7.

Power Dynamics - From Hello to Babies, Power Dynamics of Seduction

This lesson will show you a typical progression of a heterosexual

couple from the first meeting until it enters a relationship.

The focus is on the power dynamics and the games that both men and
women play during courtship.

Before Meeting
Before a single word is spoken games are already in high gear.

Men sometimes strategize how to meet women they like, while women
observe and assess the men around them. The more astute women
position themselves in ways that will make it easy for men to
approach.
The early pick-up artists use to refer to women who would position
themselves near them as “proximity signals”, and they were right:
when you spot a woman near you or hovering near you by herself,
chances are she wants to engage.

Women rarely do the first approach themselves, though.

Remember from module one that the power rests with the person who
needs the other the least?

Well, two major measures of neediness in social dynamics are effort

and interest.
Thus, many early games hide interest and minimize visible efforts.

Make him approach but show little signs

Women who like a man want him to approach.

And ideally, they want him to approach them without having to send
too obvious indicators of interest.
Why?
Because the fewer indicators they send, the more in power they are.
When he approaches without any signs she wanted him to approach,
he looks more like he’s chasing, and she looks more like the prize.
Also very important, sending too obvious indicators of interest makes
women look more like consummate players who actively seek male
contact, and that’s very bad for her positioning as long-term Madonna
worthy of investment (remember that faithfulness is one of the most
important traits for men looking into a long-term mate).

This is where a common issue among genders arises: many women

try too hard to make their indicators of interest “subtle”.
Women calibrate to how they would pick up those messages. But
most men aren’t as good as women at reading subtle signs.

And that’s why some women complain men are “stupid” for missing
“obvious” cues.
To make courtship easier men could be well advised to approach
even in the absence of extra clear signs and women could make their
signals a bit more visible
There are exceptions of course and some women are more active and
direct, but the general rule is: women coy and sending indirect signals,
and men doing the legwork.

Make her notice him: alpha conspicuousness

Men often have the opposite issue.

Some men try to be noticed first, but their efforts become

sometimes too conspicuous and crass and women are rarely attracted
to it.
Male “notice me” signals include loudness, backslapping with their
friends, mansplaying, try-hard efforts at being the center of attention,
etc.
An example of exaggerated movements from How I Met Your Mother:

https://youtu.be/w_z6k7nW3mI

If you recognize yourselves in those exaggerated movements, rein it

in: over the top attention seeking signals immaturity and is rarely
seductive (including younger women).

Avoid the above signs.

Also avoid other typical males’ “notice me signals” such as car tuning,
loud stereos, tanktops showing non-existing muscles.
Those just scream “immature” and “bottom of society”. Those social
environments also have lots of men and way too few women: avoid
like the plague.

Aggression is another tool males use to get women’s attention, and

it’s a bit more of a complex topic, as we shall see.
Men become more competitive when there are women around. Signs
of aggression include social climbing, taking up space, talking over
others and, in the most extreme cases, violence.
Women tend to appreciate dominant men during their peak ovulatory
phase and for short term mating, but prefer warmer men for longer-
term relationships.
Men, however, tend to overestimate how attractive aggression is to a
woman, and many overdo it (Vandelo et al., 2009).
At the extreme, violence as in a physical fight is more about male-
dominance hierarchies than pure female attraction, and fistfights rarely
result in sex and mating: we’re not a species where women directly go
to the winner of the fight.

In sum, there is a place for social dominance and leadership, but

watch out not to overdo it.
In general, I advise men to focus less on being dominant with other
men and more on leading in 1:1 interactions with women. There is
truly little need to engage in competition to date successfully and the
social-climbing game with other men is high effort with smaller returns.
Make them look first

Who looks at who first and the most is a strong indicator of who has
more interest in the other.

Women try not to be caught checking men out. Most men are not as
careful and they don’t understand that being looked at first confers
power.
Sometimes even when the relationship is already going on, couples
will unconsciously know whose partner wanted the other the most.
And that can go as far back as the very first gaze.

Women are, on average, better at social dynamics, have a higher

mating IQ and understand this concept much more naturally.
An example from Sex and the City:

https://youtu.be/tnkF9MpZK5M

And notice the top two comments from two women, both confirming
it’s part and parcel of most women’s innate mindset:
“Store of every woman’s life”, LOL, that one cracked me up.

First Move
The person who makes the first move communicates he is in pursuit.

While the one who gets approached instead is in the chooser -and
power- position.

When the introduction is not through common friends, work or pure

coincidence, the first concrete step is almost always initiated by men,
which fits well with what we said earlier: most women have more
dating power than most men and they are the choosers.

Women who make the first move are often the sign that he is either
super high value, or that there is an overabundance of women and a
scarcity of (high quality) men.
And that forces women to take a more active role.
PRO Tip: How Women Can Make The First Move

If she must do the first move, I recommend she pretends her

intentions were not romantic.

For example, casually starting to talk to him as if that’s what she does
all the time.
It’s crucial here that she shows no signs of tension and nervousness,
which would betray that she has sexual intentions.
This is something I also often use with women.

If he is interested, ideally she makes him feel like he moved in a more

romantic direction later on. If she sees no signs of interest, I would
avoid asking him for his number as that would come across too thirsty.

Men who receive a woman’s approach should not act surprised or

joke that she is so into them. Approaching first is a difficult position for
a woman and an act of extreme vulnerability. He should reward her by
being warm and interested instead, making her feel it was the right
choice.

If he does the approach

Remember one of the axioms of social power, the law of least effort?

Men should make their first move as effortless as possible.

Ideally, you want to make it look as if it was pure chance, so that you
neutralize the power down position of being the pursuer.
Indeed men most adept at seduction turn the tables on women and
make it feel as if she was chasing him.

That means that if you have to cross a whole room to go talk to her,
wait for when she’s closer or pretend you are going there for
something else.
Exception: purposeful high-effort gestures
Huge gestures of initial romance, like sending a big bouquet of flowers
at her office, are the exception which can work well.
The effect is more romantic and less sexy, but no less powerful. It can
give women the sensation of a whirlwind old-school romance about to
start.
The movie The Notebook has one such example:

https://youtu.be/3Up9NA6YLNA

Of course, Hollywood hat to overdo it, but this counts as an exception

of “romantic high effort that works”.

Note: Don’t be afraid of the fist move

Ideally you make it low effort.
But don’t sweat it, especially if you’re starting out: an approach is
better than not approaching at all.
Men should not be afraid of making the first move because that puts
them in the chasing position. It’s what’s expected anyway and there
are plenty of occasions to rebalance the relationship.

How To Handle Rejections

Rejections are painful to the ego, sure.

But it’s not just a question of ego: rejections also deeply hurt your
social status.

They send the message that he is not a hot commodity (at least as
long as people see it or people talk about it).
That was very dangerous for him back in the days of smaller
communities, and this is an example of a “maladaptive trait” that we
carry on.
In big cities, there is actually little to fear in terms of rejections, but our
brain is stuck in the savanna tribes.
But still, even today, it’s still best being able to minimize the effects of
rejection, especially when they happen in closed environments such
as bars or clubs.
Men who are good at social dynamics are also good at minimizing
rejections. On some occasions, he might even make it seem as if it
was him who was dropping her (which gives him power).
The idea is simple: if it doesn’t look like a rejection, then it’s not a
rejection.

Here is how to do it:

1. Avoid situations where a possible rejection looks like a

rejection

Many years ago I was at a bar where the chairs were positioned all
along a narrow corridor where people walked by.

That should already tell you it’s a high-risk situation for approaches
because people are in motion and everyone can see it.
It’s also possible that a woman does not want everyone to see that
she is being too warm to a random guy who jumps in front of her or
chases after her. That would make her look too easy, and if the guy
gets spurned, he gets spurned in front of a big chunk of the bar.

Long story short, I was the chump who jumped in and got rejected for
most people around to see.
That destroyed my value in that confined environment.
Something to think about: if the approach or the pursuit is high risk
and it can tarnish your reputation in front of too many bystanders,
think twice about it.

2. Look happy when you eject

Before leaving her or her group, look happy and make it look as it was
a friend you had just met.
Make it seem like it was a nice conversation and now you’re just
saying “see you around”.

3. Look like you own it when you eject

Look how Gosling does it when ejecting:

https://youtu.be/l77EEsMA1Qw

He cracks a slight joke, turns around and moves away like a boss.

4. Move out before they refuse you

As soon as you understand she will say “no thanks”, that she is
leaving or that you are not welcome, act as if you were the one ending
the conversation.

Rub her arm and say “it was nice meeting you”, then turn away while
she’s still looking at you (ruthless power move, but as they say “in love
everything goes” :).

5. Embrace it and smile about it

Embracing the rejection and making it look like it doesn’t faze you is
one of the most powerful things you can do.
It says that you are “superior”, emotionally strong and that, probably,
you have lots of options.

To show acceptance, make a bit show out of it.

Smile, raise your shoulder as if to say “alright, this one didn’t go”, keep
your smile as you turn around so that everyone sees how amused you
are.

A bit like James Bond did it:

https://youtu.be/l5C7LMOWyYc

His facial expression says “I’m amused / my interest is piqued”.

Had he looked sad, he would have communicated a far higher
investment in the interaction, like he wanted more out of her but she
denied him.

Value, Investment & Power

Much early dating’s power dynamics can be seen from the lenses of
value and investment.

Men and women try to look higher value while minimizing their
investment because there is an inverse correlation between the two.
The more he invests in her, the more he communicates she is
higher value than him. And the same is true for women of course.

Body language is also an indicator of investment, skillful seducers

moving in a way that makes their target invest more in the interaction.

Look at this example from James Bond:

https://youtu.be/0xDj3NRYTU8

James Bond takes a step farther away, without waiting for her.
That forces her to catch up to him, a big nonverbal sign she’s
investing to keep the interaction going. So early and she’s already
shown strong interest while he has barely shown any.
Then he reclines against the booth (locking in from first module,
remember?) and she takes the outer position: another sign she is
more invested in the interaction than he is.

Warning: Avoid “Investment” Races

Men should avoid getting into a race where they try to make her invest
as much as possible while giving back as little as possible.
It’s a common mistake done by pick-up artists who got schooled into
“demonstrating higher value”, and who end up believing that seduction
is always about “showing that you are better than her”.
See an example here:

https://youtu.be/xotIrmjZ8Xg

Todd there is so afraid of making a compliment and building her up

that he continuously takes away his compliments, using way too much
push-pull. He destroys any real bond and ends up tearing her down
way too much, making her feel unappreciated.
Ultimately, she righteously ejects.
She liked him at that point, and that was the time to stop hiding and
using more “we” frames.

The other way around is not always true as there are plenty of men
who will keep chasing and investing. However, these are rarely high-
quality men.
And that’s why I also recommend women to focus on mutual
investment rather than “making him chase” as much as possible.

Early Conversation
Early on in the conversation, she has two different approaches:

1. Flirt to encourage him -smiling, asking questions, leaning in, quick

replies and touching if she’s forward-

Marisa Tomei in Crazy Stupid Love sends a whole barrage of flirting

signals:

https://youtu.be/l77EEsMA1Qw
2. Feign disinterest to entrench her power position, discourage most
suitors and make him invest more

Men who want to test if she’s feigning disinterest and men who want
to try changing her mind should insist without looking too crazy
interested or too needy, which makes her only more disinterested -or
really disinterested if it was a test-.

That is often not an easy task.

An effective strategy can be to laugh at her initial disinterest, which

calls her game out and shows superiority. It’s as if to say “ahah nice
game but you can drop it, the only effect it has on me is to amuse me”.
Or he might say something like “hey, nono, it’s, it’s OK, you’re safe
here, I’m Lucio”, as if to say “I know you gotta play that game, but I’m
a cool guy so we can get to know each other”.

If she was really disinterested, she will get annoyed. If that’s the case,
smile, flash your eyebrows up, nod slightly and say something like “I
wish you a very good night”.
If you want to leave with a zinger, you might say “such a pity, I
seemed to like you before you turned out to be so… (insert whatever
you feel like)”. But I don’t recommend this attitude because it too
emotionally invested.

PRO Tip: Women Are Better Off Not Feigning Disinterest

Some say it’s an effective evolutionary strategy to “screen out

unconfident and inexperienced men”.

They are not fully wrong.

The higher value the woman, the harder he needs to screen lower
value men out.
Yet, this technique might not work well once she meets around her
own value.

Here is what many misunderstand: evolution is far from perfect and,

when environments have changed substantially as it’s with our case, it
can sometimes become maladaptive (ie.: harmful instead of helpful).

And female feigned disinterest also screens out many high-quality

men.
High-quality men in the savanna had little options in the tribe, so they
had to keep chasing the one or two high-quality females in the tribe.
But today, they got lots of options, and many of them tell themselves
“why should I put up with this crap when I can find a far more friendly
lady?”.
Some other men can also be put off by the game playing attitude,
while others might have a bit of an ego issue and quickly self-reject.

That’s why, overall, feigning disinterest is not a great strategy if the

woman actually liked the guy.

Women’s Tests
Feigning disinterest is both a tool to make him chase harder and a
test.

Women, as the choosers, like to test the merchandise -men-.

Some authors say that tests are good news because she likes you.

But they’re not really that good news because they also communicate
she’s not yet sure and that she’s firmly in the chooser position.
She’s basically throwing him the hoops which he must jump through.

There are many kinds of tests, but they all come back to a few bigger
categories, which are:
1. Show me you’re stronger/more dominant than I am
2. Show me who are you: boyfriend potential who invests and commit,
inseminator or friend?

Some tests come in a rather standard format, such as “you’re only

interested in sex” or “I bet you say that to every girl” or “men always
lie“.

How you respond depends on which category you want to go for.

But once you understand what women look for and how you want to
position yourself tests are not an issue anymore: you just repeat your
spiel based on your positioning.

Let’s see an example:

Her: I’m not looking for dating

It frames you as the one wanting a relationship –while she doesn’t-. All
power is on her side and it’s rather demeaning towards you (plus it’s
most often a lie).

How do you answer this challenge?

Most men answer with the following:

Her: I’m not looking for dating

Him: Me neither

Not so good because you are buying into her frame and following her
lead.
Also, you don’t know what she’s looking for and if she was testing you
as serious long term candidate you’re out.

Her: I’m not looking for dating

Him: What are you looking for then
Not ideal because you’re still buying into her frame, confirming that
she is the chooser and… And where else can you go from there?

A good option to resort to in almost all types of shit tests is to ignore it.
As a rule of thumb, when you don’t know what to do or what to say
with an unhelpful comment, always ignore.
But stay watchful: if she’s really not interested you will get more signs
and more warnings soon.
And once you can be fairly sure she’s really not interested, it might be
the time to move on.

In this case, a good reply can also be a joke that frames the
interaction as sexual, like:

Her: I’m not looking for dating

Him: we’ll have to do something else than dating then (slight smile)

It shows you’re unfazed by her remark, and frames the interaction as

sexual. This is the lover’s answer.

A high risk, high reward answer for a long-term dating strategy would
look like this:

Her: I’m not looking for dating

Him: Oh, I used to be like that, too. Now I’m growing tired of all the games
and charades and I’m starting to appreciate meaningful relationships more
and more. You know, humans love to bond and connect, and I think great
relationships are one of the things that makes life worth living.

Boom.
What you’re doing here is lecturing her.
You are calling her out for talking shit, and you say something which
does make sense. Most sensible people would agree with you here. In
a way, you are shaming her and taking the high ground.
This is high risk because you are breaking rapport and it’s an
intellectually dominant power move. If she sticks to her guns, she is
refusing your leadership. But if she changes tack, she is U-turning for
you and following your lead. Keep up that level of leadership, and you
can rest assured that she will be thinking of you like a dream
boyfriend.

This is how the effect should look like:

https://youtu.be/H_DnIbqeh-U

She tries to be sexual and be “like one of the guys”. But he takes the
high road and absolutely robs her fame.
He ends up super dominant and she longs for his approval.

Power Games Before First Date

Women’s approach to dating varies depending on their agendas.

On average women with still much time on their biological clock tend
to see dating more as fun and approach it casually.

Women who are looking for a relationship have stronger agendas and
approach dating more seriously and with bigger screens.

Both types of women play games of course, but the latter will play
more of the following games:

Chase Me Power Games

Women will try to make men chase them and invest.
And just so you know, 70% of female dating literature recommends it
and 95% of the female authors do.

The concept does have some advantages for her, as when he does
chase and invest, he feels more committed to her (Horan & Booth-
Butterfield, 2010).

Some techniques women use to make him chase:

1. Write him less

2. Take time to reply
3. Make him ask more than once
4. Sound non-committal and less enthusiastic than he is
5. Pretends to be unsure about him

Do “Chase Me” Techniques Work?

They can, absolutely.

Most men cluster around the average, and since most average men
don’t have that many options and are not very well aware of power
dynamics… Many men are happy to chase.

But they also present plenty of drawbacks.

They are situational and also highly dependent on the type of men
she’s dealing with.

Here are some situations when “chase me” games are most likely to
backfire:

– In dating markets with more women, men chase little

– More available and assertive women can “lock” the guy first
– Most guys who chase a lot are not top guys
– People like people who like them, and “chase me games” send the
message she is not too into them
Overall, I discourage high-quality women from trying to make him
invest as much as possible: today there are more high-quality women
than high-quality men, and women who make it easier for men are
more likely to end up with him.

Tasking Power Moves

The person who tasks is in the power position.

This is also a test in many ways: testing for men who are going to
invest. Dominant women who want to date on their terms use a lot of
tasking games as well. Some hookers, used to trying to control men
for money, also often try to do it.

Here is an example from online dating:

See the obvious tasking power move?
I give her a task, and she rejects and tasks me back.

When the relationship is fresh you might have little leverage to refuse -
almost always the case in online dating as above-.
So you might want to suck it up and look for a way to minimize your
compliance instead of outright refusing (case in point: the above
interaction ended there).

As a rule of thumb: avoid executing her tasks unless your relationship

is overall balanced and/or you get something in return.
When not executing would delay the budding relationship (as in the
above example), trivialize the execution, quickly move on and then
seek to rebalance the relationship.

Women can try to task men by telling them to pick them up or telling
them where they like to go and leaving all the organization to the man.
If the man simply follows her plan, he gives her too much power. I
advise men instead to set the date themselves.

The Leader Sets Up The Date

Usually, it’s best for the man to take charge in the beginning.

Albeit relationships with women as leaders can work very well as we

will see later, I recommend men to take care of this.

An effective and even more powerful alternative is for the man to task
her to find a good spot and organize the date. That way, she is
investing to make the two spend time together, thus helping and
taking an active role in the seduction.
That’s great to do when you have been seeing each other for a while.
But on the very first date(s), I would still advise men to do it
themselves.

First Date Power Moves

On first dates, both men and women tend to flirt less than on their first
meeting.

And they both focus on the image they are projecting.

Late on Date
Power games can start right off the bat with the waiting game.
If your date is late more than 10 minutes, I recommend you move.
Don’t stand there, go for a walk, check a store.

When they are almost getting there, you start moving back so that
they wait for you for a couple of minutes.

Power balance restored.

Come to Me First
Some women will pretend they didn’t see him.

These days, that sometimes means burying their noses on their

phone. Often they are just pretending so that you look at them first
and go to them.

The most show-biz-like women, often histrionic or higher lever game

players, will cat-walk right past him, pretending not to have noticed
him so that he can look at them strutting around.
I usually take a few points away from women playing this game.

Madonna Games
Remember the Madonna/whore dichotomy?

If they are on the first date, it already means that they haven’t slept
together when they first met.
And that only increases the chances they are playing the longer-term
provider strategy, which in turn only increases the chances she will
play the role of the good girl (=Madonna).

Whether he wants a one night stand or a serious relationship it’s

usually best for men to help her drop that mask.
It’s best for everyone not to start a relationship with a big mask
because that’s the equivalent of starting off with a big lie.

I recommend men push for her to be herself, something like this:

Him: OK, tell me something wild you’ve done… Something you would
normally be a bit ashamed to tell
Her: Hmmm once I went completely unprepared to school and got a C.
Him: Oh come on, that’s not wild at all!
Don’t tell me you were one of those boring girls studying all the times. Give
me something here! What about that time you got totally drunk and were
dancing naked on tabletops

Share something racy yourself, show that you’re open minded and
you stand a much greater chance of building a relationship based on
honesty.

Once you become more comfortable with yourself you might not need
any over verbal hinting like that, but in the beginning it can be helpful.

Flirting is also a great way of enticing women out of their Madonna

games and drop the mask.
Here is a good example:
Note:

Some women really don’t have a wild past. And fewer women still
aren’t even interested in anything “wild”.
If you’re out with such a woman don’t insist on her having to “open up”
or you only end up breaking rapport.

“I’m Different” Game

In many ways, this is a subset of “Madonna games”, but more elitist.
With this one, she also seeks to put herself on the pedestal.

For example:

Her: Do you meet a low of women at Matrix (club name where they met)?
Him: Depends what do you mean by a lot
Her: Well I’m not like all those women

Or in case he’s attractive:

Her: So you must be used to (all other) women lining up for you just because
you’re a model aren’t you
Him: Sometimes
Her: Some women are so stupid..

The suggestion here is that she’s not like “all the rest”.

If he is very high value, least sophisticated women instead will say it

right away: “I’m not gonna fall for you just because you’re so… “.
And they will give their game away just like that.

Of course, the most typical “I’m different” game concerns sexual

mores, where the woman says she is not “easy like the others”.
I recommend men to rebuff these games right away. For example,
they might say “Hmm.. I never believed in that. It’s not about being
difficult or easy, I think sex is a very important aspect of a relationship,
it’s something one must take into account before anything serious”.

Waiting For Sex

Making him wait for sex is part of both the investment strategy (to
make him invest more and for longer) and Madonna strategy (to avoid
looking “easy”).
As we saw in the previous chapter, from a reproductive standpoint a
man reaches a big milestone with sex, and he has maximized his
reproductive goals with her once sex becomes commonplace in the
relationship.

Hence, before releasing one of her biggest chip, she wants him to give
and commit as much as possible (giving increases chances of
commitment).

Some women will go as far as making him officially commit to a

relationship before sex (argh!!), and that’s what some dating
resources for women also advise women to do.

“Pay For Me, I’m High Value”

Some women will be very blunt trying to shoehorn him into providing
and investing from the beginning.

They might say:

Her: Next time we go somewhere good (=not this place which is too cheap
for me and for my value)

Or:

Her: I like real gentlemen (=those who pay for me)

These women tend to be rather venal.

Investing in women is OK, but it should come from the men, not
because the women are demanding and he bends over backward to
make her happy.
The issue with this dynamic is also that, if money serves to make up
for a value difference, which it often does, the unstated message is
that he is not valuable enough for her.

And that’s not a good place to start a relationship for him.

For the same reason, I recommend female readers to avoid these

games -and that mindset- if they’re interested in a cool guy and a
positive relationship.

Who Proves to Whom: The Judge

Power
Remember the judge from module one?

Of course, we judges in dating as well.

The judge is the higher status party while the person who proves to
the judge is the subordinate.

Proving starts early on, and it’s often looking like innocent banter in
the very beginning.
Here is a very good example from an episode of Dating in The Dark:

https://youtu.be/QnC68wioQJw

His “I’m disappointed” is the keyword to position himself as the judge

and make her prove to him. If she wanted to throw him a counter hook
instead she could have said “oh, you’re not the kind of guy who’s into
that, are you”.
Very direct ways of making people prove to you don’t work well with
high quality and socially intelligent people.
But compliments often go farther:

Rewarding & Judge Role

People can also start taking the judge role while being (seemingly)
kind and supportive.

For example they will deliver compliments such as:

I’m impressed.

Well done, I respect a (wo)man who can stick with her passion for years

Nice, great job (with approving facial expression and an upper arm touch as
a compliment)

Albeit seemingly supportive, these sentence set him as the judge of

the relationship.

What he is actually saying is this: she is doing a good job (by proving
herself worthy for him).

Ryan Goslin in Crazy Stupid Love makes it a centerpiece of his game

to have women prove to him with judging and rewarding:

https://youtu.be/l77EEsMA1Qw

Sneaky Ways Of Making Him Prove To Her

There are countless ways women try to make him prove himself to
them.
And while some men are aware of these games in some easy to spot
category -ie.: prove how much money you have- they are happy to
suck it up in other categories -ie.: prove to me what a great lover you
are-.

Here are some:

Her: Why are we going to a gay bar, are you gay? It’s OK if you’re into
guys, just let me know

Her: I like men who can throw me against the wall (ie.: can you do that to
me?)

Her: You’re not one of those guys who thinks he’s attractive just because
he’s rich are you

These are very sneaky because they go to the core of what it means
to be a man -or at least the definition that most guys have of being a
man-.

And since they’re very happy to prove themselves to be “real men” or

“great lovers”, they are very quick in jumping through her hoops.

In the above three examples:

-Tell her you’re not gay (or boast of your women’s history)
-that you’ll throw her against the wall
-that you’re much more than “just rich”

And you’re proving yourself to her.

After Sex: He Has More Power

Sex is a huge milestone.
On average, he has more power after sex.
Female games after sex are less about “show me who you are and
what you got” and more about “commit to me”.

Of course, if she has done her legwork in advance, then sex is more
of a confirmation.
But depending where you live, if the culture is of relatively easy sex,
then most of the times she still has some work to do.

Commitment Games
Different women have different ways of pushing men into commitment.

Some of the commitment games are the following:

Waiting game (poor strategy most of the times)

Play like a man and feign disinterest (terrible strategy most of the
times)
State her needs (good strategy)
Quid pro quod (“I’m giving you commitment, what about you?”)
Shaming (“you’re the only one who can’t commit, look at your
friends!”)
High-pressure games (threats, jealousy, ultimatums)

Here is an example of the latest one:

 You gotta love the
jealousy gambit 🙂
I recommend women not to use high-pressure tactics and men to
consider them as a warning sign.
Men who enter into a relationship after caving in to high-pressure
games also enter a relationship with little power, leverage and, as
well, respect.

Quid Pro Quod Game

The quid pro quod gambit is also interesting.
Here is a quick story:
My ex was working as a real estate agent, showing flats around.
One day she was showing a flat to a guy. Now you would never
guess, but this guy was a surfer and underwear model.

The hunk asked her if he would offend any guy by inviting her to
dinner.
She answered that she couldn’t go with him.

I said “OK”.

And a long pause ensued.

Then she finally blurted out: “aren’t you glad I said no?”.

There you have it, the qui pro quod gambit.

She was basically saying: “I’m giving you my exclusivity in spite of
great options out there. What are you gonna do, Lux?”

Women get very worried when they don’t see any signs of jealousy -
and they’re right: studies show that couples with no jealousy at all tend
to split up at higher rates-.

If you want to dig deeper on this topic, here is an article dedicated to

commitment games women play. Or here is a quicker video:

https://youtu.be/z3HCIZo_71k

Damsell In Distress Games

Parallel to commitment, if you remember, women also want to secure
his investment and resources.
One way some women accomplish it is by downplaying their ability to
get their own resources, by playing to his ego or by awakening his
protector instincts.

Some authors of female dating advice, for example, recommend

women to ask men for favors to make them feel strong.
Or to kill a spider for them because they’re so afraid:

https://youtu.be/pqrKjlUl-Yc

But the women who do it best don’t use words for it.

Marylin Monroe, for example, didn’t need to say to a man “protect me”:
her airy voice, (overplayed) vulnerability and naive demeanor did all
the talking for her.

Look at her reclining her head against him, another great nonverbal to
stoke his protective instincts:

https://youtu.be/b_P2FFIVV8A

The last ingredient of Monroe’s secret sauce?

Her hint of crazy.
That drives men wild and makes them run to invest. That’s the Ph.D.
of investment games.

After Commitment: He Loses Power

After commitment it should hopefully be more about teamwork than
power.

But still, we are analyzing power dynamics here, and the question of
“how has more power after commitment” has a definite answer: she
sees a power resurgence.
Why?

Think about it: who gains more with commitment?

The woman.
Sure, he also gains much with commitment, including exclusive
access to her reproductive system. But while a man maximizes his
potential with lots of casual sex, a woman is better served to raise
children with the help of a committed partner.

And that’s why commitment is more of a win for a woman and more of
a potential loss for the man.
The man is losing power with commitment. He loses the power of
taking advantage of other short-term options.
The committed relationships serve the woman’s interest more than it
does that of a man and, in the union, the man is giving with his
commitment more than she is giving him.

That’s why he loses some power.

Before he was a free stallion. Alright, maybe it’s not like he was having
sex left and right… But he had the option.
By giving up that freedom, he might also sub-communicate that she
might be worth more than him.

And what about love?

Please note that our analysis here is very mathematical and we are
leaving feelings, sentiments and love out of the equation.
If both are in love, then they can both win with commitment, but that’s
a different level of analysis.

PRO Tip: let her push for the official status

That is why, as a rule of thumb, it’s better for a man to have the
woman ask for commitment or push for commitment.
 After Children: She’s Needier
And now… Who has more power after children?

Usually, it’s the man.

Why?
Because he walkaway power.

Remember from the first lesson that the woman is more invested in
the child.
Since women invest more in children and can have fewer children in
their lifespan, a child is worth more to the mother.
Furthermore, a child needs the mother to survive, but doesn’t need the
father nearly as much.

That means that the father could walk away and the mother would still
have to take care of the child… On her own.
So right after the child is born, women need male help and providing
more than the man needs the woman.

Ironically, it’s the mother’s greater commitment that allows the father
to potentially neglect the children even more.
Breaking up right after birth is the ultimate game of chicken, and it’s
usually the woman who swerves first because, if she didn’t, the child
would die.

A completely amoral man could abandon a woman when she needs

him the most to seek another woman to impregnate, having his cake
and eat it too -from a genetical point of view-.
Of course, that is not to say that there are not advantages for men to
stay, including strictly genetical advantages. A father can be
instrumental in growing healthy children, for example. But still, this is a
calculation that many run unconsciously. Indeed, fathers are more
likely to stick around if they have sons, because sons benefit more
from having a father.