Why we start learning new skills eagerly, but give up so easily?

If you have a long list of new skills you really want to learn and you have started to learn them several times, but gave up easily, don't worry you are not alone!

All of us have something to start or stop from next Monday. But that Monday never comes, or it comes, and we eagerly start to do something but by the end of the week we get disappointed or give up. All of us have new year resolutions with perfect goal settings but all forgotten by end of January.

Why does it seem hard to learn new skills or develop good habits?

It’s because of 2 reasons.

First, we need to have a look to the 3 layers of our behaviours. Outcome, process and Identity.

When we want to change something in our life, we usually focus on outcome or process, but we need to focus on Identity. For example, I want to have a fit body. I try to lose weight (outcome) with cutting sugar and carbohydrates (process). Instead, I need to focus on becoming a healthy eater (identity). Then whenever I want to prepare or order food, I need to ask, “What's the option for a healthy eater?” or “What does a healthy eater choose in this situation?”. So, instead of choosing a cheeseburger and chips, I’ll go for a grilled fish and salad. After a while I will transform to a healthy eater and the result of losing weight will be a natural outcome.

The second reason is, when we start to change something, for example start exercising or learning new skills, we expect to see the result very soon, but it takes ages to see the results. We need to wait to see the result of our accumulated efforts, but usually we are not patient enough. We think we are not good enough or we are not talented in learning the skill, and we simply give up before seeing the result. The graph below from the book  “Atomic Habits” by James Clear, explains this concept very well.

In the end, to learn new skills and transform into a person we really love to be, we don't need to take big steps. Every day we only need to be 1 percent better that yesterday. We just need to follow our efforts and be patient.

Good Luck!

Reference:

The Power of Habits, Charles Duhigg  

Atomic Habits, James Clear

Hellitalk Podcasts (Farsi), Episode 15 and 16 by Helli Hendesi

https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/hellitalk-hellitalk-6mAYnuaNjcf/