McGoldrick, M. & Carter, 8.(2003).

Cap 14
The family life cYcle
en Walsh Froma, (2003). Normal Family
Processes New York: Guilford Press
 &".

CgAPTER 14

THE EAMILY
LIFE CYCLE
lVfonica McGoldrick
Betty Carter

\M. are born into families. We develop, grow, and hopetully d'ie in the
context of our families. Our problems are framed by the formative course
of our family's past, the present tasks it is trying to master, and the future
to which it aspires. Embedded within the larger sociopolitical culture, the
family life cycle is the natural context within which to frame indiüdua1
identity and development, and to account for the effects of the social sys-
tem (Carter & McGoldrick, 1999a; McGoldrick & Carter, 1999a).
Until recently, therapists and researchers have paid little attention to
the family life cycle and its impact on human development (Carter & Mc-
Goldrick, 1999b). Even now, most psychological theories relate at most to
the nuclear family, ignoring the multigenerational context of family con-
nections that pattern our lives over time. But our dramatically changrg
family patterns, which can assume many varied configurations over the
lifespan, are forcing us to take a broader view of both development and
no;malcy. It is becoming increasingly difficult to determine what family
life-cycle patterns are "normal," which causes great stress for family mem-
bers, who have few consensually validated models to guide the passages
they must negotiate. Furthermore, in our rapidly changing world, we are
having to recognize that life-cycle definitions and norms are relative, de-
pending on the sociocultural context (Hines, 1999; Hines, Garcia-Preto,
McGoldrick, Almeida, & Weltman, 1999; Falicov, 1999; Kliman & Madsen,
1999;Johnson & Colucci, 1999)
Just as the texture of life has become a more complicated fabric, so too
must research and therapeutic models change to reflect this complexity, ap-
preciating both the context around the indiüdual as a shaping enüron-
ment and the evolutionary effect of time on human development. From a
375
376 DEVELOPMENTAL PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY FL]NCTIONING

family life-cycle perspective, »,rnptoms and dysfunction are examined with-

in a systemic contexf and in relation to what the culture considers "normal"
funciioning over time. From this perspective, therapeutic interventions aim
at helping to reestablish the family's áevelopmental momentum, so that
it
..r, pio..ed forward to foster each member's development.

THE EAMILYAS A SYSTEM MOVING THROUGH TIME

Families comprise persons who have a shared history and a shared future'
They encompas th. entire emotional system of at least three and fre-
q.r.rtty foui or even five generations, held together by blood, legal,
ind/ or historical ties. Relationships with parents, siblings, and other fami-
ly members go through transitións as they move along the life cycle'
Boundaries shift, psycÉological distance among members changes, and
roles within and bltw..n ,.rbryttems are constantly being redefined' It is
extremely d.iffrcult, however, to think of the family as a whole b-ecause of
the complexity involved. As a system moving through time, the family has
basically different properties from all other systems. Unlike all other orga-
nizations, families ir.o.po.ate new members only by birth, adoption, com-
mitment, or marriage, ánd members can leave only by death, if then' No
other system is subjict to these constraints. A business organization can
fire members it üews as dysfunctional, or, conversely, members can resign
if the structure and values of the organization are not to their liking' In
families, however, the pressures of membership with no exit available can,
in the extreme, lead to psychosis. In nonfamily systems, the roles and func-
tions of the system aré carried out in a more or less stable way by replace-
ment of those who leave for any reason, and people move on into other or-
ganizations. Although families also have roles and functions, the main
value in families is the relationships, which are'irreplaceable. If a parent
leaves or dies, another person can be brought in to filI a parenting func-
tion, but this person can never replace the parent in his or her personal
emotional aspects. Even in situations such as a divorcing couple without
childrdn, the bonds lineer, so that it is difficult to hear of an ex-spouse's
death without being shaken.
In our times, plople often act as if they can choose membership and
responsibility in a iamily. In fact, there is very little choice about whom we
are related to in the complex web of family ties. children, for example,
have no choice about being born into a system, nor do parents have a
choice, once children are trorn, adopted, or fostered, as to the existence of
the responsibilities of parenthood, even if they neglect these responsibili-
ties. In fact, no family relationships except marriage or committed part-
, nerships are entered into by choice. Even in those cases, the freedom to
choose whomever one wishes is a rather recent option, and the decision to
marry is probably much less freely made than people usually recognize at
 %
The Family Life Cyck 2.//

the time (McGoldrick, 1999a). Although partners can choose not to con-
tinue a márriage relationship, they remain coparents of their children,
.1

and the former marriage continues to be acknowledged with the designa-

tion "ex-spouse." Peop1e cannot alter whom they are related to in the com-
plex web of family ties over all the generations. Obviously, family members
frequently act as if this were not so-they cut each other off because of
conflicts, or they claim to have "nothing in comm6n"-§s¡ when family
members act as if family relationships are optional, they do so to the detri-
ment of their owrr sense of identity and the richness of their emotional
and social context.
Despite the current dominant American pattern of nuclear farnilies
living on their own and often at great geographical distance from extend-
ed family members, they are still emotional subsystems that react to past,
present, and anticipated future relationships within the larger multigener-
ational family system. The many options and decisions to be made can be
confusing: whether or whom to marry, where to live, how many children
to have, if any, how to conduct relationships within the immediate and ex-
tended family, and how to allocate family tasks. As Hess and Waring
(1984) observed:

As we moved from the family of obligatory ties to one of voluntary

bonds, relationships outside the nuclear unit (as well as those inside it)
. . . lost whatever normative certainty or consistency governed them at
earlier times. For example, sibling relationships today are almost com-
pletely voluntar/, subject to disruption through occupational and geo-
graphic mobility, as indeed might be said of marriage itself. (p. 303)
I

Spiritual and cultural factors also play a major role in how families go
through the life cycle (Walsh, 1999; Flines, Garcia-Preto, McGoldrick,
Almeida, & Weltman, 1999). Not only do cultural groups vary greatly i,
their breakdown of family life-cycle stages and definitions of the tasks at
each stage, but also it is clear that even several generations after immigra-
tion, the family life-cycle patterns of groups differ markedly (Hernandez &
McGoldrick, 1999; McGoldrick, Giordano, & Pearce, 1996). Furthermore,
families' motion through the life cycle is profoundly influenced by the his-
torical era in which they are liüng (Elder, 1992; Neugarten, 1979). Family
members' worldüews, including their attitudes toward life-cycle transi-
tions, are profoundly influenced by the time in history in which they have
grown up. People who lived through the Great Depression, who came of
age during the Vietnam \Mar, who experienced the black migration to the
north in the 1940s, who grew up in the 1950s "baby boomer" generation-
all these cohorts have profoundly different orientations to the meaning of
life, influenced by the eras in which they lived (Elder, 1986).
We must also pay close attention to the enormous anxiety generated
by the chronic, unremitting stresses of poverty and discrimination, espe-
 378 DEUELOPMENTAL PERSPECTIUES ON FAMILY FT]NCZ:IONING

cially as the economic and racial diüde in our society widens. At the mil-
lennium, as the conservative crusade for so-called "family values" intensi-
fied, it became necessary to evaluate the stress for families, especially
women, caused by the relentless criticism of working mothers (Crittenden,
2001), the attacks on abortion rights, and the stigmatization of divorced,
gay and lesbian families, and unmarried mothers and their children. The
era of the traditional, stable multigenerational extended family of yore
should not be romanticized as a time when mutual respect and satisfaction
existed between the generations. It was supported by sexism, classism,
racism, and heterosexism. In this traditional patriarchal family structure,
respect for parents and obligations to care for elders were based on con-
trol of the resources, reinforced by religious and secular sanctions against
those who did not conform to the normative standards of the dominant
group. Now, with the increasing ability of younger family members to de-
termine their own fate in marriage, work, and economic security, the
power of elders to demand filial piety is reduced. As women are now d,e-
manding lives of their own, whereas before, their roles were limited pri-
marily to the caretaking of others, our social institutions are being pressed
to fit with these changing needs. But these institutions lag far behind.
In different cultures and classes, the ages of multigenerational transi-
tions differ markedly. Indeed, the stages of the life cycle are rather arbitrary
breakdowns. The notion of chitdhood has been d.escribed as the invention
of l8th-century Western society, and adolescence as the invention of the
19th century (Aries, 1962), related to the cultural, economic, and political
contexts of those eras. The notion of young adulthood as a separate phase
appears to be an invention of the 20th century, and that of women as indi-
üduals, of the late 20th.century. The lengthy phases of the empty nest and
older age are also primarily developments of the 20th century, brought
about by the smaller number of children and the longer lifespan in our era.
Given the current changes in the family, the 21st century rnay become
known for developing the norms of serial marriage and unmarried parent-
hood as part of the life cycle process. In all other contemp orairy cultures,
and during virtually all other historical eras, the breakdown of life-cycle
stages has differed from our current definitions. To add to this complexity,
cohorts born and liüng through various periods differ in fertility, mortality,
acceptable gender roles, migration patterns, education, needs and re-
sources, and attitudes toward family and aging.
Families characteristically lack time perspective wiren they are having
problems. They tend generally to magnify the present moment, over-
whelmed and immobilized by their immediate feelings, or they become
fixed on a moment in the future that they dread or desire. They lose the
awareness that life means continual motion from the past and into the fu-
ture, with a continual transformation of familial relationships. As the sense
of motion becomes lost or distorted, therapy involves restoring a sense of
life as process and movement from one state toward another.
 eb

The Famity Life Cycle 379

LINDERSTAI\DING
* THE LTFE, 6YQI.F',: THE INDTVIDI.JAL,
THE EAMILY, THE CI.IITURE

To understand how people evolve, we must examine their lives within the
context of both the family and larger cultural contexts, which change over
üme. Because "the family" is no longer organized solely around a married
heterosexual couple raising their children, but rather many various struc-
tures with different organizing principles, our job of identi§'ing family
stages and emotional tasks of the life cycle is much more complex. But
even within the d.iversity of family forms, we have used some uniffing prin-
ciples that define stages and tasks, such as the emotional disequilibrium
génerated by adding and losing family members during life's many transi-
tions (Hadley,Jacob, Milliones, Caplan, & Spitz, 1974; Ahrons & Rodgers,
1987; Ahrons, 1999; McGoldrick & Carter, 1999b)
Each system (individual, family, and cultural) can be represented
schematicatly (see Figure t'4.t¡ along two time dimensions: one is histori-
cal (the vertical axis), and the other is developmental and unfolding (the

Vertical Stressors:
Racism, Sexism
Qassism, Homophobia
Materialism
Fanily Emotional Patterns
Myths, Triangles, Secrets
Legacies,
Violence, Adüctions
Genetic Abilities &
Disabilities

Time

Horizontal Stressors:
Develoomental:
Life Cyde Transitions
Unoredictable:
Accidents,
Migration
Natural Disasters,
Chronic lllnesses
Unemployment
Historical Events
Economic and Political Events

FIGLIRE 14.1. The context for assessing problems.

 DEVELOPMENTAL PERSPECTIT,DS ON FAMILY FTINCTIONING

horizontal axis). For the indiüdual, the vertical axis includes the biologi
cal heritage and intricate programming of behaviors with one's given tem-
perament, possible congenital disabilities, and genetic makeup. The hori-
zontal axis relates to the individual's emotional, cognitive, interpersonal,
and physical development over the lifespan within a specific sociohistori-
cal context. Over time, the indiüdual's inherent qualities can either be-
come crystallized into rigid behaviors or elaborated into broader and
more flexible repertoires (Walsh, 1998). Certain individual stages may be
more difficult to master, depending on one's innate characteristics and
the influence of the environment.
At the family level (Carter, 1978), the vertical axis includes the family
history and the patterns of relating and functioning transmitted down the
generations, primarily through the mechanism of emotional triangling
(Bowen, 1978). It includes all the family attitudes, taboos, expectations, la-
bels, and loaded issues with which we grow up. These aspects of our lives
are the hand we are dealt. What we do with them is the question. The hor-
izontzl flow at a family level describes the family as it moves through time,
coping with the changes and transitions of the family's life cycle. This in-
cludes both the predictable developmental stresses and those unpre-
dictable events, "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune," that may
disrupt the life-cyc1e process-s11¡i1¡ely death, birth of a handicapped
child, chronic illness, job loss, and so on.
At a sociocultural level, the vertical axis includes cultural and societal
history, stereotFpes, patterns of power, priülege and oppression, social hi-
erarchies, and beliefs that have been passed down through the generations.
A group's history, and particularly its legacy of trauma will influence fami-
lies and individuals as they go through life (e.g., effects of the Holocaust on
Jews and Germans; slavery on African Americans and on colonizing, slave-
owning groups; homophobic crimes on homosexuals and heterosexuals).
The horizorttal axis relates to community connections, current events, and
social policy as they impact the family and the indiüdualatagiven time, in-
cluding the consequences in people's present lives of the society's "inherit-
ed" (vertical) norms of racism, sexism, classism, and homophobia, as well as
I
ethnic and religious prejudices manifested in social, political, and econom-
ic structures that limit the options of sorne and support the power of others.

A.NXIETY AND SYMPTOM DEVELOPMENT

As families rnove along, stress is often sreatest at transition points from one
stage to another in the developmental process as families rebalance, rede-
fine, and realign their relationships. Hadley and his colleagues (1974)
found that s;"rnptom onset correlates significantly with the normal family
developmental process of addition and loss of family members (e.g., birth,
marriage, divorce, remarriage, death, launching). The clinical method of
 The Family Li.fe Cyclz 381

Murray Bowen (1978) tracks patterns through the family life cycle over sev-
eral generations, focusing especially on nodel events and transition poins
to understand dysfunction at the present moment. There is the strong im-
plication that emotional issues and developmental tasks not resolved at ap-
propriate stages will be carried along as hindrances in future transitions
and relationships (Carter & McGoldrick, 1999a). Given enough stress on
the horizontal developmental axis, any family can appear extremely dys-
functional. Even a small horizontal stress on a family in which the vertical
axis is full of intense stress will create great disruption in the system. The
anxiety engendered on the vertical and horizontal axes where they con-
verge, as well as the interaction of the various systems and how theywork to-
gether to support or impede one another, are the key determinants of how
well the family will manage its transitions through life. It becomes impera-
tive, therefore, to assess not only the dimensions of the current life-cycle
stress but also their connections to family themes and triangles coming
down in the family over historical time. Although all normative change is to
some degree stressful, when the horizontal (developmental) stress inter-
sects with a vertical (transgenerational) stress, there tends to be a quantum
leap in anxietyin the ryrárn (Carter, 1978). If, to give a global &ample,
one's parents were basically pleased to be parents and handled thejob with-
out too much anxiety, the birth of the first child will produce only the nor-
mal stresses of a system expanding its boundaries. If, on the other hand,
parenting was a loaded issue in the family of origin of one or both spouses,
and has not been dealt with, the transition to parenthood may produce
heightened anxiety for the couple. Even without any outstanding family-of-
origin issues, the inclusion of a child could potentially tax a system if there
is a mismatch befiireen the child.'s temperament and those of the parents.
Or if a child is conceived in a time of great political upheaval, forcing a fam-
ily to leave its roots and culture, and migrate to another country, then the
child's birth may carry with it unresolved issues.

THB CIIANGING STRUCTI.IRE OF EAMILIES

The dramatic changes in families in the United States have been described
in the overview section of this book (see Walsh, Chapters 1 and 2, this vol-
ume). These changes cannot be overestimated. It is time for us as profes-
sionals to give up our attachments to the old id.eals and put a more posi-
tive conceptual frame around what is: two-paycheck marriages; permanent
"single-parent" households; unmarried, remarried, and gay and lesbian
couples and families; single-parent adoptions; and women of all ages
alone. It is past time to stop thinking of transitional crises as permanent
traumas, and to drop from our vocabulary words and phrases that link us
to the norms and prejudices of the past: "children of divorce," "out-of-wed-
lock child," "fatherless home," "working mother," and the like.
 FAMILY N]N CTI ONIN G
382 DEVELOPMENTAL PERSPECTIWS ON

INDWIDUAL DEVELOPMENT IN CONTEXT

ourmodelsofindividualdevelopmenthavebeenbuiltonFreud,sand
Erikson,sideasorp,y.r'osocialdevelopment.ComparedtoFreud,snarrow
of eight stages of
focus on body ,#.r, Erikson's (1968i conceptualtation
.hrlman,, d,evelopment, whicf, u.trrtiy human d'evelopment with
"qrr.ád
b'o"tt*an' Clarkson' & Rosen-
male d.evelopment (Brovernan' Vogel'
the interaction of the developing
krantz,¡1gTZ), were ,n .ffort to highlight are
stages actually emphasize
child with ,o.i.ty.-However, what"Eri-kson's of indiüduals in relation-
not interd"pe.rience and the connectedness
ships, but rather the d.evelopment of
individual characteristics (mostly
demands of social interaction (Erik-
traits of autonomy) in response to the the formulation of an
son, 1968). Thus, trust, autonomy' industry'?ttd to carry a child to young
identity separare iro- his farnlly ár" ,rrpposed how to love, go through a
adulthood, where heis tltenpr.lr*.d to^know
middleageofcaring,anddevelopthewisdomofaging.Thisdiscontinu-
on developing one',s own au-
ity-achildhood aná adolescen.L fo..rr.d adulthood of intimacy, caring
tonomy, supposedly in preparation for
an
and wisdom-is problematic as a template
for "normal" human develop-
ment (McGotdrick & Carter, 1999a) ' for the National orga-
Michael Kimmel, a sociologist and spokesman
holds out to men the ideal of
nization for Men Against Sexisri (NOMAS)
,,democratic manhood,,, which:t"qrri.., both private and public commit-
relationships' cherishing our
ments-changing ourselves, nurtuilng our
the pllblic arefra to enlarge the
families, to be srlre, but also reformiág p' %a)' Kimmel wel-
possibilities fbr other people to do the"same';i1996, as blueprints for the
comes feminism , gayliberation and multiculturalism will be healed only
men's lives
reconstruction of masculinity. He believes
when there is full equality for everyone' (Din-
Before f'eminist contributioná .o the deveiopmeltll-literature1999a)' most
nerstein, 1976; Miller, 1976; Gilligan' 1982;lvlcGoldrick'
Erikson, and Piaget, tended
male theoreticians, such as Freud, irontu".g,
to ign,pre female development or subsume
it under male development,
functioning (Notman' Klein'
which was taken as the standard for human
et a1., 1972; Tawis, 1992). Separation
il;;;, ; ztiaurtr,1991; Bro.,,.r',,.,,
andautonomyhavebeenconsideredtheprimaryvaluesformaledevelop-
interdependence, relaúon-
ment, with values of caring and attachment,
ship,andattentiontoContextu.i,gprimaryinfemaledevelopment.Flow-
requires finding an optimal
ever, we believe that all healthy a.roétopment
belonging and individ-
balance between connectedness and separateness' d'evelopmental theo-
uation, accommod"ation and autonomy^.
In general,
óf it ai riAuals in relationships
ries have failed to describe the frog..rrio,
Yet human identity is inextricably
toward a maturity of interd.p.ra.ice.
and the notion of complete
bound up in orrá,* relationship with others,
 &
The Family Life Cycle 383

autonomy is a fiction. ÉIuman beings cannot exist in isolation, and the

most important aspects of human experience are relational.
Most developmental theorists, including feminists, have espoused psy-
chodymamic assumptions about autonomy and separation, overfocusing
on relationships with mothers as the primary factor in human develop-
ment. They have assumed that masculine identity is achieved by separating
from one's mother and feminine identity, by identification and. attach-
ment to her. Silverstein (199a) effectively challenged this assumption that
male development requires separating from one's mother. Gilligan (1982)
critiqued Piaget's conception of morality as being tied to the understand-
ing of rights and rules, suggesting that, for females, moral development
centers around the understanding of responsibility and relationships,
whereas Piaget's description frts the traditional male socialization focus on
autonomy (Green, 1998; McGoldrick & Carter, 1999a; Rosen, 1999). Mac-
coby (1990) and Miller (1976) have expanded our understandings of the
power dimensions in the social context of development, suggesting a
broader conception of development for both males and females.
Developing a schema that would enhance a1l human development by
including milestones of both autonomy and emotional connectedness for
both males and females from earliest childhood has drawn us, not surpris-
ingly, to the work of those whose perspectives go beyond white male devel-
opment. These include Hale-Benson (1986), who explored the multiple
intelligences and other developmental features she identified in African
American children; Almeida, Woods, and Messineo (1998), who have ar-
ticulated a very broad-based cultural conception of human development;
Comer and Poussaint (1992), who have factored racism and its effects into
their blueprint for development of healthy black children; Canino and
Spurlock (fgg+), who outline many ways that minority ethnic groups so-
cialize their children; and the work of Borysenko (1996), whose d'escrip-
tions of the stages of female development appear to have universal applic-
ability for boü males and females from all cultural groups. Borysenko's
outline reflects the human need for responsible autonomy, which recent
decades have granted in some measure to females, and emphasizes the im-
portánce of understanding interdependence, a concept that girls and chil-
dren of color learn early, but that has been ignored in traditional Anglo-
American views of male development.

NORMAL EAMILY PROCESSES IN CONTEXT

If the ideas of life-cycle norms are applied too rigidly, they lead to an anxi-
ety that deüating from the norms is pathological. The opposite pitfall,
overemphasizing the uniqueness of the "brave new world" faced by each
new generation, can create a sénse of historical discontinuity, devaluing
 !
l

384 DEUELOPMENTAL PERSPECTIUES ON MMILY FUNCTIONING

the role of parenüood and the relationship between the generations. Our
aim is to provide a üew of the life cycle in terms of intergenerational con-
nectedness in the family, for this is one of our greatest resources. This is
not meant to oversimplifi the complexity of life's transitions or to encour-
age stereotyping by promoting classifications of "normality" that constrict
our view of human life but, rather, to expand clinicians' views of family
problems and strengths.
Our classification of family life-cycle stages of American middle-class
families in the beginning of the 21st century highlights our üew that the
central underlying processes to be negotiated are the expansion, contrac-
tion, and realignment of the relationship system to support the entry, exit,
and development of family members in a functional way. Generally speak-
ing, m{or life-cycle transitions require a fundamental change in the sys-
tem itself rather than just incremental changes oÍ rearrangements of the
system, which go on continually throughout life. We do not see indiüdual
or family rt.gÁ as "inherently" age-related (e.g., Leünson, 1978) or de-
pendent o, th. structure of the traditional family (e.g.,Duvall, 1977). Nor
áo *. view healthy maturation as requiring a single sequential pathway
through marriage and child rearing. We hold a pluralistic view, recogniz-
ing many valid, healthy options and relationships over the life course, in
Contrast to traditional views that not marrying is an "immature" choice or
that women who do not have children are unfulfrlled.

BETWEEN EAMILIES : YOUNG ADI'ILiTHO OD

Unlike traditional sodlological depictions of the family life cycle as com-

mencing at marriage and. ending with the death of one spouse, we begin
the family life cycle at the stage of "young adulthood." The primary task
for this period is that young adults come to terms with their family of ori-
gin-a powerful shaper of reality, influencing who, when, how, and
whether they will marry and how they will carry out all succeeding stages
of the family life cycle. Adequate completion of this stage requires that
the yorfng adult separate from the farnily of origin without cutting off or
fleeing reactively to a substitute emotional refuge. This phase is a corner-
stone. It is a time to formulate personal life goals and to become a "self "
before joining with another to form a new family subsystem. The more ad-
equately young ad.ults can differentiate themselves from the emotional
program of the family of origin at this phase, the fewer vertical stressors
will follow them through their new family life cycle. This is the chance for
them to sort out emotionally what they will take along from the family of
origin, what they witl leave behind, and what they will create for them-
selves.
Young adults may remain in an overly dependent position, unable to
leave home, or they may rebel, breaking away in a pseudoindependent
 The Fami.ly Lrfe Cycb 385

cutoff from their parents and families. Whereas for women the problems
at this rtr§. more often focus on short-circuiting their definition of them-
selves in favor of finding and accommodating to a mate, men more often
have difficulty committing themselves in relationships, forming instead an
incomplete identity focused around work.
Only when the generations can shift their hierarchical relations and
reconnect in a new way can the family move on developmentally. An in-
creasing problem at this phase is the prolonged dependency that our tech-
nological society requires in order to prepare young adults for the work
world, long after they would traditionally have been launched, and long
after they have usually begun having intimate couple relationships. This
creates a d.ifÍicult situation for both parents and children, who will have
difficulty esrablishing appropriate boundaries, because it is almost impos-
sible ro be emotionally independent when still financially dependent and
in the socially ambiguous status of student.
Working with families at this phase of the life cycle is particularly re-
warding because of the new options that are opened when young adults
are able to move toward new life patterns. At this stage, young men can
be encouraged to d.evelop themselves emotionally and expressively, ex-
ploring their connections with family and others. For men who have had
few male role models or minimal relationships with their fathers, this is a
time to reconnect. Because men's socialization so often does not facilitate
their learning to have intimacy even in friendship, this period can be a
keystone also for being proactive about the kind of friendships they want
to nurture in life. It is important to help men make connections with oth-
er men in and outside their families, without having to forsake their
mothers or devalué women. Interventions directed at helping young peo-
ple reevaluate the gender roles of their parents and grandparents, so that
they do not replicate previous relationships of inequality or dysfunction,
may be especially valuable at this crucial formative phase. For both rnen
and women, it is important to outline all the unrecognized work that
their mothers and grandmothers did to raise their families and keep a
household going, in order to emphasize their courage, abilities, hard
work, and strengths as role models, because mothers are too often deval-
ued and rheir contributions are tlpically hidden from history (herstory!).
In general, both men and women can be helped to draw strength from
each of their parents.

THEJOINING OF FAMILIES IN MARRTAGE:

THB YOUNG COUPLE

The changing role of women, the frequent marriage of partners from

widely different cultural backgrounds, and the increasing physical dis-
tances between family members place a much greater burden on couples
 386 DEVELOPMENTAL PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY FL]NCTIONING

to define their relationship for themselves than was true in traditional and
precedent-bound family structures (McGoldrick, 1999a). Although any
traro family systems always have different patterns and expectations, in our
present culture, couples are less bound by family traditions and freer than
ever before to develop intimate committed relationships unlike those they
experienced in their families of origin. Marriage tends to be misunder-
stood as a joining of two individ.uals. It really represents the changing of
two entire systems, as well as an overlapping of systems to develop a third
subsystem. Women tend to turn back to their parents for more connec-
tion, whereas men may increase their separation from their families of ori-
gin, seeing the couple relationship as replacing the family of origin. In
iact, a daughter is also a daughter-in-law for the rest of her life, because
she typically gains responsibility for the connectedness with and care of
her husband's family as well.
Achieving a successful transition to couplehood may be an extraordi-
narily difficult proposition in our time, when we are in the midst of a trans-
formation of male-female relationships in the direction of partnership,
educationally, occupationally, and in emotional connectedness (Eisler,
1987; see Had.dock, Zirnmerman, & L;rness, Chaptet 12, this volume).
Couples can be helped to change traditional rituals around marriage to
symbolize the move toward nonsexist relationships. New rituals that allow
both partners to represent their symbolic movement from their parents to
their partners (rather thanjust the woman from her father) can potential-
Iy provide couples with the opportunity to redefi.ne traditional family rela-
tionships in a way that may make their future marital accommodation
-"';;:"i113'r!;r, tó marriage is an important time for helpins youns
couples look beyond the stereotFpes that have been so problematic for
family development (McGoldrick, 1999a). Yet in spite of the fact that this
is less of a marked transition than it used to be for many coüples who are
living together before marriage, many couples resist looking at the fallaci-
es of their myths about marriage (Carter & Peters, 1997) until later, when
predic-table problems surface (see Olson & Gorall, Chapter 19, this vol-
ume).
The failure to renegotiate family status with the family of origin may
also lead to marital failure. Nevertheless, it appears that couples are very
unlikely to present with extended family problems as the stated issue.
Problems reflecting the inability to shift family status are usually indicated
by defective boundaries around the new subsystem. In-laws may be too in-
trusive, and the new couple may be afraid to set limits, or they may have
difficulty forming adequate connections with the extended systems, cttt-
ting themselves offin a tight twosome. At times, the inabiliry to formalize a
marriage i'ndicates that the partners are still too enmeshed in their own
:ar:

r:: l
farnilies to defrne a new system and accept the implications of this realign-
:tl ment. It is useful in such situations to help the system move to a new defin-
|i.
 §*
The Family Life Cycle 38.7

ition of itself iather than to get lost in the details of incremental shifts the
couple ma| be struggling over (sex, money, time, etc.).

EAMILTES WTTII YOLING CHILDREN

With the transition to parenthood, the family becomes a threesome, which

makes it a permanent system for the fi.rst time. If childless partners sepa-
rate, they dissolve their family unit, but once they have children, they may
end the couple bond but remain forever parents to their children, who
also remain connected to both families of origin. Thus, s¡..mbolically and
in reality, this transition is a key one in the family life cycle.
The shift to ttris stage of the family life cycle requires that adults now
move up a generation and become caretakers to the younger generation.
Typical problems that occur when parents cannot make this shift are
struggles with each other about taking responsibility, or refusal or inability
to behave as parents to their children. In some families, childhood syrnp-
toms may be more a function of the temperamental qualities and develop-
mental needs of the child. Children who are temperamentally diff,rcult cre-
ate more discomfort for parents, make parenting more challenging, and
decrease couple and family functioning.
For the modern trvo-paycheck family with small children, a central
struggle during this stage of the life cycle is the handling of child care re-
sponsibilities and chores. The pressure of t5ring to find adequate child
care, when affordable and saúsfactory social provision is lacking, leads to
several serious consequences: Two full-time jobs may fall on the woman;
the family may live in conflict and chaos; child caÍe arrangements may be
less than optimal; recreation and vacations may be sharply curtailed; or
the woman may give up herjob to stay home, or work only part-time. The
m{or research on the transition to parenthood indicates that it is accom-
panied by a general decrease in marital satisfaction, a reversion to more
traditional sex roles even by dual-career couples, who previously had a
more equitable relationship, and a lowering of self-esteem for women
(Carter & Peters, 1997; Carter, 1999; Walsh, 1989; see also Cowan &
Cowan, Chapter 16, this volume). Even when fathers do participate more
actively in relating to children, mothers still tend to bear the major re-
sponsibiliry for seeing that children's needs are met.
In many ways, the traditional family has often not only encouraged
but even required dysfunctional pattems, such as the overresponsibility of
mothers for their children and the complementary underinvolvement of
fathers. Society, reinforced by developmental literature and psychoanalyt-
ic models, has equated parenting with mothering, overfocusing on the
mother-child relationship in the earliest years of life, to the exclusion of
other relationships or later phases (McGoldrick & Carter, 1999a; Mc-
Goldrick, 1999b). There is also a great mythology involved in our assump-
 ..7
388 DEVELOPMENTAL PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY FI]NCTIONING

tions about thp primacy of infancy and early childhood in determining the
rest of human life. The same models that stress the supreme importance
of the mother-child bond also view human development as a primarily
painful process in which, eventually, mothers and children are adversaries.
Even the men's movement, which has been seeking to expand men's op-
tions to include more loüng and nurturing behaviors, has too often fo-
cused on the idea that men need to reject their mothers and go in search
of their fathers in order to find themselves and be truly liberated.
We urge a broader perspective on human development that üews
child development and this early stage in the life cycle in the richness of its
entire context of multigenerational family relationships, as well as within 1

i¡5 social and cultural context. For a child's complete identity and develop-
,i:

ment, a shift within society must be made to value, supPort, and reinforce
I
the active inclusion of fathers and to appreciate the contributions of sib'
lings, extended family members, and other caregivers as support, re-
l
sources, models, and mentors. :

I
This is an important area for intervention when working with families {

at this life-cycle stage. Fathers who lack experience with small children
need to learn these skills. Often, this requires time alone with children for
I
husbands to take primary responsibility, and for mothers to let go of the
responsibility. Mothers may need assistance in allowing fathers to make
mistakes, giving them the opportunity to construct and discover their rela-
tionship. At this transition in the family's emerging development, grand-
parents must shift to a backseat from which they can allow their children
to be the central parental authorities, while forming a new type of caring
relationship with their grandchildren.
In working with fa?nilies at this phase of life, it is important to explore
boundaries and roles within the nuclear family and between the genera-
tions. How the system operates is an important variable in understanding
the creation and maintenance of childhood problems. Careful history tak-
ing is imperative, examining both individual child development and the
family's developmental history. Areas of assessment include problems
around conception, pregnancy, and delivery; temperamental qualities of
the infant; achievement of developmental milestones; and the onset and
development of problems. One must carefully track the child's slanptoms,
inquiring about changes or stresses within the system that may relate to
the problems; adjustment of all family members to the birth of the symp-
tomatic child and to the evolution of s)rmptoms; additional problems with
other children; organization of the family; and the impact of family-of-ori-
gin issues-\Mho the child resembles, similar problems in the extended
farnily, and how such problems have been dealt with by others.
Inquiry about household and job responsibilities, as well as the han-
dling of finances and the specifics of child rearing and child care can illu-
minate major stresses on the family and ineffective solutions. Issues of gen-
der-role functioning weigh heaüly and cannot be ignored. Men who do
a
L
The Family Life Cycle 389

not develop intimate relationships with their children as they grow up will
have difñcúlty changing the pattern later. It is also helpful to convey an
awareness of what women have been doing in the family, because their
role is most often taken for granted. We rnight ask whether both parents
usually go to children's school meetings, medical appointments, and
sports events; how much time each parent spends alone with each child;
and how money and domestic responsibilities are diüded.

EAMILIES WITH ADOLESCENTS

Although many researchers have broken down the stages of families with
young children into different phases, in our üew, the shifts are incremen-
tal. Adolescence, however, ushers in a new era, because it marks a new de-
finition of the children within the family, and of the parents' roles in rela-
tion to their children. Families with adolescents must establish
{ qualitatively different boundaries than families with younger children, a
r'¡ job made more difficult in our times by the lack of built-in rituals to facili-
1 tate this transition, and by the lack of community supports to proüde con-
j tinuity of structure as adolescents emerge beyond the structure of their
families. The boundaries must now be permeable. Parents can no longer
maintain complete authority. Adolescents can and do open the family to a
whole array of new values as they bring friends and new ideals into the
family arena. Families that become derailed at this stage may be rather
closed to new values and threatened by them, frequently stuck in an earli-
er view of their children. This is also a time when adolescents begin to es-
tablish their own independent relationships with the extended family. Ad-
justments between parents and grandparents may be needed to allow and
foster these new patterns.
During certain phases in development, including preschool and ado-
lescence, children seem to adhere rigidly to sex-role stereotypes-even
more so than their parents or teachers. It is important not to reinforce this
stereotl?ing, but to instead encourage girls to develop their own opinions,
values, aspirations, and interests, while discouraging them from develop-
ing competitive cliques that shun other girls. Likewise, boys need to be en-
couraged to communicate and express feelings, and discouraged from
teasing and bullying other boys or devaluing girls.
Although conventional gender values are at an all time high during
adolescence, it is also during this phase that crucial, life-shaping decisions
are made. Parents may not realize how much their teenagers need them to
communicate information about adult life, such as bias in the workforce,
the feminization of poverty, racism, responsible sexuality, and so on, to
help them make more informed choices regarding their education and re-
lationships (Pipher, 1994). Teenage pregnancy is still viewed as the girl's
responsibility. She should learn to say "no." Instead, we must teach adoles-
390 DEUELOPMENTAL PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY FT]NCTIONING

cents that.their sexual behavior is the responsibility of both sexes, with

consequences for both.
During adolescence, daughters are particularly torn between pres-
sures to conform to traditional societal roles as sex object and their striv-
ing for a life of their own. Our society has also encouraged distancing be-
tween mothers and sons, with pernicious messages about the negative
effects of mother-son bonding. Research indicates that rebellion against
parents is only one, and not the most common, way for adolescents to
evolve an identity. Most teenagers of both sexes remain close to and ad-
mire their parents, and experience a minimum of conflict and rebellion
(Tawis, 1992). Fathers may need help to overcome inhibitions in relating
to both sons and daughters emotionally.
Commonly, the father-daughter relationship may be problematic in
adolescence. Fathers often become awkward about relating to their daugh-
ters as they approach adolescence with budding sexuality. They may need
encouragement to engage actively with their daughters rather than avoid
them. They may interact more easily with sons and now, increasingly, also
with daughters through activities such as sports, which allow companion-
ship and pride in their offspring without pressures for intimate relating.
The unavailability of fathers for their daughters may lead daughters to de-
velop an image of the male as a rornantic stranger, an unrealistic image
that cannot be met when they reach adult life. The unavailability of fathers
for their sons may leave sons confused about their identity and question-
ing their masculinity.
Clinically, when working with adolescents and their families, it is im-
portant to ask questions about the roles each one is asked to play in the
family. What are thé chores and responsibilities of boys and of girls? Are
sons encouraged to develop social skills, or are parents focused primarily
on their achievement and sports performance? Are daughters encouraged
to have high academic aspirations? Are both sexes given equal responsibil-
ity and encouragement in dealing with education, athletics, aspirations for
the future, extended family relationships, buying gifts, writing, calling, or
caring for relatives?
We also need to help families frnd more positive ways of defining for
their daughters the changes of the menstmal and reproductive cycle, so
that they do not see themselves as "unclean" or "impttre," or simply as ob-
jects for the pleasure of males. Our society still gives very different mes-
sages to daughters than to sons about their bodies, their minds, and their
spirits, emphasizing for young women their physical attractiveness to men,
whereas sons are still taught that their bodily changes are positive, power-
ful, and fulfilling aspects of their manhood, with minimum emphasis on
their need for cosmetics to increase their appeal. They still too often ab-
sorb messages that they have the right to treat girls as objects for their sex-
ual pleasure and exploitation.
A common event in the parents' relationship at this phase is the
 The Family Life Cyclc 391

"mid.life crisis" of one or both spouses, with an exploration of personal, ca-

reer, and rharital satisfactions and dissatisfactions. This is especially impor-
tant because parents of adolescents tend to have the lowest marital satis-
faction. An exclusive focus on parent-adolescent complaints by either the
family or the therapist may mask an affair or a secretly pondered divorce,
or it may prevent the marital problems from coming to the surface.

EAMILTES AT MIDLTTE:
I-ALTNCHING CHILDRBN AND MOVING ON

This is the newest and longest phase in the family life cycle, and for these
reasons it is in many ways the most problematic of all phases. In the Past,
most families were occupied with raising their children for most of their
active adult lives. Now, because of the low birth rate and the long life ex-
pectancy of adults, most parents launch their children almost 20 years be-
iore retirement and must then find other life activities. The difticulties of
this transition can lead. families to hold onto their children or can lead to
parental feelings of emptiness and depression, although, especially for
*o*.n, this has become increasingly a transition they welcome for the op-
portunity to explore new pursuits.
The most significant aspect of this phase is that it is marked by the
greatest number of exits and entries of family members. It begins with the
launching of grown children and proceeds with the entry of their spouses
and children. It is a úme when grandparents often become ill or die. This,
in conjunction with the difficulties of finding meaningful new life actiü-
ties, may make it a particularly stressful period. Parents must deal with the
change in their own status as they make room for the next generation and
prepare to move up to the position of grandparents. They must also forge
, diff.t.t t tFpe of relationship with their own parents, who may become
dependent, giüng them (particularly women) considerable caretaking re-
spónsibilities. This can also be a liberating time in that finances may be
easier than during the primary years of family responsibilities, and there is
the potential for moüng into new and unexplored areás-travel, hobbies,
new careers. For some families, this stage is seen as a time of fruition and
completion, and as a second opportunity to consolidate or expand by ex-
ploring new avenues and new roles. Less commonly, it leads to disruption,
, ,"rrr. of emptiness, and overwhelming loss, depression, and general dis-
integration. The transition necessitates a restmcturing of the marital rela-
tionship now that parenting responsibilities are no longer required.
Because of the changing economics of our era, there are also many
families in which launching is postponed for financial reasons. Members
of the younger generation cannot find ways to support themselves or they
get divorced, and there is a kind. of in-and-out process with the older gen-
eration.
392 DEUELOPMENTAL PERSPECTTWS ON FAMILY FUNCTI ONING

Men and women tend to be going in opposite directions psychologi-

cally as their child.ren move into their own lives. The divergence of inter-
ests for men and. women, as well as the shift in focus of energies required
at this phase, can create marital tensions, sometimes leading to divorce.
The emotional limitations of work and achievement may lead men to do
important soul searching at this phase. Men may be feeling the lack of in-
timacy in their marriages and with their children, now that they have come
to realize the limitations in what their work lives can give them. They may
turn to their children for closeness even as their children are moving away.
Or they may turn to their wives for more intimacy. But women, who have
been focused, on caring for others for so many years, are likely at this stage
to be enthusiastic about the opportunity they now have to focus on their
own work, friendships, and other actiüties. Women are not nearly as sorry
to see the child-rearing era end as has been assumed. Men may hope that
starting over will give them a new chance to "do it better." If men do di-
vorce, they typically miss the caretakirg functions provided by their wives
and remarry rather quickly, usually to a younger woman. Women who di-
vorce at this phase are less likely to remarry. In part, this is because of the
skew in availabilify of partners, men's preference for younger partners,
and. women's reluctance to "settle," particularly for a traditional relation-
ship that would mean a return to extensive caretaking.
Therapy at this phase is often aimed at helping family members rede-
fine their lives and relationships, along with expanding and broadening
their options, many of which may be different from those of the family in
which they were raised. They need to envision new pathways for their lives
that their parents possibly did not experience. There is also the difficult
negotiation required when children return periodically to the nest, be-
cause of the complex and diffrcult economics of our times and society.

THB EAMILY IN I-ATER LTFE

As Walsh (1999a) has pointed out, few of the visions of old age offered by
our cülture provide us with positive images for healthy later life adjust-
ment within a family or social context. Pessimistic üews of later life prevail.
Myths persist that most elderly people have no families; or have little rela-
tionship with them and are usually set aside in institutions; or that all fam-
ily interactions with older family members are minirnal. On the contrary,
the vast majority of ad.ults over 65 do not live alone but with other famil;,
members. Over SOVo live within an hour of at least one child (Walsh,
1999a). Another myth is that most elderly are sick, senile, and feeble, and
can best be handled in nursing homes or hospitals. Only 4% of the elderlr'
live in i4stitutions, t¡tically those over 85, and only after famiiy resources
are exhausted. Most indiüduals between ages 65 and 80 are in good health
and actively engaged with life pursuits.
 4"
The Fami.ly Life Cycle 393

Among the tasks of families in later life are adjustments to retirement,

which may not only create a vacuum for retiring individuals but may also
put a special strain on a marriage, requiring renegotiation of household
ioles ,rd pott etirement plans. Financial insecurity and dependence are
also speciat difficulties, particularly for family members who value manag-
ing for themselves. And although loss of friends and relatives is a common
str-ess at this phase, the loss of a spouse is the most difficult adjustment.
Grandparenthood can, however, offer a new lease on life.
Tñe inability to shift status is seen when elders have difficulty accept-
ing their lessening powers, (e.g., gtirg up driüng when unsafe), or when
thá younger generation treats them as incompetent or irrelevant. Even
when members of the older generation are quite frall, there is not really a
reversal of roles between one generation and the next, because parents al-
ways have many more years of experience and remain models to the next
I generations for the phases of life ahea¿. Nevertheless, because older age is
so devalued in our culture, family members of the middle generation
I

often do not know how to make the appropriate shift in relational status
with their parents and may feel discomfort about having to care for an in-
I
capacitat.á p.r.rt that was formerly a source of strength and inspiration
or authoriry and intimidation.
Clinically, older family members rarely seek help for themselves, al-
though they do suffer from many psychological problems, especially de-
p..rrion. They are more likely to consult physicians for somatic com-
pt.irtt"
^generationthat rnay be contextually based. Often, it is members of the next
who seek help, and even they do not usually define their prob-
l-.* ., relating to an elderly parent. It is often only through careful history
i taking that onl learns of an agng grandparentjust about to move in or be
taken to a nursing home, only to discover that the relationship issues
t
around the shift háve been left submerged and unresolved in the family.
I
Helping family members recognize the status changes and the need for re-
I
l
rot ring tneir relationships in a new balance can become critical to the fam-
ily's well-being now and later.
The final phase of life might be considered "for women only," be-
caúíse women ténd to live longer, are more stigmatized by ageism, and, un-
like men , zLre rarely paired with younger partners, making the statistics for
this life-cycle phase extremely imbalanced.

DWORCE, SINGLE PARENTING, AND REMARRTAGE

With the divorce rate currently near SOVo and the rate of redivorce at 6170,
divorce is an interruption or dislocation of the traditional family life cycle
that produces the kind of profound. disequilibrium associated with other
family life-cycle transitions, with shifts, gains, and losses in family membér-
ship (Carter & McGoldrick, 1999a). As in other life-cycle phases, there are
 394 DETNLOPMENTAL PERSPECT"IWS ON FAMILY FLTNCTIONING

crucial shifts in relationship status and important emotional tasks that

must be dát with by the mlmbers of divorcing families for healthy adap-
tation. As in other phases, emotional issues not resolved at this phas. *itt
be carried along as hindrances in future relationships.
Therefore, families in which divorce occurs must go through one or
two additional phases of the famity life cycle in order to restabilize and go
forward developmentally at a more complex level. Many of these families
go through the divorce phase and restabilize permanently as postdivorce
families. Even more remarry, and these families can be said to require ne-
gotiation of an additional phase of remarriage befbre long-term restabi-
lization. Divorce and postdivorce family emotional process is a roller coast-
er with peaks of emotional tension at all transition points, including when
the couple decide to separate; when the decision is announced. to family
and friends; when money, custody, and üsitation arrangements are dis-
cussed; when separation takes place; when the actual divorce occurs; when
separated spouses have contact around money and children; when each
child graduates, marries, has children, or becomes ill; and when either
spouse has a new partner, marries, has other children, or dies. These emo-
tional pressure peaks do not necessarily occur in this 6¡ds¡-2nd many of
them take place repeatedly over the years. Adaptation requires mourning
what is lost (including hopes and dreams) and dealing with hurt, anger,
blame, guilt, shame, and loss in oneself, in the spouse, in the children, ánd
in the extended family.
Clinical work aims to minimize the tremendous tendency toward cut-
off of many relationships after a divorce. It is important to help divorcing
spou-ses continue to relate as cooperative parents and permit maximum
feasible contact among children, parents, and. extend.ed family. It usually
takes several years and a great deal of effort after divorce for a family to
readjust to its altered structure, which may or may not include remar-
riage, because many families restabilize satisfactorily without a recoupling.
Families in which the emotional issues of divorce are not ad.equately re-
solved can remain stuck emotionaily for years, if, not for generations.
Flowever, families who handle the challenges are not invariably damaged,
as poprlar myths maintain (see visher, visher, & pasley, chapter 6, this
volume).
The family emotional process at the transition to remarriage consists
of struggling with fears about investment in a new marriage and a new
family; dealing with hostile or upset reactions of the children, the extend-
ed families, and the ex-spouse; struggling with the ambiguify of the new
family strlrcture, roles, and relationships; handling rearousal of intense
parental guilt and concerns about the welfare of children; and handling
rearousal of the old attachment to ex-spouse (negative or positive). It is
important for the therapist to realize that very many of the problems are
structural, not personal.
 %
The Farnily Life Cyclc 395

AFINAL CAVEAT
Most a.r..iptions of the typical family life cycle, including our own, fail to
convey the considerable effects of culture, ethnicity, race, religion, and
sexual orientation on all aspects of how, when, and in what way a family ex-
periences various phases and transitions. Although we may ignore these
variables for theoretical clarity and focus on our commonalties, a clinician
working with real families in the real world cannot afford to ignore them.
The definition of "family," as well as the timing of life-cycle phases and the
importance of different transitions, vary depending on a family's cultural
background. It is extremely important for us as clinicians to help families
develop rituals (Imber-Black & Roberts, L992; Imber-Black, 1999) that cor-
respond to their life choices and transitions, especially those that the cul-
ture has not validated, such as in the life-cycle patterns of the gay commu-
nity or the multiproblem poor. The adaptation of mulüproblem poor
families to a stark political, social, and economic context has produced
family life-cycle patterns that vary signifi.cantly from the middle-class para-
digm so often and so erroneously used to conceptualize their situation
(Hines, 1999). Social class is another m{or definer of differences in life-
cycle patterns (Kliman & Madsen, 1999), and the life cycle of gays and les-
bians (fohnson & Colucci, 1999), immigrants (Hernandez & McGoldrick,
1999), those who choose single parenting (see Anderson, Chapter 5, this
volume), and those who do not marry or have children (Berliner,Jacob, &
Schwarzberg, 1999) offer significant variations on traditional definitions
of the family life cycle that require us to expand our definitions of normal-
ity in definitions of life-cycle patterns.

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