The Struggles Of Returning To Work After Parental Leave

Returning to the office after taking parental leave is a bit like re-joining your colleagues as a completely different person. You’ve got new priorities, new worries, new hardships – not to mention, you’re completely exhausted. There’s also the added difficulty that some colleagues will expect you to return refreshed and renewed, as though you’ve had a few months away in the sun, rather than serving the every whim of a cute but formidable tiny human.

For parents who had their babies during lockdown, there’s a whole new set of difficulties to contend with, too. No doubt you feel cheated out of an experience everyone else has been able to enjoy; precious moments with grandparents, introducing your new bundle of joy to friends, coffee meet-ups and play dates. It might seem like you’ve just completed the worst Crystal Maze round ever, rather than your parental leave – a supposedly joyous and fulfilling experience.

Here at Gleeson, we know the challenges new parents returning to work face all too well – not to mention, it wasn’t so long ago I was in the same position myself. So, I thought it would be useful to run through some of the challenges new parents can face when they first head back to work after time off caring for their little one, along with some simple things that can make the adjustment a little easier.

Feeling overwhelmed

You’ve survived the newborn stage, struggled with sleep training, and if you’re lucky you might even have wrestled yourself into your pre-pregnancy work clothes. And yet, all of that pales in comparison to heading back to the office. This can be especially horrible if you’re still dealing with the resentment of losing your parental leave to the pandemic. You wonder: how will you ever do your job well on three hours’ sleep? Especially when your heart and mind are very much still with your baby. My advice here is simply to be kind to yourself. If you’re struggling, let your colleagues know. If they’re anything like my workmates at Gleeson, they’ll be only too happy to help you out while you adjust. Secondly, try to schedule in a coffee or lunch with your manager on your first week back, so they can fill you in on the important things you’ve missed, and to share a few of your worries with them. It’s likely that they’re wondering how they can support you best, whilst also taking care not to treat you any differently, so they’ll probably appreciate this as much as you.

 Losing confidence in your abilities

As you stand in the kitchen preparing the fifth bottle of the day, you might wonder to yourself: did I really used to give presentations to the board? Was it actually me who managed the strategy rollout last year? With your head awash with milestones and weaning, you can’t quite fathom that you’re the same person. Psychologically, what you’re experiencing can be more accurately described as ‘low self-efficacy’, which is the lack of belief you hold in yourself to succeed and rise above your current challenges. This causes you to see insurmountable hurdles, rather than manageable challenges. I would advise any new parent to consider how they felt during pregnancy – if you’re like me, you probably struggled to see yourself adeptly performing your new parental responsibilities, and had many worries about how you would cope. Despite all that, you persevered. Additionally, you might consider speaking to other parents you know who have successfully returned to work and asking them for pointers. Chances are, they’ll be only too happy to oblige. You could also try creating a list of things you’ve achieved in life that you didn’t feel you’d be able to, such as passing exams, or landing a promotion. This can help to remind you that just as you’ve succeeded before, you can again. Lastly, almost all workplaces offer ‘keeping in touch’ days for those on parental leave, which can really help to regain your confidence gradually, as well as allow you to enjoy some much-needed social connection with colleagues.

 Juggling your new priorities

This will certainly be made easier by choosing a back-to-work schedule that suits you. If you can afford it and your workplace allows it, it’s definitely a good idea to phase in your return to work slowly, building back up to five days a week when you feel comfortable. Alternatively, it’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel like returning to work full time at all – only you know what works best for your family. When you do return to work, it pays to be prepared for the complicated logistics this might involve; getting your baby and yourself ready, and leaving extra time to drop your baby off at nursery. Do a few dry runs first to be prepared – nothing will make your anxiety worse than running late on your first day back. Although your manager will likely be fully aware that your priorities have faced somewhat of a reshuffle, it doesn’t hurt to have an up-front conversation. Let them know that things might be a little tricky for you in the first few weeks while you’re still getting to grips with your new reality. They’ll almost certainly be sympathetic, and offer to do whatever they can to make the transition easier.

 The guilt

Even if you’re really excited about returning to work (which, by the way, is totally fine) you’ll almost certainly have a few twinges of guilt. As simple as it sounds, definitely the most helpful piece of advice I received as not to beat myself up about it, because I was actually doing everything I could to give my daughter the best life possible. I also always made a point of organising something special for us to do at the weekend, which gave me something nice to look forward to, and also helped to reassure me we were still making memories together even after my return to work. Above all else, try to make connections with other new parents going through the same thing. You might ask other new parents you see outside the nursery gates if they’d fancy grabbing a coffee sometime, or join an online community for new parents where you can speak openly to others in a similar situation. Lastly, know that babies are far more adaptable than we give them credit for. They may seem devastated to be dropped off at nursery or a family member’s house those first few times, but soon they’ll actively be looking forward to it and you’ll be the one dragging them away!

All things considered, I believe the key here is making sure you’re honest about the way you’re feeling, acknowledging that you’re simply going through a process most people would find incredibly challenging, and being kind to yourself. Soon enough, you’ll find you’ve adapted to your new way of life like a pro! If you find yourself consumed with anxiety about returning to work, though, this might be a sign it’s time to look for a new position altogether. If this sounds like you, it can’t hurt to explore your options by speaking with an expert.