"Promise Land" "Bad Girl"

"Where am I?"
"Is this the real world?" Hey! Everybody seems to be staring at me..
A lot of things are on my mind. I may be young You! You! All of you!
and innocent, but not ignorant. I can clearly see How dare you to stare at me?
what's present. Why? Is it because I'm a bad girl?
I can only imagine life when the world was first A bad girl I am, A good for nothing teen ager, a
created, a beautiful scene yet to be exploited.A problem child?
dash of green and blue then add the bright That's what you call me!
yellow sunshine that lights up the day. God gave I smoke. I drink. I gamble at my young tender
us a world full of promise. He wanted us to use age.
it, take care of it and make sure that there is I lie. I cheat, and I could even kill, If I have too.
plenty for everybody. Yes, I'm a bad girl, but where are my parents?
The water is not blue as it was. You! You! You are my good parents?
The air we breath is not healthy anymore. My good elder brother and sister in this society
The forest that used to be rich and full, nowhere where I live?
to be seen. Looklook at meWhat have you done to me?
Dead You have pampered and spoiled me, neglected
Denuded me when I needed you
Destroyed most!
"What happened to the promised land?" Entrusted me to a yaya, whose intelligence was
"How dare we ruin it!" much lower than mine!
"Look at it people! look at it!" While you go about your parties, your meetings
"If the world could only speak, it would tell us and gambling session
how much it hurts." Thus I drifted away from you!
"All of us can do something but not everyone is Longing for a father's love, yearning for a
willing to do it." mother's care!
"Now, I can't imagine what the future holds." As I grew up, everything changed!
Living You too have changed!
Hoping You spent more time in your poker, majong
Praying tables, bars and night clubs.
The chances are getting thinner everytime. Time You even landed on the headlines of the
is running out. We better do it now or pay the newspaper as crooks, peddlers and
price later. racketeers.
Let's rebuild this world and plant new life for a Now, you call me names, accuse me of
new day. everything I do to myself?
Tell me! How good are you?
If you really wish to ensure my future
Then hurry.hurry back home! Where I await
you, because I need you
Protect me from all evil influences that will
threaten at my very own
understanding
But if I am bad, really badthen, you've got to
help me!
Help me! Oh pleaseHelp me!
"Juvenile Delinquent" my father to console me, but, what a wonderful
thing he told me. "Child, heres 500 bucks, get it
Am I a juvenile delinquent? Im a teenager, Im and enjou yourself, go and ask your teachers
young, young at heart in mind. In this position, that question".
Im carefree, I enjoy doing nothing but to drink And in school, I heard nothing but the echoes of
the wine of pleasure. I seldom go to school, the voices of my teachers torturing me with
nobody cares!. But instead you can see me these words. "Why waste your time in studying,
roaming around. Standing at the nearby canto you cant even divide 100 by 5! Go home and
(street). Or else standing beside a jukebox stand plant sweet potatoes".
playing the nerve tickling bugaloo. Those are I may have the looks of Audrey Hepburn, the
the reasons, why people, you branded me calmly voice of Nathalie Cole. But thats not
delinquent, a juvenile delinquent. what you can see in me. Heres a young girl who
needs counsel to enlighten her way and
My parents ignored me, my teachers sneered at guidance to strenghten her life into
me and my friends, they neglected me. One contentment.
night I asked my mother to teach me how to Honorable judge, friends and teachersis this
appreciate the values in life. Would you care the girl whom you commented a juvenile
what she told me? "Stop bothering me! Cant delinquent?.
you see? I had to dress up for my mahjong
session, some other time my child". I turned to "The Unpardonable Crime"
my father to console me, but, what a wonderful
thing he told me. "Child, heres 500 bucks, get it Only one living creature seemed to take any
and enjoy yourself, go and ask your teachers notice of his existence:
that question". this was an old St. Bernard, who used to come
and lay his big head with its mournful eyes on
And in school, I heard nothing but the echoes of Christophe's knees when Christophe was sitting
the voices of my teachers torturing me with on the seat in front of the house. They would
these words. "Why waste your time in studying, look long at each other. Christophe would not
you cant even divide 100 by 5! Go home and drive him away Unlike the sick Goethe, the
plant sweet potatoes". dog's eyes had no uneasiness for him Unlike
him, he had no desire to cry:
I may have the looks of Audrey Hepburn, the "Go away! . . . Thou goblin thou shalt not catch
calmly voice of Nathalie Cole. But thats not me, whatever thou doest!"
what you can see in me. Heres a young girl who He asked nothing better than to be engrossed
needs counsel to enlighten her way and by the dog's suppliant sleepy eyes and to help
guidance to strenghten her life into the beast: he felt that there must be behind
contentment. them an imprisoned soul imploring his aid.

Honorable judge, friends and teachersis this In those hours when he was weak with
the girl whom you commented a juvenile suffering, torn alive away from life, devoid of
delinquent?. human egoism, he saw the victims of men, the
My parents ignored me, my teachers sneered at field of battle in which man triumphed in the
me and my friends, they neglected me. One bloody slaughter of all other creatures: and his
night I asked my mother to teach me how to heart was filled with pity and horror. Even in the
appreciate the values in life. Would you care days when he had been happy he had always
what she told me? "Stop bothering me! Cant loved the beasts: he had never been able to
you see? I had to dress up for my mahjong bear cruelty towards them: he had always had a
session, some other time my child". I turned to detestation of sport, which he had never dared
to express for fear of ridicule: but his feeling of times a calf crying in a wicker pen, with its
repulsion had been the secret cause of the big, protruding eyes, with their bluish whites
apparently inexplicable feeling of dislike he had and pink lids, and white lashes, its curly white
had for certain men: he had never been able to tufts on its forehead, its purple snout, its knock-
admit to his friendship a man who could kill an kneed legs:a lamb being carried by a peasant
animal for pleasure. It was not sentimentality: with its four legs tied together, hanging head
no one knew better than he that life is based on down, trying to hold its head up, moaning like a
suffering and infinite cruelty: no man can live child, bleating and lolling its gray tongue:fowls
without making others suffer. It is no use closing huddled together in a basket:the distant
our eyes and fobbing ourselves off with words. squeals of a pig being bled to death:a fish
It is no use either coming to the conclusion that being cleaned on the kitchen-table. . . . The
we must renounce life and sniveling like nameless tortures which men inflict on such
children. No. We must kill to live, if, at the time, innocent creatures made his heart ache. Grant
there is no other means of living. But the man animals a ray of reason, imagine what a frightful
who kills for the sake of killing is a miscreant. An nightmare the world is to them: a dream of
unconscious miscreant, I know. But, all the cold-blooded men, blind and deaf, cutting their
same, a miscreant. The continual endeavor of throats, slitting them open, gutting them,
man should be to lessen the sum of suffering cutting them into pieces, cooking them alive,
and cruelty: that is the first duty of humanity. sometimes laughing at them and their
contortions as they writhe in agony. Is there
In ordinary life those ideas remained buried in anything more atrocious among the cannibals of
Christophe's inmost heart. He refused to think Africa? To a man whose mind is free there is
of them. What was the good? What could he something even more intolerable in the
do? He had to be Christophe, he had to sufferings of animals than in the sufferings of
accomplish his work, live at all costs, live at the men. For with the latter it is at least admitted
cost of the weak. ... It was not he who had that suffering is evil and that the man who
made the universe. . . . Better not think of it, causes it is a criminal. But thousands of animals
better not think of it. ... are uselessly butchered every day without a
shadow of remorse. If any man were to refer to
But when unhappiness had dragged him down, it, he would be thought ridiculous.And that is
him, too, to the level of the vanquished, he had the unpardonable crime. That alone is the
to think of these things. Only a little while ago justification of all that men may suffer. It cries
he had blamed Olivier for plunging into futile vengeance upon God. If there exists a good
remorse and vain compassion for all the God, then even the most humble of living things
wretchedness that men suffer and inflict. Now must be saved. If God is good only to the strong,
he went even farther: with all the vehemence of if there is no justice for the weak and lowly, for
his mighty nature he probed to the depths of the poor creatures who are offered up as a
the tragedy of the universe: he suffered all the sacrifice to humanity, then there is no such
sufferings of the world, and was left raw and thing as goodness, no such thing as justice.
bleeding. He could not think of the animals
without shuddering in anguish. He looked into
the eyes of the beasts and saw there a soul like
his own, a soul which could not speak: but the
eyes cried for it:

"What have I done to you? Why do you hurt

me?" He could not bear to see the most "No Pardon For Me"
ordinary sights that he had seen hundreds of
I'm sentenced. That lethal injection
that will finally end this misery
Sentenced to life in this dank cell of a soul so wrongfully convicted to die.
of misery.
I can see the key- "The Plea of an Aborted Fetus"
it hangs there,
just out my finger's reach, LET THIS PRECIOUS ANGELS LIVE !
dangling there in a mock of freedom.
"SET ME FREE. LET ME LIVE, I DESERVE TO BE
There will be no pardon for me, BORN, I WANT TO LIVE. FOR HEAVENS SAKE,
no stay of this execution. HAVE PITY."

My life has convicted me Ladies and Gentlemen, dear fathers and mother,
for crimes I did not commit. listen to my plea, listen to my story. I could have
My penalty meted out. been the 17th Lady President of the Philippines
I followed every rule, Republic, had you given me the chance to live,
broke no laws, had you not deprived me of my life, had you not
have more than paid my fines taken away my privilege to be born.
to society's shun upon me.
Some eleven years ago, a healthy ovum started
There was no fair trial, to generate in the womb of a woman with six
no chance for me to plead my case. other children. My coming should be a herald of
The jurors were sent from hell, joy, a symbol of love incarnate but to my
quick to judgement mommy it was a burden, a problem, an
and showed no mercy additional mouth to feed. To Dad, it was a
as they read their verdict. mistake, an effect of Mom's carelessness for not
taking the contraceptive pills.
Life/Death, what does it matter?
Its all the same in this prison. One gloomy day in June, my unexpected coming
was confirmed. It was a painful decision. I could
I am but a mere victim, sense the imminent danger as Mom got inside
the criminal has gotten away, the abortion room. I was an unwanted child. No
while I do the time one loved me. No one cared. I was a rejected
for fate's crimes against me. being, a tiny lump slowly forming into human
being with human soul. I was already alive,
I can't escape the hounds they'd release, kicking, struggling. My heart was already
should I attemp escape, beating and my thumb had already the unique
for the walls and barbed wires mark. As I was holding to my mother's womb a
are too painful to scale splash of heat came all over me. I writhed in
and the hounds would scent my fear. extreme pain.

So I sit here, -- "Mom, why have you done this to me? Am I

waiting... not the flesh of your own flesh, the blood of
waiting for the day they walk me your own blood?"
that longest mile,
waiting for the flow of their poison The rubber suction caught my tiny limbs and
to seep within' my veins. mercilessly twisted it slowly cutting it from my
body. I struggled for my life. 1,2,3 and the first
part of me came out. pushed through with flying colors. My mother
who had given her whole life to me had tears in
-- "Mom, why have you permitted this? Am I not her eyes as she pinned the gold medal on my
Dad's pledge of love to you?" proud chest.

Then it was followed by another rubber suction Later on, I was sent as a scholar of the
sucking the other part moving it with force until Philippines to the United States of America. I
both were fully amputated. embraced my mother tightly as I've reached
the plane.."Mother, mother,.." I whispered.
-- "Mom, why have you done this to me? Am I You will always be my best mother in the world.
not God's image you promised to love and
protect?" After four years, I came back with laurels. I
became a cancer specialist. I gave my mother
Then i felt shaken once, twice, several times everything but I was too late. I who had used to
until I do not know anymore what has been ease the pain of many, came too late for the life
going around. I gushed forth my last breath... of my dying mother. I gave the best treatment
but the grasp of death was so tight around her.
Then came the final blow, my head - the My God, what is the use of ten years of study if I
abortionist termed as No. I was totally cut from couldn't even use it at my mother's pain.
my torso: total annihilation.
Then one night, I heard a strange cry. I run to
GONE IS MY CHANCE TO LEAD A HEALTHY her room. "Do you love me, child?" she asked,
NORMAL LIFE. as I embrace her. " Yes, mother.. If only I could
get all your pain and agonies"
GONE IS MY CHANCE TO BEHOLD THE MANY
LOVELY THINGS GOD CREATED FOR US. " Then.. if you love me, end my sufferings, kill
me Let me die."
GONE IS THE PROMISE OF A BLISSFUL LIFE.
"But, mother, I promise to give life and not to
end it."
"I Killed Her"
God. She did not deserve the unhappiness.
I killed her because I do love her. These hands, She deserves to be happy.
these hands that gave life to many, killed her
because of my love for her. I run to my room and came back with a syringe.

Ladies and Gentlemen of this honorable court, "Mother, forgive me. God, please understand
please listen to me, listen to my story before me."
you give my verdict. I am Dr. Reyes, a cancer
specialist. I was born in a slum district of "Mother, mother, you must not die.. Don't
Batalon. My father oh! I don't know him for I am leave, I love you. It was only a distilled
a child of faith. My mother brought me up in water..Mother Mother. MOTHER"
such determination and my ambition was to
escape the filthy and horrible place of Batalon. I Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, give me your
was nourished with hope that someday I might verdict. Yes, it was only distilled water which
live a life different from her. My mother had a ended the sufferings of my mother.
burning faith that she turned the nights into
days. All her efforts were not in vain for I Judge me.. Punish me
 the open gate of our house. We followed her
GO, punish me.. Thy will be done!! calling out her name. "Luisa!" "Sister!" "Luisa"
"Sister" "Luisa the Truck!" "Dont cross the road,
Luisa, the truck dont Dont DONT!"
Conscience
The next sight I saw was that Luisa was thrown
I wept, I cried so hard. But this tears cant bring five meters away from the truck. I ran to her
back my sister to life. My being brought here by and embraced her. Blood was all over her face.
my conscience. I want to ask forgiveness. But In a low but distinct voice she murmured, that
can she still hear? O heart, forgive me for what I made my heart break so much. She said,
have done, please bring peace to mind. "Lucille, please be a good girl. I love you. Please
be a good girl coz Papa loves you very much."
Dry leaves were crushed down below. As if to
freshen my memories that her life perished "Luisa? Luisa? Sister sister!!!" From that
because of my selfishness. moment I cried so hard for killing my only sister,
who loved and cared for me, even at the last
She was my only sister. Since our childhood, I moment of her life.
always believed that I was the favorite of our
dad. One night, while I was facing all about to Now can you blame me, for asking God to
the mirror, with my micro mini, I puffed powder, forgive me? Forgive me dear God, Forgive me!
when I saw Luisas face, reflecting in the mirror.
"You cant get out tonight, Lucille." I heard a
threatening tone from her. I turned to her, but I Am I to be Blamed?
cant resist at her sharp stare at me. "And who
says so, my dear sister?" "We are to celebrate Theyre chasing me, theyre chasing, no they
Mommas death anniversary, you know that must not catch me, I have enough money now,
dont you?" In a relaxed and condescending yes enough for my starving mother and
voice, I replied "well I dont care. Im going out brothers.
to party tonight!"
Please let me go, let me go home before you
Then I heard a knock on the door. I shouted imprisoned me. Very well, officers? take me to
"Help Papa!" for I knew that it was he. I pulled your headquarters. Good morning captain! no
my hair, I tore my dress away as I was attacked captain, you are mistaken, I was once a good
by a squad of monstrous creatures. When the girl, just like the rest of you here. Just like any of
door opened the site Papa saw was that Luisa your daughters. But time was, when I was
was holding my neck who was trying to make a reared in slums. But we lived honestly, we lived
rescue. But I cried so hard that made Papa grew honestly in life. My, father, mother, brothers,
to the height of anger. He threw Luisa to the sisters and I. But then, poverty enters the
corner, where the head of my poor sister was portals of our home. My father became jobless,
hit at the edge of the chair. my mother got ill. The small savings that my
mother had kept for our expenses were spent.
I slowly rejoiced for I have made a successful All for our daily needs and her needed
revenge. But when she lifted, I saw a different medicine.
sparkle in her tearful eyes. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" O
my, Luisa, she went out of her mind. I was not One night, my father went out, telling us that he
able to move, as well as Papa. Both of us were would come back in a few minutes with plenty
motionless. And before we returned to our of foods and money, but that was the last time I
senses, Luisa ran to the door and proceeded to saw him. He went with another woman. If only I
could lay my hands on his neck I would wring it "Please child, try to get me a glass of cold
without pain until he breaths no more. If you water!"
were in my place, youll do it, wont you
Captain? What? you wont still believe in me?. At the party, I danced and danced the whole
Come and Ill show you a dilapidated shanty by night.
a railroad.
You see, I cant leave the party at once. I have to
Mother, mother Im home, mother? mother?!. danced with everybody who proposed to me. At
There Captain, see my dead mother. Captain? last, the party is over. Im very tired. Very, very
there are tears in your eyes? now pack this tired.
stolen money and return it to the owner. What
good would this do to my mother now? shes So, I went home to tell mama what happened.
already gone! Do you hear me? shes already
gone. Am I to be blamed for the things I have "Mama, Im home! Its very quiet. "Mama, Im
done? home!" Nobody answers.

Where is she? I look for her in the sala, but shes

A Glass of Cold Water not there. Where is she? A-huh! In the kitchen!

Everybody calls me young, beautiful, wonderful. I saw my mama, lying down on the floor, dead.
Am I? Look at my hair, my lips, my red rosy With a glass on her hand. I remember, she tried
cheeks and a pair of blinkering eyes. to get it.

I remember, somebody says that I look like my Oh, God, just for the glass of cold water! Mama!
mother that I look like my mother. But that Mama! Oh, Mama!
when she was young.

Now, I am much lovelier than she is. Im a

mortal Venus. Oops! What time is it? I must get
ready for the party! Vengeance Is Not Ours, Its Gods

Beep-beep!A-huh! Here they are! Yes, Im Alms, alms, alms. Spare me a piece of bread.
coming! Spare me your mercy. I am a child so young, so
thin, and so ragged.Why are you staring at me?
"Child, are you still there?" With my eyes I cannot see but I know that you
are all staring at me. Why are you whispering to
"Hmp! Thats my mama" one another? Why? Do you know my mother?
Do you know my father? Did you know me five
"Child, are you still there? Will you please get years ago?
me a glass of cold water?"
Yes, five years of bitterness have passed. I can
"Mama, Im in a hurry!" still remember the vast happiness mother and I
shared with each other. We were very happy
"Please child, try to get me a glass of cold indeed.
water."
Suddenly, five loud knocks were heard on the
"Mama, please, try to get it on your own." door and a deep silence ensued. Did the cruel
Nippons discover our peaceful home? Mother
ran to Fathers side pleading. Please, Luis, hide she died.
in the cellar, there in the cellar where they
cannot find you, I pulled my fathers arm but Mother was dead and I was blind. Vengeance is
he did not move. It seemed as though his feet not ours? To forgive is divine but vengeance is
were glued to the floor. sweeter. That was five years ago, five years. . . .

The door went bang and before us five ugly Alms, alms, alms. Spare me a piece of bread.
beasts came barging in. Are you Captain Luis Spare me your mercy. I am a child so young, so
Santos? roared the ugliest of them all. Yes, thin, and so ragged. Vengeance is not ours, its
said my father. You are under arrest, said one Gods. . . . Its. . . . Gods. . Its
of the beasts. They pulled father roughly away
from us. Father was not given a chance to bid us
goodbye. Parricide

We followed them mile after mile. We were "Your honor, as I do not wish to go to an insane
hungry and thirsty. We saw group of Japanese asylum, and as I even prefer death to that, I will
eating. Oh, how our mouths watered seeing the tell everything."I killed this man and this woman
delicious fruits they were eating, because they were my parents."Now, listen, and
judge me.
Then suddenly, we heard a voice call,
Consuelo. . . . Oscar. . . . Consuelo. . . . "A woman, having given birth to a boy, sent him
Oscar. . . . Consuelo. . . . Oscar. . . . we ran out, somewhere, to a nurse. Did she even know
towards the direction of the voice, but it was where her accomplice carried this innocent little
too late. We saw father hanging on a tree. . . . being, condemned to eternal misery, to the
dead. Oh, it was terrible. He had been badly shame of an illegitimate birth; to more than
beaten before he died. . . . and I cried that--to death, since he was abandoned and the
vengeance, vengeance, vengeance! Everything nurse, no longer receiving the monthly pension,
went black. The next thing I knew I was nursing might, as they often do, let him die of hunger
my poor invalid mother. and neglect!

One day, we heard the church bell ringing ding- "The woman who nursed me was honest,
dong, ding-dong! It was a sign for us to find a better, more noble, more of a mother than my
shelter in our hide-out, but I could not leave my own mother. She brought me up. She did wrong
invalid mother, I tried to show her the way to in doing her duty. It is more humane to let them
the hide-out. die, these little wretches who are cast away in
suburban villages just as garbage is thrown
Suddenly, bombs started falling; airplanes were away.
roaring overhead, canyons were firing from
everywhere. Boom, boom, boom, boom! "I grew up with the indistinct impression that I
Mother was hit. Her legs were shattered into was carrying some burden of shame. One day
pieces. I took her gently in my arms and cried, the other children called me a 'b-----'. They did
Ill have vengeance, vengeance! No, Oscar. not know the meaning of this word, which one
Vengeance, its Gods, said mother. of them had heard at home. I was also ignorant
of its meaning, but I felt the sting all the same.
But I cried out vengeance. I was like a pent-up
volcano. Vengeance is mine not the Lords. "I was, I may say, one of the cleverest boys in
No, Oscar. Vengeance is not ours, its Gods the school. I would have been a good man, your
these were the words from my mother before honor, perhaps a man of superior intellect, if my
parents had not committed the crime of growing affection for him.
abandoning me.
"At the beginning of this year he brought with
"This crime was committed against me. I was him his wife, my mother. When she entered she
the victim, they were the guilty ones. I was was trembling so that I thought her to be
defenseless, they were pitiless. Their duty was suffering from some nervous disease. Then she
to love me, they rejected me. asked for a seat and a glass of water. She said
nothing; she looked around abstractedly at my
"I owed them life--but is life a boon? To me, at work and only answered 'yes' and 'no,' at
any rate, it was a misfortune. After their random, to all the questions which he asked her.
shameful desertion, I owed them only When she had left I thought her a little
vengeance. They committed against me the unbalanced.
most inhuman, the most infamous, the most
monstrous crime which can be committed "The following month they returned. She was
against a human creature. calm, self-controlled. That day they chattered
for a long time, and they left me a rather large
"A man who has been insulted, strikes; a man order. I saw her three more times, without
who has been robbed, takes back his own by suspecting anything. But one day she began to
force. A man who has been deceived, played talk to me of my life, of my childhood, of my
upon, tortured, kills; a man who has been parents. I answered: 'Madame, my parents were
slapped, kills; a man who has been dishonored, wretches who deserted me.' Then she clutched
kills. I have been robbed, deceived, tortured, at her heart and fell, unconscious. I immediately
morally slapped, dishonored, all this to a greater thought: 'She is my mother!' but I took care not
degree than those whose anger you excuse. to let her notice anything. I wished to observe
her.
"I revenged myself, I killed. It was my legitimate
right. I took their happy life in exchange for the "I, in turn, sought out information about them. I
terrible one which they had forced on me. learned that they had been married since last
"You will call me parricide! Were these people July, my mother having been a widow for only
my parents, for whom I was an abominable three years. There had been rumors that they
burden, a terror, an infamous shame; for whom had loved each other during the lifetime of the
my birth was a calamity and my life a threat of first husband, but there was no proof of it. I was
disgrace? They sought a selfish pleasure; they the proof--the proof which they had at first
got an unexpected child. They suppressed the hidden and then hoped to destroy.
child. My turn came to do the same for them.
"I waited. She returned one evening, escorted
"And yet, up to quite recently, I was ready to as usual by my father. That day she seemed
love them. deeply moved, I don't know why. Then, as she
"As I have said, this man, my father, came to me was leaving, she said to me: 'I wish you success,
for the first time two years ago. I suspected because you seem to me to be honest and a
nothing. He ordered two pieces of furniture. I hard worker; some day you will undoubtedly
found out, later on, that, under the seal of think of getting married. I have come to help
secrecy, naturally, he had sought information you to choose freely the woman who may suit
from the priest. you. I was married against my inclination once
and I know what suffering it causes. Now I am
"He returned often. He gave me a lot of work rich, childless, free, mistress of my fortune. Here
and paid me well. Sometimes he would even is your dowry.'
talk to me of one thing or another. I felt a
"She held out to me a large, sealed envelope. fault. Why did you wish to see him? It was
"I looked her straight in the eyes and then said: absurd in our position. We could have helped
'Are you my mother?' him from afar, without showing ourselves. Of
"She drew back a few steps and hid her face in what use are these dangerous visits, since we
her hands so as not to see me. He, the man, my can't recognize him?'
father, supported her in his arms and cried out
to me: 'You must be crazy!' "Then I rushed up to them, beseeching. I cried:
"I answered: 'Not in the least. I know that you 'You see! You are my parents. You have already
are my parents. I cannot be thus deceived. rejected me once; would you repulse me again?'
Admit it and I will keep the secret; I will bear "Then, your honor, he struck me. I swear it on
you no ill will; I will remain what I am, a my honor, before the law and my country. He
carpenter.' struck me, and as I seized him by the collar, he
drew from his pocket a revolver.
"He retreated towards the door, still supporting "The blood rushed to my head, I no longer knew
his wife who was beginning to sob. Quickly I what I was doing, I had my compass in my
locked the door, put the key in my pocket and pocket; I struck him with it as often as I could.
continued: 'Look at her and dare to deny that "Then she began to cry: 'Help! murder!' and to
she is my mother.' pull my me. It seems that I killed her also. How
"Then he flew into a passion, very pale, terrified do I know what I did then?
at the thought that the scandal, which had so "Then, when I saw them both lying on the
far been avoided, might suddenly break out; ground, without thinking, I threw them into the
that their position, their good name, their honor Seine."That's all. Now sentence me."
might all at once be lost. He stammered out:
'You are a rascal, you wish to get money from
us! That's the thanks we get for trying to help
such common people!'

"My mother, bewildered, kept repeating: 'Let's

get out of here, let's get out!'
"Then, when he found the door locked, he
exclaimed : 'If you do not open this door
immediately, I will have you thrown into prison
for blackmail and assault!'
"I had remained calm; I opened the door and
saw them disappear in the darkness.
"Then I seemed to have been suddenly
orphaned, deserted, pushed to the wall. I was
seized with an overwhelming sadness, mingled
with anger, hatred, disgust; my whole being
seemed to rise up in revolt against the injustice,
the meanness, the dishonor, the rejected love. I
began to run, in order to overtake them along
the Seine, which they had to follow in order to
reach the station of Chaton. The Blood in Me
"I soon caught up with them. It was now pitch
dark. I was creeping up behind them softly, that
Hey you! Hey you there! Why are you
they might not hear me. My mother was still staring at me? Are you accusing of me
crying. My father was saying: 'It's all your own of my racial heritage? Do you see in
my white skin the black pigment of realized it is my mother Mother!
my mother? Well, yes! My mother is Mother! A-A-lice, now I have given
black, but my father is white. Look at you your freedom, and this is what
me I have the white skin of my father. you've been wishing for. No, mother,
You, all of you there! Before you pass no! A-A-lice, please take good care of
judgment upon me, Let me first tell yourself. Mother, please forgive me. I
you my story One fine Sunday didn't mean it. Forgive me mother,
morning I saw some of my friends forgive me.
playing down the street Yahoo!
Miriam, may I join your game? No!
Don't you dare talk to us! You ugly
d.i.r.t.y n.i.g.g.e.r! Please let me join
your game. No! Don't talk to us! Get
out from here! Oh, why are they so
cruel to me? They hated me because
my mother is black I hated my
mother since then. So I cried and
went home hating my mother Then,
my mother saw me crying She asks
me, Alice why are you crying? No!
Don't you dare talk to me! You d.i.r.t.y
old n.i.g.g.e.r! Why are you black?
Don't you knowthat my friends don't
like me because of you? Oh! I hate
you! I hate you! IThat was the first
time my mother slapped me I ran out
from the house, down the street I
heard my mother calling Alice! Come
back! I didn't mean it, comeback! I
ran as fast as I could Suddenly, I heard
commotions around me People were
chanting Give us equality! Give us
equality! Bullets whistle to and from.
Then bullets were so close I thought I
was hit Then I felt someone push me
down the ground I tried to catch the
heavy object upon me. Suddenly, I