PROCRASTINATION (Short Story Written 2023)
PROCRASTINATION CHAPTER ONE: THE BEGINNING
There is a story in my head, I just haven’t written it yet. At one stage it was a screenplay and full of dialogue and extradition, perhaps suitable for a play or a low budget film or TV drama … but it wasn’t going to work out that way. All the characters are there, the relationship, the setting, and their development. How every character can foil another character and how every character can be foiled by another character. The plot and phases are there in the imagination, beat after beat like a screenplay. But should it even be a screenplay? Why not a traditional novel, with settings and details. I’ve tried writing prose before, and it had its benefits. This has its own problems, however, should I resort to a third person narrative or a first-person narrative. A third person narrative is useful, like some eavesdropping police state or a ghost or divine or infernal presence I could see everything, recount everything … but would that really be grounded? How could I write a drama if the same presence could see everything happening all at one? I could try first person narrative, but which character do I choose to be the main one and can I really carry the different interactions from his eye view. I guess there’s always the person at the end. The one who hears the story as it all comes together, who is trying to piece together everything that happened, but never takes part until that final act. I guess that’s a valid trope to play, the investigator, the judge, the solicitor, the priest the one who knew everything that happened in the story only before it was too late.
Of course, none of these characters really are well formed in my imagination of how the story goes. I am already meandering in a way that would make me question how a narrator written by me would “show and not tell”, while literally practicing the sort of tell everything monologue that you get told what to do. But the story I have is obsessing me, it excites me in a way. What I think right now how it should pan out might never ever be committed to paper, it might be improved, and it might be well 10 pages of Chekov’s Guns shooting up a Deus Ex Machina as the Decoy Protagonist kills the Mary Sue with a Hanging Lampshade in a poorly timed Twist Ending as the Unreliable Narrator was always the Shaggy Dog all along. And as such, such crazy ideas will never be fully committed to paper in the final story. No, I know the problem, as Stephen King wrote about writing metaphorical human faecal matter and metaphorically cleaning it up later with editing … but I have no intention of editing this metaphorical human faecal matter story about the story, nor including any of this metaphorical human faecal matter story in the final version of the book or screenplay and or avant-garde musical, amateur B movie or webcomic.
Maybe a few grammatical and spelling issues, but the rest will be mostly improvisation. It’s just slightly edited improvisation. No this is just a brainstorm, a brainstorm to a journey that hasn’t begun, the journey of a journey to the point where it starts. Then again, I have no intention of including any of that in my final work, a final work that I have not done. Seriously the journey of a journey … that’s stupid … it’s mind-blowing but it’s stupid, what was I thinking … there’s brainstorming and then there’s brain fog with barely enough static to make a CRT TV flicker. No, I have a better idea. A new train of thought. This story that I have constructed, I have constructed so very well down to the characters where they live, what they love, what they believe in, what motivates them, where and when they interact with one another in the plot. I know how everything gets revealed in the end, how to lay the subtle suggestive set pieces and red herrings. I’m beginning to visualise where gleams of information can be obtained … a news article, a podcast, bugs, high tech cameras and surveillance equipment like parabolic microphones … oh yes parabolic microphones are so useful, and blogs, and vlogs and social media. Throw in the old phone call and internet meeting too. A network of connections where everything flows back to the main character, who cannot go anywhere. Let’s make the main character a disabled person in lockdown … Yes, Yes, Yes. Someone who is always going to work around these challenges but also a person who gets sucked into this story pretty much against their better judgement. Maybe this story could be told from this person’s perspective after all, one person who knows another person, who knows another person who will do all this barely legal or possibly completely illegal stuff … the stuff that even the Daily Mail would say is a violation of people’s right to privacy… because not to spoil anything I will say both “Reasons” and it’s an instant cheap moral dilemma to work off. A moral dilemma like “what lengths would a conspiracy theorist go to uncover a conspiracy theory, and does that conspiracy even exist?”. Yes it’s about a bunch of conspiracy theorists … did I not tell you that? So maybe in the next chapter I begin to tell you more about this story.
PROCRASTINATION CHAPTER TWO: THE MIDDLE BIT
Here comes the dramatic twist. Not a single act or chapter of this screenplay/novel/novella has been written and so many are unnamed but still exist as characters. But how do I start. Should I read a book, maybe email an author, ask the audience … maybe I should ask an AI.
So at this point I think I should do one of those Choose Your Own Adventure Options. I’ll let the audience decide … Should I A) Tell the Story of what happened when I asked the AI “How should I start writing a book?” or B) Ask the AI to write a 100 word story about a procrastinating squirrel. C) I don’t want the AI please don’t use an AI at this stage of the story I am getting very bored.
OPTION A (if B or C is chosen, then ignore this) In this section I Kevin Breslin uses an AI and asks this AI the question “How should I start writing a book?”. This is what it responded. Starting to write a book can feel like a daunting task, there are a few steps you can take to make it more manageable: 1. Identify your idea: Start by brainstorming ideas and topics that interest you. Think about what you want to write and why you want to write it. Once you have a clear idea of what you want to write, you can start to develop it into a book concept. 2. Plan your book: Once you have a book concept, it’s time to start planning your book. This can involve creating an outline, developing your characters, and deciding on the structure of your book. 3. Set a writing schedule: Writing a book takes time and commitment. Set a writing schedule that works for you and stick to it. You may want to set a daily or weekly word count goal to help you stay on track. 4. Write a first draft: Once you have your plan and schedule in place, it’s time to start writing your first draft. Don’t worry about making it perfect at this stage; just focus on getting your ideas down on paper. 5. Revise and edit: Once you’ve completed your first draft, it’s time to revise and edit your work. This can involve reworking your plot, refining your characters, and improving your writing style. 6. Get Feedback: Consider sharing your work with others for feedback. This can identify areas and make your book even better. Remember that writing a book is a process and it may take time to complete. Stay focused and committed and you can turn your book idea into reality. Congratulations you missed the story about the procrastinating squirrel for that.
[Go to CHAPTER THREE: THE FINAL SECTION]
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OPTION B (if A or C is chosen, then ignore this) So since the group isn’t interested in the long winded answer that an AI can answer the question. “How should I start writing a book?”. So instead I asked it “Can you tell me a 100 word story about a procrastinating squirrel using exactly 100 words?” This was its response: Once there was a squirrel who loved to procrastinate. He would spend his days lounging in the sun, avoiding any tasks that required effort or concentration. His friends, the other animals in the forest, tried to encourage him to be more productive, but he just couldn’t seem to get motivated. One day, the squirrel realized that it was running out of food for the winter, and he knew he needed to start gathering nuts. But, as usual, he kept putting it off. Finally, he realised that the had no choice but to get to work, and he spent the rest of the day gathering as many nuts as he could. From then on, he learned the importance of not procrastinating and being proactive. The word count was 123 words. Just goes to show Artificial Intelligence is no Match for Human Stupidity.
[Go to CHAPTER THREE: THE FINAL SECTION]
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OPTION C (if A or B is chosen, then ignore this) [Pause for Dramatic Pause] [Say at some point Pause for Dramatic Pause] Pause for Dramatic Pause [Do another Dramatic Pause] [And Another] This isn’t over yet, I’m just doing a dramatic pause
[Go to CHAPTER THREE: THE FINAL SECTION]
PROCRASTINATION CHAPTER THREE: THE FINAL SECTION
So that is my story about another story that I haven’t started yet. Just something I put together while avoiding the novel idea that’s been in my head for a few years. Maybe I’ll start writing it, maybe I won’t. Maybe I will never do a choose your own adventure in a writing group again because I think all 3 options were awkward in their own way. But I have been on a journey, yes, a bit unfocused but with a real purpose. In a moment, I can flush out the badly placed meta humour, clear my thoughts, and open my thoughts to a story that I have just about enough spare time, creativity, and self-discipline to focus upon, if I keep to a schedule. I can stop the procrastination on my own terms. But also, we have learnt …
[If A was chosen]
People ask too Many Questions… or Not Enough. I will just end it here.
[If B was chosen]
People are just happy with a simple story about something simple like squirrels. I will just end it here.
[If C was chosen]
(Dramatic pause) Maybe I should just end it here? (Dramatic pause, then try to walk away slowly