We Get What We Tolerate – right?

With a 20-year career in Human Resources (before elevating to Executive Coaching) I have seen firsthand in interviews and performance reviews that women frequently don’t ask for what they want. It’s time for change! While researching and writing my bestselling book “Words, Women & Wisdom: The Modern Art of Confident Conversations” I uncovered many interesting facts and statistics impacting the earnings for both women entrepreneurs and professional women.  Sadly, women are missing out on a significant amount of money that is being left on the table…   In a study cited by professor Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, authors of Women Don’t Ask, if a woman doesn’t push to ask for more money in her first job, she stands to lose more than $500,000 by the time she reaches age 60.

While interviewing and hiring over 6,000 people in my career prior to evolving into Senior HR roles prior to Executive Coaching, I saw how many women did not negotiate and simply accepted the salary offered.  The issue of women not earning their worth is a significant issue today, and to set the context for this conversation here is what I am observing and hearing from my female Clients.

Furthermore, I frequently hear from my small business female clients that they don’t like asking for a sale, they have challenges summarizing their value proposition, or asking for what they feel they are worth in a proposal.

There are 12.9 million women-owned businesses in the US, which employ 9.4 million people  and generate annual revenue of $1.9 trillion. Yet, startups with all-women teams received only 1.9% of around $238.3 billion in venture capital allocated (Pitchbook) and in 2023 Harvard Business Review shared that number had increased to 3% - still low! 

Ladies, we get what we tolerate. It’s time for change!

In our personal lives, women often tolerate disrespectful behaviour in relationships and often share that the stayed way longer in a toxic situation than they “should have”. Whether that is a love relationship or a workplace with a bully or a micro-manager boss or one who always takes the credit then gives a poor performance rating – we get what we accept, we get what we tolerate. When women don’t speak up, others around us assume that things are just fine, that we accept their behaviour. If that is not the case, what can you do about it? Using my simple 3-Step Y-O-U process, change can begin as soon as you choose to take a stand for yourself.

1 – YOUR TIME: Book time in your calendar for yourself, to step away from the situation and get out in nature to heighten your awareness. Clear your energy by sitting quietly and taking several deep, long and slow breaths – to let out stress building up. Close your eyes so you can think more clearly (without visual distractions) about what has been happening. Take your journal and make a list of what you don’t want or like and what you DO want instead. Clarity is a key to asking for what you want to change and why it must change.

2 – OPTIONS: Review your list of what you do want instead and what you are choosing to take a stand for. Claim it! Be ready to put your needs first for a change – it you don’t do it no one else will! Remember the airline demonstration of putting “your own oxygen mask on first” before helping others? It’s time to mask up! Journal WHY you want to make a change and how you will FEEL after your request is acknowledged and actioned.

3 – UNDERSTANDING:

Be compassionate with yourself as you step into claiming your personal sovereignty in a strong way – you are learning to assert yourself using powerful language. Consider that if we want change to happen, WE have to initiate it and understand that we cannot expect others to be mind readers and change simply because we ask them to. (Ask a teenager to clean up their room and how often does that change happen immediately…?) What are YOU willing to change, to make things better? Nothing happens with silence (unless you use it strategically as outlined in my book). It you are not seeing a change based on your request and you are committed to not tolerating the situation any longer, it’s time to choose a new environment to flourish in.

Is it time for you to stop tolerating?

These 3 simple yet powerful steps work! These are the ones I personally followed over the past 12-months after realizing that I was in a relationship that was so toxic it felt stifling. My environment also contributed to creating an aggressive form of cancer – and in my recovery last fall from surgery it was evident that several lifestyle changes were essential.

After making my own changes first, then sharing several times my desired and my identified traits for a respectful relationship (without receiving a willingness to work together to collaborate for the relationship success) it was time for change. When trust, disrespect, honour, support and appreciation or narcissism is present - in my experience - love is stifled. When one person is “carrying” the relationship this co-dependency becomes energetically exhausting.

As a champion for my female entrepreneur clients and professional leaders and their value, it was time for me to step into a deeper layer of authenticity and integrity with myself, before creating some new approaches for myself to get unstuck. The more I shared my own freedom status and that changes I was making, the more others commented on how taking inspired action is powerful and triggered curiosity about how I could help them take a big leap for their sanity. I was simply not willing to tolerate any longer and created steps to navigate my way through the fog to clarity, although I am happy to share my tools and steps.

Time for Spring Cleaning? If reading this article has lit a fire in your belly and you know a change is long overdue in your world, this spring I am evolving my 7-Step MY VOICE Program with curated content, tools and coaching, to help women who are ready to see different results. Rediscover your inner confidence and take a stand in life and business using powerful language – in modern ways.

·        Ask for a salary increase or a promotion

·        Ask for a sale or a bigger sale

·        Ask for what you are worth

·        ASK for fairness and acknowledgement at work and at home

·        ASK for what you really want – and get it!

For those who follow astrological signs and moon phases, we are in the last quarter moon in Capricorn, which is about helping to let go of old habits and patterns that have served their purpose. It’s also time for SPRING CLEANING – time to clear out those dust bunnies in our homes and our personal lives, workplaces and make 2024 the year you claim back your soul.

Curious to find out more about how to move from Tolerating to Taking Your Power Back and the MY VOICE Program (registrants will receive a free chapter from my bestselling book) join me on Monday, April 15th at 6pm MT (8pm ET, 5pm PT) by registering using the QR Code above.

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About the author: Yvonne E.L. Silver

Confidence Catalyst and CEO of Women & Wisdom Media – Yvonne passionately serves women entrepreneurs and leaders seeking to Flourish! She's a sought-after Speaker, Bestselling Author and Coach/Mentor - an Expert in Confident Conversations and increasing Sales Velocity. She draws on 30-years of business success with 8 start-ups and working in 4 countries, to hone her entrepreneur wisdom and social enterprise heart, combining business creation with Reiki training. 

Yvonne is a highly skilled Certified Executive Coach, a Chartered Professional in Human Resources with global talent management experience as well as a BANK IOS 6-Intelligences Certified Coach/Trainer and EQ-i Consultant. Her Women & Wisdom Radio Show has aired bi-weekly on BBS Radio for the past 4 years interviewing entrepreneurs and celebrities.  She is an Evolutionary Business Council Member who has been featured on CNTV, In The Limelight TV, on Sustainable Success - Voice America, The League of Giants TV and many varied podcasts.

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