Au Pair Training Manual

Au Pair Training Manual
Huisje Boompje Nanny
_______________________________________________
HBN Au pair Services
Index
1. Introduction 3
1.1 Who are we? 3
2. Legal duties of the au pair 4
2.1 Information obligation towards HBN 4
2.2 A.S.A.P 5
2.3 During your stay 6
2.4 Preparation for your return 6
2.5 After arrival home country 7
3. Part of the family/household chores 8
3.1 First month/build relationship 8
3.2 Communication 8
3.3 Weekly evaluations 9
3.4 Planning 9
3.5 Adapting to habits and culture differences 10
3.6 Privacy & respect 11
3.7 General household / household tasks 12
3.8 Babysitting 13
4. Kids care 14
4.1 In general 14
4.2 Security 16
4.3 Parenting / education 17
4.4 Taking care of babies and toddlers 19
5. Practical information 24
5.1 Safety 24
5.2 Insurance 25
5.3 Courses 26
5.4 HBN events 26
5.5 Phone 27
5.6 Transportation 27
5.7 Other info / checklist 29
5.8 Key points 31
6. Important information /numbers 32
6.1 Important contacts 32
6.2 HBN dictionary 34
6.3 Communication techniques 37
6.4 HBN Re-match guidelines au pair 42
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1. Introduction
Your Au Pair year is going to start! With this document we would like to help and guide you
through your stay in the Netherlands with the HBN Au Pair Program. Please read this
document thoroughly before arrival, and keep this manual close during your stay in the
Netherlands. We plan a meeting in your first month with all newly arrived au pairs at our
office to welcome you; we will talk about being part of the family, communication, cultural
differences and your legal duties. If there are things you would like to know or you are not
sure about after reading this document, please do not hesitate to ask us.
1.1 Who are we?
Team Huisje Boompje Nanny:
Emeline van der Vecht Jennifer de Vries Carine van der Leest
Founder/Owner HBN Process Manager/Back Office
She is the founder and owner of HBN. They take care of mediation, matching and all the
She takes care of the mediation, important paperwork that is needed to participate
guidance and matching between Host in the HBN Au Pair Program, both for the Host
Family and Au Pair Family and the Au Pair. They make sure you and
([email protected]) your Host Family are informed of all legal, but
In case of emergency: 06 25080953 also other necessary processes before, during and
after your stay in the Netherlands.
HBN phone number: 023 23 02 162

HBN support emergency phone: 0615444950
Personal contacts: Emeline: 0625080953,

Jennifer: 0653795251, Carine: 0683211744
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****Don’t hesitate to contact us when you have an emergency****
2. Legal duties of the Au Pair

As you are here under the immigration law and under HBN's responsibility the following
obligations / tasks need to be considered as very important and high priority. The Host
Family and you need to abide to perform these actions and tasks below and are obliged to
inform HBN immediately. If these tasks aren’t performed at the set time, the IND
(Immigration and Naturalisation Service) can revoke your residence permit. Meaning you
need to stop with the Au Pair Program and leave the country immediately. Not informing
HBN on these issues in time may risk large fines for your Host Family and HBN. To make it
easier for you and to make sure you completed all your tasks, we have set up this checklist
so you can CHECK whether you have completed all.
If you have problems or questions about any of these points, always contact HBN
([email protected]). Some tasks are not applicable for EU citizens and Dutch
passport holders; those are marked with “N.A. for EU citizens”
2.1 information obligation towards HBN

Legal rules and obligation to inform HBN during your stay:
• You are not allowed to perform other paid activities during your stay as an Au Pair in
the Netherlands.
• Legal rules according to the weekly time schedule always need to be respected.
• Always inform HBN if structural changes in the weekly schedule have been made.
• Max. 30 hours per week, Max. 8 hours per day, max 5 days per week, max 3 nights
(babysitting) per week, 1 weekend off per totally month (FRI evening 20.00-SUN
night 24.00).
• You are not allowed to stay longer than 1 year as an Au Pair in the Netherlands.
• After this year you are illegal in the country and you may not perform any activities
as Au Pair.
• You are obliged to always carry your identification card (residence permit) in and
outside the Netherlands.
• Always inform HBN of your well being during your stay. If there are serious
problems/issues, if you feel abused or not respected you are legally obliged to inform
us immediately. This is for your own good!
• Always inform HBN as soon as you know the exact date of your departure from the
Netherlands!
• Always inform HBN immediately as soon as you have other plans than going back to
your country of origin like study/partnership visa or going to another country than
your own. Next to informing you need to provide HBN the evidence (e.g. new visa
application, ticket to another country, and stamp in your passport).
• If you have a drivers license please note you can not drive more than 185 days after
arrival in the Netherlands. You will also need to be insured for this.
• Always inform HBN if you notice changes in the family situation (such as birth,
moving, divorce, change of jobs of the Hosts).
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Note: the MVV is your visa in your passport, which you will receive at your embassy. This
MVV visa is valid for three months after arrival in the Netherlands it is only to enter the
Netherlands.
The VVR, the pass you will receive is the permit of your residence for the full year
(365 days). You need to collect this residence permit at the IND office.
Legal Tasks Check List Check?
We strongly advise you to complete these tasks within 1 month after arrival!
2.2. A.S.A.P.
Send e-mail of your arrival

1. Let HBN know that you have arrived safely in the Netherlands via sending an e-mail to
[email protected].
Letter IND residence permit card

2. Within two weeks after arrival you should receive a letter from the IND (via HBN)
informing that you can pick up your residence permit card. If you did not receive this
letter within two weeks, let us know A.S.A.P.!([email protected])
(N.A. for EU citizens)
Pick up residence permit card

3. Directly after you have received the letter you need to visit the IND office (close to
your home address) to pick up your residence permit card. In the letter you’ll find the
address and opening hours (usually between 08:30–12:00 & 13:00-16:00). Your host
does not need to accompany you and you don’t need to make an appointment. Bring
with you: passport and copy of the letter (N.A. for EU citizens).
Send e-mail of residence card

4. Let HBN know that you picked up your residence permit card and send a scan of
picture via e-mail [email protected] (N.A. for EU citizens).
Make an appointment at the city hall and GGD

5. Make an appointment at the city hall with your Host Family for registration (see
underneath).
6. Make an appointment at the “GGD” to take a TB (TBC/Tuberculosis) test. The GGD has
set hours when this is possible so please inform about it (not for EU,USA,
AU,BR,ARG,COL)
Register in the Netherlands

7. Go to the city hall to register in the Netherlands at the address of your Host Family.
Bring: passport and legalized & translated birth certificate. One of your Hosts
needs to join you (with their identification). You’ll get your social security number
(BSN). You also need a form to de-register before you leave the country again, so it’s
advised to ask for this form right away.
Send e/mail of your BSN

8. Let HBN know that you registered in the city hall and send us your social security
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number to [email protected].
Take the TB (TBC) test

9. In some GGD offices they charge 40 Euros for this test. Bring: 40 euros, your
passport, residence card and the TB form you will receive from HBN. Some GGD’s
send the form to the IND, but others ask you to send it yourself (Utrecht/Den Haag). If
so, do this immediately! (N.A. for EU /AUS /USA/BR/ARG/COL citizens)
Send e-mail of your TB (TBC) test

10. Let HBN know that you took the TB (TBC) test via [email protected].
Other obligations during your stay in the Netherlands:
Check?
2.3 During your stay
• Participated in the Welcome Training.
• Received and answered first evaluation concerning your wellbeing and concerning the
fact if the weekly schedule is being respected (IND obligation).
• Received and answered second evaluation concerning your wellbeing and concerning
the fact if the weekly schedule is being respected (IND obligation).
2.4 In preparation for your return
Send e-mail with date of your return flight

• As soon as you know the exact date of your return flight and you have received
your return ticket, you have to inform HBN and send us the copy of your ticket via
[email protected].
Send e-mail HBN plans after Au Pair Program

• If you are making plans for after the Au Pair Program, which involve staying in the
Netherlands, moving to a country other than your country of origin or travelling
around, you need to inform HBN immediately. HBN is responsible for your departure on
time and will get a fine if it doesn’t happen accordingly or if HBN does not inform the
IND in time. Your residence permit is valid for exactly one year (365 days) and even if
you stay one day longer, you will be illegal in the Netherlands! You can apply for
another visa if you would like to study, work, stay with a partner or travel around.
However it is crucial to inform HBN about your plans immediately, so that we can give
you further instructions and ask you to send us evidence (such as new visa
request/stamp from the customs, etc.). ([email protected]).
Deregister from the city hall and send e-mail

• Maximum 1 week before your return date, you have to deregister from the city hall.
Do not do it earlier because unsubscribing at the family's residence means
your residence permit will be invalid/withdrawn! This can be done with a
deregister form (to be collected at the city hall). You can fill it out and sign the form.
Add a copy of your passport ID, bring it to the city hall and send HBN the proof (a
picture) of your deregistration via [email protected].
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Send back your residence card to the IND

• Before you leave, a day before departure, please take a picture of your residence card
then cut the residence card in 2 and send this back to the IND.
IND Bureau Documenten
Postbus 7025
8007 HA Zwolle
2.5 After arrival home country:
Send e-mail arrival country of origin

• Let HBN know when you have arrived back in your country of origin or outside of
“Schengen”. Make a copy of the stamp you have received in your passport at the
customs or a copy of your boarding pass. Please send it to us via
[email protected].
If there are changes during the year in your schedule / Host Family routine or other
issues addressed in your agreement, let HBN know! Also, if there are other important
issues that make you uncomfortable with the Host Family. HBN is responsible for
guiding you in difficult situations, and will always be here to support and advice you!
Check?
General Check List
• Family routine document
• Bike
• Bank account (only possible after subscribing)
• Phone / Subscription / Pre-paid
• Send HBN your phone number
• Language course
• First Aid course
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3. Part of the Family/Household Chores

3.1 First month/ build relationship
First month
There’s only one chance for a first impression. We advise you to get to know the family and
invest in your relationship with them as a first priority. Focus on the family routine as much
as possible because it costs time and energy to get to know the routine, the new culture
and lifestyle. This does not mean you cannot go out or do anything on your own, but make
sure your focus is on getting to know the parents, the kids and the routine, and
that the family does not have to worry about you or worry about the children’s
care. Changes cost energy, for both you and your host family. You will have a full year to
enjoy the Netherlands and Europe and all aspects, but your basis is the family life.
Part of the family and Household

It is really important to be aware of the fact that you are part of the family. So in order to
build that relationship, it is important to spend time with your host parents and children to
get to know them well. So even if it is not your "working" hours, you are still part of their
lives and they should be part of yours. There should be an equal interest in each other and
especially in the kids. Also realize that you are in some ways a big sister to the kids, but you
are also a kind of "third parent". You take part in the daily household of the family. That is
why there is a lot of “grey area” in being an Au Pair. For example; helping with breakfast,
preparing dinner, setting the table or clearing the table, doing the dishes, helping with
groceries and laundry is just a part of the family life and you take part in this family life. It
is very important to realize that you need to participate in all of this. Not because of the
strict schedule but because of the fact that you live together.
Responsibility
Please also be aware of the fact that your host family has the care/responsibility over you.
Of course you are an adult girl, but especially the first 1 or 2 months you have to take into
consideration that your host family can be a bit anxious when you go out. Make sure that
they do not have to worry about you and inform them well if you are away. They also have
to get to know you and experience that they can trust you and that you are comfortable
here. After 1 or 2 months they know you know your way around in the neighbourhood and
they will be more comfortable and also more relaxed. Also realize that you have the care
over their children and this is also a huge responsibility.
3.2 Communication
Communication is the key to a comfortable stay and a good relationship with your host
family. Also because of the differences in culture, clear communication between you and the
family is extra important. Do not hesitate to ask questions if you did not understand
something. Observe and ask how your host parents want things to be done. Don’t wait or
hesitate, just ask them. Remember, there are NO stupid questions. It is ok to ask twice
because it is new for you. Also, do not be afraid to show initiative, be proactive and maybe
do some little things differently. The thing is; you need to be willing to learn and it is ok to
make mistakes as long as you show them you’re eager to do it well. As long as you
communicate and are not afraid to ask, it will be all right. If anything happens or if there
are some misunderstandings between you and your host family, it is also important that you
explain your actions and the way you feel because it can be caused by the cultural
differences and if you do not explain this, it might lead to misinterpretations. You need to be
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able to tell them if you are not comfortable yet or do not feel secure enough to do
something. If you just say “yes it is fine” or “no”, they can never know how you really feel.
You should be able to explain them how you feel and why you are acting in a certain way,
and they need to do the same with you.
People in the Netherlands are known to be very outgoing, sociable. “Gezellig” is the word
they use for everything that is nice and sociable. The Dutch are also very
direct/straightforward. You will probably notice that in the way the host parents will
approach you. It’s comfortable because it is honest and direct and it makes things
discussable, but it can also feel offensive to you, since you might not be used to it. Do not
take it too personal and try to use it as constructive criticism.
3.3 Weekly evaluations
Weekly evaluation /conversation is essential for a good communication, especially in the

beginning when you still need to get to know each other. We ask the host parents to set up
weekly meetings (preferably on a Monday night, NOT in the weekend) so you both can bring
up things for discussion and it is also a good moment to go through the planning. If they do
not set it up you can also ask for it or ask us for a little help if you feel shy about it. Also
when you have a personal problem or if there is something that really bothers you, don’t
hesitate! Talk with the parents (of course in the absence of children) and explain the
situation, tell them how you feel. If you keep a problem to yourself it will probably only get
worse. We truly believe that for almost every problem or issue, there is a solution. Really!
So please don’t be ashamed or afraid to bring it up and discuss it with your host parents.
Also, as you are part of the family, you need to communicate about your own activities and
plans as well. For example if you do not join your family for dinner, if you are coming home
later than expected or when you sleep over somewhere unexpected. WhatsApp is an easy
way to communicate these things quickly and we always advice the parents to make sure
you can use WhatsApp on your phone. Otherwise call or send them a text message to
inform them about your (changing) plans.
3.4 Planning
Weekly family routine document
You have received the weekly time schedule, that need to be adhered to and respected by
the family, but we have also made a set-up of a family routine. We ask the family to fill out
this family routine document according to their situation. This family routine document is
very important for you to have from the beginning, as it will help you make this routine
your own. It will give you grip on what is expected of you. It is very important that the
family gives you this family routine. We ask the family to go through the Family Routine and
the schedule with you so that your tasks and rules are clear and to make sure that these
are in consensus with you. So make sure that you and the family both agree to this and
that everything is clear.
Calendar
There needs to be one central calendar for you and your host parents to plan things ahead.
That is why we give you the HBN Calendar to write down all activities that are not included
in the normal weekly routine. Everything planned by you has to be in deliberation with the
family. It is important for you to know what their plans are and for them to know what your
plans are (also for holidays or weekends getaways). You do need to be flexible with your
plans, because this is one of the important reasons for a family to have an Au Pair. But
when you have a party or you want to go away for a weekend or holiday, you should try
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and plan it a few weeks ahead so they can take it into account when making their planning,
if possible. The parents need to plan their week with activities and plan when and if they
want you to be there for babysitting etc. It is always a good idea to sit down with your host
parents once a week, preferably on a Monday evening, to go through the week planning
together. Maybe it just goes smoothly without a weekly meeting. That is also fine, as long
as you keep each other up to date of your plans.
Flexibility
Next to planning it is very important to be flexible. This is one of the main reasons why
families choose to have an Au Pair in the first place. Remember that you are not an
employer so do not count the hours. However, the family needs to respect the weekly time
schedule. You are living there so it should not be a problem to stay home one or 2 nights a
week. It is important that the weekly time schedule is respected and the balance is right, so
if you feel the balance is off you can talk to your hosts about it and address it in the
meetings you will have. If you have doubts you can always come to the agency so we can
advise you.
You are entitled to have 2 weeks of paid holiday per year (pro rata), but discuss the timing
of it with the family. It is handy if it is in their holiday if you do not join them and that they
know it well in advance so they can organize everything well during your leave. If you stay
home while the family is on holiday, they will give you some money for groceries and of
course the normal amount of pocket money.
3.5 Adapting to habits and culture differences
Adapting and Cultural Differences

It takes time and effort to adapt to another lifestyle, customs and to the Dutch culture. It is
good to realize that you are living in another culture and in somebody else’s home. It is
important to adapt to the rules, customs and habits even though they might be strange to
you or they might be too specific. Don't be afraid to try new things: food habits, cooking,
ironing, biking, biking with kids etc. Also don't be afraid to tell your hosts that you are used
to doing things differently or are not used to something at all. Just explain to them that you
are still a little bit insecure, but remember that by ways of doing and practising you make it
possible to adapt to these changes. Then you will actually see it is nice to learn all these
new things. Not trying is not an option :) So having a flexible attitude and having a positive
approach to change will help you enormously. Although every au pair will probably
experience some difficult times, always try to remember that being negative or down will
not make it easier. Having a positive attitude will give you more energy and you have to
realize that adapting is also part of the adventure of living abroad. Besides, the family
knows you have to get used to it so they will give you some time of course.
Your eating habits

Your eating habits here are probably different from those at home, but also in this area
adapting is necessary. Of course it is always nice if you can cook some of the special meals
you know and like from home, but in a day-to-day life you need to adapt to the family’s
eating habits. If you really miss some things you can always ask if it is possible to buy them
from time to time. In the weekends you can either eat at home or eat elsewhere. Let your
family know beforehand if you want to join, so they know whether or not to count on you
for dinner. They might also have other plans, then you can cook something yourself.
Emotional dip
It’s good to be aware of the fact that many Au Pairs experience an emotional dip after they
have been in Holland for about 3 months. If this happens to you please try to stay positive,
meet with other Au Pairs and do nice things, go out! Maybe you miss your family and
friends at home (that’s absolutely normal!) but try to set up friendships here, live and enjoy
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your life here in Holland. This is why you came here in the first place right? ☺ Spending
hours on Skype with family and friends back home, might be all you long for at those
moments, but it will not make it any easier for you. Of course you can write and speak them
regularly but don’t lock yourself in at home and in your room. Enjoy the Netherlands and
your time here because it’s probably a once in a lifetime opportunity and a really great,
memorable experience!
3.6 Privacy & respect

Privacy & Respect
Although you are part of their family, you and the family also need time for yourself and to
have your own space. In order to keep that privacy, it is good to have “rules/ agreements”
from the first day you arrive at your host family’s home. So generally speaking it would be
good to agree together that after 19.30/20.00 and in weekends you generally take your
own time; you can go to your room or go out to do sports or meet friends. This does not
mean that you cannot be around the family or stick around longer to have dinner or a cup
of tea, but give them their space in the evenings and weekends, just like you need yours.
Again, this is a matter of communication. After some time of getting to know each other,
you will feel at home and you and your host parents will see how you feel about spending
time together, and how much privacy you all need. Don’t be afraid of them and don’t think
they don’t want you around but respect each other and each other’s needs.
Mutual respect
Try and be quiet (no loud talking or walking) during the time the children are put to bed and
are about to go to sleep. Also after 22.00 you should be quiet and if you come home late,
try and be as quiet as possible (depending on where your room is situated). There is
nothing more annoying to parents then waking up because one of the children woke up.
The host parents should also respect your privacy. Your room is your area and they should
not be coming in there and they should knock on your door or call you if they want to ask
you something. Also they can be as quiet as possible (with kids it’s sometimes hard to
control) when you are sleeping a bit longer in the weekend. If you take a friend home; ask
them if she can come over upfront and always introduce them to your host-parents first. If
you like a friend (female friend) to stay over for the night you can ask the host family if
they are okay with it, but do not overdo it and do not ask it for weekdays, only in the
weekend.
Facebook
Because of the fact that lives are all put on Facebook nowadays please be aware of the
privacy of the host family. Do not post information or pictures of the host family & kids
online without their consent! (Especially no addresses, surnames, bath pictures, or saying
they are on a holiday). Be aware that this can affect them and/or the kids. If you are not
sure always ask the host parents, what is okay and what is not. This is very important
because you are dealing with other people’s privacy. Also if there are issues between you
and the family, be very discrete in what you post on Facebook or any other social media.
Being on time
To Dutch people time is precious. Therefore people expect you to be on time.
For example when you have an appointment at 13:00, make sure you’ll be there exactly at
13:00. If you feel you will be a little late, people expect that you let them know
immediately, so it is always polite to call or write a text message/ WhatsApp to the person
that is waiting for you."
Organized/fast
The Dutch are also quite organised and fast in the way they do things. We have a fast
lifestyle and of course we expect the people around us to do the same. You might find it
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difficult at first but try and take up the same pace in doing things (household task next to
spending time with the kids for instance).
3.7 General household/household tasks
These are some general house rules most families apply, you find the specific House Rules
in their family routine.
• At night: double lock doors, close curtains, check stove, check heating, check back
door and check candles etc.
• Do not admit strangers to the house unless notified beforehand. In case of doubt:
call your family.
• Always introduce guests first, and ask beforehand if you like to have a girlfriend over
to sleep (only in weekends).
• No smoking in the house or in front of the children.
• You need to keep your own room clean an tidy.
• Be aware to blow out candles and turn off the lights, heating, music and TV when
you are leaving your room for the day or a weekend.
• Please be in before approximately 23.00 during the week and on Sunday evening,
just to have peace and quiet in the house for everyone. And more importantly, to
make sure that you’re always well rested for the next day when you are with the
kids.
• Please let the family know where you will be if you go out in the evenings or
weekends. Always let them know if you are sleeping somewhere else and where.
• Make sure you always have enough credit on the phone left to call or be called .
• You can eat/drink anything there is in the house but in normal proportions, also tell
them the things you like and be aware if you take the last milk or bread etc.
• Please always pay attention to expiration dates of food in the fridge, finish the things
in order of expiration date, don’t open several milk and yoghurt cartons at once etc.
• If basic things are finished, please write them down, tell your Hosts or buy them in
time. There will be a wallet with money for you to buy groceries, please keep the
receipt.
Around the household
You are a member of the family so even though your hours of taking care of the kids are
over, you still need to help out with cleaning the kitchen, table, etc. Also make sure if you
cook for yourself on the weekends that you clean up afterwards. It will be appreciated if you
do not wait until something is asked of you but try to be pro-active with things to do around
the house. Families need to have a cleaning person as well, the heavy cleaning is not your
job (mobbing, cleaning bathrooms, see conditions) but you are a part of the family and can
help out to keep the house clean and tidy together with the parents.
• Kitchen
Make sure you help clean the kitchen every day. Empty and fill the dishwasher. Clean up
the table, drinks, and food.
• Laundry
If it is asked to do the laundry and/ or fold and iron. Please be very careful with the
clothes. If you are not sure how to do it, ask how you should do it in detail. You will feel
guilty if a white shirt went pink or a woollen jersey of the dad turned into the size of his
son.
• Trashcan
Empty the trashcan in time (don’t wait until it is too full or for the parents to come
home).
• Vacuum cleaning
In living room once a week if asked, at least with a brim or Swiffer to keep things tidy.
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• Toilets
Keep them clean during the day if kids pee over " but also educate them, and make
sure enough toilet paper is in stock.
• Tidy up rooms + living
Keep rooms of the kids tidy and the living room tidy. Also keep toys tidied up; not
everything mixed. Do this together with the children, as they should learn that this is
part of playing.
• Old flowers / papers / glass
Throw away old flowers, separate old papers, plastic and glass for recycling and take it
away. The Dutch are very conscious with the environment.
• Garden
Tidy up toys; keep outside toys in shed and inside toys inside. Make sure this happens
after you have been outside playing with the kids, because the weather can change
instantly.
• Appliances
Make sure you are very careful and neat with all the appliances you use in the household
(even pans); it is expensive to keep a household, so treat things with care.
• Your own room
You are responsible to keep your own room tidy and clean, also take dirty dishes to the
kitchen in time ☺ and make sure the shower/bathroom you use will be kept reasonably
clean (hair).
Please be aware that cleaning your OWN room is not an extra work you should be
counting as extra hours. It should be natural and understandable for you to keep it tidy.
You are also responsible to do your own laundry although it can be asked (economical
reasons) to do it together with the rest of the laundry.
3.8 Babysitting
Here are a few tips about babysitting and how to deal with this issue with your hosts. HBN
will inform the hosts well about this subject as well, but do not be afraid to involve us when
you feel things get out of balance or your family does not respect your time schedule.
General rules
• Maximum 3 times of babysitting per week
• One weekend per month should be totally off from Friday 20.00 until Sunday 24.00.
The hosts need to give you at least ONE free full weekend per month. This means
they can ask you to babysit on the other weekends of the month.
• Babysitting hours are part of the 30 hour schedule, and should always be discussed
and in consensus with you.
• Babysitting hours are counted until 23.00 (unless a baby need to be fed or your
room is outside of the house and you need to stay in the house).
• You are not an employee; so please do not act as one! As an Au Pair you are a part
of their family and this means it is not so clear what is work and what’s not.
• You are not allowed to perform paid activities outside of your Au Pair activities.
Practical life
Your hosts will always try to ask you in advance when they will need you to babysit.
Therefore HBN will give you our HBN Calendar, for you to use together. Preferably it should
be placed in the kitchen. The calendar is designed to serve as an extra communication tool
between the Au Pair and the host family. It is still important to verbally discuss, but the
calendar is an extra help. For instance, if the family wants you to babysit they can write
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your name on the desired day with a question mark, so you can confirm on the calendar
with a “yes” or a curl.
If you would like to plan a weekend away, a holiday or you have an important party, dinner
or birthday you can write this down in the calendar as well, so the family can take this into
account.
Flexibility is highly appreciated, but this certainly does not mean you need to be stand-by
24/7. The family may never act dependent on your presence. Be reasonably spontaneous.
Initially trust in the fact that your Host Family will not deliberately take advantage of you,
but if you feel they do not respect the schedule and there is no balance anymore, you might
want to check by approximately counting the hours. But do not count them like: “this week
I worked 30.5 hours” because it is not the way of dealing with it. Also do not add the
time/hours that you spend with the family or when having dinner or cooking with them, this
is also being part of a family.
If you do have the general feeling (for some weeks) that you are working more hours, you
need to tell them immediately. Only by communicating things can be clarified and brought
to their attention. Talk with them, so they can do something about it. Communication is the
key of success!
If you still have the feeling the time schedule is not being respected by your host family,
please contact HBN immediately. We will be there for you and we will always talk to you to
advice you first and keep it confidential. In deliberation with you we are also able to contact
your host family to point out the rules of the Au Pair program and schedule again.
4. Kids Care
When you are with the kids, you have the full responsibility and this is a big responsibility. I
am sure you are aware of it but please take all these next points of advice in serious
consideration.
4.1 In general
First month
The first weeks will be the most difficult ones because the kids need to get used to you, get
to know you and you need to get to know them. Remember to approach them positively and
not to get insecure if they reject or ignore you, because they are kids and their reactions
can be unconcerned. Be patient with the children, show your interest, stay enthusiastic and
show energy because they also need to get used to you and feel that they can trust you.
Caring
There will be a schedule (in family routine document) about what every kid needs on a day,
if not, please ask them. Make sure times for eating and drinking are more or less fixed.
Next to fixed times for lunch and dinner, also do this with drinks and cookies in between,
like after school or a nap. If you take it into your own hands, you avoid that the kids keep
asking you for cookies or drinks or whatever. You should be consistent and have planned
moments for drinks and food on the table. Taking (very good) care of them is the most
important thing and should be your priority at all times. Always tell parents if something
(good or bad) has happened, whether it is your fault or not. If in doubt, always call us to tell
or ask us something. If you think it is necessary, call the alarm-number (112), doctor or
hospital and the parents immediately.
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If you want to do something with the children (e.g. swimming, going to the beach) that is
not in line with the ordinary course of things, please ask the family beforehand.
Entertainment
Play with them and encourage them to play with different things. Reading a story, doing
puzzles; drawing, painting, crafting and playing with dough are great things to really do
together, next to singing, dancing, dressing up and building a tent. Although you don't
always need to play with them all the time, initiating something is very important. Start the
first 5 minutes together and then let the kids play by themselves for a while. Initiating
something is very important, as kids cannot always think of something to do, so you need
to help them. They should also learn to do that. In this way, you can do some household
chores. Always make sure that you tidy up something together with them before they take
out something else to play with. Please go outside with the children at least once a day
(also if it’s rainy or cold) at least for an hour; to a playground, children’s farm, in the
garden, for groceries or to the woods, beach or anything. It is good for them and they can
use up their energy.
Set fixed moments when they can watch television, you decide, not the kids! Never allow
them to watch more than one movie or other programs for half an hour a day. It also
depends on the family's routine, but good moments for TV are while you’re cooking or after
dinner.
Please be loving, funny, creative and enthusiastic to the children, and try to teach them all
kinds of things (English, Spanish/Portuguese words, sentences or songs, dances, games,
things about nature, the world, etc.). Try to teach them new things, be creative (drawing,
puzzles, music, read books, games, etc.). Let the family know if you need materials for that
or if you have any other ideas.
Language
Kids do not always speak English. They are really flexible and fast learners. Of course they
need to get used to the fact that the communication with you is not easy and that they need
to be a little bit more inventive (a lot of showing and explaining). This can also be fun for
them, but they can get a little bit impatient. That will soon get better if you stay positive
and be inventive too. Our advice is; keep talking/communicating with them, in any
language, even if the kids are young or babies, it is really important to talk to them all the
time. They need to get used to it and they learn from it. Also they always understand more
than you think.
Also for you; being with kids is a great way to learn a language, because they use simple
words and they are used to express themselves in other ways and to use non-verbal
communication. Don’t be afraid to speak, they will understand and even correct you. Try
and pick up the basics quickly, because if you know the simple words, this gives the kids a
trustworthy feeling and make them confidant speaking another language too.
Pick up and bring to school

In The Netherlands, schools may work different from what you’re used to. Always make
sure to be there 10 minutes before the school starts. The school and parents will not at all
be pleased with you being late and the parents will get a remark later. When picking up the
children, also be 5 or 10 minutes early. Be there before the school day ends because the
children will feel abandoned if he/she will be the last one to be picked up.
Play dates
Make sure that you make clear arrangement with the mother/father or Au Pair of the child
that is coming to play or where your child is going to play. Make sure you have name and
phone number and it is clear at what time who will pick up the child again. Unwritten rule is
that if possible you pick up the child when it plays somewhere else.
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4.2 Security
Distractions
It is fine and also nice if you meet with other Au Pairs while taking care of the kids, it can be
fun for the kids for them to play together. But always keep in mind that you are there to
watch over the kids and to take care of them. You always need to keep an eye on them,
outside and inside, so don’t forget that. Talking can make you forget that, so be keen on
that. Also be keen on not using your phone or social media when you are with the kids. Also
be aware that nowadays your phone (with all options of Facebook, text, WhatsApp) can
really be distracting so make sure you only use your phone when needed and not for your
own entertainment when you are with the kids. When you are with the kids you spend this
time playing with the kids or, in case they are playing by themselves, to do little household
chores.
Security
You have the responsibility for someone else’s children. This is a huge responsibility! But if
you take a couple of basic rules and live up to them, you’ll be fine:
• Never leave children alone or out of your sight!
• In the bath you cannot leave them for one second, not even turn around or look
away, because next to drowning they can also put on the hot tube and hot water
runs in.
• Do not drink hot drinks/tea/matte with the children around. This is accident number
1! If you do drink it, be very, very careful; don’t ever leave a cup of tea where kids
can grab it. Even if you put it on the table, the smallest child can reach for it. Also be
careful with other hot drinks and boiling water in the kitchen.
• With small children be careful with: sharp materials (even normal knifes) and table
corners, small things (cause they can put it in their mouths), electricity/plugs,
• small pieces of food cause they can chock (so always CUT grapes, cherry tomatoes
etc. into little pieces).
• Babies: do not leave them on changing cushion or on beds or other high places.
• Always hold hands while crossing streets (with small children also on the sidewalk),
teach them to look to the left and then to the right, and left again.
• Be careful on the stairs, always tell kids to hold the handle bar, if they are too small
they should sit and if you hold a baby always hold the handle bar yourself. Avoid
going up and down the stairs with socks on your feet when there is no carpet (also
the kids).
• For kids under 3 years always close the fence to the stairs!
• Be careful with dangerous liquids, especially with young kinds under 5.
• Be aware of open windows, front doors, gates; so that no accidents can happen
• Ask your host parents where the first aid box is. Have all important phone numbers
by hand in case of an emergency (numbers of parents, grandparents, general
practitioner, and emergency). You received the A4 paper - Important Information
Document - from your hosts.
• If you have a herpes infection or you know you are carrying it, do not hug kiss kids if
you feel the infection on your lip. Inform your hosts of it, cover it, and wash your
hands every time after touching. It is highly contagious and especially for babies
under 1 year old this can be very dangerous cause they can get Meningitis from it.
Safety
• Never ever leave the children on their own, in- or outside the house (not even for 1
minute) and certainly not in the bath.
• Please be very, very careful with the children on the street! Always hold their hands
when crossing the street. Make them look left – right – left before they cross the
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street. Please also be careful in public parks and playgrounds and watch the children
closely at all times. Be aware that cars (may) come from a different direction.
• While in charge of the children please concentrate on them (no phoning,
Facebooking, texting, meeting with friends, etcetera...
• If the children want to play at a friend’s house or want to bring a friend, always note
the phone number and address of the mother/father and make sure you have clear
agreements of picking up /bringing and at what time.
4.3 Parenting/Education
You’re not only a play-date, but you also have to educate the kids in the same manner the
parents do. You have to win their trust. So you need to praise them when they are doing
something well and give them positive feedback. Kids are so easy to love, they give and
receive love easily if they feel they can trust you.
Boundaries
You need to become a friend of the kids, but especially in the first weeks they will also test
you and see how far they can go. So be really clear about where your boundaries are
and be consistent. No =no and stays no! If kids figure out that they can persuade you by
whining and keeping this up, they will be taught that whining helps, and will do so the next
time. You do also have to be strict with kids; otherwise they will take advantage of you.
More importantly; if the kids feel uncontrolled by you because they don’t have any
boundaries, they don’t feel safe. You need to start doing this from the first moment on: kids
need to feel that you are in control or else they feel lost. So creating boundaries and being
strict is not a bad thing, they need to know their limits. A good tip is to go to the child and
to tell them to look you in the eye. You don’t have to raise your voice but just go to them
and get down to be on the same height, look them in the eye, hold their wrist softly and tell
them you don’t like how they behave. Tell them that you don’t want to them to do it again
and explain why. Also tell them that they need to apologize when necessary.
Ask the parents how they punish their kids (for example by putting them in the naughty
corner, stairs) and when they need to go there and how, because this can be your second
option if the first really does not work. Never shout at the children or use any kind of
physical violence. Do NOT hit or slap children, not ever!
Basics
• Parents try to raise the children to be polite. Make them say “please” (alsjeblieft)
when they ask for something or “thank you” (dankjewel), or “may I” (mag ik).
• Also teach them to tidy up toys before starting something else. Help them a bit by
guiding them.
• Drinks and food at the table: They can’t leave the table as long as they’re eating/
drinking. They have to ask you if they can leave the table.
• No running around with food or drinks.
• Maximum amount of cookies/ lemonade a day.
• Eat the crusts of the bread.
• They should hang their coats, close doors, and put shoes in the hall.
• Make them wash their hands after the toilet and before eating.
• Do not spoil them. No more sweets than allowed, no presents if there’s no reason.
And do not give them candy to keep them quiet.
Ten tips for a positive and loving relationship:
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1. Listen & give your full attention
If the child wants to show you something, just stop what you were doing, and give the child
your full attention. It is important to often be together for short periods of time and do
things you both enjoy.
2. Physical contact
Often show the child that you love him/her by making physical contact. Children usually like
to be cuddled or hold hands.
3. Talk with each other

Talk to the child about things that he/she is interested in, and also tell him/her about the
stuff you did today.
4. Praise the child adequately.

If he or she does something you would like to see again, say something like “How nice of
you to do immediately as I asked you to!” Positive attention and encouragement by
complimenting motivates children to learn new things and to develop themselves. If the
child approaches you give it all your attention and take a moment of quality time.
5. Create a safe and fun environment

It makes sense that children can be annoying when they are bored. Make sure you have
enough stuff and activities to play with inside as well as outside. For example, dough (of
bread) crayons and coloring books, cardboard boxes, costumes to dress up, a hut or tent to
play in, etc. Make sure kids have a safe and secure environment. Children who can play
freely are less bored and are less likely to develop behavioral problems. When you create a
safe environment for children you don’t have to say no all the time.
6. Learn the child new abilities

By showing new things to him/her, and then giving the child the opportunity to try for him-
/herself. For example, speak politely to one another at home, and stimulate the child to do
the same by encouraging it to say “please” and “thank you”, and acknowledge and
compliment them when they try to do the same.
7. Stick to your boundaries

Make it absolutely clear that there are boundaries to what you accept from a child. Take the
time to sit down and discuss the house rules with the children, and make it clear that there
can be consequences if the house rules are not obeyed, and also what those consequences
will be.
8. Give clear positive instructions

If children do not obey, or are naughty, stay calm and give a clear instruction of the kind of
behavior that needs to stop and the kind of behavior you do want. Clear instructions and a
quick response are important when children are misbehaving. For example; “Stop fighting
and play nicely together!” Do compliment them if they do so. If however the fighting
continues, give them the consequence (which of course should be within the right
proportions).
9. Be realistic in your expectations

All kids are unruly or naughty from time to time, and it will occur that keeping discipline will
be a problem. Every child is unique and develops in its own way. A child doesn’t have to be
perfect; every child makes mistakes and usually doesn’t do so on purpose.
10. Be nice to yourself and take good care of yourself.

It is hard to be a calm and relaxed Au Pair if you’re tense, or worried, or depressed. Try to
find and make time for yourself at least every week to relax, or to do things for yourself
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that you enjoy doing.
4.4 Taking care of babies & toddlers

PREVENTING ACCIDENTS
Babies are completely dependent on you when it comes to their safety. Here’s what you can
do to keep them safe.
Prevent babies from falling

Babies soon learn to wriggle and kick. It’s not long before they can roll over, which means
that they can roll off beds and changing tables. Once they learn how to crawl, babies might
try to climb onto things such as sofas, which increases the risk of falling. Here are some
things that you can do:
# Change your baby’s nappy on a changing mat on the floor.

# Don’t leave your baby unattended on a bed, sofa or changing table; not even for a
second, as they can roll off.
# Don’t place a bouncing cradle or baby car seat on a table or kitchen counter as their
wriggling could tip it over the edge.
# Hold on to the handrail when carrying your baby up and down the stairs in case you trip.
# Watch where you place your feet while carrying your baby. It’s easy to trip over
something such as a toy.
# Use a five-point harness to secure your baby in a highchair.
When your baby can crawl:
# Fit safety gates at the top and bottom of the stairs to stop a baby from climbing stairs or
falling down. Close the gates properly every time.
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# If the gaps between banisters or balcony railings are more than 6.5cm (2.5 inches) wide,
cover them with boards or safety nets. Small babies may be able to squeeze their bodies
through, but not their heads.
# Keep low furniture away from windows. Have windows fitted with locks or safety
catches that restrict the opening to less than 6.5cm (2.5 inches) to prevent babies from
climbing out. Make sure adults know where the keys are kept in case of a fire.
# Don’t allow your baby to use a baby walker. They’re dangerous and can cause serious
accidents.
# Remove cot toys and cot bumpers as a baby can climb upon them and may fall out of the
cot.
Preventing baby burns and scalds

A baby’s skin is much thinner than that of an adult and therefore gets burned more easily.
This means you need to take extra care during bathing time.
# Babies might want to grab brightly coloured objects, such as a mug. If you’re having a
hot drink, put it away before you hold your baby. Always place it as high and far as
possible so the baby cannot reach it.
# After warming a bottle of milk, shake the bottle well and test the temperature of the milk
by placing a few drops on the inside of your wrist before feeding. It should feel
lukewarm, not hot.
Preventing a baby from choking or suffocating

Babies can choke very easily, even when drinking milk. They are tempted to put small
objects in their mouths that could cause choking, even - or especially - when they’re quite
young.
# If you give your baby a bottle, always hold the bottle and your baby while feeding.
# Keep your baby out of reach of small objects, such as buttons, coins and small toy parts.
# Once your baby has started eating solid food, always cut it up into small pieces. Babies
can choke on something as small as a grape.
# Don’t use pillows or duvets with babies under the age of 1 as they can suffocate if their
face gets smothered. They won’t be able to push the duvet away.
Avoiding baby strangulation

Don’t tie a dummy to your baby’s clothes as the tie or ribbon could strangle them.
Prevent drowning
Babies can drown in as little as 5cm (two inches) of water. Drowning is silent so you won’t
necessarily hear any noise or struggle.
# Stay with your baby at all times when they’re in the bathtub. Never leave them for a
moment, even if there’s an older brother or sister in the bath with them.
# If you use a bath seat, remember that it’s not a safety device. You still need to stay with
your baby all the time.
Prevent poisoning
# Keep all medicines locked away or high up out of reach and sight.
# Keep cleaning products high up out of reach. If this isn’t possible, fit safety catches to
low cupboard doors. Choose cleaning products that contain a bittering agent. This makes
them taste nasty, so children are less likely to swallow them.
# Make sure bottle tops and lids are always firmly closed when not in use.
Keep your little one safe by knowing which hazards and accidents to look out for and which
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baby proof measures you can take to make your baby’s environment safer.
When you have a small person running – or crawling – around the house, it opens up the
possibility of a range of accidents. Of course it’s something that’s hard to avoid when you
have a curious toddler desperate to explore the world, but you can take steps to prevent
accidents and be prepared if something happens. But what should you look out for?
Where do accidents happen?
The largest number of accidents happens in the living or dining room, but the most serious
accidents happen in the kitchen and on the stairs. ‘Every year more than 67,000 children
experience an accident in the kitchen and 43,000 of these are aged under four,’ says Sheila
Merrill, public health adviser at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA).
Who’s most at risk?

Children under the age of four years old have the most accidents at home and boys are
more likely to have accidents than girls. Older children are more likely to sustain fractures
than their younger counterparts. Younger children have a higher percentage of burns and
scalds as well as poisoning and ingestion accidents.
Why do children have accidents?

Often, children are absorbed in their own immediate interests and can be oblivious to their
surroundings. ‘They only have a limited perception of the environment because of their lack
of experience or development,’ says Sheila. ‘They are not aware of the consequences of the
many new situations that they encounter. Plus, being small, inquisitive and having a
tendency to show off or over-reach, makes them more likely to put themselves at risk.’
Falling
Falls are by far the most common causes of accidents inside the home and account for 44
per cent of all children’s accidents. ‘Most falls involve tripping over on the same level but
the most serious consequences result from falls between two levels, such as falling out of a
pram or highchair or falling from a bed or down the stairs,’ says Sheila.
Make sure you fit a safety gate at the top and bottom of stairs and ensure any damaged or
worn carpet is repaired or removed to avoid tripping hazards. Likewise, don’t leave items on
the stairs as they could be stepped upon, resulting in a fall for anyone. ‘To avoid dangers
near open windows, avoid putting anything under the windowsill that can provide a step up
for children,’ says Sheila.
Scalds and burns

Hot drinks cause most scalds to children under the age of five. ‘A child’s skin is much more
sensitive than an adult’s and a hot drink can still scald a child 15 minutes after being made,’
says Sheila. ‘Never hold a hot drink and a child at the same time and put hot drinks out of
reach and away from the edges of tables and worktops.’
A hot drink can still scald a child 15 minutes after being prepared
Hot bath water is responsible for the highest number of fatal and severe scalding injuries
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among young children, so when running a bath, turn the cold water on first and always test
the water temperature with your elbow before letting a child get into the bath or shower.
‘Many scald accidents happen when a child gets into the bath before it’s ready, plays with
the hot tap when they're in the bath or leans over to pick out a toy and falls in,’ says Sheila.
Staying with your child all the time when they’re in the bath means you can keep them safe
and also share some quality time.
Children can also suffer burns after contact with open fires, a cooker, irons, curling tongs
and hair straighteners, cigarettes, matches and cigarette lighters so keep them out of reach
of children, even when they’re cooling down.
Keep small children out of the kitchen whenever possible and use rear hotplates when
possible with the panhandles turned away from the front of the cooker so they can’t be
grabbed and pulled down on top of your child.
Use rear hotplates when possible with the panhandles turned away from the front of the
cooker
Glass-related accidents
The increased use of glass in the home has led to more glass-related accidents. This could
be glass coffee tables, glass-fronted cabinets and patio doors. ‘When buying furniture which
incorporates glass, look for BS kite marks which show that it’s specially reinforced and
always clear up broken glass quickly and dispose of it safely,’ says Sheila.
Poisoning
Most poisoning accidents involve medicines, household products and cosmetics. Some
poisoning agents can cause breathing difficulties so always seek medical attention
immediately. ‘Make sure you keep medicines and chemicals out of sight and reach of
children, preferably in a locked cupboard,’ says Sheila. This is particularly the case in under-
the-sink cupboards, as they tend to contain potentially dangerous cleaning products and are
at the perfect height for an inquisitive toddler. Be careful of laundry and dishwasher
liquitabs. To a young child, they look like brightly coloured sweets – despite them being
particularly toxic – and the number of children who have accidentally eaten them has
increased in the last few years.
Keep medicines and chemicals out of sight and reach of children, preferably in a locked
cupboard
Watch out for plants, as children will love to pull off leaves, flowers and berries, so keep any
with poisonous leaves or berries or those that can
irritate the skin such as hydrangea, cyclamen and lilies out of reach of your child.
Suffocating and choking

Children can swallow, inhale or choke on items such as small toys, peanuts and marbles.
Keep nappy sacks, which are used to dispose of soiled nappies, well out of reach, too.
Unlike many supermarket and shopping bags, they don’t have holes in them
(understandably) so can pose a suffocation risk if children pull them over their head.
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‘They’re also made of a flimsier material and don’t rustle in the same way meaning they’re
easily grasped and breathed in by young toddlers without parents realising,’ says Sheila.
Babies and small children are most at risk from choking because they examine things
around them by putting them in their mouths, so choose toys that are suitable for the age
of your child – those with small parts can pose a choking risk.
Keep animals, especially cats, out of the bedroom and use a net on a pram. No matter how
loving your pet is, it can pose a suffocation risk if it decides to lie across your newborn.
Choose toys that are suitable for the age of your child – those with small parts can pose a
choking risk
Strangulation and blind cords

Looped cords such as blind cords and chains can pose a risk to small children. Cords should
be kept out of the reach of children, or even better, install blinds that do not have cords.
‘Research indicates that most accidental deaths involving blind cords happen in the bedroom
and occur in children between 16 and 36 months old,’ says Sheila. ‘These toddlers are
mobile, but their heads still weigh proportionately more than their bodies compared to
adults and their muscular control is not yet fully developed, which makes them more prone
to be unable to free themselves if they become entangled.’
To reduce risks, don’t hang drawstring bags where a small child could get their head
through the loop of the drawstring. Do not place your child’s cot, bed, playpen or highchair
near a window and any pull cords on curtains and blinds throughout the house should be
kept short and out of reach using cleats, cord tidies, clips or ties.
Do not place your child’s cot, bed, playpen or highchair near a window
An amendment to blind cord legislation came into force in February 2014 and requires that
all blinds must be “safe by design” or be supplied with an appropriate child safety device.
This means that where there is a loop that is present, or could be created, a safety device
must be installed at the point of the manufacture. They have also imposed a maximum cord
and chain length.
Drowning
Children can drown in less than 3cm of water so they should always be under constant
supervision when in or near any water. ‘Never leave your child in the bath unsupervised,
even for a moment and even if he or she has an older sibling to watch them,’ says Sheila.
Don’t leave uncovered bowls or buckets of water around the home and paddling pools
should be emptied and stored away when not in use. If you have a garden pond, it should
be securely fenced off and take special care when visiting other people’s gardens.
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5. Practical Information
5.1 Safety
The Netherlands is a pretty save country. However, we do advice you to be careful with
your belongings and your safety. At night you can bike anywhere, although it is better to
bike in a group of 2 or more than on your own. And always remember to have bicycle lights!
If you use public transport always check before when the latest bus or train goes back to
your home. A cab is pretty expensive!
Inform your host parents when you are going to sleep over or if you’re later than normal so
they don’t have to worry.
Documents
Keep your documents safe; make copies (or pictures on your email) of important
documents so you’ll always have a copy available. Take your residence permit card with you
in your wallet, but take only a copy with you of your passport. In the Netherlands you are
obliged to carry identification. You can make copies in almost every big supermarket for
only 5 cents a page. If you travel in Europe, always bring your Permit Card!!! If you do not
have your residence card yet bring a copy of your passport and visa stamp and leave your
passport at home.
Belongings
Take good care of your bag and belongings in public transport, shops, cafés, at night in bars
and discos, especially in busy cities. Keep your bag on your arm so they cannot take it. If
you go out to eat or drink you must keep your eyes on your purse, phone, wallet and other
important stuff. Also watch your drinks carefully when in a bar, take it with you when you
go to the toilet, someone might want to put drugs in there.
Make sure there is a spare key of your bike, and never leave your bike unlocked. And pay
attention to the stuff the family gave you to use. If you break something or lose something,
please make sure you replace/fix them right away. You are insured, so always check with
your insurance company.
Traffic
Read the bike rules very well and practise biking with one of the host-parents first. Take it
very seriously as you are part of the traffic in the Netherlands. Do not be afraid but
practice!
Please read section 5.5 about transportation carefully.
Drugs and alcohol

No heavy alcohol use and no drugs allowed!
As you know you are living with a family, a family who host you in their homes which means
you need to respect their family lifestyle and also adapt to this family lifestyle. A family
lifestyle with young children is a more balanced lifestyle with a normal day-rhythm. During
the day you work or do activities and at night you sleep. Next to this you are taking care of
these families most valuables, their children. So you need to be in good shape and with
good energy to take good care of them and you also need this to be able to enjoy this.
Cause if you are too tired and live for the nightlife than there is no way you can enjoy your
time during the day with children, you simply do not have energy for it. This program is of
course also for your own development: the development in learning a new culture and
language, but definitely also for your own personal development and growth. Of course you
can have fun and have a night out sometimes. You are young and it is fine to have a glass
of wine or dance a night in a club but it should not control or drive or be your life here. If
you like going out, this should take a balanced part in your life as an au pair here. It is for
24
your personal growth and development to take your own responsibility in what are the
decent boundaries.
If you want to party every weekend or more, with or without taking any kind of drugs, you
have joined the wrong program. If you want that life you should have opted for the
exchange student program. The Netherlands is a fantastic place to study, party and drink
alcohol and use drugs. But the Dutch Au pair Program, and HBN do not accept that lifestyle
within our program and for our families and their children. HBN and your Host Family are
responsible for your wellbeing here and that you behave in a decent manner and according
to the Dutch law.
Also you need to be aware of the fact that you also set an example for other girls who also
would like to join this Au Pair program. Your behavior has an effect on their expectations of
the program and also will have an effect on new Host Families that may not want to choose
to continue with this program or girls from your country.
Health:
In the first month but also in the winter months make sure you get enough sleep, get
enough outside air (cause that will keep you fit) and maybe take some extra vitamin C and
D. Make sure you keep a healthy lifestyle. If you have a serious infection or you think you
are not well discuss this with your Hosts. A herpes infection or impetigo is highly contagious
so consult the host parents and be very careful around the children.
Doctors visit
In the Netherlands we do not go to the doctor just when having a minor flu. You can get
some painkillers (like Ibuprofen or Paracetamol) at the pharmacy store, but please be aware
those are not insured (but also not expensive). When you have a serious health problem,
then of course you need to go to the doctor. Don't be afraid to tell your host family, you are
under their responsibility and they need to know if you have a health issue/problem. When
you are sick you first need to call the family’s doctor (general practitioner) and make an
appointment for a visit. In very severe situations, or in case of an accident, you can call 112
and go to the hospital. But of course, if it’s possible, always try to reach your host parents
first.
5.2 Insurance
Insurance
In most cases you are insured with the ISIS Au Pair insurance via the company called Joho
Insurances (some families choose for another insurance company). You are insured for
health care, repatriation, emergencies, and also for other damage you cause or that is done
to you during your stay from the moment you have left your country of origin. If you have
any questions about the insurance, if you want to know if something is covered by your
insurance policy or if you have a claim please contact [email protected]
In most cases you have to pay for treatment beforehand, and afterwards you can ask the
money back by sending in your declaration. When in doubt, call JoHo insurances first.
When sending a declaration, you need to mention your insurance number. You can ask your
Hosts for your Insurance Number. They have your “Policy” information, which they have
received from Joho Company via email.
Besides Au Pair insurance your host family will also have to help you to apply for the regular
Dutch basic health insurance: “basiszorgverzekering”. Once you have received your
25
BSN/social security number after your registration at the city hall, and when you have
opened your own bank account, you will be able to do that. Please discuss it carefully with
your host parents. This insurance will most probably have to be paid from your own
account: it is possible to receive a governmental reimbursement “zorgtoeslag”” for it – but
only if it is registered on your own name. You and your host family need to realize that. Of
course we also inform them about it but it is good to know how this works to avoid any
financial issues during the year. Please discuss it and find a solution together. If your host
parents decide to put extra money on your account so the basic health insurance will be
paid from there, be very careful NOT to spend this money. Otherwise you could get some
serious financial problems!!!
5.3 Courses
Part of the HBN Au Pair program is that the host family offers you a course. This is because
the Au Pair needs the opportunity to learn, develop more skills, and get to know the Dutch
culture. What kind of course is offered is determined after mutual consent. It can be a
course of the Dutch or English language, a communication course or even a cooking course.
First Aid Course

HBN finds it important that her Au Pairs do a first aid course focused on children. Because
Au Pairs are not qualified nannies it is of the utmost importance that they know how to
handle a life-threatening situation safely. Within three months after arrival a group of new
Au Pairs will be invited to the office of HBN where two doctors will give them this course,
after which they will receive a certificate. The course is given in English, but parents are
also welcome to participate. You can find the dates of the upcoming courses on the news
page.
Language course:
In the Netherlands there are several English and Dutch language courses available. You can
choose and pick one yourself or come to HBN for advice. You can also choose to do a
different language course, if that’s more suiting for you.
Training Communication and taking initiative:

HBN developed training in cooperation with two applied psychology students, especially for
the Au Pair program. Experience has taught us that good communication is the base of and
the key to a successful Au Pair year. Partially because of the cultural differences extra
guidance is a plus. That’s why we advise every host family and Au Pair to take part in this
training
Other courses:
A cooking course is also a nice option for the Au Pair to get familiar with the Dutch culture.
When someone already speaks Dutch for example, this might me a nice addition to your
learning experience in the Netherlands.
Extra coaching
If an Au Pair needs a bit more coaching during her stay, we offer extra coaching. Ask HBN
for the possibilities.
5.4 HBN events

Every year HBN organizes three great events for all HBN au pairs.
26
Ice skating event: this event will be held in the beginning of March. In March we all meet at
the ice skating rink in Haarlem (close to Amsterdam) where all au pairs can join an ice
skating clinic. Combined with hot coco, erwtensoup and snacks this day is a great
opportunity to get more acquainted with this part of Dutch culture.
Beach event: in the beginning of July we all meet at a beach club (this event is held in
cooperation with other BONAPA au pair agencies, so an even bigger chance to meet other
girls). On this day you can join several activities, such as beach volleyball, yoga or surfing.
Boat event: last but not least is the event held at the end of September. On this day we
gather in Amsterdam to join a boat ride through the canals.
These events are a lot of fun and always have a great turnout. Besides offering a fun
“Dutch” day, these events also let you meet many other au pairs!
The exact dates will be communicated through e-mail and on our Facebook page.
5.5 Phone
Your host family will give you a phone you can use with (probably) a prepaid balance on it.
Make sure that you use it carefully. The amount on the card can be spent quickly and you’ll
probably need it for a while. If you want to call your family in your home country, be aware
that this probably costs a lot (Euros a minute). It would be wise to call your family through
a WIFI connection; through Skype for instance.
5.6 Transportation
Public transportation
The public transportation in the Netherlands is pretty well arranged. We have busses, trains,
metros, trams, taxis and rental bikes and cars. You can use these from about 06:00 to
01:00 approximately. If you have to go somewhere the best tip is to use 9292 OV
(http://9292.nl/en). This is a website that shows you how to get from point A to B step by
step. You can make a printed planning of all the steps you’ll need to take. But you can also
download the app on your phone if you have internet. A true recommendation!
Biking
The Dutch are famous for their biking; there are more bikes than inhabitants in the
Netherlands. It’s the main transportation for short distances, so you’ll definitely need to
practice a lot to be able to ride a bike well and even with children’s seats or on a bakfiets
(bike with front seat for more kids). If you do not feel comfortable yet on a bike, really
practice a lot cause you will need to do it for a whole year!!!
You need to learn the traffic rules, biking in the Netherlands is different from elsewhere.
Bikes in the Netherlands are really part of the traffic, so it is important to learn the traffic
rules and also practice a lot in the Dutch traffic.
Ask you host parents to explain these rules to you in the first week while biking. You also
need to learn how to ride with small children.
TRAFFIC RULES
Learn these rules by heart, practice with your hosts and make sure you
are secure in traffic; for your and your host kids’ safety. This is so
important!!
- Cycling paths are marked with rectangular blue signs, marked “fietspad” or a round blue
sign with a picture of a bike on it. Cyclist must be on the cycling paths if there is one. Where
there’s no cycling path, cyclist should be on the road along with the cars.
27
- Always sign with your arms to left or right for direction. Other cyclists or cars need to
know which way you’re going.
- Main rule in Dutch traffic: if you come from the right, you have priority. Only when you
see the road sign or ‘haaientanden’ (shark teeth: white triangles on the road) you don’t
have priority. In both situations, be very careful and always check twice.
- If someone comes from your right, they have priority.
- Voorsorteren: if there is a bike sign on the street in front of a traffic light, you need to go
with your bike in front of the cars. If you want to go left you wait until the traffic lights are
green and you hold your arm to the left so the cars will give you priority.
- When biking with (small) children, always keep them on your right side.
28
Bicycle lights
Approved lights on the front and back are compulsory at night. The front light should be
white or yellow and the back light red. Police officers check up on cyclists often, if you don’t
have lights on your bike you will get a fine. You can buy the lights at Hema, Action or
sometimes even at a supermarket. If you find out the lights aren’t working, you should walk
alongside your bike on the pavement. Please read the section about traffic rules in your
HBN News leaflet carefully.
Driving a car
If you’re from a EU country, you can drive in the Netherlands with your valid foreign driver’s
license during your Au Pair year. If you’re from a non-EU country your driver’s license is
valid 185 days (half a year) after you subscribe at the city hall. You don't need an
international driver’s license, as it is no extra value in the Netherlands. You do need a
separate driving insurance. Your host family is responsible for getting this insurance, but
please check this with them.
5.7 other info / checklist

Weather land means that weather and temperatures
The weather in the Netherlands is very can change quickly without warning. A lot
uncertain. The flatness of mountain free of Au Pairs from more tropical countries
29
find it difficult to adjust to the (standard)
temperature in the house. It’s a good idea
to bring or buy warm sweaters and shoes.
Prevent wearing a coat inside, your body
will get used to the changed climate and
colder temperatures, you just need to get
through this, it will not kill you or make you
ill ;-). A good tip is to also wear socks in
the house, not flip-flops, because this will
warm your body more.
Heating
Please be aware not to turn on the heating when that isn’t necessary.
The Dutch are very conscious with energy. Running a household cost a lot of money so you
should adapt to this and also be conscious when using energy (heating, lights, water). If
you are too cold in the winter, discuss it with your host parents first; do not change
temperatures on the heating system yourself. And wear a nice warm sweater!
Food habits
The Dutch food habits can differ a lot from the meals you are used to back home. Not only
what we eat is different, but also how it’s offered and how much. In some countries the
table is full of food and people are known for their great hospitality towards guests. In the
Netherlands we are used to measuring the exact amount and only invite guest for coffee or
on a special occasion. Your plate will be filled with the amount you’re expected to eat. Of
course it is not someone’s intention that you walk around feeling hungry! So if you really
feel hungry after the evening meal, you could mention it in a delicate way or ask if it’s
possible to take some extra fruit afterwards. But please keep in mind, this is also something
you and your body need to get used to: different hours and a different time schedule for
eating meals and different kind of food. Dutch eat bread for their lunch. You will need to
learn to eat it as well, instead of e.g. extensive meals with meat and salads. If you miss
something really bad, suggest cooking your meal for the family or ask if they don’t mind if
you will cook for yourself from time to time. For some nationalities cooking and food are a
very important part of their culture and your host family should also understand and respect
that. Just don’t let it overshadow your experience and try to learn to eat new things. This is
also a part of the “Cultural Exchange” and you being an Au Pair!
A typical Dutch breakfast is anything between yoghurt or milk with cereals, ‘ontbijtkoek’,
bread with butter and jam / meat / cheese / peanut butter etc. We drink milk, coffee or tea
with it, or orange juice and fruits. In the weekend we have boiled eggs, croissants or nice
rolls (bolletjes). For lunch we normally eat bread with butter / cheese / meat / jam / peanut
butter etc. So hot meals aren’t very common. In café’s and restaurants you can buy a
simple sandwich and they also serve hot meals like: tosti (fried bread with ham and
cheese), broodje kroket (bread with a fried ball consisting of flour and some meat, it’s
delicious!)
For dinner, around 6pm, we eat our first hot meal. This can be meat or fish with potatoes
and vegetables or pasta or rice. Sometimes we have fruit or yoghurt for dessert.
Dutch funny food habits are also explained in the HBN –News leaflet.
Confidentiality/Questions/Issues
If you ever have doubts or questions, you can always come to us. At the end of this manual
you will find all the information on how to reach us. Please keep in mind that we will treat
30
any of your issues confidentially. We can advise you and give our opinion about how to deal
with it and how to discuss it with your host family. Please trust and understand that the
agency is there to make sure you have a great experience and that you are happy. If there
are problems or misunderstandings never hesitate to come to us and we will be there to
help you. We do realize most issues come from both sides and can be solved with the right
attitude, and mostly will be lessons for both you and your host family.
We would also like to inform you that there is a special IND number you may call when your
host family has abused you. This number however can only be used in very severe
situations and please remember to always consult HBN first before contacting the IND, as
you are under our responsibility.
5.8 Key points

• Positive attitude: Be positive, it is a new adventure for both you and your host family,
ups and downs are a part of it
• Personal development: This experience is also about your personal development, so
please consider criticism as a positive thing that helps you grow as a person
• Communication: Always ask your host parents when you are not sure about something
or if something is bothering you; don’t be afraid to ask questions, express your doubts
or fears
• Safety first: for the kids and yourself!
One last thing, and a very important advice for you ☺

ENJOY YOUR TIME IN THE NETHERLANDS!!!
HBN au pair Aerdenhoutsduinweg 1, 2111 AN, Aerdenhout, the Netherlands 31

phone:+31 23 3020311 [email protected]
ABN AMRO 403737311 Chamber of Commerce 52888991
6.0 Important information / numbers:
6.1 important contacts
Write down all the important numbers you may need of the family. Dutch numbers start with
0031, if you call with a Dutch number this equals the first zero in the number
(06 – 123 456 78 = 0031 6 – 123 456 78)
Let your host family fill in every important number for you and add where needed;
We have given your hosts the emergency numbers of your family.
Emergency number Emergency 112

- Life threatening
Police
- No emergency 0900-8844
Emergency number IND For abuse 070-3703888

Insurance ISIS/JOHO claims Regular number 0182544917
Emergency number 020-5929282
Website claims [email protected]
Address Postbus 9
Postal code, city 2800 MA Gouda
Address HBN Phone number 023-2302162 (Office)
Emergency phone 06–25080953 (Emeline)
Email address [email protected]
Address Aerdenhoutsduinweg 1
Postal code, city 2111 AN Aerdenhout
Courses / cursussen:
Haarlem: Contactgegevens: Informatie:

Especially focused on au
www.taalthuis.nl, +31 6 13913516, pairs, different levels,
Taalthuis NL ENG [email protected] playful way of teaching
www.NT2Totaal.nl, 06-18438143, Personal and ‘gezellig’,
06-30883631 en 06-28332293, small groups; we truly
NT2 totaal NL [email protected] recommend it.
www.Hart-Haarlem.nl, 023 553 01
Hart Haarlem NL ENG 00, [email protected]
Amsterdam:
www.taalthuis.nl,+31 6 1391 3516, The English course starts
Taalthuis NL ENG [email protected] in April
www.koentact.nl, +31 (0)20 737 16 Very nice course, they
Koentact NL ENG 16 also organize meetings
www.volksuniversiteitamsterdam.nl,
(020) 626 16 26, secretariaat@vua-
Volksuniversiteit NL ENG ams.nl
Utrecht:
www.taalthuis.nl, +31 6 1391 3516,
Taalthuis NL ENG [email protected]
www.babel.nl, [email protected], 030-
Babel NL ENG 227 0008
www.vu-utrecht.nl, 030-2313395,
Volksuniversiteit NL ENG [email protected]
Den Haag:
www.taalthuis.nl, +31 6 1391 3516,
Taalthuis NL ENG [email protected]
www.taaltaal.nl, 070-3226091,
Taaltaal NL ENG [email protected]
www.kickstartschool.nl, 070-
3607860, 06- 55885618,
Kickstart NL ENG [email protected]
www.volksuniversiteitdenhaag.nl,
070-3240279, 070-3280341,
Hilversum:
www.taalthuis.nl,+31 6 1391 3516,
Taalthuis NL [email protected]
www.volksuniversiteithilversum.nl,
035-6892051,
Leiden:
www.alphatalen.nl, +31 71 51 30
Alpha Talen NL 395, [email protected]
hum.leiden.edu, +31(0)71-527
Universiteit 2332,
Leiden NL ENG [email protected]
Amersfoort
www.taalthuis.nl,+31 6 1391 3516,
Taalthuis NL [email protected]
TIP: at http://www.mylanguageexchange.com/ you can get in contact with people who would
like to practice the same language!

6.2 HBN dictionary
ENGLISH DUTCH
GENERAL:
Good Luck! Succes!
Good Morning/Good evening Goedemorgen/ Goedenavond
Thank you Dank je wel
Please Alsjeblieft
Wow, you did an excellent job! Wow, dat heb je goed gedaan!
I am very proud of you! Ik ben heel trots op je!
Will you join us? Doe je mee?
Sorry Sorry
I am sorry, I won’t do it again Het spijt me ik zal het niet meer doen
That is naughty, you cannot do that Dat is stout dat mag je niet (meer) doen
(again)
How old are you? Hoe oud ben jij?
I am 20 years old Ik ben twintig jaar (oud)
What is your name? Hoe heet jij?
My name is … Ik heet …
Good night, sleep tight Welterusten, slaap lekker
Together Samen
Ready Klaar
More Meer
I (do not) like to (things to do) Ik hou (niet)van…./ ik vind … (niet) leuk
I do not like/ I do not want to
I (do not) like …. (food) Ik hou (niet) van…/ik vind … (niet) lekker
You are sweet Je bent life
Dinner/Drinks
Do you want something to drink? Wil je iets te drinken?
Do you want something to eat? Wil je iets eten?
Would you like a Wil je een koekje/stuk fruit/appel/banaan
cookie/fruit/apple/banana
I don’t like vegetables Ik hou niet van groeten
Do we have a desert? Hebben we een toetje?
You also have to eat your crusts Je moet ook je korsten opeten
Please continue to eat Eet alsjeblieft even door
Please stay seated at the table Blijf je wel aan tafel zitten
We’re nearly ready with the meal We zijn bijna klaar met eten
Milk,limonade, Melk, Limonade
Mug,plate, spoon,fork, knife Beker, bord, lepel, vork,mes

Playing/Tidying
Tidying Opruimen
Play Spelen
Play together and don’t fight Samen spelen en geen ruzie maken
Play Yard Speeltuin
Animal farm Kinderboerderij
Shall we play outside? Zullen we buiten spelen?
Will you please help me tidy up the toys? Wil je me alsjeblieft helpen met het
speelgoed opruimen?
Let’s make a puzzle together? Zullen we een puzzel maken samen?
Can I colour? Paint? Draw? Dough? Mag ik kleuren? Verven? Tekenen?
Kleien?
Can I watch TV? Mag ik TV kijken?
First we’re goint to play outdoors! We gaan eerst lekker buiten spelen
Who wants to join in hide-and-seek? Wie doet er mee met verstoppertje?
It’s your turn! Jij bent ‘m!
That is not fair! Dat is niet eerlijk!
I want to go home Ik wil naar huis
Let’s clean the table and then we can do Laten we de tafel opruimen en dan
a game kunnen we een spelletje doen
Night rituals
Let’s go take a bath? Kom, zullen we in bad gaan?
We first need to brush your teeth We moeten eerst nog je tanden poetsen
Do you still need to pee/poe? Moet je nog plassen/poepen?
Shall we read a book together? Zullen we samen een boekje lezen?

And now some words to learn together with the kids:
House = huis / tree = boom / animal = beestje
Dog = hond / Christmas = Kerst / holiday = vakantie
Cat = kat / mouse = muis / milk = melk
Cake = taart / birthday = verjaardag / party = feest
Moon = maan / to sleep = slapen / bed = bed
Goodmorning = goedemorgen / rooster = haan / pig = varken

to rise = opstaan / ontbijt = breakfast /
Love = liefde / Heart= hart/ I love you = ik vind je lief or Ik hou van je!
6.3 communication techniques
****LSK (LISTEN-SUMMARIZE-KEEP ON ASKING)****
Listen
There are different ways to listen. The most important one is active listening.
There are 6 things that are important in active listening.
1. Watch.
When you’re watching the person you are talking with, you can see the expressions
he/she makes. You also give the person the feeling you are listening.
When you don’t watch the person you are talking with, you might miss information.
Things like gestures, expressions and someone’s attitude. Plus the person might feel
like you are not listening.
2. Quiet and relaxed attitude.

Fast movements can be understood as a loss of concentration on your side. Even
playing with a pen, your glasses etc. can have that effect.
With a quiet and relaxed attitude you give the person you are talking with space.
3. Nodding and hmm.

With small gestures like nodding and making the hmm sound you confirm your
attention.
Please note your timing and quantity.
4. Copying.
Repeat the last word the persons says to confirm that the message has been received
5. Silence.
The person who talks often needs a silence moment for thoughts.
6. Reflection.
Reflection is about reflecting the feelings of a person. The message is often influenced
by the feelings of a person. You can reflect what you see and hear about the feelings
someone expresses.
Summarize
Summarizing is like a puzzle: what belongs to what? Apply all the pieces to make the
end product visible for both partners.
You can summarize to check if you and your partner feel the same way about the
conversation. You can forget something in your summary; your partner can tell what’s
missing to complete the summary.
Functions of a summary:
1. Ending a topic
It gives an opportunity to end a topic and start a new topic. (You stay in control)
2. Importance
When you make a summary, you can draw attention to the things you think are
important.
3. Structure
Summaries bring structure in a conversation. You can use it a few times in a
conversation/ discussion.
4. Rest
During a summary, you give yourself and your partner a little bit resting time. You
can make notes of the most important things in the conversation.
5. Reaction
Summary helps you to not react directly. By not reacting directly you can regulate the
emotions of you and your partner. There will be more understanding.
7. Subject
By summarizing you can check if you are talking about the thing you wanted to talk
about.
8. Ending
At the end of a conversation a summary can help to come to a conclusion and make
appointments.
Keep on asking
Keep asking questions to get to the core of a problem. Asking questions is a way to
make clear what the goals of the conversation are and provides more information. The
questions can help the partner think about things.
The “container’ words can also be identified. A container word is a word that has a
different meaning to everyone. For Example: someone says that he’s feeling good.
You can then ask what ‘feeling good’ means to that person. Maybe the person can
give some examples.
To continue asking brings the partners closer together, emotionally and professionally.

****FEEDBACK*****
Giving Feedback
A lot of people find it difficult and scary to give feedback. Also people have difficulty
receiving it and see it as a personal attack.
So the question is: How can we give feedback to someone else, without
causing the other person to feel personally attacked, in order to keep the
relationship good and comfortable?
What is the USE of feedback?

Effective feedback can be very useful organizational and individual:
1. It can make clear what is expected of us
2. We can learn how we come across
3. We can learn what we are good at, or doing well.
4. We can learn what we need to do better or different
The perspective of others can be valuable:

1. Others can have more expertise and skills
2. Others look at your behavior from another perspective and sometimes see
things you, yourself do not see
3. Others might have information you do not know of.
Giving Feedback:
Feedback is a message about the behavior or performance of the other. Feedback is
essential and necessary when working together. Giving each other comments or
positive or negative feedback will improve the results but also the way of working
together.
Positive feedback:
This can consist of compliments. People learn from feedback and it can work very
motivating. It can encourage the behavior that you want to see more often.
Negative Feedback:
Negative or annoying behavior plays a role when giving negative feedback. The goal is
to prevent this behavior from happening in the future. Try and give clear and neutral
feedback in order for the other person to understand the criticism well. For example;
If someone leaves his cup of coffee all the time. By telling him/her that it bothers you
that he/she leaves the cup, he/she knows it is bothering you and can change it.
It is difficult to tell someone what negative impression he/she makes without hurting
his feelings. Therefore, the feedback should only be given if it is helpful and has a
purpose. So for example; “ I don’t like it that you have red hair” is not a feedback that
is helpful or can have a purpose.

Important rules for Giving Feedback:
1. Descriptive: Description of the behavior

That means you should leave out evaluation („You were better than the previous
guy.“) and interpretations („I found your voice too low, maybe you are afraid.“).
The idea is to say, what parts one liked and what parts one did not like and not to
look for reasons. Concentrate on the things a person said and not on the
personality of the person.
2. Concrete and not subjective

Be concrete and stick to facts of what you have seen. Use you own examples/own
experience. General statements are usually useless for troubleshooting (do not
say: "Somehow, I didn't get anything."). Avoid words like Always or Never.
3. Use I message
An I message is:” I cannot concentrate because I hear you talk so loud”
A you message is: “You talk too load”
A you message is saying the other person is doing something wrong. An I message
is saying that you would like to seethe other’s person’s behavior differently. You are
expressing your own impression, thus use „I could not follow this part.“ rather than
„No one understood this part.“ and „I found...“ rather than „You are...“. By a You
message, people easily jump to defending themselves.
4. Effect of the behavior

Show the other person what his/her behavior does to you. What you feel, think
and what the consequences are and how you experience these consequences.
5. Give the other person time and space to react

Give the person time and space to react and ask questions. Ask if the other person
has understood the feedback, but also stay quiet to let the other speak and react.
And listen!
6. Requested
Ask if you can give feedback? The addressee will change only if he wants to. It
does not make sense to force feedback on someone.
7. Constructive
Give /show possibilities for improvements, in this way you can make agreements
about future behavior (e.g. „I did not understand this part.“, „Try this or that“)
8. Not only negative

Receiving criticism is always difficult. It is even harder when everything about the
feedback is negative (almost all speakers try to give good talks!). The sandwich
technique suggests to use positive statements at the beginning and at the end:
Positive- negative- positive.
Important rules for Receiving Feedback
You can ask for feedback to develop yourself. It is important to see feedback as a
learning process. You can achieve this by good listening, asking questions and
thinking about how you can change things.
Receiving Feedback can be difficult:

It is difficult to receive feedback on your behavior. People feel attacked and want to
defend themselves immediately and automatically. Insecurity plays a big part in this.
It is therefore really important to practice how to best receive feedback to avoid
frustration, tensions, avoiding behavior etc.
A few tips for the addressee:
1. Listen carefully and actively

If you receive feedback you need to listen actively. So show your speaking
partner verbally and non verbally your attention. Don’t interrupt, but use the
LSK technique.
2. Ask for explanation

It is important that you truly understand the feedback that you received.
3. Do not interrupt
You never know exactly what another person wants to say before he has
finished his sentence. Inquire only if you did not understand something.
4. Do not explain yourself

We often want to explain, why we did something the way we did it. But if
someone did not understand a statement, for example, you cannot persuade
him to do so afterwards. Maybe you can explain it better next time.
5. Decide yourself
Nobody tells you what to do with a specific feedback. Reconsider your feedback
a few days later. Some feedback will make sense, some won't. Throw the
unhelpful feedback out, and learn from the rest.
6. Appreciate
Be grateful for the feedback. It helps you to get to know yourself and improve
your conversations.

6.4 HBN Re-Match Guidelines Au Pair
Give it time:
It is only normal that you need to adjust and get used to the new family's routine, habits and
lifestyle. You need to give it time, as it will not be easy at first. Really also take the time to get
to know the family. Families have busy lives so it will take time. Also be aware that it is an
investment of your Host Family too. Be aware that this program is also to learn and develop
yourself and that is not always easy.
Involve HBN:
On a professional and private level we have seen a lot of different situations and issues. Most
of the problems you might have, we have already dealt with/seen before. So we cannot stress
enough to involve us when things do not go smoothly. Just give us a quick call or drop us an
email and we will call you. Most of these issues can be resolved by talking. Of course we are
not present at your home but we can advice you on how to deal with certain
situations/problems.
Communicate:
Different people, different cultures and different generations can cause misunderstandings.
Communicate! If things do not go smoothly from the start, please talk about it and express
your concerns, doubts or difficulties. If you feel it is not going smoothly, your Host Family will
feel this too. However you do need to explain where it goes wrong, what difficulties you are
having. Be honest and open. Communication is the only way to solve issues.
Two Sides:
HBN has experienced and learned that there are always two sides to a situation. Even if you
think the Host Family is not good, maybe try and look at it from their perspective.
Do not give up too easily:

You have committed to the Au Pair Program and to join this Host-family for a year. Do not give
up so quickly cause it has a huge impact and this program is also a learning experience for
you.
If the above really did not work out, Start Rematch Procedure:
• Inform HBN by phone and email if you (after having involved us before) want to stop
the Au pair Program with your current Host Family.
• We advise a four week notice period for both parties. This is to give everyone time to
organize the departure and find other solutions for both parties. It is however a very
short period to realize a whole rematch procedure. We will do our best to find solutions
for either party and of course every situation is different and therefore it is very good to
discuss amongst each other what works for you both. In some exceptional cases we
cannot take four weeks.
• HBN feels it as her duty to find you a new Host Family to continue your Au Pair Program
in the Netherlands. If we feel you can be replaced (99% of the cases), HBN will do her
best to find you a new Host Family. We have not experienced that we did not succeed.
• Do not worry too much, because if you wish to continue; it always works out when you
put effort into it and stay positive.
• Communicate well with HBN before you ACT.
• During the four weeks termination term, you are still under the care of the host-family.
Your Host -family is obliged to offer the au pair board and lodging in this four week
period. The Host Family is not obliged to pay the au pair pocket money if you do not

want to do the au pair activities anymore. It is therefore important to perform your
duties as before and show you have a mature attitude in this.
You go home?
If you would go back to the country of origin;
• The Return flight ticket needs to be rebooked to an earlier date. This needs to be
discussed with both the host family and HBN. If you stop the Au Pair Program, if you
fail to do your Au Pair activities, or in the event of serious misconduct caused by you
(i.e. lying, stealing, drugs, alcohol or serious misbehaviour), then you will be
responsible for the full payment of your year round ticket, the rebooking costs of the
return ticket, the costs made for your VISA/Residence card and other costs that result
from the premature departure. This payment to your host family needs to be done
before you leave Schengen area. If the family decides to stop because there is no match
or in case of serious misconduct caused by the Host-family, then they have to pay for
the return flight- and rebooking costs.
• You need to de-register from your family's address.
• HBN will inform the IND of the fact that the Au Pair has stopped with the Au Pair
Program. The residence permit will be revoked immediately and it is never again
possible to join the au pair program in the Netherlands.
• HBN will stop the Au Pair ISIS insurance on the correct date and the Host Family will be
reimbursed the insurance costs for the remaining months.
You will continue the Au Pair Program with another family?

• In case of a rematch with another family: your residence permit is connected to the
stay with the current Host Family. So in order to change family, we need to go through
a whole legal procedure with the new family. We need to visit the family, screen them
and check them on all legal conditions like BRP, income, weekly time schedule etc. This
means the Au Pair cannot just switch. We need all the documents in file before the Au
Pair can move to a new family and do au pair activities for them.
• Never UN-subscribe from your Host family’s address. Cause this will make the Au Pair
residence card invalid and your residence here illegal and you need to leave to your
country of origin immediately. You only need to do this when you return to the country
of origin. You will register at the new family's address once you has moved there and
the administration/ paperwork is done. This will automatically mean you will no longer
be subscribed at the old family's address.
• HBN will stop the Au Pair ISIS insurance on the right date and the Host Family will be
reimbursed the insurance costs for the remaining months.
COSTS:
A rematch procedure will cost extra money for your current Host Family and for your new host
family. HBN will try to make these extra costs as low as possible but it is financially not
beneficial at all and you need to take this into account before starting the Au Pair Program and
before giving up on your commitment to your host family. If you can be replaced to another
family, there are administrative /legal duties and therefore costs involved for this new Host
Family.
Ticket and Fees

If you can be replaced for more than 7 months we ask the new Host Family to compensate
your current Host family with the contribution to your Return flight costs (minus your
contribution) and half of the fees.
Au Pair ISIS Insurance:

You will still be insured under current host family until the date (starting the new month) you
will be starting at the new family or until the date s(h)e has returned in the country of origin.
HBN will notify ISIS insurance company and the host-family will receive restitution of the costs
for the remaining months.
Basic health Insurance:

If the basic health insurance is already taken out than it is important to keep this insurance
and allowance. Both the costs and allowance will be on your bank account so this will not
change. If you go back to country of origin, you need to stop this insurance and allowance
immediately.
Other costs that have been made etc.:

Think about the other cost your Host Family has made for you; courses, OV card, museum
card i.a.). Please discuss if you can pay them back or if you can share these costs with the new
host family.


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Huisje Boompje Nanny

1.1 Who are we?

Team Huisje Boompje Nanny:

HBN phone number: 023 23 02 162

Personal contacts: Emeline: 0625080953,

****Don’t hesitate to contact us when you have an emergency****

2. Legal duties of the Au Pair

2.1 information obligation towards HBN

Legal Tasks Check List Check?

Send e-mail of your arrival

Letter IND residence permit card

Pick up residence permit card

Send e-mail of residence card

Make an appointment at the city hall and GGD

Register in the Netherlands

Send e/mail of your BSN

Take the TB (TBC) test

Send e-mail of your TB (TBC) test

Other obligations during your stay in the Netherlands:

• Participated in the Welcome Training.

2.4 In preparation for your return

Send e-mail with date of your return flight

Send e-mail HBN plans after Au Pair Program

Deregister from the city hall and send e-mail

Send back your residence card to the IND

2.5 After arrival home country:

Send e-mail arrival country of origin

• Family routine document

• Bank account (only possible after subscribing)

• Phone / Subscription / Pre-paid

• Send HBN your phone number

• First Aid course

3. Part of the Family/Household Chores

Part of the family and Household

3.3 Weekly evaluations

Weekly evaluation /conversation is essential for a good communication, especially in the

3.5 Adapting to habits and culture differences

Adapting and Cultural Differences

Your eating habits

3.6 Privacy & respect

3.7 General household/household tasks

Around the household

Pick up and bring to school

Ten tips for a positive and loving relationship:

3. Talk with each other

4. Praise the child adequately.

5. Create a safe and fun environment

6. Learn the child new abilities

7. Stick to your boundaries

8. Give clear positive instructions

9. Be realistic in your expectations

10. Be nice to yourself and take good care of yourself.

4.4 Taking care of babies & toddlers

Prevent babies from falling

# Change your baby’s nappy on a changing mat on the floor.

When your baby can crawl:

Preventing baby burns and scalds

Preventing a baby from choking or suffocating

Avoiding baby strangulation

Don’t hesitate to contact us when you have an emergency

LSK (LISTEN-SUMMARIZE-KEEP ON ASKING)