“Love Marriages Vs.

Arranged Marriages in India”

Arranged marriages have long been a part of Indian culture. According to reports,
nearly 90% of marriages in India are arranged. When a marriage is proposed by
individuals other than the couple being married, it is referred to as "arranged."
Parents, matchmaking agency, matrimonial services, or a trustworthy third party
might be in charge of the marriage arrangements. According to a 2013 IPSOS survey,
74% of young Indians (18-35 years old) prefer arranged marriages to love marriages.
Marriages in India: Stats
Marriage is an institution in which the majority of Indians have great trust. Despite
the fact that love marriages have grown increasingly common, Indian households
still prefer arranged marriages. This is because the elders believe that exchanging
wedding vows brings together not only two souls but also two families. As a result,
the job of real and genuine mediators in marriage takes on more significance.
Previously, newspapers had a stronghold on the idea of finding the perfect match
through a non-living matchmaker, but recently, online marriage services and portals
seized the chance and swiftly absorbed the industry.
The Lok Foundation-Oxford University surveys are a series of large-sample multi-year
panel surveys run by the Centre for Monitoring Indian Economy (CMIE) that address
a range of socio-economic topics. Over a hundred thousand households were
surveyed.
 In January 2018, 93% of those surveyed indicated their marriage was arranged.
 Only 3% said their marriage was a "love marriage," and another 2% said theirs
was a "love-cum-arranged marriage," which generally means the couple's
relationship was set up by their families, and then they fell in love and chose to
marry.
 An arranged marriage was found in 94% of octogenarians, and in more than 90%
of young couples in their twenties.
The age-wise statistics of arranged marriage are as follows:
 About 90% are arranged marriages among 20-30 year olds.
 Arranged marriages were found in 92% of 30-40 year olds.
 Arranged marriages accounted for 93% among 40-50 year olds.
 Arranged marriages accounted for 95% among 50-60 year olds as well as 60-70
year olds.
 Arranged marriages accounted for 94% among 70-80 year olds and among 80-90
year olds.
The following numbers suggest that with education in the equation, love makes a
small appearance. The statistics of arranged marriage based on education are:
 97% of marriages among couples with no education are arranged marriages.
 95% of marriages among couples who passed 5th std, are arranged marriages.
 92% of marriages among couples who passed 10th std, are arranged marriages.
 92% of marriages among couples who passed 12th std, are arranged marriages.
 87% of marriages among couples who completed diploma/certificate course, are
arranged marriages.
 91% of marriages among couples who completed graduation, are arranged
marriages.
 91% of marriages among couples who completed post-graduation, are arranged
marriages.
 87% of marriages among couples who completed Ph.D/M.Phil, are arranged
marriages.
With higher level of education, the number of arranged marriages dropped
noticeably, if not significantly.
Love marriages are slightly more common among Christians and Muslims than
among Hindus, although there is no difference within Hindu caste divisions. Love
marriages are more common in Assam, Kerala, Goa, and Jammu and Kashmir, states
with a large non-Hindu population, than in other states. The state-wise statistics of
love marriages are as follows:
 There is 0-1 % of love marriages in the states of Punjab, Rajasthan, Gujarat, Uttar
Pradesh, Bihar, Jharkhand, Odisha and Andhra Pradesh.
 There is 1-2 % of love marriages in the states of Himachal Pradesh, Uttarakhand,
Haryana, and Karnataka.
 There is 2-3% of love marriages in the states of Madhya Pradesh, Chattisgarh,
West Bengal, and Tamil Nadu.
 There is 3-5 % of love marriages in the states of Maharashtra, Telangana and
Tripura.
 There is 5-10% of love marriages in the states of Jammu & Kashmir, NCT of Delhi,
Goa, and Kerala.
 There is a 10% and above incidence of love marriages in the state of Assam.
These figures are in line with previous research on how Indian weddings are planned.
Only 13% of married women in metro areas knew their husbands before marriage,
according to the 2011-12 India Human Development Survey (IHDS). Arranged
marriages, on the other hand, do not always imply forced marriage; according to the
IHDS study, over 70% of urban women indicated they had some choice in their
marriage. According to the report, maintaining caste endogamy is still an essential
element of marriage in India. Only around 10% of urban respondents indicated no
one in their family had married outside their caste, and even fewer said no one in
their sub-caste had married outside their caste (jati). Inter-caste marriage is slightly
more common among the poor than among the rich.
Income-wise statistics of inter-caste marriages are as follows:
 18% of inter-caste and sub-caste marriages are from poorest households.
 10% of inter-caste and sub-caste marriages are from middle income households.
 9% of inter-caste and sub-caste marriages are from higher middle income
households.
 12% of inter-caste and sub-caste marriages are from rich households.
Positives and Negatives of Love Marriages
The term "love marriage" refers to a union that was solely the result of the couple's
decision. A love marriage does not have to be successful all of the time, and there
are several reasons for this.
Advantages of love marriage
1. Better coordination
The couple respects one another and is aware of one another's tendencies and
habits. They attempt to accommodate one other's schedules and have a good
understanding of their partner's nature. Each partner is aware of the positive and
negative aspects of their life partner. They may easily change their nature and
conduct to suit their requirements. It is extremely easy for them to adapt any sorts
of dispute between both partners if they know their partner well.
2. Higher compatibility
Not everyone who opts for arranged marriage is matched with a compatible partner.
Love marriage is the ideal path to finding the best partner who will walk with a
person for the rest of their lives and demonstrate a high level of compatibility and
understanding in married life. He or she will prove to be the most supportive
because they are the ones who believe in and understand one another. And who
better to encourage a person than the person with whom they are in a relationship
with and who loves them?
3. There’s room for adjustments
Couples exhibit some flexibility and are willing to adapt if their partner is
uncomfortable with something. They give up some habits and strive to adjust their
ways of life in order to be more accommodating to their partners.
4. Love marriage lets you choose your own partner
The fact that you may choose the person with whom you are familiar and want to
spend the rest of your life with is the greatest advantage. This is beneficial for those
who wish to find a partner of their own choosing. They have the freedom to select
their partner and to marry the person they like in a love marriage.
5. Social equality
The norms underpinning marriages are broken in a love marriage. It brings people
from two different communities, castes, or social groupings together. As a result,
love marriages pave the path for societal equality.
Disadvantages of love marriage
1. Higher chances of divorce
There is a chance that the marriage may end because love wears out or the partners
grow "tired" of one other. This form of marriage is founded on attraction, and if the
attraction fades, the relationship between the two partners may come to an end.
After a few years, love diminishes as the physical attraction decreases slowly but
gradually.
2. Lack of support from family
It is common for relatives and friends to disapprove of a person's choice of partner.
So when you're in trouble, there's no one to come to your rescue and bail you out.
3. Familiarity breeds contempt
After spending so many years with the same partner, a person may become bored,
increasing the likelihood and temptation to cheat, which would be disastrous for the
other partner.
4. Discord arises
It's possible that the relationship was too wonderful to be true, but after marriage,
compatibility fades and numerous marital issues emerge. There may be a shift in
their behaviour and character once they married. This is a reality that can only be
realized after marriage. It is, however, too late for both partners to end this
relationship. Because love is so wonderful, individuals often assume that things will
improve even more after marriage. Marriage, on the other hand, is more realistic
since a person must provide emotional, financial, and physical support to their
partner, among other things. As a result, it is observed that most couples do not
remain happy after marriage, and that love might even fade away.
5. This form of marriage is founded on attraction, and if the attraction fades, the
relationship between the two partners may come to an end.
6. Prior to marriage, the couple may engage in sex. Furthermore, physical intimacy
may already exist between them, and the pleasure of progressively unravelling
feelings may only be experienced by couples who have married in an arranged
marriage.
7. In a love marriage, one can have high expectations. People may complain that
their partner was too sweet, pleasant, and caring before they married, especially if
they married via love.
Positives and Negatives of Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriage is a form of marriage that is arranged by parents or elder family
members. It is more in the nature of a family marriage than an individual marriage.
Advantages of arranged marriage
1. Eliminates the stress of trying to find a life partner
Although an arranged marriage limits one's options, it leaves the persons involved
with fewer questions. They are not compelled to date or to defend their principles in
front of others. People in this sort of relationship are likely to share similar
backgrounds, ethnicities, or cultures, giving them something in common. Because of
the security provided by this arrangement, each individual is free to pursue other
personal interests rather than wasting time looking for that particular someone.
2. Parents are involved in the relationship
When society promotes individuality in marriage partner choosing, the family unit
plays a secondary role to the personal relationship. Cultural conventions, such as
seeking permission from one's father to marry, become unspoken regulations that
promote inclusiveness. However, there is no need to follow them, which may allow
parents, grandparents, and other family members to remain involved.
3. Creates harmony between both families
Arranged marriages are founded on the idea that the establishment of a relationship
benefits both families. There is a stronger inter-family interaction, and it allows
family members to get together. The marriage is accepted by the family, relatives,
and friends. They hold themselves accountable for any mistakes made during or
soon after marriage. In the event of an accident or calamity, both families share the
load in order to alleviate the damage and make it easier for the couple to endure. In
all cases, arranged marriage guarantees family support. It is simpler to obtain
financial support from parents in the event of an arranged marriage.
4. Cultural similarities of partners
Because there is advance planning involved in an arranged marriage, the unpleasant
elements of being together are minimized. Because there are more similarities than
differences, you stay entrenched in who you are as a culture. Most parents pick
partners for their children who have similar cultural beliefs in order for them to fit in
well with the family. Similar values make it more probable that the marriage will
work out in the long term since there will be less disputes between the spouses.
5. It reduces conflict when children are involved
Families are sometimes separated by children because of the variations in how they
should be raised between each person (and family). Differences in religion,
spirituality, education and enforcement of discipline lead to contradictory views that
have a detrimental effect on the child. With arranged marriage as the basis of the
partnership, any child born in the union is more likely to have parents who agree on
this, eliminating much of the damaging strife which children sometimes consider
their responsibility.
6. Financial security
In marriages, there is often a financial element. Many marriages are not made out of
love, especially arranged marriages but because one partner wishes to enhance her
or her level of income. This was not the exception but the rule barely a century ago
and the financial component of marriages remained fairly prominent.
7. No stress to find a partner
The search for an appropriate partner might also be a difficulty for many people
worldwide. By comparison, there is no tension finding and veterinarizing a partner
with an arranged marriage, as the parents or other relatives are doing the work.
Disadvantages of arranged marriage
1. Not fitting well together
Due to a lack of time, such married couples do not have the opportunity to get to
know one another, and they frequently discover afterwards that they are not
compatible. As a result, there are serious disagreements and clashes. Even so, after a
while, many simply submit to their partner's demands in order to prevent
arguments. Most of the time, this type of connection ends up being a complete
disaster, with partners frequently arguing. To prevent significant trouble, some
spouses will simply resign and fit into the needs and demands of the other partner
after a period of time.
2. Lack of trust
When it comes to marriage, couples who have never met face to face have trust
issues. The considerable lack of trust among newlyweds might be difficult to
overcome, which could lead to future issues. One of the major reasons of divorce
among couples is mistrust and ambiguous communication. As a result, if couples do
not trust one other, maintaining a functional marriage may be challenging, as
distrust may erode ties between partners. Some people in this circumstance are
pushed into intimate relationships with persons they don't know, but who are also
their spouses. Because of this, getting the marriage off on the right foot might be
difficult.
3. Excessive expenditure and financial burden
A daughter may be a costly prospect, especially if a dowry is required to establish a
relationship. It's one of the numerous reasons why some families choose to forego
the expenditures of schooling in order to try to make ends meet through family
partnerships. This disadvantage implies that from a young age, the ordinary woman
is expected to bear the weight of self-responsibility. They spend a lot of money to
maintain their status. In the event of arranged marriages, dowry systems can often
lead to misunderstandings, which can result in harsh penalties such as torture and
bride burning.
4. It gives men the opportunity to control the relationship
Many cultures that accept the concept of arranged marriage believe that the man
should be the household's head. Every decision the couple makes in the future is
influenced by this patriarchal viewpoint. Women are assigned the tasks of caring for
children, preparing food, and keeping the house tidy in accordance with their
husband's wishes. Because of this relationship structure, dependencies develop in
which a woman is unable to flee an abusive spouse due to a lack of support systems.
Because of the cultural connotations of divorce, her family may push her to stay in
the marriage rather than leave an abusive relationship.
5. Limits the choice of a life partner
This unfavourable part of arranged marriages is applicable to ethnic migrant
minorities. If they are being avoided, stereotyped, separated or apartheid policies by
the majority of the people of the country in which they live, then arranged weddings
are the only option of continuing family traditions. While guaranteeing marriage, it
diminishes the life relationship choices available.
6. It avoids the issue of personal accountability
The couple are mostly responsible for the quality of their relationship under self-
selection and autonomous marriage structures. They have to work together to get
things running. No accountability is expected of either party in arranged marriage.
It's the parents or grandparents who are to blame instead of the married couple if
marriage doesn't succeed. In order to avoid the blame process from starting first and
foremost, some families intervene with marriage at many levels.
7. It eliminates love from the equation
Emotions are not a matter of priority when this relationship is arranged, yet
countless arranged marriage include love. Nobody cares if the other person is able to
or will fall in love. As long as families get along with each other, it becomes the
definition of success and a mutual advantage for the relationship. This means that a
partner might get caught up in huge misery because he does not like his partner or
because he does not want to disappoint his family.
Success rates
Earlier, love marriages accounted for fewer than 1% of all marriages, but nowadays,
more arrange marriages are taking place, with virtually all of them having a high
success rate. According to statistics, despite the fact that over 90% of Indian
marriages are arranged in India, just 5% of marriages in India are love marriages,
according to a Vice article published in February 2019. Just 11.7% of men and 8.5%
of women stated they selected their partners with, or without, their family approval
according to a study conducted in 2014 by UNPF and the International Women's
Research Center (ICRW) of 9205 males and 3158 females aged 18 to 49 from seven
Indian states. Despite the restrictions and demands placed on love by modern
society, many young people and even adults are discovering love in their own unique
manner. Despite the obstacles it confronts from traditional beliefs and cultural
pressures, love marriage is growing more common in India.
Divorce rates
In India, where 90 percent of marriages are said to be arranged, the divorce rate is
barely 1%. In India, divorce rates are greater in love marriages than in arranged
marriages, according to a Bombay High Court hearing. India also has a relatively low
divorce rate of approximately 1.1 percent when compared to other countries across
the world. Given India's respect for its culture and social standards, it's no surprise
that the country has the lowest divorce rate. But it's even more shocking to learn
that India has the lowest divorce rate of any country on the planet. According to
statistics, just one out of every 100 Indian marriages ends in divorce.
In India, the divorce rate was considerably lower in the preceding decade, with only
7.40 marriages annulled out of 1,000. In comparison to metropolitan India, the
divorce rate in Indian villages is significantly lower.
Marriage is a sacrament in Hinduism, not a contract, therefore divorce was not
permitted prior to the enactment of the Hindu Marriage Act in 1955. Men and
women are now equally able to seek divorce as a result of the codification of this
legislation. The Hindu Marriage Act 1955 governs Hindus, Buddhists, Sikhs, and Jains;
The Divorce Act 1869 governs Christians; The Parsi Marriage and Divorce Act 1936
governs Parsis; The Dissolution of Muslim Marriages Act 1939 governs Muslims; and
The Special Marriage Act 1954 governs interfaith marriages. These rules specify the
requirements for performing a marriage between a man and a woman. A marriage is
recognised based on these, and if it is not, it is referred to as invalid marriage or
voidable marriage at the discretion of either spouse. A decree of nullity is issued
after either one spouse files a petition with the court, declaring the marriage null
and invalid.
Divorce is only possible after a year of marriage. However, the numbers appeared to
be rising at an alarming rate. Marriages are not required to be recorded in this
country, and only divorces are. As a result, calculating the divorce rate as a
proportion of marriage is difficult. The number of divorces, on the other hand, may
be tallied. Arrange marriage is one of the main reasons for India's low divorce rate.
For generations, arranged marriages have been the norm in Indian society. Even
today, the vast majority of Indians have their marriages organised by their parents or
other trusted family members.
Despite the fact that most weddings in India are arranged, some couples choose
their partners based on their direct interactions with them. In India, this is known as
"love marriage." Urban areas have a higher rate of love marriages. Many marriages
are still arranged with the help of parents among Indians living abroad. Even so-
called love marriages in India are usually sanctioned by the parents, though their
acceptance may be hesitant at times. Marriage is believed to be for life in India, and
hence the divorce rate is exceptionally low.
Social Acceptance: Love vs. Arranged
Today's news is full of stories that make it appear like eternal love and marriage are
as antiquated as a horse and carriage. For a long time, social conservatives have
been warning about the societal repercussions of the decrease of marriage and
growth of unwed parenthood for children and society as a whole. Marriage has long
been seen as a significant and prestigious social institution. Healthy families and
societies are built on the foundation of marriage.
When an arranged marriage fails, parents and society as a whole are more tolerant
than when a love marriage fails. Women defend their failed love marriages because
of the blaming and shaming of women who oppose conservative views on marriage.
Society is unaware that by refusing to show sympathy to women whose love
marriages do not work out, it may be jeopardising their well-being. Every marriage
has its own set of difficulties and characteristics that not only define it, but also
determine whether it is a good or terrible marriage. A good situation is one in which
both parties are content in each other's presence.
Marrying within caste/religion to someone who has been approved by parents,
neighbours, and matchmaker, it is much easier to leave if things don't work out.
After all, all of the persons involved are at fault. This is the person they liked, and
while separation and divorce are still frowned upon, you receive points for listening
to family's elders and doing the best to make things work. By extension, this mindset
of rejecting love weddings also opposes unions based on intercaste/interfaith and
socio-economic disparities. As a result, it denies everyone's freedom to choose who
they spend their lives with.
On the other hand, there have been cases where people have been cruel and
sarcastic to women whose love marriages have failed. Any tragedy befalling such a
woman may be traced back to her refusal to "obey" or "listen" to her well-wishers.
This mentality has a very terrible side effect: it makes women defensive about their
failing relationships. They decide to stay with abusive, uncaring partners, with whom
they cannot envisage a happy present or future, but they must live with the
repercussions of their decision.
Women are frequently scared of being chastised rather than being provided help if
they speak out about their marital issues. By extension, this mindset of rejecting love
marriages also opposes unions based on intercaste/interfaith and socio-economic
disparities. As a result, it denies everyone's freedom to choose who they spend their
lives with. It demonstrates how entrenched the dogma remains. For such women,
social acceptance and empathy create the road out and encourages them to walk
out from a toxic marriage with their heads held high. At the end of the day, the
option that parents and society face is pretty straightforward.
Social acceptance of arranged marriages
In Indian society, arranged marriage is widely accepted since it provides creditability
and social respect for a stable marital existence. Both parents shoulder the whole
weight of the marriage's responsibility. Arranged marriages are not only promoted,
but even required. Arranged marriage supporters feel they are more experienced
and impartial than their children. They will be able to make better, less impulsive
decisions when it comes to finding a suitable and sometimes financially supporting
partner than their child. Disobedience to the agreement can result in disownment
and expulsion from the family. Arranged marriages, on the other hand, can generate
anxiety and anger among children.
Parents frequently arrange marriages for their children in order to guarantee that
their children adhere to their religious views. Because the human mind seeks
comfort in routine, adapting is difficult and change is terrifying. As a result, many
parents prefer arranged marriages.
Real impact on families
 With love marriages, family planning decisions can be made with ease with each
other's agreement because they may have discussed these topics a million times
before getting married.
 However, there are cases where if a couple agrees to marry for love, they will
have no family support for the rest of their lives. They are both left alone. The
parents are not going to accept the marriage in any case.
 A younger girl marries an older or middle-aged guy in several regions of the
country. This is due to a lack of resources. This is most likely to happen in a
lower-class family. This arranged marriage will most probably completely wreck
the girl's life.
 The bond between various families can be greatly enhanced in arranged
marriages. In many cultures, family ties are extremely essential in many aspects
of daily life, and having strong ties to family members may also be advantageous
in terms of future job opportunities.
 It is generally difficult to get out of an arranged marriage since families are
typically very closely knit, and if a partner wishes to leave a marriage, all ties
must be broken with all of the family members.
 When children enter the picture, families frequently split up due to the
disparities in how each person (and family) believes they should be raised.
Conflicting beliefs arise as a result of differences in religion, spirituality,
education, and disciplinary enforcement, all of which have a detrimental
influence on the child. With an arranged marriage as the foundation of the
relationship, any children born from it have a better chance of having parents
who agree on these issues, which avoids a lot of the damaging conflict that
children mistakenly blame on them.
 In marriages that are arranged there is a stronger inter-family interaction, and it
allows family members to get together.
 Because someone disagrees with their choice of a partner, couples who find
themselves on their own frequently struggle with their family structures. This is
the case of love marriage. In-laws will give advice that is well-intentioned, but
does not consider the overall relationship. The assistance is one-sided, with the
individual from "their" family receiving the most priority.
 In an arranged marriage, families are more likely to cooperate together. A sense
of social duty and financial stability is shared. This effort extends beyond
preserving family culture or adhering to tradition. Rather than stressing about
compatibility, a couple may focus on their mutual goals.
 It is not uncommon for everyone in the family to exert control over the
relationship in various ways for their own personal requirements during the
latter phases of an arranged marriage. Because the couple is expected to please
everyone else, this might seem overwhelming. Some families may not even
allow the bride or groom to have a say in what happens in the ceremony.
Conclusion
In the debate between arranged and love marriages, one advantage that love
marriage will always have is that it exists before the marriage, but an arranged
marriage takes time to get to. Many things, including personal and professional
difficulties, can be made easier by love. In an arranged marriage, the battle might
leave one partner feeling short-changed or cheated after the marriage, but in a love
marriage, there is a greater acceptance of life's curveballs. Love also generates
passion and romance, which in an arranged marriage is still a trial and error process.
While there will be more happy success stories about love marriages in India, there
will also be many arranged marriage stories between strangers that lead to lifelong
love. Marriage is seen as a lifetime commitment in India. Partners and family
members have a greater knowledge and accepting of one another's differences. A
firm foundation may be established when there are lesser expectations and a
merging of equal-status families. As a result, the odds of a fruitful marriage are
higher in India, where culturally arranged marriages are more accepted than love
marriages. As a result, there's a lower likelihood of the marriage falling apart.
Because of an arranged marriage, many couples are still writing their love stories
today. It may be a positive experience for all parties if their families work together to
establish a matching experience where the courtship process entails getting to know
one other and laying ground rules for future expectations. That's one of the reasons
why more than half of all marriages go through this stage. Families can also utilise
the arrangement procedure for their own financial well-being, forsaking their
children's demands in order to improve their own living situations. As a result, the
benefits and drawbacks of arranged marriages must be carefully considered on an
individual basis. If someone feels compelled to be in this relationship, the
disadvantages of such a relationship are more likely to surface at some point. If both
parties believe there is a way to make things work on multiple levels, their
partnership can be fruitful.

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