Who Brings You Energy in Your Life? A Purpose Newsletter Special Holiday Edition

This is a special Purpose Newsletter Issue 03. In it, I want to offer you a set of questions perfect for you to ponder while you spend time with family and friends over the holidays.

Here's the idea. To identify who are the people in your life who bring you energy, excitement, and a sense of possibility?

The complete excerpt below from Purpose: Design a Community & Change Your Life covers the context in which to ask yourself these questions as well as the questions themselves.

Let me know below how these sit with you and what you learn over the holidays. And to offer a hint at what's coming next week for this newly minted newsletter? Think about the perfect practice for finding your purpose starting January 1st.

Stay tuned and happy holidays for all who celebrate.

Excerpt from Purpose: Design a Community and Change Your Life

✴ FROM HERO TO HOST IN ✴ YOUR CORE COMMUNITY

The best place to begin searching for the people who will support you and each other toward the future you envision is in your core community. To pinpoint exactly who and where you’ll start and how you can surround yourself with the people who will move you toward your goals, we’re going to do another exercise. You know the plan by now—dedicated time, phone away, favorite beverage, a blank sheet of paper, and a pen you love.

1. Take Stock of Your Core Community

Start by taking stock of the relationships in your life. Think about your core community as concentric circles, rippling out from you. You have your most immediate connections, like parents, spouse, children, and closer friends. Start there, and then keep going wider in terms of the people in your life, perhaps ending with folks you haven’t talked to in years but who made an impression on you at some time in your past.

Write them down.

Later, I’m going to encourage you to pull out your phone and go deep on who’s in your contact list, who follows you on social media, who’s buried in your email inbox, etc. But for now, it’s better to focus on the people who naturally come to mind. Once you get through your obvious people in your inner circle, you may find someone popping up who you haven’t thought about in years, like an old colleague or high school teacher. That’s great! Jot their name down.

2. Get Clear on Your Core Community’s Impact on You

Now that you’ve taken inventory of your core community, you want to examine these connections and understand how they impact you. You need to ensure there’s fertile soil at home so your purpose can grow and strengthen before you start planting seeds elsewhere.

You’ll start with the positive.

• Who brings you the most energy?
• Who gives you the greatest sense of what is possible?
• Who gives you meaning?
• Who encourages you to take on challenges?
• Who do you learn from?
• Who makes you laugh?
• Who expands your worldview?

Then, you’ll want to explore the opposite dynamic.

• Who depletes your energy?
• Who is quick to cut you down?
• Who makes you question your worth?

As you go through this exercise, you may find some insights you want to examine. in terms of both your positive relationships and those that aren’t. Please do. It’s important, even when it’s not easy. It’s never fun to “break up” with someone. But there is nothing more precious than your time, talents, energy, and focus. If there are people in your life who are siphoning any of those essential elements off in a way that doesn’t feel aligned to the future you envision . . . well . . . it’s time to make some adjustments.

Of course, if this individual is a spouse, parent, or child, it certainly isn’t simple. But if their name keeps coming up as a negative influence, take it as a sign there may be some vulnerable conversations needed and some new boundaries to set for yourself. Even people who love us deeply and have the best of intentions may not realize what they take from us rather than give. Those people can still be our core community (your kid kind of has to be), but they may not be where we immediately focus our time, talents, energy, and focus.

3. Bring It All Together Around Your Purpose

I want you to shift into asking questions about how your core community fits with your purpose.

• Who in my life can help me move my purpose forward?
• Who can I show up for in a way that’s aligned with my purpose?
• How do I need to take care of myself so I can show up energized and focused for the people in my life and myself?
• Am I setting clear boundaries, so that I can harness my time, talents, energy, and focus on moving toward my Future Story?
• What is one thing I can do today to move one step closer to my purpose and the future I want to see in my Future Story (a concept you'll learn about in the book)?

When thinking about the first two questions, you may be surprised. Some unexpected people may pop up, like the roommate of a friend, the other mom you see at school drop- off, or the aunt you haven’t called in years. Let it flow. The answers to one and two may also have some overlap. The best relationships are often where both parties have something to offer the other. The final four questions are about your relationship with yourself—often overlooked but no less critical.

If you aren’t showing up for yourself, you’re going to find it really difficult to positively impact the relationships around you and the wider world in general. Be true to your- self when answering the self-care question. For some of us, this may mean cutting back on coffee. For others it may mean getting some caffeine now. If you know exercise and meditation work well for you, make time for them. Or it could be that you need to buckle down and get some work done so you’re not consumed by anxiety about your to-do list.

This is also a great place to think about your media consumption. Trust me, no judgment here—I rarely end the day without a good TV binge. (I’m partial to Bob’s Burgers, HGTV, and British murder mysteries.) But maybe you realize you should watch lighter shows and skip the dark true-crime drama at night, so you can get a better night’s sleep. Change how you ingest the news—it’s called “doom scrolling” for a reason.

It isn’t just about cutting things out. It’s also about adding things in and making sure you’re finding time for joy, laughter, and fun. The world needs your laughter and joy as much as it needs your purpose.

Then, you’ll shift into boundaries. If you’re reading this book, you’re probably a pretty driven or conscientious person. A common trait I bet we share is saying “yes” to things—experiences, opportunities, and obligations. I’ve been right there with you, and I’ve found the best possible thing I’ve ever done to help move my purpose forward is saying “no” to more invitations. I’m still open to experiences and opportunities, but if I think I’m about to say “yes” merely out of a sense of obligation, I throw up a red flag and take a beat. I encourage you to do the same.

Finally, write down one thing you can do that day to move just one step closer to your purpose, following the direction of your Future Story. On some days, it may be as simple as doing this exercise. It could be your self-care. “I’m going to workout today because I know I’ll show up more energized and focused in all aspects of my life.”

On other days, it could be stepping out of your comfort zone. Strike up a conversation with the mom at drop-off or look up your old high school teacher and try to get in touch. If you miss a day, be kind to yourself. You’ve established a practice with the Purpose 30, but this isn’t about rigidity. Life will get in the way. The worst thing you can do now is to seek perfection and assume from now on you’re a machine, moving methodically toward a predetermined future. Nope, it’s not how this works. Different things are going to be important to you at different moments—that’s something to stay curious about and celebrate.

I’m going to make it easy. In the next chapter, I’ll give you one thing you can do every day to move your purpose forward. Something that’s lightweight, quick—and even fun.

Read more in Purpose: Design a Community and Change Your Life.