Creating Workplace Connections: It's the Little Things

On a Friday afternoon, I ended my last conference call and glanced at my “to do” list. I’d managed to get through almost everything planned for the week. Thirty-two meetings, a professional development session, finalizing a proposal, and a lingering issue with one of my vendors. Why didn’t I feel the relief and achievement of a job well done?

I shut down my laptop, feeling draggier than ever and set off to pick up my kids from school.

I reviewed my week on the drive trying to figure out why I was carrying this sense of heaviness. Sure, my days were long, like everyone else’s, but that didn’t seem to be the bother.

Then it dawned on me: I’d had no personal interaction with my coworkers the entire week. My calendar would suggest plenty of occasions to connect, but all of my calls had been about strategy, logistics and project management. Every conversation was tactical, and I was feeling weighed down.

But was I the only one? Did others feel this distance and go home as unsettled?

Over the weekend, I shared my concern—with my husband, my girlfriends, and sent a text to a coworker too. In telling my story, I received theirs, and had an epiphany: I wasn’t alone.

Opening up to open my eyes

I had lost sight of what made work more than a place to exercise skill and knowledge—the connection with people. My task-focused days pulled me away from making time for close personal interactions between meetings or brief chats over a quick coffee break. I needed to get back to the basics of building rapport.

Seeing more in others

I started with a list of coworkers who I’d been out of touch with for more than a year or who, while a part of my day-to-day, I hadn’t developed a relationship with outside of our project work.

One at a time, week by week, I sent a simple email—three sentences, along these lines:

1) it feels like forever since we've caught up (outside of work),

2) connecting matters to me more than ever, and

3) I’d love to speak voice-to-voice.

One-hundred percent of my notes received a reply.

In the weeks that followed I learned more about my coworkers’ lives: new relationships, becoming the caregiver for aging parents, hobbies turned side businesses. I was able to see the whole person and the areas of life outside of the job that motivated my peers. I recognized that we are more than the physical and metaphorical suits we put on for work.

I felt lighter in these exchanges. My email outreach went so well, I decided to branch out in other ways, continuing to build connections.

Looking at my nearby network

Next, using text messages or LinkedIn, I began reaching out to former colleagues for a call, lunch, or face-to-face meet-up. Every person responded and said “yes.”

My lunch hour evolved from skipping a meal or eating alone to being with people who inspired me with stories of their progress and who encouraged mine. I regained energy from seeing that my network was full of thriving, helpful, like-minded professionals who were cheering me on.

On watch to acknowledge

After a couple of months, I realized that in almost every chat, someone mentioned they felt underappreciated at work. There were slights, like feeling ignored in a meeting, and outright insults, like being passed over for a promotion. People felt overlooked.

How often did I miss the efforts of those around me? How often do any of us show up to work and get busy, not realizing our focus on a task causes us to ignore others’ efforts? We don’t mean to be inconsiderate; at least, I don’t. How could I change that?

With gratitude. That’s how I could begin to acknowledge and appreciate others.

At least once a week, I thanked someone by sending a short email. Sometimes I’d thank someone for a little thing like speaking up on a conference call. Other times I thanked people for bigger actions—volunteering time to support me or someone else, or going above and beyond in any way. I thanked as often as I could.

My act of thankfulness grew from once a week to several times a week—even several times a day! I soon saw messages of thanks in return. My inbox and outbox were stacked with expressions of appreciation and when I felt my day slumping, I read one for a lift.

Eyes set on others

Every Friday, I took inventory of the past week and selected at least one person I could “snail” mail something to—a thank you or birthday card, milestone greeting, or other note. Each mailing included a handwritten message.

Fridays became “giving day” and something to look forward to especially after a challenging few days. Where I’d previously spent the end of the week reflecting on the lowlights with regret—or worse, looking ahead to the next week with unease—I was now thinking about others.

A new view

My sense of self and significance lifted through my connection with the people around me. After I dropped a note or gift in the mailbox, I was motivated to know that a colleague would receive unexpected mail in a few days that might offer just-in-time encouragement.

I am more aware of my own power to take responsibility for my workplace interactions—they don’t have to be limited to projects and deadlines. In fact, the goals are more easily achieved when our connection isn’t a “shared drive” but shared relatability.

Photo Credit: www.THREE20Media.com