One Thing Every White American Should Do This Year
Are you a white American? If you want to be part of solving for the challenges of race, and not part of the problem, here’s how.
Build reciprocal relationships of trust and accountability, with people who identify as other than white, and with other white people.
First step: Invest in your own point of view as a human who is white.
I believe this is what Dr. King meant when he spoke about ‘the content of our character’ in the context of the color of our skin.
Identity is composed of how we see ourselves and how others see us. Part of the invisible price we’ve paid for being White is ‘not knowing’: not knowing what Black people and other people of color are experiencing, not seeing how racial advantage operates in our lives, or in society, or in talent decisions in our company.
Here are a few ways to invest in your point of view.
- Rethink your family story with race as a filter. What did you learn about race growing up, and how might that impact how you see race now? Own your story.
- Explore barriers to your racial learning. There’s a starter curriculum in this blog: We’re Late, White People.
- Study these books as a start:
- So You Want to Talk About Race, by Ijeoma Olua
- Witnessing Whiteness: The Need to Talk About Race and How to Do It, by Shelley Tochluk
- White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk about Racism, by Robin DiAngelo
- Leadership 101 For White Men: How to Work Successfully with Black Colleagues and Customers, by Chuck Shelton
There are two powerful reasons why you must bring your emerging point of view as a White person to interracial relationships: you aren’t much use to others in a conversation if you only bring questions or silence, and taking responsibility for your point of view begins to relieve others of being the ‘race teacher’.
Second step: Build your racial point of view with other White people.
We accelerate our learning and our influence when we actively learn about whiteness with other White people. More of Dr. King’s words should haunt us. In his Letter from a Birmingham Jail he calls us out: “Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.”
It is easier to practice and grow your racial point of view with other White folks: the risks are lower, the honesty is stronger, the two-way learning can surprise us. White leaders are responsible for building bridges across the chasms of race to meet up with bridge builders from communities of color. And White leaders are crucial inviters of other White people to cross those bridges and build their own.
Pull together a multi-week discussion group with White colleagues you trust. Book clubs work. Focus on what you are learning, how you can support and push one another, and talk about what you are doing to build relationships across race. Explore the risks and advantages you perceive in being White in your organization.
Beyond taking individual responsibility for your racial learning, share it. You will grow faster. And we become part of the solution as soon as we engage other White people in the learning.
Third step: Grow reciprocal relationships of trust and accountability across racial difference.
When you make of list of people of color who trust you, how many relationships are on it? Set a goal for yourself. By the end of this year, I will have five relationships with people of other races that meet the following criteria. At least two of these friends will be Black.
- We Trust One Another—In this relationship, we are making and keeping our promises.
- We Hold Ourselves Accountable—We talk about how we both do what we say we will do, and we work it through when we fall short. Trust is often on our agenda.
- Our Connection is Reciprocal—There is equity in our interaction. We are both learning, we are both gaining from the relationship. We don’t have to learn or get the same things, but we are both clear how the friendship benefits us and the other.
Invest in your racial point of view as a White person.
Share the learning process with other White people.
Grow reciprocal relationships of trust and accountability with people of other races.
A final thought: If your whiteness is part of you being multiracial, you have a remarkable opportunity to influence reciprocal relationships. You embody whiteness and more, so you have special standing to come alongside people who identify as White or other than White. Please lead us with your perspective.
We all have a lot to learn with race in view. As White folks, we have more to learn, and people of other races have their own deep experience navigating the territory just opening at our feet. What makes the journey safe enough and sustainable? Reciprocal relationships of trust and accountability across race.