Exotic 2007 11

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Issue #1 • Volume 1 • Number 0
November 00
Copyright © 00
All rights reserved.
WOMBSTRETCHA
Published monthly by XMAG LLC.
Circulation: ,000 per month at
00+ sites
THE MAGNIFICENT
Mailing Address: raw and uncensored
1 SW rd Avenue, Suite 1 by statutory ray
Portland, Oregon 0 page 1
Telephone: 0.1.1
Fax: 0.1.0
Email: [email protected]
Exotic Online: www.xmag.com
Publisher
XMAG LLC.
THE KILLING SONGS
music that makes you want to die
General Manager by jim goad
Bryan A. Bybee
page 0
Editor
John R. Voge
Production / Design Guru

Diego
Graphic Design
Darkstar Graphics
WAIT A MINUTE...
Daniel “Rally Sport” Raffel
Shawna THAT’S A VAGINA/PENIS
Contributing Photographers subliminal sexual organs
Carl Geers • London Lunoux
HYPNOX
page
Advertising
Adam (0) 0-
Mariah (0) -01 (ESCORTS)
Distribution
Enrico Carrisco • Adam
THE GENOCIDE OF
Contributors ROCK-N-ROLL
Spooky X • Jim Goad
J Mack • Elektra Luxx • Rob Butler
the hammer of the gods has fallen
Mark Wasyl • Samara T. Pants by rich evans
Amber S. • Statutory Ray
AmbeRed • Betty X page 0
Cover Makeup Artist
Melisa Riggs
Cover Photography
Hypnox
Cover Model
Poison of DV
Exotic is not liable for any images of models used by advertisers to promote products
EROTIC CITY PG.
or services. Rights and releases are the sole responsibility of the advertisers. All
persons appearing in photos are over the age of 1. One copy of each edition of Exotic
is available free to any person each month. Anyone removing magazines in bulk will
SPAGHETTI WESTERN PG.
be prosecuted on theft charges to the fullest extent of the law. Any reproduction of
materials presented herein without the expressed written consent of the publisher
is forbidden by law. In scientiﬁc case studies, reading Exotic magazine has caused
SAIBABA - PEDOPHILE OR COOL DUDE PG.
certain undesirable side effects. Possible side effects include headache, dizziness,
mild nausea, diahrrea, vomiting, rash, itching, hives, swelling of the lips and face,
hair growth, hand tremors, gum swelling, higher blood pressure, increase in cho-
WHATZ CRACKIN’ PG. 0
exotic magazine xmag.com exotic magazine xmag.com
PIN-UP CALENDAR PG.
lesterol level, altered kidney function, swollen gums, acne, weight gain, blood in the
| |
urine, fluid retention, drowsiness, irritability, behavior changes, oily anal discharges,
premature ejaculation, complete penile dysfunction, lupus, sleep apnea, lyme
disease and certain strains of knee-jerk, violent, right-wing republican behavior.



New York and L.A. this project in a heartbeat if I
have vibrant punk and rap could. Maybe.
scenes. The South is known for The other reason you’ve
homegrown rock. Florida has probably never heard “Shake It
Vanilla Ice. What about Portland? projectile candy onto the audience draw “Soundproof (Like a Baby)” on XM Radio is because
Obviously we can’t take credit for the grunge scene Fans” from miles around (including Chicago and of Wombstretcha’s lyrical content. Specifically
above us, and Everclear is really nothing to brag Denver). Exotic covergirl Felony has shaken babies designed to appeal to the prurient interest of the
about, so what do we have? If you take a look at onstage with ’Stretcha, radio personality Rick Emerson most deranged listeners, Wombstretcha has taken
the telephone poles (or read any of my XMAG promotes the band on a regular basis, and Willamette lyrical offensiveness to an entirely new level. Most of
interviews), the answer emerges like ugly rays of Week even featured a full-page article on “Women his material is outright filthy (“Gonna kick you/try
sunshine on an after-party; Portland has the best Who Have Loved Wombstretcha.” to scramble your eggs/and I’ll watch your baby
band names in the nation, and perhaps the world So why hasn’t Wombstretcha made it onto the drip down your leg,” from “Oh Snap!”), while some
(mandatory shoutout to Cunt Salad in Australia). cover of Vibe? Two reasons, actually. The first is simply bizarre (“Power Glove passed out in the
Fingerbang City and Pornstore Janitor make our city answer to this question is busy writing an article shower drunk/before he reached into the toilet and
proud. But do the gimmicks extend beyond flyers for Exotic. As Wombstretcha’s hired-on-a-free- then powered up,” from “Glove and Rockets”). The
and bumper stickers? Fortunately for Storm and the Pabst-and-nothing-else-basis producer, I am more mustache, sunglasses, and trench coat don’t help
Balls, but unfortunately for the rest of us, most of the than reluctant to let the project get out of hand. It’s things, either.
Portland bands mentioned thus far have actual tal- already hard enough explaining to grandma why Why the article? Well, instead of shameless self-
ent, and catchy names seem to be a way of getting a college graduate is working at a titty bar and promotion, I would like to present this piece as a
attention from otherwise distracted music fans while writing articles alongside advertisements for “barely warning. See, one would think that an extremely
simultaneously standing out from the rest of offensive gimmick band wouldn’t make it past
the heap. Don’t get me wrong—Clit Ripper is Gresham-area basements or beyond the reach of
a talented group with an awesome lineup, but fat kids in Twiztid shirts, and this is why I agreed
it’s still just a drummer, guitars, and a singer. to produce for Womb in the first place. It couldn’t
Where’s the fun in that? get that big, could it? As with most of my poorly
Whereas talented awesomely titled bands gauged assumptions, I couldn’t have been more
like Statch and The Rapes leave the gimmick wrong. Over half of Wombstretcha’s fan base
at the door, a few rare groups exchange so- consists of intelligent and socially liberal women,
called “musical ability” for full-on-gimmick. many who think that Womb is somehow bringing
GWAR, Insane Clown Posse, and Spinal Tap attention to social ills through humor (and with no
are established examples of this phenomenon, intention of verbally shitting on them). “Respected”
but recently, a new face has emerged in (read: not white) rappers, including Onyx, have
the musical-mockery genre. Straight out of personally praised Wombstretcha’s work. After
Portland’s disgustingly bleak lower Eastside, Womb called local music columnists “racist whores”
Wombstretcha the Magnificent is in song, the targeted journalists posted the song
slowly becoming the Rose City’s most notori- on their website. In other words, Wombstretcha
ous “musician” (quotes emphasized). touched every metaphorical hot stove possible, only
Self-proclaimed creator of his own genre, to discover that they were turned off and covered
“date rap,” Wombstretcha the Magnificent in sugar. With every attempt Wombstretcha makes
has been putting out albums and doing at pissing someone off, he gains a handful of new
shows for nearly three years. Although it is fans. I don’t fucking get it.
impossible to drive two blocks without seeing Of the fifteen-plus “legitimate” bands I’ve been
a Wombstretcha sticker, and although local proud to work with, only one has graced the cover
papers and websites have been talking about WOMBSTRETCHA of anything other than a Kinko’s trashcan. Imagine if
RAY
the “serial rappist” nonstop, there is a reason you spent half of your life painting portraits that no
you’ve never heard Wombstretcha’s music. one likes. Then one day you accidentally take a shit
More offensive than 2 Live Crew and more on a piece of paper. Your roommate insists on fram-
obscure than KMFDM, Wombstretcha does a decent legal private dances.” Yes, I am the same Statutory ing it and showing it his friends, all who want their
job of drawing from both bands as influences. Lyrics Ray listed as Wombstretcha’s producer, but I’m own “shit painting.” Sooner or later, you’re taking
involving child abduction, cough syrup abuse, and about as proud of that fact as I would be to have an dumps on canvas after canvas because people think
ape theft over industrial-driven beats have a tendency interesting-looking venereal disease. And much like it’s the next big thing, and demand for your crap art
not to make airwaves. If the music isn’t enough of a a venereal disease, Womb’s popularity is growing keeps increasing.…
mindfuck, exotic magazine live
Wombstretcha’s show makes up for exoticatmagazine
| xmag.com an awkwardly | xmag.com
alarming rate. Although my liver Wombstretcha’s most recent shit painting is called
the slack. Tacos, strippers, moshing gorillas, cave- is contractually obligated to remain Wombstretcha’s Startin’ Floods and is available for both purchase
men, and a life-sized homemade vagina designed to producer for another two years, I would back out of and free mp3 download at www.wombstretcha.com.




November 2007 with Thanksgiving turkey with all the vixens featuring a complimentary buffet
from 4-7 p.m. on Thanksgiving. There’s always Monday Night Football action
H
ere come the holidays once again: A time to gather with with free admission, dogs, chili, nachos, and more specials during the game.
the family around the table, have a ridiculously large Check out their weekly action with “Monsters of Rock Wednesdays” featuring
everything from “The Crue” to “The Cure” and Saturdays are Couples’ Night
meal, then hightail it the fuck outta there and head to Out from 6 p.m.-9 p.m. with free admission and specials for couples only.
your favorite strip club and praise what Portland truly has to Be sure to stop by DV8 to visit our sexy Exotic Covergirl Poison, where
offer (that is worth giving thanks for). If the family isn’t on your you can also check out Portland’s favorite cocktail waitress Olivia as she takes
agenda, have no fear...I’ve spent a Thanksgiving or two over the the stage on Mon., Nov. 19th from 4 p.m.-9 p.m., and for holiday festivities
years at the rack with a complimentary turkey dinner myself. join them from 6 p.m.-2 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day, and check out their weekly
celebration every Saturday. Porn Fridays are back at the Pallas every Friday
So since we’ve got a full plate to feast on this month, enough of
night, where you can get yourself some free XXX treats. Meanwhile out in
my attempt at a witty intro and let’s get to the main course. Salem, LaDonna’s offers the same sweet deal, as the free porn night returns
every Thursday. And Hotties has just com-
pleted their new third V.I.P. room. Rent it
IN THE CLUBS for yourself and get a free porn DVD, or you
Dante’s and SkinCityPDX.com present Dirty Tuesdays, can come celebrate your November birthday
hosted by Deseree on Tuesday, Nov. 27th from 9 p.m.-1 with them and get spanked onstage.
a.m. featuring a naughty talent contest with a $300 first-
place prize, $100 second-place prize, and sponsor prize
package for third. Also featuring door prizes, live music, and ELSEWHERE
the Skin City go-go dancers. If you feel like warming up a Start your XXXmas shopping now at the
bit on a chilly Monday, be sure to Adult Shops and get a free DVD with a $50
stop by The Devil’s Point for the Kimberly Kane will be appearing at gift card purchase. Exotic Nights Books
return of Fire Dancing Strippers Taboo Vancouver on Sat., Dec. 1st. is now featuring cocktail wear for the ladies
every Monday night, featuring and $4 off or buy one/get one free on DVDs.
performances by Ivizia, Germany, Miss Ty Fyre, and Eleven. Fascinations is holding their pre-holiday
Over at Exotica, they would love you to join them for sale with 35-75% off selected merchandise
sporting events like the World Series and NFL action on including lingerie, toys, and books from
their new big screens while enjoying the lovely ladies on November 1st-24th.
the newly designed stages. You can also book one of their Taboo Video brings one of our favorite
two V.I.P. lounges for your holiday party now! The Big homegirls back for some interaction with
Bang will be celebrating their “Cabaret Noir Dinner Party” adult film star/director Kimberly Kane (a
on Friday, Nov. 9th, then keep the party going weekly with Classic Rock popular Howard Stern guest) on Sat., Dec. 1st @ Vancouver Taboo from 4-
Mondays and 80’s retro on Tuesday nights. 5:30 p.m. With movies including Naked and Famous and the just-released
Jody’s will be tearing it up with the final NASCAR Sunday event of the Triple Ecstasy, this is a gal you don’t wanna miss! Buy any Kimberly Kane
season on Sunday, Nov. 18th @ noon. And be sure to stop by to celebrate title in November, and she will autograph it for free with receipt. Taboo is
Star’s 21st birthday on Friday, Nov. 9th. You can also check out the NFL giving away holiday treats like a $500 gift card, $250 gift basket, and dinner
Sunday ticket specials and Monday Night Football sponsored by Painless with Kimberly Kane with transportation provided by the PDX Party Bus.
Ric’s Tattoo Studio. Plus double trouble every Friday and Saturday night Want your hair and makeup to look like an Exotic cover model? Contact
from 10 p.m.-midnight with a free Thanksgiving buffet on Thanksgiving Day. Melissa of Artistry of Make-Up at (503) 960-4875 or melissariggs_styl-
To show their thanks, the Dolphin clubs are giving away two free tur- [email protected], and your dreams can come true. Check out LA Trill Grillz
keys every Thursday night in November, plus a complimentary dinner on for your custom jewelry needs…grillz, jewelry, diamond watches, in-house
Thanksgiving Day. You can also get your Thanksgiving gobble on over at glass shop, shoes, clothing, CDs, and more! Bring in their ad for 10% off your
Cabaret II and Soobie’s for a free dinner buffet (see ads for details.) next purchase. You can find them right next to Club 205 or at www.latrill-
Safari Showclub is as wild as ever as XXXena, Princess of Porn appears grillz.com. Visit MissFoxyLady.com and pick your fox with a chance to
on Thursday, Nov. 15th and Sat., Nov. 17th. They’ll be slinging some ink along win monthly cash prizes. Over at Straight To The Point Body Piercing,
with the pink on Tattoo Tuesdays with up to three booths, discounts, give- you can check out their awesome new Tanasbourne location featured in
aways, and other specials featuring tattoo artists from all over the country. this month’s Exotic ad. And if the house if getting a little run-down, clean it
You can rock out to live bands brought to you by Safari Showclub and Dark up for the holidays with a smile on your face with the XP Maids–Topless
Cloud City every other Saturday night featuring Joint Venture, Butokuden, Housekeeping Service @ www.xpmaids.com, or call (503) 746-5473.
and The Grip on Saturday, November 10th. That’s all for now, folks, we’ll be back to stuff your stocking full of yuletide
exotic
Stars Salemmagazine xmag.com
pulls out|the exotic
stops with Adult Film Starmagazine | xmag.com
Kirsten Price on naughtiness next month, so whether you’re naughty or nice, just be sure you
Wednesday, Nov. 14th and Thurs., Nov. 15th and shows some holiday love do it well. Until then, see you at the rack.






W
hat it do, baby boyz and girlz? In my column next month I’ll be rockin’ some of his gear.
It’s time again to give you the I am also searching for some honeys that may want to
model some of his female clothing in my article as well.
business on the local haps as If you are a model, a dancer, or just plain sexy and would
well as whatz crackin’ on the national like to be featured, hit me up at whatzcrackin.com! For
scene. In this month’s column, I had more information on CAB International, hit up Mr. Bolton
the chance to interview a Portland- @ cabinternational.com. He is also seeking investors who
would love the opportunity to be a part of the clothing
area clothing designer with some fly
industry. For those of you interested, you can hit him up @
gear for the fellas and the honeys. [email protected]. Keep up the good work, man, and
Speaking of honeys, check out I look forward to working with you in the future!
Ms. November! Puff it, pass it, and
let’s go! Club Spotlight
This month the spotlight shines on one of Portland’s cozi-
est strip clubs, Union Jacks. If you are looking for a spot
First Up…“Andre Nickatina Rocks that has a clever look, sexy honeys, and nice drinks, then this
is the place! I strolled in there a few days ago, and it was a real
the Roseland” cool mix of people having a blast! The bartender made me a perfect
If you missed this show, you truly missed a live-ass con-
Spanish Coffee, and they had a two-girl show going down at the
cert! From beginning to end, it was a gigantic party! The
same time. It was very impressive! The DJs also play an excellent
Roseland was packed with real hip-hop music lovers that partied
variety of good music. The security is some of the best in the busi-
with everybody who hit the stage that night. What was so cool about
ness! From the moment you walk in, you immediately feel the vibe.
it was that all the performers from the opening acts to the headlin-
It was all love, and I look forward to possibly bringing one of my
ers brought their “A” game! D.T.
events to Union Jacks. I will definitely keep you posted!
and C-Anthony of the LAB
Recording Studio brought artists
named “Suvi” and “The Fireball November Concerts
Café.” They got the crowd goin’ One of hip-hop’s greatest emcees is coming to the Rose City on
with some of their new jointz. Saturday, November 3rd. Rakim will be appearing live at the
Suvi is currently recording a new Roseland Theater along with Ghostface Killah and Brother Ali.
album. When it drops, make sure They will also be accompanied by the The Rhythm Roots All Stars.
you go pick up a copy! My fam Please get your tickets NOW! This show is going to sell out!
Big Dub broke out on the key- Then on November 17th is the return of my boy Too $hort! He
ANDREI NICKATINA will be at the Roseland along with a couple of Portland’s favorites.
board during my set and had the
crowd goin’ bonkers as he played Meezilini will be unleashing a must-see stage show! This cat gives
some phat-ass beats. Andre had you 200 percent every time he performs!
a meeting of the minds in his Plus Mikey Vegas is also gonna be hittin’
dressing room prior to hittin’ the you with that fire! I am at that and I hope
stage and laced the soldiers up you’re there, too!
wit’ some good game! After that it was on and crackin’ in
a major way! Andre hit the stage with his usual swagger of Honey of the Month
straight business! The whole place was jumpin’, and every- This month’s winner is the tantaliz-
body was feelin’ it from the balcony to the main floor. ing French & Mexican Lacy! She has
All in all, it was a good night! Big ups to everybody that LACY been modeling for only a year and has
came through! See ya at the next joint! already landed some major deals for her-
self. Congrats on being J.Mack’s Honey
Next Up…“CAB International is of the Month for November 2007!
Making Moves”
The other day I was invited to the home of Craig A. Whatz Crackin’ Sponsors
503girls.com is still bringing the town
Bolton, the founder and C.E.O. of CAB International. This
the website with all the adult info you
cat has it crackin’ in several different areas! When our
can imagine. Brian gives love to all clubs
meeting was arranged it was basically going to be about
and adult businesses throughout the
his clothing company. During our conversation I found out
Northwest. Log on and check it, baby!
that he is making many different maneuvers to get his company to
Heaven’s Closet is hookin’ all the honeys up with some of the
an even higher level. This cat not only has some tight clothing on
sexiest gear in town! Much love, baby, and thanks for all of your
the market, but he also is looking for hot new artists to promote as
support! Tell Jazz and Mike I said big ups!
well as connecting with some of Portland’s best seamstresses! CAB
believes in giving back to the community for their ongoing support of
the company. He has just hooked up with a young lady who signed Until next month, y’all keep it crackin’!
with Columbia Records and is
exotic magazine | xmag.com on B.E.T. as an intern. He definitely
exotic magazine | xmag.com
believes in networking with real peeps! You can find his clothing at One Love,
One Stop on 17th & Killingsworth and Alladat Clothing on MLK. J.Mack


The Locust Geronimo & Sleeping Richard Buckner & David Dondero Ghostface Killah, Rakim, Brother
People @ Hawthorne Theatre @ Dante’s Ali @ Roseland Theater
01 Nightwish & Paradiselost @ Roseland 02 Benevento-Russo Duo, Federico 03 1990’s The Upsidedown, Another
Jon Garcia @ Berbati’s Pan Aubele & American Babies @ Cynthia & Saturna @ Dante’s
Do Make Say Think, Apostle of Hustle Berbati’s Pan Sunno Jesu, Eluvium @ Hawthorne Theatre
@ Doug Fir Battles Parts & Labor @ Hawthorne Theatre Suffocation, Immolation, Skinless
Chuck Ragan @ Hawthorne Theatre Bar @ Rock N Roll Pizza
The Hives @ Crystal Ballroom Stolen Sweets @ Berbati’s Pan
Static X, Shadows Fall, 3 Inches of Blood, New Monsoon & Lewi Longmire
Divine Heresy @ Roseland Theater @ Doug Fir
The Good Life, Jonathan Rice @ Doug Fir
Danzig, Horrorpops, Gorgeous Dax Riggs & Beaten Awake @ Dirty Tuesdays @ Dante’s Exotic Presents: Xotica-Go-Go @ Dante’s Minus The Bear, The Helio Sequence Star’s 21st Birthday Party @ Jody’s Joint Venture, Butokuden & The
Frankenstein @ Roseland Theater Doug Fir Plastic Parachute @ Dante’s Ben Lee, Cary Brothers & Kate Vogele @ Crystal Ballroom Cabaret Noir Dinner Party @ The Big Bang Grip @ Safari
04 Supagroup & Sinferno Cabaret 05 The Hold Steady, Art Brut, The Blood 06 William Rodriguez @ Berbati’s Pan 07 @ Berbati’s Pan 08 Del The Funky Homosapien & Devin 09 Mike D & Thee Loyal Bastards @ Dante’s 10 Jay Reatard & The Hunches @ Dante’s
@ Dante’s Arm @ Crystal Ballroom Little Brother @ Doug Fir Erin Mckeown & Kris Delmhurst @ The Dude @ Roseland Theater Phantom Rockers, Dead Man’s Roger Clyne and The Peacemakers,
The Bird and the Bee @ Doug Fir The Swell Season @ Crystal Ballroom Doug Fir The Pony’s Chinup Chinup & Death Hand, Hot Rod Carl & Nekronotz @ Back Door Slam & The Imprints @
Mike Birbiglia @ Aladdin Theater Feist @ Arlene Schnitzer Hall Cev @ Aladdin Theater Valley @ Dante’s Hawthorne Theatre Berbati’s Pan
Marchfourth Marching Band @ Nebula @ Hawthorne Theatre Low vs. Diamond, Something for Chris Robley, Fernando @ Berbati’s Pan Sondre Lerche @ Doug Fir
Crystal Ballroom Rockets @ Berbati’s Pan John Roderick @ Doug Fir Great Northern @ Crystal Ballroom
Moonchild with Trevor Dunn, Joey JJ Grey & Mofro @ Doug Fir Sampras vs. Courier @ Rose Quarter Prong @ Hawthorne Theatre
Baron @ Moore Theatre Minus the Bear @ Crystal Ballroom
Bob Schneider @ Wonder Café
Roger Clyne and The Peacemakers, The Annuals @ Doug Fir Dirty Tuesdays @ Dante’s Exotic Presents: Xotica-Go-Go @ Dante’s Adult Film Star Kirsten Price @ Uh Huh Her @ Dante’s XXXena, Princess of Porn @ Safari
Back Door Slam & The Imprints @ Circa Survive, Ours, The Dearhunter & Fear Adult Film Star Kirsten Price @ Stars Salem Concrete Blonde, Johnette Napolitano, Too $hort @ Roseland Theater
11 Berbati’s Pan 12 13 Before the March of Flames @ Hawthorne Theatre 14 Stars Salem 15 XXXena, Princess of Porn @ Safari 16 David J @ Berbati’s Pan 17 Brace The Fall @ Dante’s
Him & Bleeding Through @ Crystal Ballroom Jenny Owen Youngs @ Doug Fir The Receiving End of Sirens & A Quasi, Herman Jolly & Oh Captain, Isis, Wolves in The Throne Room & 27 Madlib, Kareem Riggins, J Rocc,
The Waterboys & Great Aunt Ida @ Vanessa Carlton @ Aladdin Theater Cursive Memory @ Roseland Theater My Captain @ Dante’s @ Hawthorne Theatre Peanut Butter Wolf @ Berbati’s Pan
Aladdin Theater Circa Survive @ Hawthorne Theatre Gou’t Mule, Grace Potter @ Roseland Mia with The Cool Kids @ Roseland Theater Ozo On Ice @ Roseland The Velvet Teen @ Doug Fir
The Warlocks @ Doug Fir Sleep, ZellyRock, Chicharones @ Heavy Trash @ Doug Fir Teton Gravity @ Hawthorne Theater
Ozzy Osbourne @ Rose Quarter Berbati’s Pan Cold War Kids @ Crystal Ballroom
The Walkmen @ Doug Fir
Stars @ Crystal Ballroom
The Final Nascar Sunday Event DV8’s Waitress “Olivia” on stage @ DV8 Dirty Tuesdays @ Dante’s Exotic Presents: Xotica-Go-Go @ Dante’s Thanksgiving Day The Dwarves @ Dante’s Purple Rain Tribute @ Dante’s
@ Jody’s Bayside, The Audition, The Sleeping Wombstretcha The Magnificent With Guests Free Thanksgiving Dinner Buffet Sid and Fancy @ Berbati’s Pan The Paperboys, Hillstomp,
18 Gooferman & Sinferno Cabaret @ Dante’s 19 & Endwell @ Hawthorne Theater 20 @ Rock N’ Roll Pizza 21 22 @ Stars Salem, The Dolphin Clubs,
23 24 Sassparillo @ Berbati’s Pan
Zappa Zappa @ Roseland Enslaved & More @ Roseland Grill Jody’s, Cabaret II and Soobie’s Menomena @ Crystal Ballroom
Evanescence, Sickpuppies @ Rose Garden Band of Horses @ Crystal Ballroom Run, The Color Fred, Deer and The
Fetish Night @ Berbati’s Pan Headlights & Cassino @ Hawthorne Theater
Travis @ Crystal Ballroom Straylight Run @ Hawthorne Theatre
Billy Joel @ The Rose Quarter
Blues Traveler @ Crystal Ballroom Dirty Tuesdays @ Dante’s Exotic Presents: Xotica-Go-Go @ Dante’s Motion City Soundtrack @ Roseland Theater Fernando & Lael Alderman @ Dante’s
Juliette & The Licks, Suffrajett & Suicidal Tendencies, Municipal Waste @ DJ Chill as Chillest Illest @ Rock N Brian Regan @ Schnizter Hall Team Sleep, Sonny Ghost in The
25 Scissors for Lefty @ Hawthorne Theater 26 27 Roseland Theater 28 Roll Pizza 29 30 Machine & Strata @ Hawthorne Theatre
So You Think You Can Dance @ Rose Quarter
Chemlab @ Hawthorne Theatre
CLASSIFIEDS
The nile for sale: presley’s playhouse cabaret
is a new Eugene club that is currently High traffic, Salem, Oregon.
Classifieds • Classifieds • Classifieds • Classifieds • Classifieds • Classifieds • Classifieds • Classifieds • Classifieds • Classifieds
seeking entertainers 18 & over to come Business 400K - 175K down.
earn some great money. We welcome Lease or property available.
for advertising information call 503.804.4479 walk-ins or feel free to call Everything new, video lottery.
• HELP WANTED • (541) 688-1869 (503) 507-5277
attractive ladies 18 & over!!! security for hire / not hiring
Think you might have what it takes I perform security in all capacities in
DANCERS & LINGERIE MODELS
for a lucrative dancing career? addition to driving. Please read the ad,
Sick of the same ol’ shit? Tired of all Consistently make up to $300 on a I am not hiring, simply trying to enlist
the drama? If you’re beautiful, daily basis. We can help get you as well as invoke myself to those that
determined and dependable, started and learn as you earn. Take are both interested as well as have a
we have your $$$ waiting! advantage of our active advertising. need for such services.
starline entertainment 503.692.3655 Mon-Sat after 3pm Respectfully Darryl (503) 481-0949
503.909.2065 Tommy’s Too NEW OWNER!
10335 SE Foster Rd.
Monday night football specials. ADVERTISE HERE
Now Auditioning Dancers!
Southeast Portland’s Favorite Club
Auditions Daily. Minors Welcome. 503-804-4479
(503) 774-5220
Sassy’s - Call 503-231-1606
Auditions Daily 12-4pm 503girls.com WANTS YOU!
NOW HIRING NUDE MODELS
Dancers Wanted
& PROMOTIONAL GIRLS
at Portland’s Hottest Clubs
Dancers & Lingerie models
Call for shifts at Club 205, DV8,
advertise your schedule for free.
Nicolai St. Club, Outlaws, Tommy’s
We also build custom web sites.
No Agency Fees. No House Fees. No Stage Fees!
Call (503) 481-5012
503-960-5865
Visit 503girls.com or myspace/503girls
Boom Boom Room...
Classy exotic dance club on • MISCELLANEOUS •

upscale SW Barbur Blvd.
LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT??
Seeking top-quality dancers.
Single male in search of a beautiful
Call Kylee 503-407-5931 female to send back to school (?),
romeo’s vip club spoil and travel with. Long-term
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Other Inquiries: 503-990-9809 (971) 678-7892
Highest Tips In Industry.
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cash guaranteed
Models And Managers Needed. $200 min per shoot.
No Experience Necessary. Adult modeling opportunities
Training Provided. Lincoln City, Eugene, (Playboy, Hustler, Barely Legal, Vivid, & More)
Bend Locations Coming Soon. Apply online: purepinkproductions.com
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“I fear the true rock star is a dying breed. If you consider Matchbox Twenty to be
The poseurs have taken over.” —Joan Jett these young bucks, you would be correct,
as they have the #3 album. If you have
“I can say with absolute certainty that you’ll any musical taste whatsoever, you wonder
never hear of Ben Gibbard (Death Cab for who the hell is buying Matchbox Twenty
Cutie frontman) being dragged by police albums in 2007—or ever. Matchbox Twenty
from a Brazilian hotel in a haze of smoke, is to rock ’n’ roll what wine coolers are to
white powder caked on his bleeding nose, liquor—they’re weak, sugary-sweet, and
along with five teenage hookers, a midget, a chicks dig ’em.
baby seal, and Richard Simmons—all while The rest of the Top 40 is littered with
babbling unintelligibly about the invisible other grizzled rock vets such as Bob Dylan,
weasels that are gnawing on his testicles. John Fogerty, and Melissa Etheridge. Oh,
And that’s too bad.” —Rich Evans yeah—Foo Fighters are right up there, too,
as well the uber-lame Nickelback and the
even lamer Dashboard Confessional. And
Ladies and gentlemen, rock is dead. that’s about it for the “rock,” folks.
Sure—there are still rock bands, even some The only thing they all have in common
damn good ones. But the sad truth is that is that not one of these acts debuted after
the medium has become a hollow parody of the year 2000. The same goes for other
itself. On the grand scale, not only has rock recently charting bands such as Modest
music lacked any true innovation or original Mouse or Death Cab For Cutie. And who
ideas for at least a decade (and that’s a had the most popular tours? The Police,
generous assessment), but those who foist an Rush, Dave Matthews, etc.—all dinosaurs.
increasingly watered-down version of a once- Even Van Halen is getting back in the game
glorious genre on an increasingly apathetic now that David Lee Roth is back from exile
public are almost universally as boring as the and Eddie’s new hip has stabilized.
soulless “product” they peddle. But where are all the young challengers to
Those of you who would disagree and the throne? There must be some band some-
chalk this piece up to the rantings of some- where brewing up a sound that could reshape
one too old to get it anymore especially need the musical landscape the way Nirvana did in
to pay attention. This is not a “blah blah the early 90’s. Unfortunately, even if there is
blah...they don’t make ’em like they used to... such a monster in training, it’s highly unlikely
get off my lawn” thing. These are the rant- you’ll ever hear them play a note. And even
ings of a man who finds the current crop of if you do hear them, they’ll never have
supposed major rock bands tamer than even the same sort of cultural impact as The
the vilified “corporate rock” bands of the 70’s Beatles, Elvis, or even Guns N’ Roses for
such as Styx and Foreigner. that matter.
Don’t believe me? As I write this, Bruce There are several reasons for this.
Springsteen has the #1 album in the country. First, our ever-expanding array of
Now, I’m a huge fan of The Boss and feel that choices for entertainment and other
his credibility, songwriting, integrity, and all- cultural enlightenment has reached a
around rock-star-ness are unimpeachable. But point where most anything is available
I’m a 40-year-old white guy from New Jersey. at any time at the click of a mouse.
Of course I’m a huge Springsteen fan. In an Because of this, it’s highly unlikely that
attempt to look at the situation objectively, let’s a universally shared pop cultural expe-
assume there should be some young bucks rience such as The Beatles’ first appear-
nipping at Bruce’s heels, waiting for their ance on The Ed Sullivan Show is even
opportunity to knock him from his lofty perch. possible given the diversification of our
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entertainment options. In those days, Oddly enough, it’s the popsters, once as
there were only a few TV channels and squeaky-clean as could be, who are getting
a few radio stations. The technological down and dirty. They may be putting out dif-
limitations of those times meant that you ferent shit that stinks just as bad, but at least
pretty much took what you got when you we can marvel at their utter stupidity.
got it. Therefore, everyone saw the same Yet “rock star” is one thing Britney and her
thing at the same time. ilk will never be. Mick Jagger is a rock star.
It also meant that with so few media Steven Tyler is a rock star. Axl Rose is a rock
outlets and opportunities to crash the star. Led Zeppelin, Ozzy, Iggy Pop, Joan Jett,
airwaves, artists and those who would David Bowie, Alice Cooper, Mötley Crüe, even
exploit them both had to spend a hell of Courtney Love—all rock stars. True rock stars
a lot of time either honing their craft or such as these would never be confused with
convincing some fat cat that these kids got the guy that makes your morning latte. Some
moxie eight ways ’til Sunday. Mediocrity may say the blurring of the line between fans
was mostly weeded out in the process. and artists was inevitable and possibly a good
Flash to present days: Any idiot with thing. But once all the mystery and excitement
a laptop has the potential to have their are removed from the equation, so is that
“work” reach anyone in the world at intangible sparkle that separates the David Lee
any time. While the purity of the “art” Roths of this world from the rest of us. What
in question may be unimpeachable, boggles my mind is that as days pass and the
the quality often suffers. Now take into rock star as we know it runs headlong into
account the other billion idiots with lap- extinction, no one really seems to notice—or
tops foisting their masterpieces on the care! As a result, we’re stuck with inferior
world, hundreds of cable and satellite music made by boring people.
channels of music and video, and count- True rock stars are hyper-creative in all
less other options—electronic or otherwise aspects of their lives. For example—any idiot
for entertainment, and it’s amazing any two can have kinky sex. Only a rock star would
people are enjoying the same thing at any think to involve a mud shark. Lots of people
given moment. It literally would take some- go fishing. Only rock stars fish out of a
thing like 9/11 for so many people to all Seattle hotel-room window.
be paying attention to the same thing at the It’s kind of like if there were two guys that
same time. Even then, they’d all be getting worked for a newspaper—one a regular Joe,
their news from different channels! the other with super strength, X-ray vision,
Even more distressing is the superficiality and the ability to fly. Which do you think
of those that are fortunate enough to reach would break the bigger stories? And which
a certain level of success in rock. Lots of would be the more interesting dinner guest?
performers, regardless of time period, have Regular Joe in his khakis, or the guy in the
either carefully crafted their images or had blue tights and red cape that regularly saves
someone do it for them. Unfortunately, the humanity from certain annihilation?
record industry has become so consoli- In other words, rock stars SHOULD be
dated and cross-collateralized (i.e., the Supermen in a world of Jimmy Olsens.
same people selling you records are also We need our heroes to be larger than life.
selling you clothes, booze, cars, etc.) at its Otherwise, we see nothing greater than
higher levels that it’s hard to tell what is ourselves to aspire to. And if our musical
being used to sell what. In other words, is “heroes” are boring and muted, odds are their
the song selling the jeans or are the jeans music is as well. This is why 50-something
selling the song? And why do they both rockers are still the standard-bearers. These
suck out loud? artists still fan the flames that many current
Sadly, it seems the days of true rock bands seem all too willing to extinguish.
stars have passed. What made rock great The only hope on the horizon lurks in
beyond the music was its inherent swagger the underground. Support your local music
and implied sexual suggestiveness. In their scene, and maybe someday you can say,
place are a pathetic mix of whining, pos- “I knew them before they were rock stars.”
ing, and pop-culture references. Bands that But you would be wrong. Rock stars are not
came to prominence in the grunge years, made—they’re born. Anyone can learn to
while simultaneously spitting out several play guitar. Not everyone can be a rock star.
(though perhaps slightly skewed versions They are a breed apart, and a vanishing
of) rock stars, ironically seemed bent on breed at that.
destroying that which they became. There In a musical landscape littered with
was even a well-known indie label that corporate pop tarts, pseudo-punks, and
sprung from that era called “Kill Rock over-sensitive whiners, one thing is clear:
Stars”! In fact, it can be argued that Kurt Without a serious influx of brilliant music
Cobain killed all rock stars who might suc- exotic magazine
created by wildly creative | xmag.com
people—pronto, exotic magazine | xmag.com
ceed him with the same shotgun blast that rock as a genre will continue its death spiral
dislodged his own head. into obsolesence.









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