Trying to disconnect over Thanksgiving? Here's how to really make it happen

Happy early Thanksgiving, Hello Monday readers. Have a work-related question you want answered next week by our expert community? Let me know in the comments below using #HelloMonday. Let’s dive right in…

Wake Up Call

If you’re anything like me, this week may feel like a very bad time to disconnect from technology and work to enjoy family and friends.

The news cycle is inundating all of us with non-stop updates on politics, social media, weather events and everything in between. Meanwhile, as 2018 comes to a close, the to-do list of items we all have to accomplish between now and the end of the year seems increasingly daunting.

And yet, this Thursday is Thanksgiving.

“We live in a society that is on overload right now,” said Brigid Schulte, the author of Overwhelmed: Work, Love & Play When No One has the Time. “Technology and work are causing so much pain for so many people. Part of the pain comes from not really knowing what to do about it.”

Rather than submit to external forces and be on high-alert for the rest of the week, I reached out to Schulte as well as Gretchen Rubin, a best-selling author of books like The Happiness Project and a LinkedIn Influencer, to arm us with practical tips and advice for getting things to slow down. Here’s what I learned:

Start planning now. Yes, right now. With the big day just a few days away, Schulte advises giving yourself a deadline to work backwards from. If you are only in the office for the next couple of days, figure out what the one or two things you need to get done at work to really unplug. Then, prioritize the little time you have left of this week to getting those things done. You are setting yourself up for failure if you try and do everything. A little planning can go along way at home too, added Rubin. Let’s say that traditionally your family does ten big things over the course of the day. If only three of them really matter, have an open conversation about focusing on those and forgetting everything else that could cause undue stress.

Don’t assume bad intentions. We all have had that boss who sends you an email during the holiday or that family member who keeps nagging you for updates on your job. In both cases, Rubin advises putting yourself in the other person's shoes. It may be that the boss is sending you an email on Thanksgiving to get it off her plate, but she actually has no expectation for you to respond. How do you find out? “You need to ask what the expectations are,” she said. “Don’t assume that you know. You need to have the conversation.” As for the nosy family member, most of the time they are just trying to pass time through idle conversation. If that conversation is a stressor for you, have remarks prepared in advance to get the group to change topics quickly.

Be aware of the signals that you are sending. For managers in particular, it’s important that you take a hard look at your communication to employees between now and the end of the year, shared Schulte. It’s easy to get caught up in a work culture where rewarding people for “giving 110%” and “going above and beyond” is the norm, but that sends a signal to everyone that they are always expected to be on. To counterbalance that, the next time you hear of a co-worker who came in over the weekend or worked through a day off, ask them how you can better support them so they can be more efficient during the work week to get tasks done then rather than during their time off.

When all else fails, treat yourself like a toddler. Half in jest, Rubin said to take care of yourself during the holidays like you would take care of a small child. When a toddler doesn’t get enough sleep or is too cold or gets fussy, everyone around them panics and springs into action. Give yourself the same love as well as the freedom to do what you want to do to feel at ease. If that means leaving the group behind to go for a run or running errands while everyone prepares the big meal, allow yourself the flexibility to do that.

What’s Working

Talking work at the Thanksgiving table? Only about a third of Americans really know what their kids do for work, according to data from LinkedIn. That’s why last Friday was Bring Your Parents to Work Day for several tech companies. As we head into Thanksgiving, perhaps take some time to clue in your parents to what you do for work? [WSJ]

The 43% of workers who spend at least part of their time working remotely may require a bit more intentionality to manage. “From the outset, make clear what needs to get done. This is not about what you expect people to do, but what you need them to deliver,” writes Business Talent Group Founder Jody Greenstone Miller. [Quartz]

Everyone gets bad news. But that doesn’t mean it has to be challenging to deliver. Small changes in wording can go a long way. Instead of saying something like, “Unfortunately we won’t be able to promote you this quarter,” just say, “We won’t be about to promote you this quarter.” [Fast Company]

More stressed, but don’t have to be. A variety of different research points to signs that women have a tendency to experience stress more often than men. Getting clarity on your triggers — the specific things that tend to really stress you out — can relieve a lot of the anxiety you might be feeling both in and out of work. [NYTimes]

What’s Wrong?

This week, we’re teaming up with SurveyMonkey to learn more about how inclusive your workplace is to accepting feedback. The question we want answered?

What sort of barriers to asking questions exist, if any, at your workplace?

Fill out the survey and check back next week for insights from Chief Research Officer Jon Cohen analyzing the results.

One More Thing…

Can you really “hustle” for 30+ years? Reddit co-founder Alexis Ohanian went on a tirade last week against Silicon Valley’s tendency to promote “hustle” and the idea that you need to “move fast and break things.” “This idea that unless you are suffering, grinding, working every hour of every day, you’re not working hard enough … this is one of the most toxic, dangerous things in tech right now,” he said. Meanwhile, Fortune named Progressive CEO Tricia Griffith Businessperson of the Year and when I read her profile, I learned something striking: Griffith started at the insurance company 30 years ago after responding to a classified ad for a claims adjuster trainee.

My takeaway? True success for most may come after decades of continuous hard work, not short bursts of “hustle” and grind.