Bruce Sterling. Fiction: In the Future, Doing Science Is Like Blogging.

Bruce Sterling. Fiction: In the Future, Doing Science Is Like Blogging. Discover. July/August 2009.
WAITINGRIGHT NOWSOMEWHERE IN YOUR E-MAIL JUNK FOLDER. MYSTERIOUS DISCOVERY: Frequently Asked Questions! C!n I re!lly "!ke "!#or s$ien$e dis$o%eries #ust &y re!din' (nonsense )oe"s*+ You &et you $!n, !nd t-!t.s /-y /e.re so 'l!d you.re !t our 0e& site! I1 you $!n re!d ! )o)ul!r2s$ien$e )u&li$!tion 3!nd en#oy it4, t-en you "ost likely -!%e enou'&r!in)o/er to -el) us "!ke "!ssi%e s$ienti1i$ &re!kt-rou'-s5 6o/ do I kno/ i1 I qu!li1y 1or "!kin' t-ese ("ysterious dis$o%eries*+ 7y dis)l!yin' your lin'uisti$ $o")re-ension o1 our sto$-!sti$ s$iento"etri$ ontolo'i$!l s$-e"!t!! 0-!t !re (sto$-!sti$ s$iento"etri$s,* !nd /-!t.s so (ontolo'i$!l* !&out t-e"+ 0e.re 'l!d you !sked t-!t, &e$!use "!ny $onte")or!ry re!ders 1ind our l!n'u!'e in!$$essi&le! In 1!$t, t-ey $o""only sur1 o11 else/-ere )ronto !1ter re!din' question nu"&er one! 7ut not you8&e$!use you $le!rly -!%e t-e ri'-t stu11! You.re in t-e (9 )er$ent $ontin'ent*8so"eone /-o 'enuinely en#oys s$ien$e #!r'on5 So /el$o"e !&o!rd! :o/ /e $!n tell you /-y our $o'niti%e lin'uisti$s site is t-e -ottest )-eno"enon in "odern s$ien$e! PL AS ! "IS# ! $ ! #% J%I& '(S# !I%)S DIS*%+ !( T-!nks 1or re'isterin'! You see8)!l, &uddy!8"ost s$ienti1i$ dis$i)lines $enter !round (s$ien$e #ourn!ls5* Yes, !round )!)er! Fi%e $enturies o1 (s$ien$e* !re ink stu$k on )!)er! 0it- "!y&e ! 1e/ s"!ll, st!ti$, &orin', &l!$k2!nd2/-ite 'r!)-i$s5 0orse yet, t-is )!)er2&!sed (s$ien$e* /!s o1ten /ritten in ;!tin8<reek8Fren$-, <er"!n, Russi!n, or =!)!nese! >!)er is e?)ensi%e !nd di11i$ult to store5 :ot !t !ll like our "odern 0e&! Do I -!%e to re!d &orin' old s$ien$e ()!)ers* in di11i$ult 1orei'n l!n'u!'es+ Cert!inly not! T-!t.s t-e &e!uty o1 our !))ro!$-! M!$-ine tr!nsl!tion -!s ne%er &een (Arti1i$i!l Intelli'en$e*8t-!t.s /-ere your n!tur!l l!n'u!'e intelli'en$e is sorely needed! Fi%e $enturies o1 ()!)ers* "!ke ! truly enor"ous &ulk o1 "!$-ine2se!r$-!&le "!teri!l5 T-e Se"!nti$ 0e& -!s "!de )ro1ound !d%!n$es! So tod!y our sto$-!sti$ ontolo'i$!l s$-e"!t! -!%e dissol%ed -undreds o1 so2$!lled (s$ienti1i$ dis$i)lines,* !nd

t-eir "illions o1 )!)er (#ourn!ls,* into one %!st <oo'le2sou) o1 n!%i'!&le, se!r$-!&le, ontolo'i$!lly link!&le (l!n'u!'e )rodu$t5* 7ut I." #ust !n !%id )o)2s$ien$e re!der, not ! /orkin' s$ientist5 T-!t "!tters, ri'-t+ :o /!y! You see, t-e l!/s o1 :!ture -!%e no s$ienti1i$ (dis$i)lines5* For :!ture, t-ere.s no di11eren$e &et/een (or'!ni$ $-e"istry,* ($ell &iolo'y,* or (&ot!ny5* A rose is ! rose is ! rose! S$ien$e !t its &est re%e!ls t-e -idden l!/s o1 :!ture5 S$ienti1i$ dis$i)lines !re )oliti$!l $onstru$tions &y /-i$- s$ientists )u&lis-, 'et $ited, edu$!te t-eir students, !nd 'r!& so"e 'r!nt "oney5 T-!t.s kind o1 $yni$!l, isn.t it+ Yet it.s so true! Our st!rtlin' !d%!n$es in s$ien$e !re 1ree o1 t-e in1or"!tion2)ro$essin' li"its in-erent in )!)er! Also, tr!dition!l s$ientists /!nt to underst!nd !nd $o")re-end /-!t t-ey !re studyin', usin' t-eir o/n -u"!n &r!ins5 T-!nks to t-e -u'e intelle$tu!l !d%!nt!'e o1 t-e :et, /e $!n t!ke !n e!sy, 1ree/-eelin' !))ro!$-! It.s !ll t-!nks to sto$-!sti$ ontolo'y !nd )ro&!&ilisti$ s$iento2&i&lio"etri$s5 In :!ture t-ere !re no (1ields o1 study5* Our !))ro!$- is $-e!), $ross dis$i)lin!ry, !nd li'-tnin' 1!st! Are you 'uys doin' (re!l s$ien$e,* or is t-is #ust so"e /eird 0e& @5A $o")uter -!$k+ OB, 1ine: Cert!in ()-iloso)-ers o1 s$ien$e* !r'ue t-!t /e !re not (dis$o%erin'* !ny ne/ s$ien$e5 0e !re (un$o%erin'* s$ien$e &y tr!$kin' t-e se"!nti$ !$tor2net/orks unitin' entire 1ields o1 study5 I1 s$ientists !re like (#ourn!lists*8doin' -!rd, ori'in!l rese!r$-8t-en /e !re so"et-in' like (&lo''ers5* 7ut let.s &e $le!r: In :!ture t-ere !re no (1ields o1 study5* Our !))ro!$- is $-e!), $ross dis$i)lin!ry, o)en sour$e, !nd li'-tnin' 1!st! >lus, /e "!ke !"!Cin' ne/ $onne$tions e%ery d!y5 Our sto$-!sti$ tr!nsl!tion "!$-ines -!%e no -u"!n &i!ses5 T-ey tirelessly se!r$- t-e entire -istori$!l )u&lis-ed $or)us o1 s$ien$e 1or !ny se"!nti$ "e!nin'5 O1 $ourse, t-ese 0e& s)iders don.t (underst!nd /-!t s$ien$e "e!ns*8&ut t-!t.s /-y /e need you5 All ri'-t5 <re!t5 0-!t.s in it 1or "e+ SI"& &%&DIS*L%S)! A"! ' &# A&D L "AL S$!I&,-.!AP $ !

T-!nk you, (sto$k-older*! Rel!?! M!ny o1 our &est $ro/d2sour$ed $ontri&utors $onsider MYSTERIOUS DISCOVERY to &e #ust ! 1un little online /ord '!"e5 A )o)ul!r !"use"ent, /-ere t-ey )oint !nd $li$k !t 1lo!tin' t!'2$louds o1 (-i'$on$e)ts5* For inst!n$e: D!t!2"ine so"e $luster o1 /ork in )-ysi$s !&out 1i&ers5 Add /ork 1ro" $-e"istry !&out %is$osity5 Mi? /it- "!rine &iolo'y5 T-is led to "!#or !d%!n$es 1or &io"!ss )rodu$tion in industri!l kel)5 :ot to "ention t-e 1un ne/ industry o1 (under/!ter &!sket /e!%in'*! T-ere !re "!ny )ro1it!&le te$- st!rt2u)s in t-is s)!$e5 Quite 1r!nkly, t-!t /!s !ll one /eek.s 'ood /ork &y Mrs5 E"ily Fr!ser.s $l!ss o1 si?t- 'r!ders in F!r'o, :ort- D!kot!5 0e don.t like to &o!st !&out t-!t s$-ool.s -!ndso"e ne/ li&r!ry8&ut yes, /e '!%e t-e" ! /-ole &un$- o1 )!)er &ooks5 Tons o1 )!)er &ooks5 Bids re!lly lo%e )!)er &ooks5

0-y is t-is s$ien$e '!"e so so$i!lly i")ort!nt+ 7e$!use s$ien$e "e!ns -u"!n )ro'ress! Yet 1!"e !nd in1luen$e in s$ien$e -!%e !l/!ys de)ended on ()u&li$!tion5* T-!t "e!ns lots o1 ()!)ers5* Also $it!tion 3/ritin' ()!)ers* t-!t ot-er s$ientists -!%e to t!lk !&out in t-eir ()!)ers*45 0ell, (s$ien$e )!)ers* !re dyin' in t-e e?!$t s!"e /!y t-!t (ne/s)!)ers* !re dyin'5 Furt-er"ore, -!rdly !ny o1 t-is )!)er ritu!l -el)s t-e true $ore o1 s$ien$e, /-i$- is (re!lly 'ood ide!s5* A lot o1 s$ienti1i$ ide!s !ren.t e%en (ide!s5* T-ey !re )-ony )u&li$ ritu!ls, like $o")li$!ted 7i' S$ien$e )-ysi$s e?)eri"ents t-!t -!%e @AA !ut-ors !nd $ost -!l1 ! &illion euros ! )o)5 Most s$ientists /ill se$retly !'ree /it- us t-!t t-ese s$-e"es don.t "u$- !d%!n$e s$ien$e5 7ut t-e "!instre!" set -!%e to &e res)e$ted or else t-e )oliti$i!ns /ill sto) %otin' t-e "oney5 7y st!rk $ontr!st, 'r!nd &re!kt-rou'dis$o%eries -!))en /-en you !re, 1or inst!n$e, ! )enniless )!tent $lerk in S/itCerl!nd, d!ydre!"in' !&out ele%!tors "o%in' ne!r t-e s)eed o1 li'-t5 Our "!ny $ontri&utors !re su)er& !t t-!t kind o1 t-in'5 =ust !sk us !&out t-e (entro)i$ de$!y in t-e 1!&ri$ o1 s)!$e2 ti"e5* Ye!-, t-!t $-!n'ed t-e $on$e)tu!l n!ture o1 t-e uni%erse8!nd /e 1ound t-!t out ri'-t -ere !t MYSTERIOUS DISCOVERY! You.re still /it- us, ri'-t+ <re!t! I1 you -!%en.t lo''ed o11 yet !nd 1ound so"et-in' "u$- si")ler to 0e& sur1, t-en you "i'-t &e one o1 our truly elite $ontri&utors5 One in ! t-ous!nd! 0e $!ll you )eo)le our (An'els5* An'els !re ne%er s$ientists5 7e$!use s$ientists -!%e to do re!l s$ien$e5 An'els, &y st!rk $ontr!st, #ust /!nt to re!d !&out s$ien$e5 T-ey -!%e no intelle$tu!l ri'or, t-ey do not t-ink or !$t /it- !ny )re$ision !t !ll, t-ey #ust like toDso) s$ien$e u) like ! s)on'e5 T-ey e!t s$ien$e u) 1ro" !stro)-ysi$s to Cy"ur'y! And, yes, /e An'els -!%e &e$o"e dis$o%ery5 T-ere is no li"it to /-!t our /!nderin' &r!ins $!n $o"& out o1 t-e !r$-i%es5 0-ile s$ien$e $r!/ls 1or/!rd, /e $!n 1ly, !s /e t!', $ross2link, tr!nsl!te, 1olksono"iCe, !nd inter$onne$t5 T-e )!st -!s &e$o"e t-e /!y 1or/!rd! T-e "!) -!s re)l!$ed t-e territory!