performance.

3. The human relations view dominated conflict theory from the late 1940s through
the mid-1970s.

C. The Inter-actionist View:

1. This approach encourages conflict on the grounds that a harmonious, peaceful,

tranquil, and co-operative group is prone to becoming static and non-responsive
to needs for change and innovation.

2. Group leaders maintain enough conflict to keep the group viable, self-critical, and
creative.

3. Whether a conflict is good or bad depends on the type of conflict.

Functional vs. Dysfunctional Conflict:
1. Not all conflicts are good.
 Functional, constructive forms of conflict support the goals of the group and improve its
performance.
 Conflicts that hinder group performance are dysfunctional or destructive forms of
conflict.

2. What differentiates functional from dysfunctional conflict?

--- We need to look at the type of conflict.

Task conflict
• relates to the content and goals of the work.
 Low-to-moderate levels of task conflict are functional and consistently demonstrate a
positive effect on group performance because it stimulates discussion, improving
group performance.

Relationship conflict
focuses on interpersonal relationships.
a. These conflicts are almost always dysfunctional.
b. The friction and interpersonal hostilities inherent in relationship conflicts increase
personality clashes and decrease mutual understanding.
Process conflict
relates to how the work gets done.
a. Low-levels of process conflict are functional and could enhance team performance.
b. For process conflict to be productive, it must be kept low.
c. Intense arguments create uncertainty.

The Conflict Process

A. Stage I: Potential Opposition or Incompatibility

First is the presence of conditions that create opportunities for conflict to arise.

Three general categories: communication, structure, and personal variables

1. Communication:
• Communication as a source of conflict represents those opposing forces that arise
from semantic difficulties, misunderstandings, and “noise” in the communication
channels.

• Differing word connotations, jargon, insufficient exchange of information, and noise in

the communication channel are all barriers to communication and potential
antecedents to conflict.
• Semantic (warning or signal of danger) difficulties are a result of differences in
training, selective perception, and inadequate information.

• The potential for conflict increases when either too little or too much communication
takes place.

• The channel chosen for communicating can have an influence on stimulating

opposition.

2. Structure:
• The term structure includes variables such as size, degree of specialization,
jurisdictional clarity, member-goal compatibility, leadership styles, reward systems,
and the degree of dependence.

• Size and specialization act as forces to stimulate conflict. The larger the group and
more specialized its activities, the greater the likelihood of conflict.

• The potential for conflict is greatest where group members are younger and turnover
is high.

• The greater the ambiguity in responsibility for actions, the greater will be the potential
for conflict.
• The diversity of goals among groups is a major source of conflict.

• A close style of Leadership increases conflict potential.

• Too much reliance on participation may also stimulate conflict.

• Reward systems, too, are found to create conflict when one member’s gain is at
another’s expense.

• Finally, if a group is dependent on another group, opposing forces are stimulated.

3. Personal variables:

• Include individual value systems and personality characteristics.

 Certain personality types lead to potential conflict.

• Most important is differing value systems. Value differences are the best
explanation for differences of opinion on various matters.
B. Stage II:
Cognition and Personalization:
• Antecedent (past) conditions lead to conflict only when the parties are affected by
and aware of it.

• Conflict is personalized when it is felt and when individuals become emotionally

involved.

• This stage is where conflict issues tend to be defined and this definition delineates
the possible settlements.

Second, emotions play a major role in shaping perceptions:

 Negative emotions produce oversimplification of issues, reductions in trust, and

negative interpretations of the other party’s behavior.

 Positive feelings increase the tendency to see potential relationships among the
elements of a problem, to take a broader view of the situation, and to develop
more innovative solutions.
C. Stage III: Intentions:
Intentions are decisions to act in a given way.

Why are intentions separated out as a distinct stage?

 Merely because one party attributing the wrong intentions to the other escalates a
lot of conflicts.

Effort to identify the primary conflict-handling intentions is represented in two

dimensions:
1. Co-operativeness -- “the degree to which one party attempts to satisfy the other
party’s concerns.”

2. Assertiveness -- “the degree to which one party attempts to satisfy his or her own
concerns.”

Five conflict-handling intentions can be identified:

a) Competing:
• When one person seeks to satisfy his or her own interests, regardless of the
impact on the other parties to the conflict
b) Collaborating:
• When the parties to conflict each desire to fully satisfy the concerns of all parties.
The intention is to solve the problem by clarifying differences rather than by
accommodating.

c) Avoiding:
• A person may recognize that a conflict exists and want to withdraw from it or
suppress it.

d) Accommodating:
• When one party seeks to appease an opponent, that party is willing to be self-
sacrificing.

e) Compromising:
• When each party to the conflict seeks to give up something, sharing occurs,
resulting in a compromised outcome. There is no clear winner or loser, and the
solution provides incomplete satisfaction of both parties’ concerns.
• Intentions provide general guidelines for parties in a conflict situation. They define
each party’s purpose, but they are not fixed.

• They might change because of re-conceptualization or because of an emotional

reaction.

• However, individuals have preferences among the five conflict-handling intentions.

• It may be more appropriate to view the five conflict-handling intentions as

relatively fixed rather than as a set of options from which individuals choose to fit
an appropriate situation.

D. Stage IV: Behavior:

• In this stage, conflicts visible. The behavior stage includes the statements,
actions, and reactions made by the conflicting parties. These conflict behaviors
are usually overt attempts to implement each party’s intentions.

• Stage IV is a dynamic process of interaction; conflicts exist somewhere along a

continuum (band / range / field) – Shown in next Slide
• At the lower part of the continuum, conflicts are characterized by subtle, indirect,
and highly controlled forms of tension.

• Conflict intensities escalate as they move upward along the continuum until they
become highly destructive.

• Functional conflicts are typically confined to the lower range of the continuum.

(The Next Slide lists the major resolution and stimulation techniques).
• In psychology, super-
-ordinate goals
refer to goals that
require the cooperation
of two or more people
or groups to achieve,
which usually results
in rewards to the groups.
Smoothing is a
temporary
Relief for a given conflict
Or buying time until you
Are better positioned to
Respond and / or push
Back against the
Conflicting party.

Whereas, Compromise is
A permanent solution,
where both lose
something in return for an
agreement.
 Altering the Human variable

• The goal is to change the

behaviour of the conflicting
parties by way of human
relations training, sensitivity,
awareness training etc….

Altering the Structural variable

• This is done by exchanging

group members, creating or
co-ordinating position, develop-
-ing an appeal system, expand-
-ing the boundaries of the
group or Org.

Devil’s Advocate
a person who advocates an opposing or unpopular cause
for the sake of argument or to expose it to a thorough examination
Eg: Arnab Goswami’s show on television
E. Stage V: Outcomes
• Outcomes may be functional—improving group performance, or dysfunctional in
hindering it.

I) Functional outcomes
• How might conflict act as a force to increase group performance?

Conflict is constructive when it:

a. Improves the quality of decisions.
b. Stimulates creativity and innovation.
c. Encourages interest and curiosity.
d. Provides the medium through which problems can be aired and tensions
released.
e. Fosters an environment of self-evaluation and change.

• The evidence suggests that conflict can improve the quality of decision-making.

1. Conflict is an antidote for groupthink --- Conflict challenges the status quo,
furthers the creation of new ideas, promotes reassessment of group goals and
activities, and increases the probability that the group will respond to change.
2. Research studies in diverse settings confirm the functionality of conflict:

a. The comparison of six major decisions made during the administration of four
different US presidents found that conflict reduced the chance of groupthink.

b. When groups analyzed decisions that had been made by the individual members
of that group, the average improvement among the high-conflict groups was 73
percent greater than was that of those groups characterized by low-conflict
conditions.

3. Increasing cultural diversity of the workforce should provide benefits to

organizations:

a. Heterogeneity among group and organization members can increase creativity,

improve the quality of decisions, and facilitate change by enhancing member
flexibility.

b. The ethnically diverse groups produced more effective and more feasible ideas
and higher quality, unique ideas than those produced by the all-Anglo group.
 Similarly, studies of professionals -- systems analysts and research and development
scientists -- support the constructive value of conflict.
a. An investigation of 22 teams of systems analysts found that the more incompatible
groups were likely to be more productive.

b. Research and development scientists have been found to be most productive where
there is a certain amount of intellectual conflict.

II) Dysfunctional Outcomes:-

• Uncontrolled opposition breeds discontent, which acts to dissolve common ties and
eventually leads to the destruction of the group.

Undesirable consequences:-
a. A retarding of communication
b. Reductions in group cohesiveness
c. Subordination of group goals to the primacy of infighting between members

• Conflict can bring group functioning to a halt and potentially threaten the group’s
survival.
• The demise of an organization as a result of too much conflict is not as unusual as it
might first appear. For Ex:- One of New York’s best-known law firms, Shea & Gould,
closed down solely because the 80 partners just could not get along.
Creating functional conflict:
• If managers accept the inter-actionist view toward conflict, they encourage functional
conflict.
Creating functional conflict is a tough job, particularly in Large Corporations:-
• A high proportion of people who get to the top are conflict avoiders.

• At least seven out of ten people in American business hush up when their opinions are
at odds with those of their Superiors, allowing Bosses to make mistakes even when
they know better.

• Such anti-conflict cultures are not tolerable in today’s fiercely competitive global
economy.

• This process frequently results in decisions and alternatives that previously had not
been considered.

• One common ingredient in organizations that successfully create functional conflict is

that they reward dissent and punish conflict avoiders.

• The real challenge for managers is when they hear news that they do not want to hear.
Johari Window of Communication
•The Johari window is a technique that helps people better understand their
relationship with themselves and others.

•It was created by psychologists Joseph Luft (1916–2014) and Harrington Ingham
(1916–1995) in 1955, and is used primarily in self-help groups and corporate settings
as a heuristic (experimental) exercise

•Luft and Ingham called their Johari Window model 'Johari' after combining their first
names, Joe and Harrington.

•The Johari Window actually represents information - feelings, experience, views,

attitudes, skills, intentions, motivation, etc within or about a person - in relation to
their group, from four perspectives.
The Johari Window / Model of Self Awareness
Areas of the Model

•The four Johari Window perspectives are called 'regions' or 'areas' or 'quadrants'.
Each of these regions contains and represents the information - feelings, motivation,
etc… – known about the person, in terms of whether the information is known or
unknown by the person, and whether the information is known or unknown by others
in the group.

Johari region 1 (Open)

is also known as the 'area of free activity'. This is the information about the person -
behaviour, attitude, feelings, emotion, knowledge, experience, skills, views, etc…
known by the person ('the self') and known by the group ('others').
Johari region 2 (Blind)
• is what is known about a person by others in the group, but is unknown by the
person him/herself.

Johari quadrant 3 (Hidden)

•what is known to ourselves but kept hidden from, and therefore unknown to others.

Johari quadrant 4 (Unknown)

•It contains information, feelings, talent abilities, aptitudes, experiences etc…that are
unknown to the person him / herself and unknown to others in the group.
Unknown factors may exist because of
•an ability that is under-estimated or un-tried through lack of opportunity,
encouragement, confidence or training.

• a natural ability or aptitude that a person doesn't realize they possess

•a fear or aversion that a person does not know they have

• an unknown illness

•repressed or subconscious feelings

• conditioned behaviour or attitudes from childhood

Johari Window -- Friendship Relations Survey (Activity)

•Take printout of the following

http://www.humanresourcefulness.net/CypressCollege/docs/HUSR224/Johari_Windo
w_Questionnaire-package.pdf

•Mention your Name and your Friend’s name (whom you are referring)

•Answer the questions

•Mark your own ratings / Evaluate yourself

Johari Window & Teams (Activity in Class)

•Need Four volunteers

•One Person chooses his options and saves it in his / her name

•Rest of the Seven choose adjectives about that person, save their Names /
Answers through the common link provided

•Finally the Answer can be evaluated in Class (Real time – See Page bottom)

•(Show class a small example before start)

•http://kevan.org/johari
Transactional Analysis (TA) PAC

•Transactional Analysis is a theory developed by Dr. Eric Berne in the 1950s.

•Originally trained in psycho-analysis, Berne wanted a theory which could be

understood and available to everyone and began to develop what came to be called
Transactional Analysis (TA).

•Transactional Analysis is a social psychology and a method to improve

communication.

•The theory outlines how we have developed and treat ourselves, how we relate and
communicate with others, and offers suggestions and interventions which will enable
us to change and grow.
• The roots of the model suggests that people can change and we all have a right
to be in the world and be accepted for who we are.

• Berne devised the concept of ego states to help explain how we are made up,
and how we relate to others.

• These are drawn as three stacked circles and they are one of the building blocks
of Transactional Analysis (show GIF – in video file).

• They categorize the ways we think, feel and behave and are called Parent, Adult,
and Child.

• Each ego state is given a capital letter to denote the difference between actual
parents, adults and children.
• We will all go in and out of the various states however it is to what degree we are
living in the states, especially ones that are unhealthy that we may want to bring
to consciousness so we can alter these states.
Parent States

•This is a set of feelings, thinking and behaviour that we have copied from our
parents and significant others.

•As we grow up we take in ideas, beliefs, feelings and behaviours from our parents
and caretakers.

• If we live in an extended family then there are more people to learn and take in
from. When we do this, it is called introjecting and it is just as if we take in the
whole of the care giver.
•For example, we may notice that we are saying things just as our father, mother,
grandmother may have done, even though, consciously, we don't want to.
• We do this as we have lived with this person so long that we automatically
reproduce certain things that were said to us, or treat others as we might have
been treated.

I) Critical Parent (State)

• The critical parent can be defined as having some of the following

characteristics. Please note, you can be talking to yourself from this state or
someone may be coming from their critical place to you.

Critical Parent Language

a) Should or Shouldn’t
• You should do your homework!!
• you shouldn’t walk in with your shoes on!!
• When coming from this place, it will place pressure on another person and it feels
we are having a finger pointed at us scolding us.

b) Have to
• You have to do your homework!
• You have to complete listen to me!

• When we are on the receiving end of someone telling us we have to do

something, it feels like we have no choice and places pressure on us.

• If we are speaking to our self from a have to place, then, you to take a step back
and ask yourself do you want to do what you are about to do or say, if you want to
and you keep using the words have to, it may mean you are not yet ready to do
what it is you want to do or say.
• This may be happening as you are not trusting yourself, you may be scared, you
may require more information; yet these considerations are probably not in the
forefront as you may be in a pushing mode of getting it done.

• Many companies and authoritarian type parents will come from the place of “have
to” and “should” as they do get successful results, yet it is at the cost of your well
being or people around you.

c) Need to

• comes from a place of fear, desperation or scarcity thinking, it is just another form
of pressure.
• A healthier approach would be to use the words, I want, I choose, I prefer.
d) Why?

• When we ask the question why, we are looking for a specific answer and what
ends up happening is that we often will end up with no answer and asking the
same question over and over or we will ask another question.

• It may feel like we are going crazy as we go around and around in circles and it
can feel like it is obsessive.

• The should have to, need to and why’s are the main languages a critical parent
will use, and quite often our voice will be raised when we are in this state, or we
will have a tone to our voice.
• However, even if we are not yelling or do not have a tone, and we are speaking in
a regular voice yet we are still using those words, the person on the receiving end
will want to tune us out or do the exact opposite even if we have a valid view
point.

• The reason for this is because how our communication will end up landing for the
person is that we are judging, criticizing, controlling, blaming and in some cases
shaming.

• If we are around ourselves, or someone else that continues to come from this
mode of communicating it can add to more stress, worry, anger, depression and
anxiety.
When our Beliefs and Values are formulated

•Many of our beliefs or values that are coming from the critical mode of thinking are
usually limiting to us, disempowering or negative.

•They are usually formulated by the time we are age 8.

• Sometimes we are told things directly or it can be implied and they create a belief.
Basically a belief is a thought we agree to whether it be negative or positive and that
is repeated over and over.

•For example, if you were told that you were stupid or not smart, and you decided it
was true for you, then you create a file called “I’m not smart,” and then you will collect
evidence to prove it right.
• Event though it goes against us, as humans we love to be right, and if we agreed
to it, we will keep collecting evidence as it is our familiar, it is something we know
and it give us this false sense of control over ourselves.

• So we may sabotage ourselves in this area, until we bring to conscious

awareness where the belief formulated and that we can alter this thought pattern.

Why the Critical Parent is called the False Self?

• The critical parent is called your false self as you were born a ball of love.

• You were born trusting, full of self expression, connected, etc… and then over
time, as a child you experienced little wounds and big wounds that placed
conditions on you and then you learned to conform to survive in the meantime
forgetting some or all of who you truly are.
• A false sense of self was born to protect you.

• Given this was all learned, it can be unlearned to remember who you are, it just
takes a willingness to become conscious, an awareness of what you want and
practice which may mean learning new skills of living and loving yourself.

II) Nurturing Parent

A) Physical Aspect

i) Physical Needs
• Did your parent take you to the doctors, dentist, fed you, clothed you, basically
take care of your physical needs, if not this could be constituted as neglect.
ii) Physical Touch
• Research shows how important for young babies and children to receive healthy
physical touch in the form of snuggles, hugs and kisses.

• Also for the child to witness caregivers expressing appropriate touch to one
another.

• On the other side of the coin, the child may grow up in a sterile environment
where there is no touch, or worse yet witness or experience physical, sexual
abuse.

iii) Absent Parent

iv) It is important that a child knows their parent wants to be there physically.
• There can be impacts when a parent is not there physically as they do not want to
be, they are outside of the home because of being a workaholic, and single
parents do have it harder, however if the quality of relationship is intact, it ought to
be okay.

B) Emotional Aspects

• Ideally we want our caregivers to create a safe home and to role model how it
looks like in a healthy way to display our emotions whether it be anger, sadness,
joy, stress anxiety.

• In past generations children that are now parents may have received messages
that emotions are not okay to display at all, or they may have been witnessed to
unhealthy forms of emotion such as anger.
• Spankings were of the norm and even physical abuse to a certain degree was
tolerated.

• In today’s society children demand to be parented differently as they know they

are in a democratic society and they know their rights. Parents coming from the
critical parent mode of being raised may not know how to do this, so as a society
we are in transition in this area.

i) Words of Encouragement
• Words of encouragement are vitally important such as “I believe in you”, “you can
do it”, etc…
• This makes a very big difference the way a person (especially children) perceive
(Mostly positive in this case).
• If words like “you are stupid”, “there is no hope” etc…are used it turns into
• Negative inputs for the person / child and the outcome will also be negative.

ii) Comparison

• Comparisons will have a child feel less than or more than, never good enough just as
they are.
• “Why can’t you be like your sister, or brother?”
• Sometimes parents do not compare, yet children do it at school or in activities.

iii) Physically there, Not emotionally

• Sometimes parents will be there physically, yet not emotionally as there may be mental
health issues, addictions, a parent doesn’t know how, doesn’t want to be, too many
children to take care of and not enough time or energy, marital discord, trauma, death.
• The physical and emotional stages are developmental stages a child will go through no
matter what and the key ages are up to age 8 years.

• Sometimes parents are great at providing for the physical and not the emotional or vice
verse, ideally we would like a solid foundation of both.

• Even if we came from a healthy family, there are still times when our perceived needs
were not met or not met in the way we would have liked and that will constitute as us
being wounded in some form.

• It is important when we do become consciously aware, that we identify if we have been

wounded, and to grieve those wounds and then learn to re-parent ourselves in the way
we would have liked or felt deserving of.
• This is a process to go through.
III) Adult Stage

• The Adult ego state is about direct responses to the here and now. We deal with
things that are going on today in ways that are not unhealthily influenced by our
past.

• The Adult ego state is about being spontaneous and aware with the capacity for
intimacy. When in our Adult we are able to see people as they are, rather than
what we project onto them.

• We ask for information rather than stay scared and rather than make
assumptions. Taking the best from the past and using it appropriately in the
present is an integration of the positive aspects of both our Parent and Child ego
states.
• So this can be called the Integrating Adult.

• Integrating means that we are constantly updating ourselves through our every
day experiences and using this to inform us.

• The Integrating Adult ego state circle is placed in the middle to show how it needs
to orchestrate between the Parent and the Child ego states.

• For example, the Critical Parent ego state may beat up on the internal Child,
saying "You are no good, look at what you did wrong again, you are useless".

• The Child may then respond with "I am no good, look how useless I am, I never
get anything right". Many people hardly hear this kind of internal dialogue as it
goes on so much they might just believe life is this way.
• An effective Integrating Adult ego state can intervene between the Parent and
Child ego states. This might be done by stating that this kind of parenting is not
helpful and asking if it is prepared to learn another way.

• Alternatively, the Integrating Adult ego state can just stop any negative dialogue
and decide to develop another positive Parent ego state perhaps taken in from
other people they have met over the years.

Where we live in our body when in the adult state

• Unlike the critical parent which is mostly about being reactive, controlling and
living in the head, the adult is when our head and heart are connected.
• When they are connected I refer to it as a “state of knowingness,” in other
words, “trust.”
• The only thing we can really control in our life is our responses to people and
situations.

• When coming from the critical parent place of control we are wanting to control others,
ourselves and situations in order to experience security and trust. This is an illusion.

• We only can learn to trust ourselves. How we learn to trust ourselves is by knowing the
past, (not from a dwelling place) but rather your past experience (physical / emotional /
psychological), then you will have more control of your life.

• The second piece to know intimately is your values.

• Values are what matters to you. Knowing your history and your values, then you can
put the structures in place to protect and honour you and this will increase your self
confidence and self esteem.
Two Elements of the Adult Stage

i)Personal Responsibility
•One element of being in the adult is coming from a place of personal responsibility
for yourself and your life, not from a “have to” perspective but rather a “choice-ful”
place.

• If you come from a “have to” perspective then you are coming from the critical
parent place putting pressure on yourself, the adult is about choices.

•You may not like your choices, and sometimes our choices are not always warm and
fuzzy, sometimes it means saying and doing something that takes something from
you, yet you know in your heart it is the best thing for you.
• the adult is like having a coach, mentor or guide on your side.

• Pretend you are learning a new skill and you make a mistake, the adult would
say to you “ this is the way to achieve it, give it your best,” the critical parent
voice would say “you idiot, you messed up” , etc…..

ii) Clear Boundaries

• The second element of the adult state is knowing your boundaries. When you
have clear healthy boundaries you are in the adult state.

• If for example, someone does something that causes you to be angry, then the
personal responsibility of the adult would check in with you and say “I’m feeling
angry, what is unfair as anger means unfairness, do I want to respond to this
person?”
• If you are still in reactionary mode the adult would say to the person, “I am upset
and would like to talk to you about this and I am not yet ready, can we talk
tomorrow?”

• If you go to a place of reaction instead, then chances are you have taken yourself
to the critical parent mode or child state and will lose the power of being in the
adult even if you have a valid viewpoint, as it now will be about your reaction.

• Ideally we would want our adult state to be strong across all areas.

• Having said this, some children growing up did not have caregivers role model a
healthy sense of their adult state or trust thus as adults even talking about trust
can be scary as it may mean learning how to let go of control and this may feel
like a death to some people.
Child States

•The Child ego state is a set of behaviours, thoughts and feelings which are replayed
from our own childhood.

•The process of analyzing personality in terms of ego states is called structural

analysis.

• It is important to remember that ego states do not have an existence of their own,
they are concepts to enable understanding.

• Therefore it is important to say "I want some fun" rather than "My Child wants some
fun". We may be in our Child ego state when we say this, but saying "I" reminds us to
take responsibility for our actions.
i) Free Child

• This is where a child is naturally playful, curious, spontaneous, fun loving, easy
going.

• Sometimes parents may give messages to children that it is not okay to be a

child, grow up, this is more rare however it does occur.

• More commonly is when it happens indirectly that a child experiences something

that has the child grow up.

• For example, if there is a moody or addictive parent, the child learns to walk
around on egg shells around that parents mood or addiction.
• The child may be bullied at home or school, witness marital discord, trauma,
death, the eldest child may be expected to take care of the younger siblings or in
some cases the parent.

• What happens then is the child loses out on some aspect or all aspects of being a
free child, and experiences wounding in this area.

• When we become aware of this it is important for us to grieve this aspect and
learn to reintroduce play back into our life as an individual, as a couple or as a
family unit.

• For example, play may mean reading a book to someone, going to a movie,
going out with friends... Etc. When we have a healthy sense of play our life will
be more balanced.
ii) Little Professor

• This is all about creativity. We may be creative with singing, arts and crafts, our
imagination and even if we do not have a talent in say singing, we all have
elements of creativity, it is a matter of giving ourselves permission to tap into it.

• The more creative we allow ourselves to be the more we will be on purpose and
connected to our true self.

• If this has been repressed in any fashion, once again we want to grieve this area
and learn how to reintroduce creativity back into our life.
iv) Adapted Child States

• Some families are dysfunctional, yet even if we came from a healthy family, there
will still be times when we felt uncomfortable or threatened in some way, it could
have been a parent asking us why we did not pull a certain grade, or sibling
rivalry or parents arguing and we are not use to this.

• Something happened, and we came up with a strategy to get us through the

situation which turns into a habit and later on a default.

• As adults we continue to resort to this coping style yet we have outgrown it and it
causes us more pain and suffering and we do not have an alternative so we keep
on using it.
Some of these statagies include the following:

•Being an angry child, inwards or outwards – inwards anger is often looking like
depression

•A good girl or boy, people pleaser or accommodator, or peacemaker

•A bad girl or boy, rebel

•Avoider or procrastinator

•Minimizer

•Manipulator or liar

•Quiet or silent child

•Invisible child
• Victim child when no longer a victim, so there is a perceived sense of
helplessness or powerlessness and as a adult may use the words “I can’t”.

• Joker that uses sarcastic humour, sarcasm is anger coming out sideways

• Anxious, fearful, worried child

• Withdrawal or shutdown

• Perfectionism

• There are others however the above are common.

• So what happens is, let’s imagine you do have a healthy sense of your adult and
life is presenting different stressors to you such as you are in a traffic jam, you
forgot to pay a bill, there is a work deadline, children or spouse demands etc…..

• And you have reached your maximum level of coping as an adult and then what
happens is that you go to your default coping mechanism and regress to a child
like state of a 6,7,8 year old mind state yet are in a adult body.

• This is completely irrational yet it happens all the time.

Bringing the Model Together

• You may know some people that are all critical parent and completely cut off from
their adult, that is not healthy.
• You may know some people that are all child and not taking responsibility for their
life and that is not healthy.

• For the most part, the majority of people simply do not know this model
consciously and will go in and out of these states quickly.

• The more we live in the unhealthy states of critical parent, or adapted child states,
the more you will see things like addictions, affairs, anger issues, eating
disorders, mental health concerns of stress, anxiety, worry, depression or more
serious illnesses.

• Although overall there will be a general unhappiness or un-fulfillment with our life
and it may feel like we are not in control of our life.
• The more you become consciously aware of this model and your own history, the
more you can create the life you want and are deserving of living.

Example of using this model with another person

• Person A is in the adult state, Person B is in critical parent mode and tells the
person “You should do x,y,z!”

• Person A will fill this as a judgmental statement even if it is a valid viewpoint, and
may tune this person out or do the opposite.

• Person B may repeat the should statement and Person A may do one of three
things.
• One option is if Person A is not able to sustain being in the adult state, jump to
their own Critical Parent state and react back and then it is two critical parents
having an power struggle together.

• This is unhealthy.

• Second option is if Person A is not able to sustain being in the adult state they
may end up reacting from one of the adaptive child states such as the angry child
and this may set Person B off even further and they stay stronger in Critical
Parent mode and eventually they too may drop into their adaptive child state of
being an angry child and then it is two children interacting like children having a
temper tantrum.

• This is common yet unhealthy as well.

• Third option is if Person A is able to sustain being in the adult state, this may
diffuse Person B and invite them into their adult state.

• However Person B may not have a strong adult state so they may stay in their
critical parent place, however Person A removes themselves from engaging in
further reactions.

Take the Transactional Analysis Test (Assessment) online and Submit

Printouts by Next weekend

http://www.transactional-analysis.info/menutests.php

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