"You are not Japanese!"

4 years ago I was living in Singapore and my son went to his friend’s birthday. It turned out that all the kids there were Japanese. My son had a blast! On the way home from the party my son declared he was Japanese.

I was thinking he is a little bit British and a little bit French and a little bit Italian and a little bit Australian because that’s his parents’ heritage – and maybe a little bit Singaporean because of his schooling. But no, he isn’t Japanese.

I also had this nagging fear that he was trying to fit into some sort of social norm – that at 3 years old he already didn’t want to be different.

So I said “Sweetheart you are many things but you are not Japanese”.

On reflection that was the wrong answer.

First of all, my 3 year old was paying this culture a compliment by effectively saying ‘you are so awesome I want to be like you’.  

Second of all, if he felt Japanese, why did it matter that his genetics didn’t match that? Nationality does not dictate which culture you affiliate with.

And guess what? That simple comment from me, was attempting to define him according to my own definition. I was inadvertently telling him not be different from my own concept of cultural identity, which was exactly what I was afraid others would do to him…

I have been lucky to be given other chances and my rectified answer goes something like this: “Your Japanese friends are great. What do you like about them? Why do you like that quality? Did you learn some Japanese words? Do you want to learn more about this culture?” And so the conversation continues. We talk about what is special about being Japanese, in his eyes, because after all that’s all that matters!

How often do we make the assumption that someone’s culture is XYZ because of someone’s nationality or looks or accent? Wouldn’t it be a much richer experience to just hear how they feel, be it Japanese or otherwise? Imagine if we could behave like this in our workplaces, the difference it would make!

Accent HR - www.accenthr.com.au