Surrendering Your Expectations With Milan Amin

Society has always taught us the value of having high expectations.

In high school (or even earlier), we’re introduced to goals we need to accomplish in order to experience ‘success’.

First, we must get good grades and attain an ATAR of 90 or above in our final year of studies. Then, we must undertake a versatile degree at a respectable University in order to eventually, get a ‘good’ and ‘secure’ job.

Unfortunately, this is only the starting point.

It’s human nature to attach expectations onto our goals.

We expect that if we work hard, we’ll be successful. We expect that we’ll finally be happy once we receive a promotion or earn six figures. We expect that being an entrepreneur or climbing the ranks at a Fortune 500 will inevitably result in status and wealth.

However, the danger of hinging our happiness on these goals means that we’ll inevitably be crushed of they aren’t met.

Our guest on Episode 39 of The Peers Project podcast, is familiar with the anxiety that stems from unmet expectations.

After building multiple start-ups, Milan Amin realised that the goals he set for himself stemmed from a place of fear instead of fulfilment.

By subscribing to the belief that having high expectations would lead to success, he felt that he was forever striving for ‘more’ to feel happy.

Once he discovered that the ‘why’ behind his decisions mattered more than the goal itself, he was able to relinquish control over his life and achieve the fulfilment he had always wanted.

So how exactly did Milan come to this conclusion?

The ‘Always Wanting More’ Conundrum:

“What [isn’t taught] is how you deal with things that come as a by-product of chasing money and status, such as greed and vanity. People need to focus on what happens after [they reach their goal] otherwise they’ll always want more.

[For example:] If I have 100,000 followers on Instagram, I’ll then want a million. If I have a million, then I’ll want a billion. That’s the conundrum and the fine balance people need to focus on.” [6:03]

When Money Is Your Only Motivator:

“[Most people want to] become an entrepreneur for the sole purpose of wanting to tell others they’re an entrepreneur or put it on their LinkedIn. Many just want to make money and have the status and power that comes with it. That was me- I purely wanted to make money [by being an entrepreneur].

But the moment I started doing this, I’d lost. I was doomed from day one. Because doing something to fuel your ego ultimately, won’t get you anywhere. [Essentially,] if you do something purely for money, you’re already dead.” [8:04]

The Problem With The Mantra: ‘No Pain, No Gain”:

“Everyone tells you that you just have to keep working harder. But for me, it got to a point where I was like: how much harder do I have to work? I’m already sleeping at 10pm every day and waking up at 3am. And I started hating myself because I wasn’t as successful as I thought I’d be. The only solution I was told was to ‘work harder’. This drives people into depression and anxiety, as it did me, and then you’re a disaster.” [10:00]

What It Feels Like To Experience Anxiety

“It’s like a tree in an ocean just trying to keep its roots gripped to the ground. Around it are waves that keep trying to push it down and tell this tree to go with the flow. But the problem with entrepreneurs is that they want to be in control so they keep their lives so rigid and are so adamant about keeping their roots firmly gripped to the ground.

...

Life has a natural flow to it. The more you try to control life, the more you lose. The more I tried to control my life, the unhappier I was. This is the fundamental problem- people are too focused on the goals and not on the process.” [15:25]

To find out more about how Milan overcame his anxiety and learnt to surrender his expectations, check out the full podcast episode here or wherever you listen to your favourite podcasts:

https://thepeersproject.com/ep-39-milanamin/